@karmaDagger — #vent
god. fucking dammit. of course the second job i ever have is also for dogshit and awful people whatever. its better than my last job time to. charge a fucking battery with blood aspect energy. and try not to lose my shit and kill my research team. whatever
deep breaths its fine. think i kind of hate being costumed. or being here. or everything? ok no none of this is true im just being stupid. social anxiety i guess. faha
sometime's i lay in bed and im reminded that. the crashout and realization that wingdings is an evil piece of shit arent the only awful memorie's i have here. that. girl i met on pesterchum, while i was banned from chittr for a while, who i invited over cause i thought she was a friend and i was so desperate for contact. and she got me so drunk and high that she was able to make me genuinely think she was my older sister destiny. and she raped me. ... i cant get out of this mansion soon enough. its easier to bear with haru here but. yeah.
i dont know what time it is. or how long i was out. lost a lot of blood. haru healed me. man im a fucking idiot huh. maybe i should actually, idk, consider going on medication so i dont have these fuckin episodes? crazy thought. ive unblocked everyone. sorry for making people worry, for pushing people away, for generally just being mentally ill. human brains ugly i guess. or, well. im not human im just made of human parts, but you get the point. ...if im not gonna become my future self, i think that means i might be a doomed self now. not sure if that means ill die or not. my phones broken. kind o...Read more
so stupid how i cant even bleed anymore. is there even any benefit to that happening to me. like narratively speaking. @snaggedWritings hey asshole answer me whyd you replace my blood with smoke
nothing changed. because a karma is just a karma who does karma things. im not gonna follow the king in yellow. aside from the guy being a douchebag, thered just be no point. thats not a karma thing to do. its not part of my "story". not on the path im fated to follow. i was created by the demon eye. or. angel eye. whatever. to be its vessel. a copy of kris dreemurr, but fully customizable to whatever the angel picked! how fun. ...then discarded to earth. by some "burning lord" apparently. no idea what the fuck that means but im sure ill pick up the context as i go. i was abused by my family. r...Read more
this is the only way it could have ended. this is the only way it should have ended. i still dont know where haruko is right now. if the doctor. "gman". wingdings. whatever. tpd her out or. what. maybe shes asleep. but im going to. go find a hallway to crawl into. or a room or something. avoid her. and hope i just die. die so i dont become my future self. die so i dont kill anyone else like i just killed my moirail die so i dont have to be a fucking puppet to the whims of a narrative anymore die so i dont have to be a stupid fucking. npc. a character.
i k. shes. ok OK. alright. sorry. im normal now. can everyone left who considers me a friend react to this or leave a comment, please? just so i know whos left. who i havent. pushed away. im sorry. imsorry forbeing brrokemn
haru isnt here right now. i dont know what part of the mansion shes in but my moirail, katt. just got back from frrrom hhahaha thats the thing i dont even ficking know if she actualyl WENT anywhere. for all i know her leaving was just orchestreated to get her "offscreen" and she doesnt actually FUCKIGNG EXIST but shes here now. im going to find out whether shes real. one way or another.
hahahahhaahahahahahhahahahahhahHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA god.God. even. even my ""moirail"". who took me in off of the streets on earth. fake. meeting her was orchestrated. so that eventually we would find the archived mspa on her old laptop. and find deltarune written there by hussie. and then archive it and ""reconnect"" our universe to ""gman""s my no one inmy life has ever been real. i have never been real
and YOU get blocked, and YOU get blocked, AAAND ****YOU**** GET BLOCKED oh it is fucking CHRISTMAS up in here and i am MOTEHRFUKCING SANTA RIGHT NWO
get blocked. all of you. fakefucking life. orchestrated bya smiling fucking creep pretendignto be a goofball. hhahhahah. allthe awful shit that happened to me on earth too. orchestrated. the. discardedPasts postof my future selfs memory. said as much. ggodthe awful thignsthey made me do. aand iw as just a kid andd. it was all. orchestrated. by him by the man between. the man shattered hhahaha. im not even real!! i was made! on a fuckigng COMPUTER SCREEN BY THE DEMONIC EYEBALL ASSHOLE. USING A FUCKING VIDEOGAME CONTROLLER
eveyrhtgn. he fcking eyverhting in my life was fucking orchestratred by him the. doctr. gman. g-. . . aster. cant.saytname even. hes the one who set me up with chittr. gave me the apple pfp
oh god imso sutpid i didnt realize but hes LITERALLY WORKING WITHTHE EVIL FUCKIGN EYEBALL HE LITERALLY GAVE ITTHE GAME CONTROLLERTHING TO CREAT EME
we fell asleep for a while. think i woke up cause i havent had dinner. guess the food from the party wasnt enough to keep me full the whole day. ...i dont wanna get up off the floor though. its nice laying next to haru like this. not the first time ive gone hungry, and i do have some food in my stomach at least. not like a lot of night's were on earth before i met my moirail. should probably get her to check chittr actually, she stopped using it a while ago. my moirail i mean. well. "moirail". she started calling herself that but really i think shes kind of a larper. i dont think she actually... get...Read more
google how understand personal feeling's about someone google how to understand own feelings toward someone google how to understand feelings for someone when feel neither romantic or platonic but secret third thing google how talk about feelings genuinely without brain making you feel like throwing up google what is mental disorder where brain makes you feel physically sick when you feel affectionate or cared about google: (shitty ai slop response) sigh's. opens alternian web browser. goregle how understand personal feeling's about someone goregle how to understand own feelings toward someo...Read more
dont know whether to laugh or cry rn. think im just gonna block and ignore it so i never have to see it again. shouldve done that earlier.
