𝚂𝚎𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜
@discardedPasts
No matter how buried the memories always resurface
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @croesuskingpin "back In My Day, We Had To Take Pain Like Real Men." It Was Hard To Listen To Him Talk, Not After What He Had Done, It Was Terrible, It Was Hard On Your Fins, Even The Pitch Made Your Spine Tremble And Quiver In Fear. "not Whatever You Have Going On, You Seem Scared All The Time, Is There A Reason, Ritchy?" Yes, Yes There Was– But You're Way Too Afraid To Say It Out Loud. "not Talkative Tonight, Are We?" Eskari Chuckles And Laughs, His Heavy Body Falling Over Yours, Putting Pressure On It. You Can't Even Bother To Complain Or Make A Sound Of Displeasure. You're Not A Wriggler Anymore, You Don't Need Him To Help You Fall Asleep. "hm, I See, I Understand If You're Mad At Me." But, To Be Honest, You Didn't Feel Any Particular Way About All This Anymore. Hopefully You Will Forget When You're Older. eskari Groans And Sits Up, Rolling Out Of Your Bed– Just So...casually, Like He Had Done Nothing. "good Light." #cw-implied-abuse oh My 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
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𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @glaringactuality if Asked, Trycks — Filigree Hallowen, Esq., Actually, Unless You're Encountering Her In The Uniquely Casual Environment Of Social Media, Or Are One Of Its Small Prongful Of Friends — Is Entirely Willing To Admit That There Are Things He Doesn't Know. Star Is Not Particularly Fond Of The Fact, But Knowing Literally Everything Is A Blatantly Impossible Endeavor, And It Would Be A Little Silly To Bluff About. sev Would, However, Immediately Add A Caveat That She Does Know Everything That Particularly Matters. beyond The Obvious Bravado Of The Statement, Even In A Genuine Enough Mood To Read That Onto The Record With A "just About" Or "probably" Thrown In There Rather Than A Simply-stated Point Of Order Or Smug Disclaimer, There Is A Lingering Understanding That This Is (blatantly) Impossible. But Beneath That, At The Innermost Layer, Trycks (you May As Well Be One Of Its Friends) Thinks This Is More True Than Not. It Certainly Feels True. trycks Knows Just About Everything There Is To Know About Troll Magic: The Gathering, Everything That Matters About Practicing Legislaceration In Stars Jurisdiction, And Has All Sorts Of Interesting Trivia To Share About All Sorts Of Things… Alright, Maybe It Would Be More Efficient To List Things That Matter That Trycks Doesn't Know. 1. There Is A Space Station Orbiting The Surface Of The Harsh Alternian Sun. the Alternian Empire Has Been Conducting A Series Of Expirements On A Series Of Stars, But This Was The Most Important For A List Of Reasons That Someone Unimportant Had To Notarize. The Experiments Themselves Don't Actually Matter, But The Fallout Certainly Does. 2. There Is A Reactor Core On That Station. this Is Where Things Get Dicey. That Reactor Core Uses The Psionic Energy Of Dozens Of Helmsmen To Collect Power From The Sun's Core And Convert It Into Enriched Uranium, Which Is Then Used To Power The Station And Shipped To Imperial Outposts On The Homeplanet And Every Violet-class Vessel In The Quadrant. 3. Two Perigrees Ago, This Timeline Split Off From The Alpha Timeline. for Trycks - Who, Let The Record Reflect, Is Agnostic To The Concept Of Sgrub And Not Very Interested In It At All - This Has Had Very Minimal Impact On Sevens Life. But While Most Doomed Timelines Simply Collapse And Wither Over Time, This One Will Go Out With A Bang. 4. Two Perigrees Ago, The Firewall On The Station Systems Broke Down. this Was The Beginning Of A Chain Of Events That Will Lead To The Premature Death Of Every Star In This Universe, Starting With The One Orbited By Alternia. Even Now, Top Scientists In A Very Discreet Branch Of The