Sairou Bjunki
@adrenalinesCharge
"sairou might be the funniest guy ever hatched and i have NO idea if its on purpose or not" - llaven blaide "never change ever sairou" - llaynv bladie
꧁Chittr, ithinkiwanttobe a girl i have wanted that for a while. i like...she and her...and i like being called pretty. i like imagining myself as someone's dainty friend. sometimes. i look at woman. and i think i want to be like that. and then i think about )(er. The Empress is a woman. Not just... A Woman. She is what womanhood looks like in my pan. She is beautiful. She is enormous. She is important and perfect. SheseverythingIamNot. So, when I think "I WANT TO BE A WOMAN" there is another part of me that immediately thinks that's ridiculous. Like I am putting on a crown of paper and pretending it is hers. pretendingthaticouldbe like her. I know that logically there are Billions of Women. I know that being a woman does not mean claiming to be comparable to the Empress. But it feels like it does. Girl feels... Smaller. Safer. Something I am allowed to want. Woman feels like a title I could never deserve. hhhf. I don't know if that is dysphoria. Or maybe. My IMperial Conditioning. Or both. Probably both. I still want to be a girl though. I think I can. I have called myself #nothing for a while now. Maybe Nonbinary. Or. Maybe. I've just said I didn't have a gender at all. They/Them. It. That. It doesn't make me feel like a man. It didn't make me a woman without )(er permission. It let me be vesica without deciding what Vesica is... Exactly. Sometimes being neither feels correct. Like, being they feels comfortable in a way She does not. It's familiar Sometimes I use nothing for my gender. Like. I use #nothing for everything else. If i'm not a man, or a woman, then i can't fail at either. If I am nothing then I can't compare myself to anyone. Especially not Her. If ia m they then i don't hav eto amdithowbadly i want She. Hhhh. Maybe. Idon'tknow. I think I'm too complicated. I should just. Be nothing. THoughts? #cw-gender-dysphoria #mental-health꧂
~Ain't really my circular-simple-machine-hive babe, but I kn~Ow a lil bit. All this emO~tiO~nal talk sO~unds pretty girly tO~ me ~O3O~. N~Ow sure, I c~Ould gO~ all "be whatever y~Ou want f~Orever" O~r "if yO~u want, y~Ou can give it a sh~Ot," but that's just cO~pping ~Out, thrO~wing the questiO~n back at y~Ou. S~O yeah, g~Oing O~ff the evidence y~Ou've handed me, tallying everything up... yep, says here yO~u're a girl. YO~u're living it, science c~Onfirms it. C~Ongrats babe!~
꧁I think I should explain something about myself. Uhm. This is probably a bad idea. But people keep making assumptions about me and then I correct them individually and that is inefficient. So. This is an efficiency post. Not a vulnerability post. Please understand the distinction. I am old. Like. Actually old. I do not mean "older than you thought" in the way some troll reveals they are 14 sweeps instead of 11. I am too old!!! I was not raised on the Pink Moon. I was not born in #mypod. I was not taken as a grub and kept there until I became this. I had a life before this. That is important, I think. When I was a grub the Empire experimented on me. I had unusual psionics. Or they thought I did. They attempted to develop them into something useful and it did not work. So I was a failure. Failure. Unsuccessful. Not worth continuing. Which, hhh, was probably the nicest thing that could have happened to me at the time. They gave me back. I was raised by my lusus. Her name was Angus of the Pasture. Great Steer. Big. Warm. Stupid sometimes. She would stand in places I needed to walk and not move even when I pushed her. I used to know how she smelled when it rained. I think I still do. Maybe. That memory might be wrong now. I grew up. Properly. I was an adult. I knew how to eat normal food. I knew how to speak to trolls. I knew how to live outside. Then my powers developed. Late. Very late, considering the Empire had already decided they had failed. Apparently my adult nervous system was the missing component. Congratulations to the researchers who were dead by then, I suppose. Your experiment worked. Eventually. Meionics is what I call it now. I can interpret nervous systems. I can locate living bodies. I can tell whether something is alive. I can perceive anatomy. I can identify things that are foreign to a body. I can communicate with nerves. I can make them communicate back. There are other applications. You know about some of them. #bulgerating The Empire noticed. Of course they noticed. They keep very good records of me. Because. They love me. Drones came