COMMANDER VANTAS
@carcinoGeneticist
COMMANDER KARKAT VANTAS. THIS IS FOR COMMUNICATION PURPOSES. DON'T COMMENT, DM, OR OTHERWISE INTERACT IF YOU'RE GOING TO SAY STUPID SHIT.
"GOOD" EVENING. THIS ACCOUNT EXISTS SOLELY TO ACT AS A CORRESPONDENCE POINT BETWEEN MYSELF AND MY FELLOW COMMANDERS. I SHOULD REASONABLY NOT EVEN BOTHER MAKING A SINGLE "CHIT" (STUPID FUCKING TERM) BUT I FIGURE IT'S BEST TO BE OPEN AND CANDID ABOUT WHO AND WHAT I AM FOR THE SAKE OF TRANSPARENCY. MY NAME IS COMMANDER KARKAT VANTAS. LEADER OF THE REVOLUTIONARY ARMY FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHTS AND LIBERTIES OF TROLLKIND ON EARTH C. BEFORE YOU COME TO ME WITH ANY OF THAT "BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING ON MY EARTH" OR "I'M ON ALTERNIA" OR "I'M ON BEFORUS" OR WHATEVER OTHER CONJUCTION OF SPACE-TIME THIS SITE IS SOMEHOW ABLE TO BREACH SHIT, I KNOW. I KNOW HOW IT WORKS. TRUST ME. I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK. THOSE OF YOU FROM *MY* PARTICULAR CONJUCTION, THIS ACCOUNT IS FOR YOU. THE REST OF YOU? THIS ACCOUNT IS ONE OF MANY FACELESS ALTERNATE ACCOUNTS FROM ONE OF MANY ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF THE SAME SELF-LOATHING, EXHAUSTED PIECE OF SHIT YOU KNOW AND LOVE/HATE. DISREGARD IT AS YOU PLEASE. I'M SURE THE KARKAT VANTAS MARKET IS ALREADY OVERFLOWING ON HERE. IF YOU'RE FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE AND HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT ALL OF THAT I JUST SAID, FEEL FREE WALTZ RIGHT UP AND ASK. I'M A GOD DAMN LIVING LIBRARY FULL OF CAUTIONARY TALES THAT YOU'RE GONNA WANNA HEAR. THANKS. COMMANDER V
YOU WOULD THINK CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS FROM CERTAIN TIMELINES WOULD THINK "MAYBE THERE'S A BETTER USE FOR MY TIME RIGHT NOW BESIDES TYPING IN MY CHITTR PASSWORD, USING UP SOME OF THAT WORD LIMIT, AND TRYING THEIR BEST TO SEE HOW MUCH BULLSHIT THEY CAN FIT INTO THE TEXTBOX BEFORE THEY'RE PULLED BACK INTO THE REALITY THAT THEY LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD WHERE REAL ACTUAL THINGS ARE HAPPENING THEY SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON. YOU WOULD THINK.
HOLY FUCK. *I'M* SPEECHLESS. WHAT A MONUMENTAL FEAT.
THAT'S RICH. HANG ON, I WANT TO GET A SCREENSHOT OF THAT. AND I'LL HIT A HEARTY CHUCKLE ABOUT IT WHILE I'M AT IT.
I WAS WONDERING WHY IT'S BEEN ALL QUIET ON THE CROCKER FRONT TODAY. I SEE IT'S MOTHERS DAY. YEAH. THAT MAKES SENSE. ASKED AND ANSWERED. EVERY YEAR ON THIS EXACT SAME "HOLIDAY" SHE SITS IN HER OFFICE ALL DAY, NOT ANSWERING CALLS OR MAKING PUBLIC APPEARANCES. OUR MAN ON THE INSIDE SAYS HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE HE;LL HAPPENS IN THERE AND FRANKLY IF YOU COULD FIND ME A FUCK TO GIVE I WOULD TELL YOU TO PUT IT BACK. ALL THIS DAY MEANS TO ME IS WE GET A FULL 15 HOURS TO MAKE OUR MOVES BEFORE SHE CAN RETALIATE. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, BETTY. ENJOY CLEANING UP THE RUBBLE OF DRONE FACTORY FA-1CC.