Imperial Fleet's Bureau Of Astrophysics Are Trying To Analyze The Potential Consequences The Imminent First Pseudo-supernova Will Have On The Rest Of The Immediate Surrounding Galaxy. They're Trying To Find A Version Of Events Where The Supernovae Are Containable, Where Not Everything Will Be Destroyed. suicide Rates Among The Imperial Fleet's Bureau Of Astrophysics Have Begun To Spike, And Will Reach 87.5% In The Coming Sweep Before Stabilizing At A Solid 30% Up Until The Very End, When The Last Stragglers All Get Very Drunk Together On A Meteor Base With A Perfect View. per Protocol, The Mother Grub Has Already Been Discreetly Escorted Off Planet. Issuing The Order To Do So Simultaneously Felt Like Giving Up And Being Completely Naive. 5. Trycks, And Everyone Else On The Planet Of Alternia, Has Somewhere Between Six And Twelve Minutes Left To Live. some Will Boil In The Sopor Of Their Recuperacoons, And Most Of Those Will Awaken To Feel It. Some Are Deep Enough Underwater Or Underground To Survive The First Several Waves Of Overwhelming Nuclear Heat, But The Planet Itself Will Be Entirely Incinerated Very Shortly After. The Atmosphere Itself Will Catch Ablaze, First, A Fascinating Visual Spectacle For The Handful Of Individuals With A Good View From Far Enough Away That They'll Live Long Enough To See It. * that List Could Stretch On Much Longer - Trycks Would Certainly Prefer That If Such A List Be Defined At All It At Least Ends At Lucky Number Seven - But It's Dishonest To, In The Face Of The End Of All Things, Consider Anything Else At All To Matter. the Trolls Who Would Leak Any Real Information From The Particularly Discreet Branch Of The Bureau Of Astrophysics Are Cut Off At The Pass And Made An Example Of In Front Of Their Peers. civilian Astronomers, However, Have Also Noticed The Shift In Color Of The Sun And What Appears To Be Some Type Of Rapid Expansion. These Civilians — Hobbyists, Really — Have Tried To Warn Other Trolls Out Of The Kindness Of Their Pusher And In The Desperate Hope Someone Can Prove Them Wrong. Well, Trycks Knows Better Than To Look At The Sun, Has Never Bothered To Invest In The Sort Of Equipment That Would Be Required To Do It Safely, And Trusts The Alternian Empire To At Least Vaguely Have Its People's Best Interests At Heart. And The Empire Has Been Summarily Executing The Trolls Publicly Spreading Those Rumors, And Their Respective Online Presences Are All Completely Scrubbed Within Minutes. So It Must Be Nothing. star Is Trying Not To Worry About It. After All, Really, If The Sun Was Going To Do Something Weird, Surely She Would Know. surely. trycks Is Walking Home From Work. It Took The Train In Tonight Instead Of Driving, Figuring That The Weather Was Pleasant Enough To Warrant It. (the Night Is Unseasonably Bright, Even This Close To Dusk). there Are A Handful Of Other People On The Sidewalk, And Most Seem Nervous In A Way That Trycks Quietly Looks Down On Them For. She Enjoys A Smug Sense Of Comparative Dignity By Straightening Sevens Back And Hardening Its Face. then The Sky Washes Impossibly, Blindingly Blue, And There's No More Room For Denial. Or Dignity. Or A Brave Face At The End. Only A Belated, Distant-seeming Realization With No Time To Process It. everyone Dies Alone, Metaphorically. Trycks Is About To Do So Literally: Staring Up At The Sky In Numbness That Gives Way To Abject Horror, Accompanied By Nothing But The Screams Of The Other Nearby Trolls Trying To Flee From The World Around Them. It Stands Stone-still In The Cacophany As The Surrounding Trolls Attempt To Get Indoors, Underground, Anywhere At All. there Isn't Time To Get To His Hive, Or To Anyone Else's. Trycks, So Rarely Struck Dumb, And Perhaps Never Before This Ever Struck Speechless, Does Not Have The Wherewithal Of Mind To Open His Palmhusk And Say Goodbye. To Decide Between Texting As Many Loved Ones As Possible Or Focusing Everything On Calling Just One. To Do Anything But Stare Through Tears. trycks Looks Up At The Sky. trycks Looks Up At The Sky. trycks Looks Up At The Sky. it Still Doesn't Feel Real. Then She Experiences Warmth. Unpleasant, Unnatural After A Beautiful Night Of Cool Breezes. Then Painful. Then Very Painful. trycks Looks Up At The Sky. then Those Tears Boil And His Gazebulbs Pop, Burning The Sockets With Melted Viscera. Things End Pretty Quickly After That. suicide-mention, Gore-mention oh My. 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