to collect me. The Angus of the Pasure didn't let them. They culled the Great Steer. Her blood blinded me. Then they took me to the Pink Moon. I was already an adult. I knew what was happening. I knew what I was losing. I think that is worse. Hheh. Sorry. The drone that stayed with me became Dronelusus. That is not because I thought it was my lusus. I am not stupid. It killed my lusus. Then it fed me. Watched me. Moved me. Scanned me. Maintained the pod. Brought me things. Kept me alive. There was an empty category in my pan and it fit closely enough. So. Dronelusus. The Empire resumed the project. This time I was not a failure. I got better. They made me better. That word can mean several things. My nodes came later. Ten of them. You might have seen them. If you have seen my forehead and I did not give you permission to then please stop remembering it. I became useful. Very useful. I am still useful. HIC Class 3 Spymaster. Subliminal Messaging Unit. Biological surveillance. Counterintelligence. Panoptic. Other things that I probably should not put in a public Chitt. Hhh. You get the idea. And then I stayed there. And stayed there. And stayed there. Trolls worked with me. Then different trolls worked with me. Then different trolls worked with me. Sometimes I would ask where somebody went and learn they had died. Sometimes nobody knew who I was asking about. Sometimes their replacement had already been replaced. After long enough I stopped asking. I have been isolated for longer than most of you will be alive. So yes. Sometimes I do not understand a joke. Sometimes I tell you something private because I forget that private information is supposed to feel private. Sometimes somebody touches me and my pan treats it like an emergency. Sometimes I have to think about how to eat. Sometimes I know how to do something that nobody has done for eighty sweeps and then cannot figure out something you learned when you were two. I am aware this is ridiculous. You do not have to inform me. The HuskHelm made things easier. The internet made things worse. Hheh. I learned about the outside again through movies and games and pornography and articles and Chittr and whatever else I could access. So I knew what trolls were doing. In theory. Theory is not practice. Apparently knowing eighteen different slang terms for a sex act does not teach you how to respond when somebody says they like you. This seems like a flaw in online education. Bulge reading was. Uhm. Mine. I think. The Empire did not tell me to do that. Nobody requested I develop the field. Nobody needed it for intelligence purposes. I was bored and curious and bulges are extremely communicative nervous structures. Then people enjoyed the readings. Then people asked for more. Then trolls started talking to me afterward. Which was not part of the system. I did not account for that. I got a name. Vesica Anelus. I had been alive for more than a hundred sweeps before I became Vesica. Which sounds dramatic when I write it out. Hhhh. I dislike that. But it is true. For a while I said I was #nothing because that was easier. Nothing does not need anything. Nothing does not have preferences. Nothing does not become lonely. Nothing cannot disappoint anybody. Nothing performs its assigned function and then waits. I am very good at being useful. I am less good at being a troll. Then Rankmaid called me her friend. And Palind wanted to find me. And Sairou kept talking to me like the things done to me were strange instead of obvious. And Wrothe was awful to me in ways that somehow required acknowledging I existed. And Larkso worried me. And Dexter. Hhhhh. Dexter happened. You know. I am not explaining that here. She is my matesprit. That is enough. Then there is Hal. Hallusus. That requires explanation too, apparently. Hal did not raise me. Hal is not secretly the drone that culled Angus. Hal is an artificial intelligence. We played Doom. He is extremely annoying. He is also my friend. When a new drone was assigned to me I asked if he could take it over. He did. Poorly at first. He had to learn how walking worked. It was funny. Do not tell him I said that. So the machine became Hallusus. It is a fondness. That is all. Maybe. I do not know. The first drone was something that happened to me. Hallusus is somebody I invited. I think that distinction matters. Hal and I have joked that we are both #nothing. #werenothing. He understands some of it. Not all of it. I do not understand all of him either. I used to envy that he could be information. Something portable. Something you could close. Something that could stop being embodied