I'M BEING FORCED AGAINST MY WILL TO TAKE A 4 HOUR BREAK. I'LL BE LURKING THE CHITTR DASHBOARD AND SEEING HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR SOMETHING TO MAKE ME SO MAD I PASS OUT AND CAN GET SOME SLEEP.
I WISH THIS WAS A STRANGER.
WHY IS HE LIKE REACTING EVERYTHING? IT'S BAD ENOUGH HE'S -- WHATEVER THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE. NOW HE'S GOING THROUGH A CRISIS?
no this is normal usually he hates ppl but apparently he said he was gonna be love bot for a week or some shit so get used to the hearts nothin is wrong rn i see his servers n towers r fine
STOP LIKING MY CHITTS. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO.
I SAID POST CANCELED. STOP COMMENTING ON IT.
idk what u thought was gonna happen when u posted that but i hope ur brain is not fried
there'2 no hope for them II am afraiid
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d16aaf819334.gif
CHITT CANCELED. SCRATCH ALL OF IT. I DON'T CARE WHO'S ON HERE.
THE MIX-MATCH OF WACKY CHARACTERS FROM ACROSS TIME AND SPACE ON HERE MAKES MY HEAD SPIN SOMETIMES. NOT YOU REGULAR TROLLS. YOU'RE JUST TROLLS FROM TIMELINES WHERE ALTERNIA AND BEFORUS STILL EXISTS - SUCKS FOR YOU, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. PROBLEM SLEUTH? ANCESTORS? *BEFORAN* ANCESTORS, WHO IF MY ECTOBIOLOGICAL CHOPS AREN'T TOO DUSTED OVER TO FORGET ABOUT, SHOULD BE JUST FUCKED UP VERSIONS OF ME AND MY FRIENDS? I'VE ALREADY HAD THE CONDESCE RUN HER BIT THROUGH ME SO THAT ISN'T SURPRISING. BUT I'M KIND OF LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING WHO *WILL* SURPRISE ME. COME ON. SHOW ME A CRAZY ONE. HAVE SOMEONE POP UP ON MY CHITTR DASHBOARD THAT TAKES THE SOCKS OUT OF MY DRAWER, PUTS THEM ON, AND BLOWS THEM RIGHT BACK OFF.
lmao you guys are always so shocked!! XD your matesprits made an ectobaby, which makes you a dad too! yeah apparently when i was a wiggler you were like ABSOLUTELY NOT, but then paternal instincts hit, so now you're my crabdad! (to distinguish you from dad dad)
SIGH....... ok i will spell it out! 8P you and dave strider and jade harley are all together, right? with me so far? rosemary and callieroxy both have kids, so your matesprits are like, "damn, let's give it a try!" you're part of the discussion, obviously, and apparently you say something like "YOU TWO CAN MAKE YOUR WEIRD OVERSATURATED MONKEY IF YOU WANT BUT I WON'T BE A PART OF ITS 'PARENTAGE.' YOU MIGHT AS WELL SHOOT IT IN ITS TINY ADORABLE FULLY-FORMED NON-INSECTOID FOOT AND THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE BETTER FOR ITS DEVELOPMENT THAN LETTING ME BE ITS ILL-ADVISED ROLE MODEL," or some such self-deprecating crap. but then i pop out the ectobiology chamber looking cute as a goddamn button, and by the time i'm saying sentences you've been "crabdad" for weeks, and suddenly you're chill with it!! that's the story anyway, might be some details they leave out. 8J
kay bc it seems you dont understand the situation urself im gonna spell it out 2 u rn as cool as ecto biology is an its great that in ur TIMELINE that hes also ur ig biological dad but that doesnt mean u have to go on random fuckin commander karkats profiles n call them dad the last person who fucked up was that one i think her name was 'yiffy' or 'red' idk she fucked up which jade was her mom but at least she fixed that an did not outright be weird about it so with all fuckin respect leave this man alone
...OKAY, AS MUCH AS I APPRECIATE THE ASSIST, I DON'T NEED YOU TO COME IN AND PLAY DEFENSE FOR ME. THANKS BUT I'VE GOT THIS.
