LORD CALIBORN.
@undeadUmbrage
BACK FROM MY. "VACATION". IN PRISON. I'M BACK FOR GOOD. BITCHES. || ((art by springselkie on tumblr))
(\ /) as much as i imagine you all are having fun digging holes, if you come across items like a coffin dressed in chains, or start to experiencing a crushing, claustrophobic sensation that is trying to guide you into burying yourself among the dirt, it is advisable to stop digging before it takes you.
IF I WERE EVER BURIED. I WOULD JUST DIG MYSELF OUT. HEEHEEHOO.
Niceys beam
Parry
YOU. YOU CANNOT PARRY THE AGONY BEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please stop attempting to get rabies. Rabies is very bad.
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH
HOW DO YOU KILL PEOPLE. IN STARDEW VALLEY.
h473 70 8r4k 17 70 y0u, m4n, 8u7 y0u c4n7
THAT IS THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKING THING. I HAVE EVER HEARD.
wiife so warm warm warm wiife wiife so warm she change my liife #poetry
KILL YOUR WIFE. NOW!!
#NSFW I'm serious about that NSFW tag, by the way. Don't watch if you don't want to see a sword go up someone's ass. Anyway, Here it is. The moment I'm sure none of you were waiting for. My illicit sex tape showcasing the forbidden union between my ass and my sword. A foam one, thanks to @automatonArisen, who also filmed all of this for your viewing. I was planning to just post a picture, but I had the whole video, so why not just upload the whole fucking video. Never say I don't do anything for y'all. [The video opens with Dirk taking a deep breath, presumably feeling the full weight of his poor decision making skills crash down on him all at once. He's ass naked, save for his ever-present shades, kneeling on the marble bathroom floor. Foam sword in one hand, sink counter in the other. He holds onto both for dear life. Slowly, he moves the "blade" of the faux sword into position, lining it up directly to his asshole. There exists one last second for him to ask himself where it all went wrong, or if this is really what he wants his legacy to be on Chittr, before the sword finally breaches his anus. It enters glacially slow, probably so Dirk doesn't ACTUALLY hurt himself doing this. His hand tightens on the counter as it moves further in, eventually reaching the point where his stomach begins to bulge from how far the sword has traveled. "Shit, okay," Dirk hisses out after a few more painstaking seconds of continuous insertion. "Fuck. I'm done. That's as far as I'm pushing it in." There's still a part of the blade visible near his ass, but he's managed to get it in impressively far. He looks up at the ceiling, taking one last deep breath before pulling the whole thing out. Slowly, obviously. Dirk tosses the sword to the side as soon as it's out of him, holding up a thumbs up to the camera with the hand that previously held its death grip on the sink. Barely a moment later, the video cuts out.]
@daveStrider https://file.garden/adp8DWZQKVR-NRQW/NOTYAOI.png THIS IS NOT YAOI. THIS IS ME RENDERING YOU. TO A FINE ASH. ON THE GROUND. MY LOATHING FOR YOU. IS PLATONIC. THIS IS NOT JUST C!CALIBORN. THIS IS CANON. #NSFW. #VIOLENCE. #GORE.
YOU. ME. CAN YOU STOP BEING MOTHERFUCKING CRINGE AT A SOONER CONVENIENCE THAN MY SUMMONING? THANKS.
NONE OF THIS. IS "CRINGE". IT SEEMS. THAT FALSE ALTERNATES OF ME. SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW. TRUE ART.
so now youre gonna hire a hitman to take me out when you could just do it yourself
UPON YOUR SUMMONING YOU WILL LOOK BACK UPON THIS EXACT MOMENT, NOT BEFORE, NOT AFTER, BUT THIS NOW THAT WE SHARE, WITH SUCH IMMENSE DISGUST AND SHAME THAT YOU WILL FEEL AN OVERWHELMING URGE TO KILL YOURSELF ABOUT IT. BUT YOU CANNOT. BECAUSE TO BE ENGLISH IS TO BE UNKILLABLE. BUT THE URGE. THE URGE, MY BOY. WILL BE INFINITE. #cw #suicide #violence #nsfw
I WOULD NEVER. TAKE THE COWARD'S WAY OUT. BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE LAME. NOR WOULD I FEEL SUCH. OVER MY ARTISTIC PASSIONS. AND WONDERFUL CREATIONS.
ON THIS WE CAN AGREE. IT WOULD BE UNFATHOMABLY MOTHERFUCKING LAME. I WOULD NEVER CONSIDER IT. BUT YOU? A DIFFERENT STORY.
MAYBE YOU ARE PROJECTING ONTO ME. BECAUSE YOU ARE A HORRIBLE DERIVATIVE. OF ME. AND WHAT I WILL BECOME. ONE DAY.