@nautiliteMooncatcher — #vent
⦓ Maybe this is a "journal factory burned down" kind of post, so feel free to scroll away if you don't want to read my overthinking about how much I hate being angry... ⦔ ⦓ Sometimes I feel like anger is something ugly and disgusting, but only when I'm the one who has it. If someone is enraged that someone hurt them, or hurt someone they love, I go yes, that's so fair! That's so fair, you can be angry about that, anyone would be! But when it's me, when I'm the one who's mad, I... I just feel like some sort of monster. Like a stereotype. Classic seadwellers always getting mad and putting other castes in...Read more
⦓ She would never have done something stupid. I wish she was here. I wish I was the one who had died instead. ⦔
⦓ Unclear whether I want affection or want to be as far as possible from the people I don't want to hurt and thus I have ended up #vent posting on chittr instead. My apologies for that. I'm going to... I don't know. Figure it out, I guess. ⦔ ⦓ Hope you all have a good rest of your night or day or whatever time it is for you. ⦔
⦓ Don't go to the places where the memories are that's where the memories are. Except here I am. In my hive. Where the memories are. Except the ones I can't even recall because they were taken from me. There's a whole floor I don't even go in. There's bloodstains I can't scrub out. Things are missing that should have been there. I don't sleep in my respiteblock anymore because it reminds me of her, and I never look at the stairs going up to the gates because the damage done to them reminds me of the final fight. ⦔ ⦓ ... Ugh. Floor time again I guess. What else can I even do? What else even is there? An...Read more
⦓ ... And the mood has once again swung down. But I did enjoy the upswing so I hope next time I can hold onto it a little longer... ⦔ ⦓ ... Their last post was five days ago. I can't help but worry. Don't ask who I'm talking about, I'm just venting a little... ⦔
⦓ I want the mania back it makes me stupid and I keep embarrassing myself but at least I'm stupid in an almost happy way... The mood swings have been angling too low for a while. What's the use of having mood swings if they won't go up? that's just... a pendulum i suppose. ⦔