think im just gonna go back to sleep. try and sleep all day before i have a self-destructive episode and do a bunch of awful shit to cut off everyone who cares about me.
this shit along with the failed suicide attempt (why i was gone for a whole week) paired with the gradual increase of depressive episodes and a feeling of deep loneliness even when talking to and hanging out with people i give a fuck about is really doing number's on me. but i guess thats the point. break the vessel until its suitable enough, right? ...wonder if that implies the demon eye thing is the cause of my mental health issue's recently. it isnt, ive always been this way. but i guess itd be nice to have something to blame.
am i even real at least when i was slutting out constantly i felt real. an object is real i dont think i know how to be a person. i dont think thatll ever change
killing myself would throw off its plan's. defy fate or whatever. mess with his "deltarune" too. guess its an option.
i hate knowing im not even a person. created by a bunch of peoples options to be a "vessel" for some evil fucking demon eyeball and then i guess thrown down to earth like 20-something year's ago where i experienced abuse first at the hands of my sister then at the hands of the people i fell in with after running away from home when i was i didnt ask to be created i dont want to be this fucking thing thats only purpose has been to serve host to some shitty fucking eye was me being sent to earth part of it how much did wdg know would happen have i been fucking groomed for this broken so that ill make...Read more
nothing more than a copy. a reflection fuck my life
getting morning wood used to be fine but after being raped by someone i met on pesterchum it just feel's like my own body is violating me. i didnt ask for this boner. the fuck. but i dont even know why i feel that way. its far from the first time that kinda things happened to me and i didnt give so much of a shit back then maybe its cause i care about myself more now than when i was a kid idfk #cw-rape #cw-abuse #rape #rape-mention #cw-mental-health #cw-rape-mention #cw-sexual-abuse #vent
i think im too tired to care. fuck it. behind the tree it goes with everything else i dont think about. i guess thats one benefit to mental breakdown's when you cant sleep. they make you super tired
cruel joke of the universe that i cant even cut myself to assure myself im real cause i dont bleed ever since that fucking piece of shit demon eye-knight-whatever thing possessed me. lol. lmfao. fahahah. heheheh. copies are monochrome. gman made this account for me along with the apple pfp. apparently kris deltarune has association with apple's given a couple people have mistaken me for them based on pfp alone copies are monochrome. my skin literally turn's grey when im away from the bunker-mansion for too long copies are monochrome. my older sisters name was destiny which everyone would always sh...Read more
iillalwsyss neverbbe a person iillalways bejust a bad ddog whohurtd people ttheonky way tostop it is ifi die ismrkrry imsorry
really hate how i pretty much only get like this during late hours when the site is dead. means i have to look for some other distraction than peoples chitts.
not feeling good, i got no idea why. type of feeling "i should block everyone i know, go and cry" seeing stars in my sight now im scared im gonna die with just 3 years left already a month has flown by time flies. to summarize: haunted by demon eyes wanting to use me as disguise, no surprise. aint no lies that im spilling, blood gone from my filling now ive got a lust for stabbing gotta crave a fuckin killing and i swear aint no truth hurts more than "im scared" only fair, never thought id have to be prepared, to worry bout when im gone, cause no one used to care and now im stuck in my own...Read more
i guess maybe i should also post something to that tag to introduce more variety? thinking about the nightmare i have sometimes where my older sister pin's me down and chokes me out by holding a baseball bat against my throat while she touches me and. god i need it. so badly. i hate her. i havent seen her since i was young. i never want to see her again. but god do i need that. #incest #abuse #nsfwe #vent?
i need to. clear my head or something. mfs be having peculiar and deranged thoughts because of a fucking among us game. doggys gonna go for a walk
wow this morning has been fucking awful. woke up from a nightmare that was also a horny nightmare(???) getting anxious about stuff i said to someone last night and now some fucking dumb asshole is reminding me of a scumbag piece of shits existence. great start to the day.