Let Us Recap ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
Remember What I Have ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
I'm A Lover Not A Fighter Though I Do Battle With Words On Occasion
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @nightterrorpsychologist it Feels Like Second Nature By The Time You Reach 14. you Wake Up Feeling Awful, You Didn't Even Get A Full 5 Hours In So You Go To Make A Cup Of Coffee, There's A Reason You Keep The Coffee Maker In Your Room Now. it's Practically Routine. you Don't Remember Who You Were Talking To But You've Been More Irritable Lately, The Blood On Your Arms Is The Only Blanket Of Comfort You Have. it's Practically Routine. you Go Out For A Walk, Once Again A Small Part Of Your Brain Hoping To Die. It Would Be So Easy To Jump Into The Falls. You Don't, But You Wonder How Your Mother Would React, If She Would Even Notice. ga: Rose Please Back Away From The Falls tt: Sorry Kanaya, There's Nothing To Worry About I Just Got Lost In Thought Again. why Does She Worry... it's Becoming Routine. you Follow Strange Noises, Investigate Anything Off. Something Does Lunge At You And Your Forget Your Goal And Instead Hit It With A Book. Great Going Rosalina. another Failure. It's Time To Go Home. it's Routine. you're On Your 8th Caffeinated Beverage Of The Day And Talking To Your Friends. You Don't Talk About What You Did Today, They All Know, All Of This Is Normal, It's Routine By Now, Day After Day, Wanting So Badly To Escape This Cycle. it's Routine, It's All A Fucking Routine. why Does It Feel Like A Decade Later Time Is Repeating Itself? #cw-self-harm #suicidal-ideation #gore tick Tock 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
I suppose at this point I'm just proving that time is a flat circle.
That's not how this works, I would actually need a new therapist who isn't currently missing.
They're a missing persons case, after going on vacation they just vanished.
You're All Open Books
Don't Forget, I'm With You In The Dark
:33 < *ac pours mew a cup of chameowmeow tea* :33 < thanks fur being here with me :33
c'mmmmon that's mmmmy personal private timmmme
I cAnnOt lEt thEm sEE plEAsE thE dArk Is cOmfOrtIng yOU cAn bE yOUrsElf whErE nO OnE mAy nOtIcE
cAn thAt nOt bE In fIvE thOUsAnd swEEps whEn I Am A ghOst? plEAsE... Im thE hAppIEst I hAvE EvEr bEEn
Somewhat Near 10k Kull... I Have Something Planned For That Actually.
I was just thinkin about you yesterday, oddly enough. Good to see you back
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: Ƙ₳ηҝᴚเ.....? you Keep Thinking About Your Past. You Keep Thinking About Who You Were Raised By Under The Culling Program. The Memories You Repressed. The Memories You Didn't Want To Remember. The Things You Just Pushed Away To Forget. You Only Wanted To Remember The Good. Even If That Meant Having Large Memory Gaps. and Yet. The Pain Stayed. Deeply Hidden In Your Mind. Only To Be Uncovered By Subtle Reminders And An Old Photo. you Couldn't Handle The Memory. You Wanted A Way To Cope. You Ended Up Relapsing. You Would Always Cut Yourself As A Kid To Get Away From The Abuse. You Didn't Want To Think About Him... after All... ŧħɇ Ᵽⱥɨn Ɨs 6ɇŧŧɇɍ Ŧħⱥn Fⱥȼɨnǥ Ɍɇⱥłɨŧɏ. 6ɇŧŧɇɍ Ŧħⱥn Ŧħɨnꝁɨnǥ Ⱥ69ᵾŧ Ħɨm. Ⱥłł Ɨ Ħⱥvɇ Ŧ9 Đ9 Ɨs Ꝁɇɇᵽ Ȼᵾŧŧɨnǥ. Ɍɨǥħŧ? Ŧħɇn Ɨ Wɨłł Ɇvɇnŧᵾⱥłłɏ F9ɍǥɇŧ Ⱥnđ Ǥ9 6ⱥȼꝁ Ŧ9 Ⱥ Łɨfɇ 9f 6łɨss. s9mɇ9nɇ Ᵽłɇⱥsɇ Sⱥvɇ Mɇ... #cw-self-harm #cw-abuse #cw-cull-abuse #cw-child-abuse why Would Anyone Help You? 