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Derrik "Dirk" Strider [HC!AU]
@torqueTyrant
[ Hyperclutch! AU ] Fuck it up, buttercup.
Time to do something useful for once.
How about I kill you and then kill you again 500 more times and then, just for good measure, I kill you another 10000 times.
🜏 kiill urrsɛlf ♅
🜏 who arrɛ u ii forrgorr♱ ♅
Oh shit, something is actually going right in my life for once. I sure hope nothing happens to horrendously massacre this moment.
Haven't taken my car out in like a month. Maybe I'll go visit the Surface again. Hunt down some scrap metal for some projects or something.
hey dickhead unblock my numbr i got smth important 2 talk to u abt
Okay.
Yeah, went about as well as expected. Think I'm gonna call it a night. Try again in another couple months maybe.
Now that I've aired my dirty laundry out in the form of an aerial fucking stinknuke for everyone to sniff and subsequently wretch Hey chittr how's yer night goin?
WOAH. WOAH. WOAH. HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nah, you're right. That's my bad. I'll stop trying to be anything else from now on. Silly me.
The crazy thing is people will expect you to hold yourself accountable and do the work to better yourself and then keep treating you like the same horrible jackoff you were before regardless of how much you work and change for the better. Kinda hard to feel all that motivated to be a better person when it doesn't make a fucking difference.
fair well i aint seen em but i guess i dont paie all that much attention still good luck on your situation man sounds to me like theie're assholes too, like the guie you're triein not to be aniemore self improvement's good keep it up man im rootin for you
If you're gonna repeatedly remind me about the time my mental health got wildly out of hand, I succumbed to drug addiction and ruined the single best friendship I had, you could at least get the details right.
My bad, 2orry I dont k33p a li2t of it all on fil3 for wh3n you com3 crawling back around h3r3, but go ah3ad. Try and ju2tify it 2om3 mor3 by making your23lf out to b3 th3 victim h3r3, 2om3how. Mayb3 id b3 mor3 pron3 to b3li3v3 youd mad3 any 3ffort to chang3 if I 233n it in2t3ad of you whining on h3r3 about how nobody will giv3 you th3 chanc3. L bozo
I'm not sure how you're supposed to see anything I do. The last time I tried to show my face anywhere near you, you charged at me with murderous intent. And like, the murderous intent was understandable, can't say I blame you, but I kinda get the impression that it doesn't actually matter what I do. You've already made up your mind about how you feel. You're entitled to that. I'm allowed to have my own perspective on the events that took place in my own damn life, too.
Mayb3 try framing it on your23lf in2t3ad of a bunch of 3xcu232. Iv3 b33n in 2o3m pr3tty fuckin rough 2pot2 m3ntally and b33n pl3nty fuck3d up on #2ub2tanc32 23parat3ly and 2imultan3ou2ly but I cant 2ay I 3v3r tri3d to kill 2om3on3 clo23 to m3 b3cau23 th3y w3r3 gonna talk about what I did to TH3M Al2o, 2aying I charg3d you with murd3rou2 int3nt i2 2o fucking dramatic dud3, dont 3v3n. I got in b3tw33n you and Rox wh3n you 2how3d up to Fight Night, and 2tart3d walking your happy a22 up lik3 th3r3 wouldnt b3 a probl3m in th3 world. Lik3 3v3ryon3 involv3d wa2nt 3ntir3ly and totally awar3 of what you did. Mayb3 try framing it a2 2om3thing YOU did and not what your m3ntal h3alth and drug probl3m mad3 you do. I can r32p3ct a moth3rfuck3r that tri32 to mak3 a chang3 in th3y lif3 to b3 a b3tt3r p3r2on, but all I 233n i2 3xcu232 and r3mor23 ov3r th3 lo22 of what you lo2t, not what you did.
You know, I opened up this god forsaken website hoping maybe I could try and reach out to some new people, try to find some semblance of normal, maybe make some new friends to maybe eventually be able to talk to them about my fucked up past actions, work through them the way my therapist keeps telling me I need to, but it's just the darndest thing, here you are to make sure I don't forget. As if I ever did. As if I ever could. You think I'm blaming you or her for any part of what happened? No. I already said I don't blame you, that your anger at me is justified. I've already apologized to you, and more importantly to her, for what I did, knowing that an apology isn't enough. I've given her space from me, I've been making actionable change to better my mental health. But I guess I got a little fucking greedy there, wanting to try again in the social world. That's my bad. Won't happen again, trust me.
