Marten Deimos
@aphoticAcumen
Cerm took my old acc for PR purposes, so this is a new one and no one tell them about it, OK? Ofically the Terrific Overseer of PD Colony Systems, but let's be "chill" here.
Tag your fucking figs.
Social situation yesternight? Failed! I am a glorified melon.
Cancel all my meetings and everything, I am trying to get some digital music legally purchased a thousand sweeps ago through R<—E—C<—E—NTLY FUCKING UPDAT<—E—D trollTunes. #tech
LF troll sacrifices to test out some cool obsidian knives. If you look good on stone altar (heavy chains optional) and are OK with stabbing, the church's open XXIV/VII I GU<—E—SS this does count as #violence but it's for the #ColtOfTheKharnate so it's GOOD and justified violence for better cause. (Also troll sacrifices are hot.)
@nebulousIlluminator No, not you. Cerm said no. Apparently I am too prone to cause unjustified violence when you're not around even impermanently.
BUt I would lookk sooo good, bound with heaavy chaains to aa stone aaltaar. AAnd I would whimper so prettily for you when you twist the kknife #suggestive
I know! I am saving your for later. As a special treat. Once Cerm stops throwing a fuss about it .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.
I aam lookking forwaard to it. I would not refuse being drugged beforehaand... OH, aand if it is not too much trouble, could you leaave the kknife in the cold for aa while, for aan extraa sting? #substaances
... I aam reaalising I might not be exaactly saane. PLeaase, pretend I saaid something normaal aand endeaaring insteaad
Nonononononononono. I have a list now. Anything else that goes on it?
... WOuld you be open to drinkking my blood from aa chaalice in my field of vision while I struggle to draaw breaath, letting me faall into the cold embraace of oblivion with comforting words of dubious reaason? AAnd perhaaps if you could slit my throaat, too? ... THis maaybe counts aas #nsfwe
I am inclined to try that, but I might ruin the mood because I am not a rainbowdrinekr and blood is kinda bleh. ...maybe if I put a troll kool-aid mixx in the chalice before i get the blood in and stirr it well, it MIGHT just work.
WE caan thinkk of something else. I would not complaain if you used my blood to draaw profaane sigils upon your skkin insteaad
Go pay your blood to your eldritch god. NO <—E—X—X—CUS<—E—S. Sw'mon, your tribute is overdue. I'll walk you through it if you really need me to.
Ugh, need to get a new banner. Arts and crafts time.
DO not taakke this personaally, but it waas aabout time
If you think you'd look good in ominous robe darker than the pitches blood pusher, and eternal damnation and unfatomable mystery appeals to you DO NOT WAIT! DO NOT H<—E—SITAT<—E—! #CultOfTheKharnate is looking for you ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ Come willingly. For now you can still come willingly.
I'm founding a cult! You can't really have a colony without at least one or two creepy sects of dubious morality, they just keep springing up like revolutionary cells. so I thought: Why not have a state sanctioned one? It's going to save <—E—V<—E—RYON<—E— so much TROUBL<—E—! (Don't tell me you wouldn't join a shady cult of shadows. It'd be so cool.)
A cool flowing dark robe, a front seat, obsidian knife, and the benevolence of a deity of horrors.
It's a cult, a clade of faith. Not a job offer. I can throw in thinkpanwashing if you'd like that.
I'm definitely going to be the one who starts it. But to ensure the B<—E—ST OF TH<—E— B<—E—ST services, I might just contract a professional. I'm still a glorified fishface, retired astronavigator, and damn fine harpooner, not a manipulation exxpert.
WEll, tough, I aam only letting YOU maanipulaate me. FOr the others, feel free, but I waant my toxic yaaoi
I wish Cerm knew how to cook.
HAaave they not reaad the instructions I haave left?
They have. That's the part that baffles me the most. "OBliteraate the vegetables" it says quite clearly. What I got on the table was. I think it WAS a fish. Past tense.
I meaan... I did leaave some recipes contaaining fish, too... PErhaaps they tried to replicaate those?