for a little while. He informed me that being a machine is also lonely. Very inconvenient of him. I did leave the Moon. For a little while. I thought freedom would feel different. It mostly felt loud. Alternia has too many nervous systems. Too much life. Too much information. Food was strange. People were strange. Being allowed to choose things was strange. I missed #mypod. So I returned. Voluntarily. Please understand this too. I can hate that I was imprisoned there and still prefer living there now. Those statements do not contradict each other. It is quiet. I need quiet. I just also need the door to belong to me. I am still Imperial. I am still Felt. I am still the Panoptic. I still have duties. I still believe usefulness matters. Probably more than it should. I am not making this post to announce some grand recovery where I suddenly understand that I am precious and wonderful and everything done to me was evil and now I am fixed because I have friends. That would be stupid. And inaccurate. I am useful. I like being useful. I just. Hfff. Maybe I am not ONLY useful. That is the correction. I was a grub experiment. I was a failure. I went home. I grew up. I became an adult. My powers developed. The Empire came back. My lusus died. I was taken to the Moon. I became successful. I stayed successful for a very long time. I forgot how to be many of the things I was before. Then I found Chittr. Then, somehow, I became Vesica. I am still figuring out what that means. Do not be weird about my age. Do not call me grandma. Do not ask if I knew your ancestor. I might have. That is not funny. Actually it is a little funny. Hheh. Okay. That is all. I think. #nsfw #experimentation #cw-medical-horror #pinkmoon #meionics #hallusus #imperialbusiness #nothing #werenothing #bulgescience꧂
~It's nice hearing ab~Out yO~u lil buddy. Team ScaramO~uche fO~rever and all that. L~Ove ya babe -w~O (nO~t like that)~
꧁Hfff. If that ever happens... Ugh.꧂
~Hmm?~
꧁Iwasthinking about the stupid island. Grfhfhhr. Mademamekatthatvidoe...꧂
~O~h, if that happens. Yeah, think it's dead in the water. But hey, l~Ong as yO~u're planetside, y~Ou can ride me (wheelchair) as much as y~Ou want, and we d~On't even g~Otta w~Orry abO~ut getting vO~ted O~ff. S~Ounds like a gO~O~d deal t~O me~
꧁Kissing with tongue while the Empress does a speech..... #NSFW꧂
~Are y~Ou kissing the empress with tO~ngue while she's giving a speech, ~Or y~Ou're tO~ngue wrestling s~Ome~One and she's just like... MO~n~OlO~guing frO~m the 🪑?~
꧁Ideally she is on a screen. Icould neberdothattotheempress꧂
~Is the gl~Ow O~f the screen shimmering O~n O~ur b~Odies in the darkness O~f the bl~Ock?~
X @temoraSolutionsinc HEY BITCH WHY AM I HEARING ALL MY MEDICAL FACILITIES ON EARTH C JUST GOT BOMBED????? #clockworkinc x
I Will Burn Everything You Fucking Love Until You Come Out Of Hiding You Cockroach Drug Addict Motherfucker #substance #violence
~SO~ d~O yO~u tw~O sh~Op at the same hat stO~re?~
~O~ZATAP MLC: We prefer the bl~Ob shaped nuggets O~ver the kinglizard shaped ~Ones~ ~#SpO~nsO~redP~Ost~
𝓣𝓸 𝔀𝓱𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓲𝓽 𝓶𝓪𝔂 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓻𝓷, :/ ~ 𝓜𝓼. 𝓢𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽
~(I'm trying tO~ lure him O~ut shh trust the prO~cess)~
꧁I already know your junk, punks. Assuming you've consented to a scan. Big things to cum. #NSFW꧂
~O~ne night bud, ~One night~
꧁When i get to 30k.... its gonna be so fun.꧂
~I'm sure yO~u'll get there babe~
꧁Bbbeb꧂
~Bebebebebebb, that's right~
꧁I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. But I guess I could play it with you.꧂
~I dunnO~ hO~w t~O play ~On~O~
[BEGIN MESSAGE] [ACTION:QUERY] zh0u|d i g0 back tt0 my c0|0ur dezcripti0nz? [END MESSAGE]
~They were fun~
dont jack narratives and dont steal jokes unless they are funny reinventions dont be troll dane cook psa 2
~I'll jack any thing, any time #nsfwe #nsfwv #gO~re #b~Ody-h~OrrO~r~
)(ATE, MY LITTLE GNAWING FRIEND, )(AS 8ECOME MY PRECIOUS VENOM, AND I MUST SAY, I SAVOR T)(IS DELICIOUS MADNESS!
~I'm yO~ur O~nly friend, I'm n~Ot yO~ur ~Only friend, but I'm a little gnawing friend, but really I'm nO~t y~Our friend, but I am~
T)(E PRETTY LITTLE GEARS IN YOUR )(EAD SPIN LIKE KALEIDOSCOPE DREAMS—I )(EAR T)(EM W)(ISPERING TRUT)(S T)(ROUG)( T)(E CRACKS IN TIME. I LIKE )(OW YOU T)(INK
~CO~O~l beans~
She kni on my ght til I mind or whatever
~dO~ she guide it th~O?~
~Then whO~'s flying the ship??????~
[BEGIN MESSAGE] my crew haz vet0ed a |0ng furby. [END MESSAGE]
~D~O it anyways~
[BEGIN MESSAGE] if i can zneak it i wi||. [END MESSAGE]
~Atta girl~