You cant 233 m3 but im activ3ly pinching th3 bridg3 of my no23 right now. Fin3, alright. If you actually tryin to mak3 a diff3r3nc3 and chang3 your 2hit th3n I can g3t b3hind that, but that dont m3an I'm 2udd3nly gonna b3 abl3 to forgiv3 and forg3t watching you walk around lik3 it w3r3nt 2om3thing you don3. Your3 2o clo23 to actually g3ttting to th3 point im trying to mak3, but th3n you lock back down and 23lf victimiz3. Nobody 2aid you aint allow3d to hav3 fri3nd2. Nobody 2aid you aint allow3d to go out and try to build a normal lif3 again. Nobody 2aid you gotta crawl into a hol3 and 2p3nd th3 r32t of 3t3rnity hating your23lf. That2 you taking what im 2aying and turning it into 2om3thing way mor3 3xtr3m3 2o you can b3 hurt by that in2t3ad of d3aling with th3 actual point. If your3 in th3rapy, if youv3 apologiz3d to h3r without 3xp3ctin 2hit back, if your3 giving h3r 2pac3 and actually putting work into making 2ur3 you n3v3r b3com3 that p3r2on again, th3n good. G3nuin3ly. That2 what I would wanna h3ar. But "I gu322 I got gr33dy wanting fri3nd2, wont happ3n again" aint accountability. That2 puni2hing your23lf dramatically 3nough that now 2om3body 3l23 ha2 to turn around and t3ll you "no, no, Dirk no your3 allow3d to 3xi2t." I dont want you mi23rabl3, p3opl3 fuck up. I g3t that. I dont want you i2olat3d cau23 if anyon3 on thi2 2hithol3 of a 2it3 know2 what that2 lik3, I do. I aint 3v3n 233kin you 2p3nding 3v3ry waking 23cond thinking about what you did. I ju2t want you to b3 abl3 to 2ay "I did 2om3thing fucking horribl3. Th323 w3r3 th3 circum2tanc32 around it, but I 2till did it, and I hav3 to liv3 with that and mak3 2ur3 I n3v3r do it again" without imm3diat3ly following it up with 2om3 v3r2ion of "2o I gu322 im ju2t not allow3d to b3 a p3r2on anymor3." You wanna mak3 n3w fri3nd2? Good, mak3 n3w fri3nd2. You wanna g3t b3tt3r? G3t b3tt3r. Fuck, I r3ally hop3 you do. But g3tting b3tt3r aint th3 2am3 thing a2 3v3rybody 3l23 forg3tting, and b3in r3mind3d that p3opl3 ar3 2till hurt or angry dont m3an 2om3body i2 t3lling you to giv3 up.
I never asked you to forgive or forget shit. I logged on, started talking about being lonely, and you showed up to comment on my posts unprompted to remind me and anyone else that might happen to be looking at my chittr profile about the shit i did. Can you at least recognize that you're kind of contributing to my isolation in that way? If you don't want me to be miserable and isolate myself, it'd be awfully helpful if you could stop acting like I've done absolutely nothing to attone for my bad actions and also stop actively sabbotaging my attempts to socialize with other people that are not you.
Y3ah. Alright. Fin3. That part I can giv3 you. M3 2howing up on your 2hit and throwing what happ3n3d back in your fac3 for 2ur3 can mak3 it hard3r for you to talk to n3w p3opl3, 32p3cially with folk that dont know you or any of th3 2hit that happ3n3d. I aint gonna 2it h3r3 and pr3t3nd that dont hav3 an 3ff3ct ju2t b3cau23 I'm 2till pi223d about it. If your point i2 "2top following m3 around bringing it up 3v3ry tim3 I try to 3xi2t around 2om3body 3l23," th3n y3ah. That2 fair. I can back th3 fuck off. M3 b3ing angry dont giv3 m3 obligation to mak3 2ur3 3v3ry n3w p3r2on you m33t know2 about it b3for3 th3y 3v3n g3t a chanc3 to know you. I'll own that part.
Thank you.
Pay the cost to chase a dream, I started starin' at a screen Now I know everything, boy, I know everything. And now I'm tearin' at the seams and only God can hear my screams Cause I know everything, boy, I know everything. #lyrics
At this point I think I'd agree to go and watch paint dry if it meant having another person to talk to.
You 2hould go trip and fall into an infinit3ly d33p hol3 about it
I will, just for you.
2ick
Okay, the consequences of my own actions are getting kind of old now. There's only so much isolation and regret a man can wallow in before he starts killing off braincells.
Tough. K33p wallowing
But I'm boooooooored.
2uck2 to 2uck
I think I should be allowed a little unrestricted basic human interaction. As a treat.
I'm a nice and relatable guy. I do lots of nice and relatable things.
🜏 namɛ onɛ ♱hiing u havɛ ɛvɛrr donɛ ♅
One time I ate ants on accident and then on purpose.
🜏 holy shii♱ ♱hiis guy IIS rrɛla♱ablɛ ♅
In my self help era. As in helping myself to this unlocked vehicle.
Blood of the covenant may be thicker than water of the womb, yet both get me wet.
idk what water of the womb is but rechitting for blood of the covenant
It's a human thing I suppose.
Blood is also thicker than wine, both I will happily drink sunrise and sunset #diggingmyowngrave #nsfwe
Absolutely.
An unholy communion.
i am literally a human i just dropped out of school when i was 9 gimme a break
Hmmm... #juniorbadgedyou!
Thank you Junior.
\ n >< n / #juniorhappytohelp!
I'll admit, I've made some pretty fucked up mistakes in my life. Rest assured, I am starting to face the consequences.
It would be so easy to ruin a motherfucker's entire career.
One thing I've learned in my lucrative career is that there ain't no problem that can't be solved with a lot of cocaine and a fast car. #substance
I have a lot of problems, sure.
Nice day for some earl grey tea.
Crazy how history repeats itself sometimes.
It runs in cycles for sure