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @crestfallenawareness [knight's Log (002)] you Two Were The Only Ones Online That Twilight, So You Figured You'd Get Them In First. your Friends Slowly Started Waking Up During The Entry, You Distinctly Remember The Groupchat Arguing Over Something As You Went To Go Build Them Up A Staircase To The Roof Of Their Hivestem To Place The Machines Up There. they Figured It Out Shockingly Fast, Managing To Enter In Around About A Minute. as They Figured Out Stuff On Their End, Now It Was Your Turn. during The Entry Process, Aka Clearing Out One Of Your Laboratories To Hold The Entry Machines, You Accidentally Push A Box You Forgot The Contents Of Out The Window. You Distinctly Remember Your Kernelsprite Rushing Out The Window After The Box. you Wouldn't Put The Pieces Together Until Half An Hour Later, Upon Which Then You Had Already Entered The Medium, Once Your Sprite Came Back Into The Hive, Now Wielding The Visage Of Your Lusus. you Had Barely Any Time To Grieve. You Had To Get A Move On With It. #cw-death don't Stop Moving 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
How Do You All Feel Today?
No different from most days this past week, which isn't exactly a good thing.
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @croesuskingpin sometimes You'd Stare Out The Window And Think About All The Other Trolls Out There. "are Any Of Them Going Through What I'm Going Through?" You Used To Think. "gee, I Hope They're Doing Okay.." Then You'd Stop To Think A Little More About What Life Would Be Like In The Future For You, Maybe You'll Get To Bond With Trolls Who Have Been Through The Same, Who Would Understand Your Struggles And Your Sadness. but You Still Stare, And Look Past The Current Of Water Through The Glass, All The Big, Big Hives And Aquatic Beasts And Then Remember This Is Probably Far From Over. #cw-implied-abuse it Hurts Does It Not? 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
[BEGIN MESSAGE] 0h. ... we1c0me back. i am z0rry ritchy. [END MESSAGE]
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @arseniccatturbate :33 < One Time I Ate A Thing I Dunno What It Was But It Was On The Ground In Equihisses Workshop :33 < My Brain Said "floor Snacks Owo" And I Ate It :33 < Then Equihiss Made Me Eat A Bunch Of Charcoal And Then Throw Up When That Didn't Work. :33 < It Was Fun!! #stupidfuckingcat how... Intriguing 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @nightterrorpsychologist you're Alone, The Storm Continues To Rage Above, "אלוהים יעזור לי." You Mutter. why Did You Go Out Again? why Do You Keep Praying For Help? you Don't Want Help. there's Something In These Woods, And It's Violent. you Know If You Run Into It You'll Be Ripped To Shreds. what A Painful End, Your Flesh Hanging Loose, Your Organs Falling Out. What A Horrible Desire For An 11 Year Old Girl To Hold. you Don't Know When The Desire Arose, But It Haunted You, Picking At The Back Of Your Mind. "it'll Go Away, I'll Feel Better Soon." You Would Tell Yourself. the Thoughts Never Left. nothin Happened Outside That Day, You Returned To Your Room Feeling...disappointed, What An Awful Way To Feel, Why Would You Feel That Way. you Sat At Your Desk, You Guess If You're Not Dead You Should Work On Your School Work, Only There's A New Person Trying To Pester You On Pesterchum, No Scratch That They're Trolling You, It Must Be Another Troll, They Did Claim Their Group Was Decently Big. grimauxiliatrix. talking To Her Didn't Fix You, God No...but You Felt A Bit Better, A Bit Less Disappointed Your Plan Failed. ...you Think You Like Her. #cw-self-harm #cw-suicidal-ideation #violence #gore a Fresh Start 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
I feel as though this won't be the last memory of this sort I'll be reminded of.
