COMMANDER VANTAS
@carcinoGeneticist
COMMANDER KARKAT VANTAS. THIS IS FOR COMMUNICATION PURPOSES. DON'T COMMENT, DM, OR OTHERWISE INTERACT IF YOU'RE GOING TO SAY STUPID SHIT.
:33 < fur :00 < karkittyday :33 < i am giving efurry karkitty purriant or pawtherwise :33 < one fr33 card to say nyo to me and i'll leave mew alone nyo questions asked
happy birthday or wrigglin day 2 all the karkats but special shout out 2 my matesprit tho i can't ping him bc it wont let me anyway love u babe
HOLY FUCK, THAT'S TODAY? I HAVEN'T CELEBRATED THAT SINCE I WAS LIKE EIGHTEEN OR SOMETHING. THANKS THOUGH. I LOVE YOU TOO. I'LL SEE IF I CAN TAKE A FEW HOURS OFF AND WE'LL DO SOMETHING TOGETHER.
Hello, Aradym. I love you. Will you marry me? @imperialistHalcyonite
HELLO? GREEDY MUCH?
wyd when our gang pull up?? 😈😈‼‼ h☭☭ps://file.garden/zvzdv8pdjfn☭iih☭/gang.png
WHAT THE FUCK? I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS. I'M NOT IN YOUR GANG. I'M NOT PULLING UP.
THE MIX-MATCH OF WACKY CHARACTERS FROM ACROSS TIME AND SPACE ON HERE MAKES MY HEAD SPIN SOMETIMES. NOT YOU REGULAR TROLLS. YOU'RE JUST TROLLS FROM TIMELINES WHERE ALTERNIA AND BEFORUS STILL EXISTS - SUCKS FOR YOU, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. PROBLEM SLEUTH? ANCESTORS? *BEFORAN* ANCESTORS, WHO IF MY ECTOBIOLOGICAL CHOPS AREN'T TOO DUSTED OVER TO FORGET ABOUT, SHOULD BE JUST FUCKED UP VERSIONS OF ME AND MY FRIENDS? I'VE ALREADY HAD THE CONDESCE RUN HER BIT THROUGH ME SO THAT ISN'T SURPRISING. BUT I'M KIND OF LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING WHO *WILL* SURPRISE ME. COME ON. SHOW ME A CRAZY ONE. HAVE SOMEONE POP UP ON MY CHITTR DASHBOARD THAT TAKES THE SOCKS OUT OF MY DRAWER, PUTS THEM ON, AND BLOWS THEM RIGHT BACK OFF.
hi dad! 8P
lmao you guys are always so shocked!! XD your matesprits made an ectobaby, which makes you a dad too! yeah apparently when i was a wiggler you were like ABSOLUTELY NOT, but then paternal instincts hit, so now you're my crabdad! (to distinguish you from dad dad)
SIGH....... ok i will spell it out! 8P you and dave strider and jade harley are all together, right? with me so far? rosemary and callieroxy both have kids, so your matesprits are like, "damn, let's give it a try!" you're part of the discussion, obviously, and apparently you say something like "YOU TWO CAN MAKE YOUR WEIRD OVERSATURATED MONKEY IF YOU WANT BUT I WON'T BE A PART OF ITS 'PARENTAGE.' YOU MIGHT AS WELL SHOOT IT IN ITS TINY ADORABLE FULLY-FORMED NON-INSECTOID FOOT AND THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE BETTER FOR ITS DEVELOPMENT THAN LETTING ME BE ITS ILL-ADVISED ROLE MODEL," or some such self-deprecating crap. but then i pop out the ectobiology chamber looking cute as a goddamn button, and by the time i'm saying sentences you've been "crabdad" for weeks, and suddenly you're chill with it!! that's the story anyway, might be some details they leave out. 8J
kay bc it seems you dont understand the situation urself im gonna spell it out 2 u rn as cool as ecto biology is an its great that in ur TIMELINE that hes also ur ig biological dad but that doesnt mean u have to go on random fuckin commander karkats profiles n call them dad the last person who fucked up was that one i think her name was 'yiffy' or 'red' idk she fucked up which jade was her mom but at least she fixed that an did not outright be weird about it so with all fuckin respect leave this man alone
...OKAY, AS MUCH AS I APPRECIATE THE ASSIST, I DON'T NEED YOU TO COME IN AND PLAY DEFENSE FOR ME. THANKS BUT I'VE GOT THIS.
OKAY. BUT THAT ISN'T MY TIMELINE. I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT SOME FUCKED UP WORLD WHERE DAVE AND JADE DIDN'T ROYALLY FUCK ME OVER. I'M SERIOUSLY HAPPY FOR YOU THAT THAT'S YOUR LIFE AND GOOD ON THAT KARKAT FOR BEING THERE, BUT DON'T CALL ME DAD OR CRABDAD OR WHATEVER. DIFFERENT TIMELINE.
ok yeah fair enough i just saw the chit and was like "oh i'm gonna shock this guy!" i wouldn't actually just keep calling you dad past that, that'd be weird.
THANKS. I APPRECIATE IT. AND SERIOUSLY, ENJOY THE LOT IN LIFE YOU GOT.
I WISH THIS WAS A STRANGER.
WHY IS HE LIKE REACTING EVERYTHING? IT'S BAD ENOUGH HE'S -- WHATEVER THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE. NOW HE'S GOING THROUGH A CRISIS?
STOP LIKING MY CHITTS. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO.