@karmaDagger — #cw-abuse
i dont know what time it is. or how long i was out. lost a lot of blood. haru healed me. man im a fucking idiot huh. maybe i should actually, idk, consider going on medication so i dont have these fuckin episodes? crazy thought. ive unblocked everyone. sorry for making people worry, for pushing people away, for generally just being mentally ill. human brains ugly i guess. or, well. im not human im just made of human parts, but you get the point. ...if im not gonna become my future self, i think that means i might be a doomed self now. not sure if that means ill die or not. my phones broken. kind o...Read more
nothing changed. because a karma is just a karma who does karma things. im not gonna follow the king in yellow. aside from the guy being a douchebag, thered just be no point. thats not a karma thing to do. its not part of my "story". not on the path im fated to follow. i was created by the demon eye. or. angel eye. whatever. to be its vessel. a copy of kris dreemurr, but fully customizable to whatever the angel picked! how fun. ...then discarded to earth. by some "burning lord" apparently. no idea what the fuck that means but im sure ill pick up the context as i go. i was abused by my family. r...Read more
we fell asleep for a while. think i woke up cause i havent had dinner. guess the food from the party wasnt enough to keep me full the whole day. ...i dont wanna get up off the floor though. its nice laying next to haru like this. not the first time ive gone hungry, and i do have some food in my stomach at least. not like a lot of night's were on earth before i met my moirail. should probably get her to check chittr actually, she stopped using it a while ago. my moirail i mean. well. "moirail". she started calling herself that but really i think shes kind of a larper. i dont think she actually... get...Read more
i only have two exes one of thems my current moirail and the other was my older sister i think i perhap's shouldnt weigh in on this current topic
i hate knowing im not even a person. created by a bunch of peoples options to be a "vessel" for some evil fucking demon eyeball and then i guess thrown down to earth like 20-something year's ago where i experienced abuse first at the hands of my sister then at the hands of the people i fell in with after running away from home when i was i didnt ask to be created i dont want to be this fucking thing thats only purpose has been to serve host to some shitty fucking eye was me being sent to earth part of it how much did wdg know would happen have i been fucking groomed for this broken so that ill make...Read more
feeling nostalgic. need someone to hurt me in a sickening way that makes me feel like ill never amount to anything and will always just be a pathetic object to be abused and used
getting morning wood used to be fine but after being raped by someone i met on pesterchum it just feel's like my own body is violating me. i didnt ask for this boner. the fuck. but i dont even know why i feel that way. its far from the first time that kinda things happened to me and i didnt give so much of a shit back then maybe its cause i care about myself more now than when i was a kid idfk #cw-rape #cw-abuse #rape #rape-mention #cw-mental-health #cw-rape-mention #cw-sexual-abuse #vent
i think im gonna abstain from using pesterchum / trollian forever now that i have chittr access again. dont trust a mf you meet on there. i thought i made a friend, invited her over after wed been talking a few days, and she drugged and raped me. not fun.
"puppet" 'nother song written by me. this ones also deeply personal. mind the content warning's #violence #cw-abuse #cw-selfharm i think im scared of hurting others, so instead i hurt myself. i cut open my own chest, show all the doctors my bad health. and now im waking up inside, watching, forced to do things that i find funny, heartless, caring, cold, faithful, charming, scary, bold, THE DICE ARE ROLLED im a puppet on a string, cannot say a damn thing, about my fucked up situation. im the freakshow of the town, always staring, lookin 'round, i think i need decapitation. onl...Read more