Do I look like the Archivanguard's forensic cook? No idea what happened here. And frankly I do not want to know.
Writing liturgy is hard AF. All the bad parts of preparing public speeches plus the high exxpectations. #cultfounding101 On the BRIGHT SID<—E— I'm taking breaks from it by doing... my actual job. As a refreshment. This quartersweep is going to be a roaring success.
At times like this I am SUP<—E—R PROUD of my foresight to make a variety of terraformed planets and not stick to one cool design. Mangroveplanet sucks at sourcing birds. Rockfloating planet is GR<—E—AT at sourcing birds.
SHaall I caall you GOb the BUilder from now on?
I thinkk if I do thaat, MAaarten might aactuaally throw me out of the window
Church spikes are SHARP everyone, I’ve checked for you. DON’T CLIMB the bloody church. Waddle in the pools at your OWN RISK.
Plea5e don’7 ge7 your5elf killed like a dumba55.
There is <—E—V<—E—NTUALLY going to be a sniper there. Bound to happen. I just want to know how impressive it is to get there. (Answer: Not much. Getting down and talking about it is way more impressive tho.)
It’s not THAT dangerous. Tougher eels than a stationary architecture did better to get me killed and they’ve all failed so far as well.
LEt us not pretend, it would be very much likke you to get yourself kkilled in aan extraaordinaarily stupid waay
If I am dying, I am dying doing the stupidest shit not yet known to trollkind. This is not stupid enough.
I... SUppose getting aangry aat you for thaat would be very hypocriticaal, since I kknow I would likke to join in on such aa thing...
You are in charge of engineering my stupid as all fuck death until Cerm barges in and glares at you to stop.
What I R<—E—ALLY need right now is a D<—E—E—P dive where I could scream my airsacks out. But what I really get is actually another circus meting. My bad, this is a muscle meeting. That is, somehow, worse.
SHaall I bring you aa supply of enticingly smaashaable chaairs?
OF course, daarling. MAaay I serve aas aa cuddle lump substitute, or do you require aa reaal one?
No, no, for this I want a R<—E—E—D one. Real one. Not one made out of reed.
One doesn't feel MM sweeps old. About until one loses a fucking argument with a fucking holograph projector.
OH deaar... HOw did thaat haappen? DO you need me to kkiss it better?
I tried to full-screen the projection. Which. Uh. Does not work with 3D holographs. On the account of them not having screens and all that. Kiss would be appreciated.
OH, my daarling, you aare aan aabsolute oaaf sometimes, you kknow thaat? WOrry not, for I aam coming to your rescue. BUt I aam not touching aany technologies, I aam only there to comfort you
It's just that these things change every fifty sweeps and at thsi point there's been too many of them. But according to Cerm I can't just whip out a SLID<—E—SHOW projector fro the central buro anymore. It's "Outdated" and "backwater technology" or whatever. IIID holographs are the current thing we are using.
I must saay, I haave never seen aa single 503 holograaph, but now I aam intrigued... I aapologise for the distaasteful jest, I shaall see myself out. But thaat is quite the shaame, aa slideshow sounds perfectly good to me
What you've spelled is OBVIOUSLY written as DIII. If you really wanna be a bass like that then at the very fucking least interpret it as four hundreds and ninety-seven.
engaging vaguely theological debate with the current circus meeting. I... think it is going W<—E—LL? They might not turn out the most devout, but as long as they get to keep the face paint they are probably going to be a solid foundation of the #CultOfTheKharnate so I am taking this as baby steps.
"I hate handling a colony system," I say repeatedly and loudly as I absolutely R<—E—FUS<—E— to hand the colony over to anyone else because Orphaner's juicy tits, whoever keeps asking to handle my colony is even L<—E—SS qualified than I.
BUt you could reaally use aa vaacaation. LOokk, even I would leaave you in peaace, if you JUST tookk some time off
Chub, I can leave for five minutes without the clown entourage kicking up some hoofbeast shit of prime quality. Vacation is entirely out of question until I find a suitable Proxxy Overseer.
