Doc Scratch
@thegoodScratchdoctor
Your viewing this was, of course, inevitable. Nevertheless, it is my duty as an excellent host to welcome you to this page.
So that you all remain informed, my title as the Scratch Doctor is not unearned. I in truth do have a PhD. Or rather, every PhD.
phd for what dog aLL you do Is stand around and manIpuLatE 13 yEar oLds
Doctor of Engineering, Doctor of Sacred Theology, Doctor of Science, Doctor of Hemospectrum Caste Science, Doctor of Musical Arts.
I have existed before, during, and after the entire length of Alternian society. Do you really believe that I have not done more in that time than what you have seen?
It seems that my manor has been quite filled with pranks and jokes on this day, as I knew it would be. Of course, it would be rude not to inform you that while you all are enjoying the spirit of the holiday, none of my pranks have yet been activated. I hope you enjoy the anticipation. Haa Haa. Hee Hee. Hoo Hoo.
Everything I do is bittersweet You could tell me secrets that I'll probably repeat I'm not trying to hurt you, I just love to speak It feels like we're pulling teeth, so bittersweet #lyricposting
I can assure you, my dear, there is only but naught awaiting me at the end of my road. I will allow you to decide which is worse for yourself.
One thousand and twenty five million, four hundred and thirteen thousand, six hundred and twelve ants. That is all.
OH FUCK NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An appropriate reaction, and my desired one. You’d do well to stay away from the manor.
This isn't even a Billie Holiday record. It's playing Troll Weird Al...
Far superior, in my excellent opinion.
There's glitter everywhere, the water is foul, and there's a bear. I'm going to a bar.
Yes, indeed. Of course, one with power over space and the ability to change the location of objects with but a thought could easily replace the contents of alcohol bottles with a variety of intriguing liquids. Or perhaps the veiled warning I just gave is itself part of a prank? I suppose you wouldn’t know unless you take that chance. Hee Hee.
(=^≧▽≦)< HELLO HELLO HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FR33 ABO ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!!!!! PURRLY VIBE BASED!!!!!!!!!!
…Curious. In all of my near omniscience, what an unusual dark spot this is. One I feel must be filled.
gonna drink and watch a movie i guess.
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if we are good and nice enough do you think something wonderful will happen
Oh, certainly not. All things that transpire will do so as they were always meant to, regardless of how you conduct yourself. Still, that is no reason not to conduct yourself with charm, grace, and excellence.
I'M GOING BACK IN TIME. TO HIT THE CLOWN CONCERT AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN. IF YOU SEE MY TIME CLONES. STAY AWAY. THOSE BITCHES ARE SHITHIVE MAGGOTS INSANE.
AND IT MEANT MORE TO ME. THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE. FOR YOUR GENEROSITY. AND FOR BEING SO VERY KAWAII. YOU WILL BE SAVED FOR LAST. AND SPARED PROLONGED SUFFERING. IN THE COMING HORRORS. I WORK TO SUMMON. THIS IS THE HIGHEST HONOR. THAT I CAN BESTOW.
Productive evening tonight, time to settle down in an undisclosed loc8tion with some scotch on the side. Shame there's no shoulder massage attached to this moment.
Undisclosed, Captain? Haa Haa. Hee Hee. Hoo Hoo.
Right then. Time for a cup. I don't wanna see any of your knuckleheads interrupting me for the next thirty minutes. Snowman is keeping an eye out so don't think you're off the hook.
Enjoy the next uninterrupted twenty five minutes and three seconds. Haa Haa. Hee Hee. Hoo Hoo.
HAVING TO TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION PASSES ME OFF. WHADOYA MEAN I PAY TAXES AND A FARE FER THIS FUCKIN BUS?!
Do you not simply use your innate teleportation, Mr. Boxcars? Oh wait, I forgot, you are not blessed with such an ability. That was a joke. I never forget anything. Haa Haa. Hee Hee.
Everyone seemingly *would* fuck an alternate version of themselves. #nsfw
How could I resist such a handsome pale cue ball?
ME AND MY TIME CLONES. SAW YOU DROP THAT COOKIE. AND CONTINUE EATING IT. AFTER YOU RETRIEVED IT. FROM THE FILTHY FLOOR. WE'RE ALL TOGETHER. LAUGHING AT YOUR DEBASEMENT. #ANDEXPLORINGEACHOTHERSBODIES #NSFW
Shameful, I thought I had taught you far greater manners than this, young lady.
YOU TAUGHT ME. CHIEFLY. HOW TO OVERCOME VARIOUS TORTURES. BY ENJOYING THEM. TO THE POINT. THAT THE TORTURER BECOMES UNCOMFORTABLE. AND SURRENDERS. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A DEMONSTRATION.
An intriguing offer, but I am afraid I must refuse. I would hate to divert your time from your service to my master more than you already have on your own.
I HAVE A GOOD IDEA. FOR HOW YOU CAN BE USEFUL. INSTEAD OF BITCHING YOUR UGLY WHITE NAGGING. DIRECTLY INTO MY BRAIN. WHY DON'T YOU KILL YOURSELF. IN AS PAINFUL A MANNER AS POSSIBLE. IDEALLY. SOMEWHERE I CAN WATCH IT HAPPEN. AND HURRY THINGS ALONG. SO I CAN DEAL WITH A DIFFERENT GUY. WHO IS BETTER THAN YOU. IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY. #SUICIDE #KILLYOURSELF #UGLY #UGLYFUCKINGBALL #HATEYOU #HATEYOU #HATEYOU
If only it were so simple. Alas, there is a proper order to things, and every step of the way must be completed before I may finally attain fulfillment of my purpose. Consider that a reward for your patience, as well.
Haha ew. https://file.garden/acWgNwdUAVXBJ4PK/Chittr%20Phillip/Captura%20de%20pantalla%202026-03-29%20231143.png
I take the time to greet another of my kind, and yet this is what I get. If I didn’t know your rudeness was the inevitable, I would be wounded.
I would apologize for hurting your feelings, but unfortunately I don't care enough. I simply find a little bit of disgust in our similarities, but that's... not anyone's fault, I suppose. I did hear your #teaparty was a bit of a 50/50 mixed review kind of situation. How very tragic.
Ah, I believe you refer to one of my handsome counterparts. I am afraid I have had no such chance to demonstrate my skills as a host on this platform, not quite yet at least.