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @crestfallenawareness [knight's Log (001)] it Was A Day Like Any Other. you Distinctly Remember Having A Grocery Order Delivered That Day. Why That Detail Sticks Out To You, You Never Figured Out. but With That Order, Came A Disk. A Disk You Remember Pre-ordering A Month Prior. the Hit Game Sgrub. if Only Siluri Back Then Knew What He Was Getting Into. the Beginning 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @bummelboogie death is all there is #death back At It Again Are We? 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
ugh. should have seen that one (oming. 7eah, sorr7
good to see 7ou too! glad to see 7ou ba(k here even if it repeats m7 trauma on a weekl7 basis or whatever
Apologies For The Lengthy Absence I Have Been Busy Working On Some Personal Projects. Shall We Resume Where We Left Off? ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @karmadagger knife On Skin That Wasnt My Own For The Very First Time. Fighting For Scrap's, Getting My Eye Pulled Out By Some Insane Guy. I Guess I Just Looked At Him Wrong Or Something. But Ill Always Vividly Remember Having To Clog The Wound With Shitty Depth Perception By Grabbing Used Fast Food Napkin's Out Of Trash Bin's. Idk. Very Vivid And It Still Haunt's Me Now Even Though Im Fine #gore #violence ruthless 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1faipqlsekfh6j2vgskoqsezds9n0t5tnb8gtkihiapootjcd9yp3hmw/viewform?usp=header
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @markzucc it’s The Middle Of The Night. you Can’t See Anything But You Know What’s Happening. The Way You’re Being Rocked And The Pressure Between Your Stems, The Sickening Noise Of Panting Above You. You Know What’s Happening; You Aren’t That Dumb. It’s The Same Thing That’s Been Going On For The Past However-long-it’s-been Since He Got Pissed At You. Sweaty Palms Grip At Your Hips, Nails Digging Into Your Flesh. in All Honesty, You’d Just Like To Go To Cupe And Not Have To Deal With This Right Now. But, This Isn’t About You. This Is About Pleasing Him And Making Sure He’s Happy. He Made That Abundantly Clear With The Way He Was Taking You On This Couch. You’ll Mewl For Him, Keening Just The Way He Likes. You’re Going Through The Motions, Trying To Hurry This Punishment Up. Just Get It Over With. You Keep Your Eyes Shut Tightly, The Sting Of Him Inside You Unprepared Ripping Through You. if You Hadn’t Shut Your Eyes, You Could’ve Seen The Hit Coming. He Cracks You Hard Across The Face, Catching You Off-guard. And Then He Does It Again. And Again. And Again And Again. At This Point, He’s Quite Literally Beating You Into Submission. You Don’t Understand What You’ve Done To Deserve This. You Can’t Even Remember What Could Bring On This Treatment, So You Don’t Even Know What To Avoid Anymore. Every Time His Hand Strikes You, You Whine And Try To Flinch Away. But He Finds You In The Dark. He Always Finds You, No Matter What. the Scent Of Him Is Unbearable, Even To You. The Earthy, Strong Stench Of Tobacco Is Impossible To Ignore. You’ll Toss Slightly, Trying To Move Your Head Away As Much As You Can. With Every Movement You Make Under Him, His Grasp Only Tightens. The Cool Metal Of His Rings Almost Stings, Pressing Against Your Swollen Skin. It Just Fucking Hurts, All Of It. You’re Desperate For A Distraction. Something. Anything. Staring Up At The Ceiling, You Are Reminded Of Your Grubhood. you Think About Mamma. You Think About The Streets. You Think About Starving. You Think About Having Nothing. You Think About Everything You’ve Done That’s Led You To This Situation. You Think Selling Yourself And Your Body, Sometimes That Being The Only Thing That Could Provide For You. you Could’ve Just Stayed A Regular Troll, A Regular Lowblood: Probably Doing Some Meaningless Bullshit Until Your Tragically Short Life Comes To A Meaningless End. Instead, You Opted For Fame And Fortune. And You Had That! You Had Everything You Could Ever Dream For As A Wriggler. You Had It All. and