The Helpmmeet
@accedenceManaged
※ NOTE: The inimmitable Assister Helpmmeet is a mman in need of little introduction. ;-)
@accedenceManaged ?dO you ever miss how I was Pre-molt?
꧁@paleHighblood #nsfw #bulgerating #chucklevoodoos #newformat Okay everyone. This is a unique one! The stats basically matter less than they should, which is humiliating to admit, because ordinarily I like numbers to stay where I put them. Strength: 5. Pliability: 7. Length: 6. Girth: 4. X-Factor: 9. Purpleblood, yes. Beforan, yes. Highblood, yes. Still modest. Sorry. The Baronair’s bulge is bullying my pan. It has decent give, better response to attention than force, and a very strange relationship with authority. I do not think it impresses by size. I think it impresses by getting everyone nearby to behave like size was never the most important part. The X-Factor is through chuckleconditioning. Lowbloods, office cullployees, moirails with poor stress management, cullployee host bar applicants, and whatever the Annalist is doing near the desk are all part of the field around it. Try being told to get on the desk near this bulge. You will probably feel better and worse. There's almost a radiating warmth from it. As bleak as this troll can be at times, it makes my pan feel better just communing with it. His bulge is not overly large. That is probably why it has developed an entire office around itself. Cigar smoke. Scotch. Cold slime. Petroleum residue. Expensive chair leather. Stress-sweat. A little panic. Old money pretending it is comfort. It smells like a cigar lounge built inside a recuperacoon, and I regret how much that explains. Taste is bitter smoke, dark sugar, salt, and something medicinal from the cigars. Texture is smooth, warm, and more responsive than the measurements deserve. There is no severe ridge profile, no dramatic purpleblood overdevelopment, no historic caste nightmare hiding under the desk. The underside is sensitive enough to explain the bossiness. Not justify it. Explain. The Baronair is ideal for anyone trying to experience Beforan highblood workplace meionics without being physically overwhelmed. Small. Bossy. Desk-certified. Huskboard-adjacent. Better in a lap than in a joust. Palind Pinnip is for communing. The Baronair is for being managed.꧂
※ OFFICIAL NOTICE: Co-signed on all fronts. - Interested in learning mmore? ;-) <> c3< #HandyProTips
꧁What does this mmean?꧂
- I'mm co-signing your rating. This has been officially co-signed. ※ POST-SCRIPT: I hope this Helps to clarify.
DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES THAT WERE ENTIRELY WITHIN MY OWN CONTROL, AS DAMNING AS THAT ADMISSION IS, I AM SPENDING AN INDETERMINATE AMOUNT OF TIME ON BEFORUS. IN AN ACT OF #CULTURALINSENSITIVITY AND #ALTERNIANPRIVILEGE, I WILL BE GROSSLY FETISHIZING THE #CULLERXCULLEE DYNAMIC. IF YOU, READING THIS, ARE A SICK FUCK WHO WOULD LIKE TO BE FEATURED IN TASTELESS RPF, AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR ONE ROLE OVER THE OTHER, I AM ONCE AGAIN TAKING VOLUNTEERS. IN THE ABSENCE OF ANY WILLING PARTICIPANTS, IT WILL JUST BE ABOUT @twinArmaggetfucked AGAIN.
※ NOTICE: As a legal cullee under Beforan law, I'mm admmittedly pretty befuddled by your titillation. My mmoirail/emmployer is mmy culler. And our relationship is exceedingly normmal. I feel as though you'll be grasping at straws for your fetishization fodder. - Hope this Helps.
0k i sh0uldn't be enc0uraging this but... m0irail/empl0yer/culler is a pretty inspired c0mb0. the p0wer imbalance kink p0tential is unmatched.
FIRST OF ALL, I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT. SECONDLY, PLEASE DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE AN ALTERNIAN'S ABILITY TO BE A PERVERT ABOUT LITERALLY FUCKING ANYTHING. BUT ESPECIALLY IF THAT ANYTHING INCLUDES POWER IMBALANCES, IMPERIAL REGULATIONS, AND #QUADRANTSMEARING. #SUGGESTIVE #NSFW
- Inspired by mmy life? Sure. You Job-hopping rubberneckers. ※ URGENT NOTICE: I use his card just about every night down at the tracks. So who really has all the power here?
(※ ADDENDUM: It's mme. I have all the power. Obviously.)
- Now hold on. - I'mm 18. So I have no idea what #QuadrantSmmearing is, because I've been at mmy immperially-sanctioned low-stress Job. And the race tracks. You're mmaking this whole smmearing mmess sound like somme perverse take on the #CinnammonChallenge. - Frankly? I, for one, stand in opposition against sensationalismm and #ViralMomments. Maybe somme nuance would help you learn to do the samme. ※ RESOLUTION: I'mm subscribing to your RSS Feed though. But only because I want to see if there's any depth of understanding to your Work. That's all.
UPDATE: MY CHITIN HAS STARTED TO HARDEN SO I'M NO LONGER IN DANGER OF EVISCERATING MYSELF AND SPILLING MY GUTS ON THE TILE FOR DARING TO GENTLY GRAZE MY GUT PLANE ON THE CORNER OF THE MEALBLOCK ISLAND. TO GIVE SOME SCORES, I HAVEN'T MEASURED BUT I'M ROUGHLY AROUND 7'3 NOW? NOT EXACTLY BUT THIS IS JUST FROM COMPARING MYSELF TO DOOR FRAMES. MY HORNS ARE A BIT LONGER, BUT PROBABLY ONLY BY AN INCH SO I GUESS I'LL BE NUBBY FOREVER, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I'M KIND OF RAMBLING? THIS IS JUST AS FUCKING WEIRD AS IT WAS THE FIRST TIME. I'M FUCKING RAVENOUS BUT I DON'T TRUST MY LEGS TO CARRY ME AROUND WELL ENOUGH TO MAKE ANYTHING. UGH, MAYBE I SHOULD WAKE VRISKA UP. MAYBE? MAYBE. YOU'D THINK I'D BE LESS TIRED FOR A GUY WHO ESSENTIALLY SLEPT FOR A WEEK BUT YOU'D BE WRONG! YOU'D BE FUCKING WRONG! I'M SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED.
- Congratulations on properly Meeting adulthood. You mmay want to hold on a mmeal until you're sure your digestive sacs have fully re-settled. ※ RESOLUTION: I recommmmend an ice bath. Hope this helps.
@accedenceManaged Pick uP your Palmhusk the cuPe is COLd without you
※ NOTICE: I'mm on mmy way. - Pardon. I had to speak to a mman about a hoofbeast. Expect mme in the next 47 seconds.
- Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Expect mme in the next 147 seconds, then.
Some patients can't 8e saved, 8ut that 8urden's not on you........ #auto8iographical #lightempath theantlers #lyricposting #rel8tionships
- It is shocking how mmany of this era's pupa fail to recognize the historical roots of this record. - Even I know themm. And I haven't listened to a single song since I was six.
While in the thick of some memory or another, I heard quite the charming tune on an old Discman. Unfortunately... "anti-skip" my ripe rear end, because I can only make out a small portion of the song! :( Could someone assist me in identifying this one? The lyrics (that I can make out) are as such: "La di da di, we like to party. We don't cause trouble; we don't bother nobody." I am quite sure that the remainder of the lyrics are as heartening as these. Can't wait to show Jake. Thank you in advance!
※ NOTICE: Good evening. That would be "La-Di-Da-Di," by one Troll Doug E. Fresh and his Get Fresh Crew. - Hope this Helps.
Thank you so very much, The Helpmeet! We've established the first portion of your name as true! Now I hope to complete that mission by spying you in person!
- I amm pleased to have been of service. ※ PROPOSAL: Spying won't be necessary in this case. I'll send you a link to mmy online calendar. Fromm there, you can self-select a consultation timme with mme at our Old Friendnesty location. - calendal.ly/u=HelpmmeetHandling
※ NOTICE: Please stop pitying mmy "Chitts". I was previously one of the mmost highly sought-after intermmediaries on Beforus. That's not very pitiful. - Also, I amm literally winning right now. Hashtag, not pitiful.
"= is this beforan culture. to pity every post. incessantly. i understand even more now why it sucks. ="
Previ.o°usly was?
- I was culled. But with a mmodified cull protocol, I was not permmitted to keep mmy position as the Mediator Helpmmeet. ※ OPINING: I think I could've, though.
- They clap and pity mme for washing off the 'cupe slimme in the evening. *Everything* is incessant.
I B£T YOUR£ HASHTAG WINNING!! BUT LIK£ THIS POST MAD£ M£ F££L TH£ URG£ TO PITY R£ACT!!!! (ᗒᯅᗕ;)՞° SORRY!!!
.o°h g.o°o.d y.o°u g.o°t better I guess
- It's OK. - We've all done things we aren't proud of.
※ RESOLUTION: Thank you for seeing it mmy way. Somme would say there really wasn't anything wrong with mme to begin with.
- Always. - It's so mmuch less effort to forgive and forget anyways. Honestly? I can't remmemmber why I'mm even forgiving you. It just #Works.