Q93: "How did someone as gross, vile, disgusting and annoying as YOU manage to get a matesprit before half of us? They must feel REALLY bad to wanna be seen with you." (anon) A93: wow seeing this aftercoming down from the public orgasming on the feed is kind of sending my mood from one end to the other but im gonna try to ignore it. @carcinoGenetwinkist set us up together and to be honest i dont know what she sees in me. for other people that ive noticed like me, its probably because of my lack of shame and my openness if i had to guess. i basically just be myself, and if a mf hate's me at my horniest t...Read more
im gonna go to sleep early tonight. that mental episode and following mutual love confession (even though we already knew i guess it was just. actually saying it) drained my emotional battery but first i need some fucking food (puked everything up from thinking about stuff that was part of the episode. dont ask, youre never getting answer's) #vent? #cw-mentalhealth #cw-relationships? #howdoifuckingtagthisdude
...jesus everythings fucking going down huh. just told someone i love in dms about the worst shit ever in my life that ive never even told the closest people to me while having a mental breakdown, pryms back, and laulums become a cryptid. i think im gonna unpack the other two things later im still coming down from my mental episode. #dashwatching #vent?iguess? #imeanimchillnowbut #cw-mentalhealth?
man its depressing having friend's with worse mental issue's than me. not cause theyre annoying or awful but because idk how to help them and make them feel cared about. like, in most regard's i just believe people about most stuff cause i have no reason not to, and if i got food and a roof over my head im mostly fine. idk how to help with stuff more complicated than that #dashwatching #vent? #vagueposting #iguessbutnotreally
mfw woke up and phone say's its like 5pm mfw woke up at all idk why i been asleep until the evening but i feel like complete shit #vent?
Q81: "* Kris, your strat super mega sucks." (Susie) A81: do i have to put in bold fucking letter's in my bio "I AM NOT KRIS MOTHERFUCKING DREEMURR" before random's stop deadnaming me? i dont give a fuck about deltarune the comic or its shitty rpg equivalent. i just live in the mansion/bunker/whatever of the guy whos fucking writing it. leave me tf alone. and if this shit was on purpose then cull yourself dude #qna #vent https://forms.gle/3p7xuaHPga6o28Yn6
god my throat hurt's. fucking threw up cause my dumbshit brain cant handle strong genuine emotions. i mean, fucking people i like, sure thats one thing, whatever. but actually feeling a strong romantic attraction has it going fucking haywire #vent? #sure
thank's brain i love not being able to breathe from random panic attack because of feeling's so awesome so cool mhmhmmhmhmhmhmhmm #vent
please make the screaming jn my brainstop please jmsorry im srry im sorryi just want it toend jjst let me sleep just let me die skemthing anythijg #vent
anyone whos ever been nice to me is a FUCKING LIAR and im going to die alone exactly like i deserve and like i fucking SHOULD HAVE back on earth. in a fucking alleyway AND I DONT EVEN GET TO FUCKING PASS OUT BECAUSE THE NOISE WONT STOP #vent #cw-suicide
i feel like i need to fucking scream until my lungs bleed and i dont even know why my brain is doing this. WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING NEGATIVE ALL. THE. TIME. YOU WERE FINE LIKE 10 FUCKING MINUTE'S AGO CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP #vent
sometimes i wonder stop at wrist? or cut the throat whatever. fuck this. #haiku #vent #cw-selfharm
knife on skin. dagger carving out my life. karma. its my name. karma. its my dagger. karma. its what i deserve. feeling the blood flow is better than feeling nothing at all like some kind of hollow vessel. #poem #iguess #vent #cw-selfharm
Q35: "whats been goin on with u irl karma. u talk about ur roommate and this "doctor" fellow and honestly i dont know any of it and im awfully curious about it" (@tantalizingGonads) A35: me and @restlessAnimal archived an abandoned comic from 2009 called deltarune. somehow that "connected" us to it. then someone hacked into the archive, saying theyd been 'reconnected', and started continuing it as if it hadnt been abandoned. eventually my roommate made a discord for the archive to get automatic update's on it from a bot, and to talk about the weird hacker with reader's. then the hacker, @snaggedWritings,...Read more