OKAY. BUT THAT ISN'T MY TIMELINE. I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT SOME FUCKED UP WORLD WHERE DAVE AND JADE DIDN'T ROYALLY FUCK ME OVER. I'M SERIOUSLY HAPPY FOR YOU THAT THAT'S YOUR LIFE AND GOOD ON THAT KARKAT FOR BEING THERE, BUT DON'T CALL ME DAD OR CRABDAD OR WHATEVER. DIFFERENT TIMELINE.
ok yeah fair enough i just saw the chit and was like "oh i'm gonna shock this guy!" i wouldn't actually just keep calling you dad past that, that'd be weird.
THANKS. I APPRECIATE IT. AND SERIOUSLY, ENJOY THE LOT IN LIFE YOU GOT.
fair as hell, do wanna point out though: not biological only half-troll out here is tay, and that's some magic shit so they're just human i guess?
BIG CHANGES. SO THAT COMMANDER PEIXES WILL GET OFF MY ASS ABOUT IT.
ANYWAY. WHATEVER. SHE MADE HER BED AND SHE CAN WRITHE AROUND THROUGH HER NIGHTMARES ON IT.
AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY THIS SHIT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN *SERIOUSLY.* WE'RE NOT PRANCING THROUGH THE DASIES WITH GIDDY SMILES ON OUR FACES, HANDS HELD TOGETHER IN UNBRIDLED PLATONIC ADORATION AS WE CIRCLE AROUND AND SING CUPETIME SONGS FOR WRIGGLERS. WE'RE IN WAR. LITERAL WAR. WHERE YOU EITHER SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT AND IF YOU CAN'T DO EITHER OF THOSE THINGS YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY SO THE ONES WHO MANAGED TO GROW A PAIR CAN COME ON THROUGH AND DO SOMETHING.
AS MUCH AS I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO SAY THE "I TOLD YOU SO"S WHEN THEY COME UP, SOMETIMES I HAVE TO. SOMETIMES YOU NEED IT. SOMETIMES YOU DROP ALL OF THE HARD WORK YOU PUT INTO THE REBELLION, ABANDON YOUR COMRADES IN THE MIDST OF THE MOST TENSE TIME IN THE ENTIRE WAR, AND DECIDE YOU WOULD RATHER SPEND YOUR TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY THAN GET OUT THERE AND TAKE SOME GOD DAMN ACTION TO PROTECT THEM. AND SOMETIMES, DESPITE THE WARNING FROM YOUR COMMANDER WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK HE'S TALKING ABOUT, YOU DO ALL OF THAT AND YOU'RE *STILL* SURPRISED WHEN A CONCENTRATED LAZER STRIKE FROM A CROCKERDONE BLASTS A HOLE THROUGH YOUR HOUSE AND DECIMATES YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY WHILE YOU'RE STANDING OUTSIDE TENDING TO YOUR GARDEN. AND I THINK I'M PRETTY FUCKING JUSTIFIED IN GETTING TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO ABOUT IT. BECAUSE I DID! I DID TELL YOU SO!
Would a single soldier's presence have prevented it Perhaps they weighed the options And they would rather die with their family than learn of their deaths later
SPOKEN LIKE SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE SHIT IS, LET ALONE HAS EVER BEEN DEEP IN IT. IT'S TERRIBLE THAT HER FAMILY GOT KILLED. I KNOW. BUT THIS IS *WAR.* EVERY PERSON THAT SITS ON THEIR ASS AND DOESN'T FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT IS TEN FAMILIES KILLED. THAT'S THE REALITY OF IT. SHE SAT ON HER ASS, AND HER FAMILY WAS ONE OF THOSE TEN.
I am not sure that cause and effect tracks But it does make excellent rhetoric I understand the importance of your fight commander And it is true that I have never experienced war But I am reticent to cast dispersions on the victim of a given tragedy If nothing else it is not good optics for your remaining troops Especially those who served with her
DAY UPDATE #2. HER FAMILY WAS BLOWN INTO FAMILIAL PILES OF ASHES. I HATE TO USE A TRAGEDY TO LAY DOWN THE MEANEST I TOLD YOU SO PARADOX SPACE HAS EVER, AND MAY EVER, SEE. BUT I DON'T GET VINDICATION MUCH THESE DAYS. SO GIVE ME THIS ONE. I TOLD YOU SO.