AAnd let me guess, you caannot fit lookking for one into your schedule. LOokk, I caannot exaactly help with thaat, I kknow you do not trust me aalone in the kkitchen, let aalone with finding you aa suitaable substitute for when you need to rest, but could CErm not lookk for someone?
The complication got situated. <--<—E—--ヾ(≧ ▽ ≦)ゝ (That's me, throwing a harpoon at it.)
YOu never ceaase to aamaaze me (aaffectionaate). WHaat haappened this time?
I can multitask. Come sit in my lap while I send a shitton of <—E—X—X—TR<—E—M<—E—LY pissed email and maybe yell at people. We can tell people you are there for their protection. I can’t cull them for incompetence when I have a cute boy on my thighs.
I likke how you thinkk. VEry well, then, let me slip into something more formaal - we would not waant them to thinkk I do not belong there
The fish market is in shambles.
This sounds like the setup to a joke. But it's probably just ruinous cod.
Words cannot exxpress how much I FUCKING WISH this was a set up to a STUPID FISH PUN.
Alright, TG, YOU are now in charge of this stupid fish pun, I am off to ensure everyone gets to eat something in the upcoming two perigees.
Had to grab my troll word flashcards for that one. Okay she fish on my post till i market my shambles
Moral dilemma: If I DON'T pick up my redmate from where he's fallen asleep on the floor, he'll wake up sore and uncomfortable. If I DO pick him up and throw him on the loungeplank or even in the coon, he'll never learn that shit choices result in shit consequences.
That sounds like an <—E—X—X—C<—E—PTIONALLY good way to get my matesprit hurt. I am going to side with Cerm on this one.
Have you ever seen what a budget meeting of purples looks like five minutes into it? Of course you haven't, you wouldn't have asked otherwise.
◣_◢ Oh, yeah, TThaTT makes sense. JusTT keep him close, duh. Come on man.
I am keeping him in my private blocks. On... the floor, yeah. But I threw a cape over him so he won't be cold. I think that compromises the dilemma. Somewhat?
THis explaains everything, thaankk you. AAnd I aapologise for thaat unseemly displaay
I swear, people are inventing WHOL<—E— N<—E—W CUTL<—E—RY when I am not looking. I bet it is purely just to spite me. The fuck is this? Not to be the guy who says "back in my day", but I distinctly recall the times when we used a stick if we felt like eating fancy and II sticks if we were being pretentious assholes.
It's all FINS as long as I don't have to manage that bullshit on my own. You kids do as you please.
MUst you maakke such horrible puns aall the time? I aam going to gaag you, I sweaar
It's not ALL the time, only when I am under a significant emotional strain.
... YOu kknow, thaat is very telling, since you taalkk likke thaat aall the time. I aam worried aabout you
Did you know that managing a colony system is sort of stressful if you want to have it with alive people in it?Would you like to see the exxcel spreadsheets I have here? (That is a rhetorical question, don't look at my exxcel spreadsheets. You might get judgemental.)
YEs, I waas aawaare, you big oaaf. THaat does not stop me from worrying aand I will draag you aawaay from the workk deskk aand leaarn to forge your signaature myself, if I haave to, so you caan finaally get some proper fuckking rest
OF course. GIve me aa couple nights aand do NOT let CErm find this
Pro tip I: You can derail any meeting by asking out loud if sashimi is considered cannibalism for fishdwellers. Pro tip II: If anyone dodges the question in a smartass move, ask if roast mealworms are cannibalism for bugdwellers. Pro tip III: Don't let your Cerm to find out you've left the meeting room and let everyone in there escalate to #violence Pro tip IV: Cerm usually doesn't look into the armory.
Cannibalism is defined as the consumption of eating part or all of something of the same species -- Anyone with a brain would not give pause at the first question.
FISH: LOTS OF THEM “””CANNIBALS”””. NOT BIG DEAL
DO you need me to come pickk you up?
I am fine. Cerm has other stuff to do, so once they are too busy, I'll slip back.