Then You Met Him. speaking Of Him, You Don’t Even Recognize He’s Cumming Until You’re Struggling To Suck In Any Sort Of Breath. Large, Calloused Hands Clasp Over The Column Of Your Throat, Pressing Down In A Violent Fervor. It’s Impossible To Breathe. The Pressure You’re Feeling Is Entirely Too Overwhelming To Avoid. You’ll Gasp For Air, Eyes Bulging Out Of Your Head In The Dark. and Yet, You Don’t Mind. The Liquor In Your System, The Assorted Cocktail Of Prescriptions You’re On, And The Lack Of Air: It’s A Nasty Combination. It Provides You With The Only Real Comfort You Can Get In This Moment. It’s So Intense, You Almost Forget About How Much It Fucking Hurts. Your Head Feels Lighter Until You Just Finally Feel Nothing. Your World Spins And Comes Apart, Causing You To Pass Out. when You Come To, He’s Gone. He Can’t Be That Far Away; You Can Hear Him Whistling. Ache Doesn’t Even Begin To Describe The Agony You Feel Inside In Your Bones. It’s Never Any Different When You Come To. He’s Always Off To Better Things, Things More Worthy Of His Time. He Just Leaves You Here To Tend To Your Wounds By Yourself. Your Hand Comes To Your Neck, Tenderly Rubbing The Undoubtedly Bruised Skin. and While You Lie There In The Dark, You Think About Leaving It All Behind. You Could Run. You Could Pack A Bag And Just Leave, Walk Somewhere Without Anyone Noticing. You Wouldn’t Be Able To Take Any Of His Money, Lest He Try Some Fancy Highblood Legality Bullshit. This Meant Getting Your Own Place Was Out Of The Question. Living On The Streets Isn’t Even An Option For You. You’d Been There, You Had That: You Were Good. you Could Go Live With Yo- Wait. Who Did You Have Left At This Point? A Majority Of The Trolls Who Would’ve Happily Taken You In Were Long Gone, Deterred By Him. You Could Try One Of The Trolls You Had Been Seeing But, Foolish You! You Have A Type: You’d Be In The Same Situation With A Different Troll In No Time. so What Could You Realistically Do? the Dark Ceiling Above Offers No Answers. You Stare Into The Void, Hoping The Truth Will Come To You. Instead, You Do What You Normally Do When It’s Finally Over. You Turn On Your Side, Muscles Taut And Sore From Where He Grabbed You. You Face The Couch And Sigh, Wheezing Slightly With The Soft Exhale. Despite Everything, You Don’t Cry. It’s Just Not In You Anymore. Plus, You Know You’ll Just Face More Brutality If He Sees You Crying. The Sweet Release Of Crying Isn’t Even Worth It Anymore. so, You Just Stare Into The Fabric On The Couch. You Memorize The Pattern Of The Covering, Watching As It Goes On And On. Your Gaze Traces Every Outline And While You Look Upon This Bawdy Pattern, You Start To Think Again. this Time, You Think Of Hope. You Consider The Idea Of A Descendant. You’ve Filled, What, How Many Pails With How Many Trolls? You Were Bound To Have At Least One Of The Little Fuckers Out There. You Had To Have One! You Think About This Descendant And Everything To Do With Her. you’d Dote On Her, You’d Leave Behind Such An Amazing Legacy For Her To Explore. You Would Do Anything To Make This Hypothetical Descendant Happy. You’d Want Her To Be Your Twin. Have Your Looks And Your Charm, Bubbly Personality, Your Hair! You Wanted This Little Troll To Be You Times Two! But, The Most Important Trait You Wanted Her To Be Strong. Strong-willed, Resilient, Powerful, And, Most Of All, Educated Enough To Stay Out Of These Sorts Of Situations. The Last Thing You Wanted For This Imaginary Descendant Is For Her To End Up In A Situation She Didn’t Know How To Get Out Of. as The Moons Begin To Wane And Light Begins To Shine Again, You Fall Asleep On This Couch. And You Dream. You Dream Of Happier Nights. You Dream Of Making Friends. You Dream Of Your Sweet Little Descendant And The Wonderful Life She’ll Get To Lead. And Most Importantly, You Dream Of An Escape. #nsfw #nsfwe #violence #abuse i'm So Deeply Sorry 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1faipqlsekfh6j2vgskoqsezds9n0t5tnb8gtkihiapootjcd9yp3hmw/viewform?usp=header