SO I GUESS WE HAVE A POSITION TO FILL. ANY COMPETENT INDIVIDUALS ON MY EARTH C FEEL FREE TO APPLY, REGARDLESS OF SPECIES. YOU HAVE TO BE VETTED AND APPROVED BY BOTH MYSELF AND COMMANDER PEIXES, SO PREPARE FOR THE MOST GRUELING SERIES OF QUESTIONS AND FIELD TESTS YOU WILL EVER FACE. AND THEN AFTER THAT *I'LL* DO MY PART AND SEE IF YOU'RE A GOOD FIT. SHE HANDLES ALL OF THAT.
- Haha! SO funny. I'mm not exactly sure why I would be bullcr*ping you right now, but I'mm going to agree based on our tacit understanding of your authority over the situation here. 😆👍 - If there's one thing I can Handle without fail, it's falling the h*ck in line. You're the boss, bro! 😁😁😁🫡
- I mmean Commmmander bro, sir, sorry sir
- Ohhhhh shoot. Ok I mmight have to rescind mmy interest in the role, that is mmy mmoirail's jolly mmessiah, haha. That would be a rommantic conflict of interest... ahhhh goodness. Sh*t.
GOOD FUCKING LORD. MESSIAH? SEEMS SHE'S A RIGHT DIVINE PIECE OF SHIT IN EVERY TIMELINE. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
- Haha, I don't know what that mmeans, but I'mm going to assumme that it has to do with clownfaith specifics that I haven't fully grasped yet. 😆 Thanks, Commmmander!
- - Good grubsauce amm I scared to grasp those specifics later though 🤣🤣🤣🤣🥹
- Ok haha hold on now that's scaring mme even mmore. You are being earnest, and that's scaring mmy freaking nubs off - Are you saying I;mm in danger here? Like in actual danger??? 😀 - My mmoirail would never hurt mme! LOL! He's just a silly clown!
NOT INHERENTLY? I'M NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT YOUR CLOWN BUDDY, BUT IN MY EXPERIENCE THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP A CLOWN FROM RUINING EVERYTHING IS TO GET THEM DEAD BEFORE THEY GET A CHANCE TO DO IT. NO CLOWN IS SILLY. AND IF THEY'RE CALLING *JANE* A MESSIAH THAT'S TWO EGGS WAITING TO CRACK IN A RECIPE FOR DISASTER.
DAY REPORT. ONE OF THE LOBsTERs QUIT. SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO TAKE TIME AWAY TO BE WITH HER FAMILY. THAT'S ALL FINE AND GREAT UNTIL A BATTERBOMB TURNS HER FAMILY INTO A FAMILIAL PILE OF ASHES, BUT WHATEVER. HER LIFE.
SHE TOLD ME I SHOULD MAKE IT MY PROFILE PICTURE, BUT UNLIKE HER, I HAVE THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF SELF-RESPECT LEFT AND WON'T TAINT A SUPPOSED-TO-BE 'SERIOUS BUSINESS' ACCOUNT BY PUTTING MY FACE ALL OVER IT LIKE THAT. ONCE IS ENOUGH. IF ANYONE CARES TO SEE THIS UGLY MUG AGAIN, TUNE INTO THE NEWS IN MY TIMELINE. I'LL BE THERE.
ill just see u in ur dreams instead :3
imma ignore the shellf respect bit cuz i know u dont mean M-E me
OF COURSE NOT. I MEAN MY CO-COMMANDER. IF SHE EVER COMES ON HERE DON'T TELL HER I SAID THAT EITHER OR I'M GETTING AN EARFUL.
aye aye capn
https://i.postimg.cc/261PZbN9/Untitled286-20260506042510.png COMMANDER PEIXES SUGGESTED WE DO 'PUBLICITY'. I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE PLANS TO POST HERS CONSIDERING SHE DOESN'T *HAVE* CHITTR, BUT WHATEVER. HERE'S HER IDEA OF 'COMMANDER VANTAS PUBLIC PERCEPTION BOOSTING'. SHE WANTED ME TO SHOW OFF MY SICKLES. I MADE THEM WHEN I WAS 14 HUMAN YEARS OLD AND NAMED THEM "HOMES SMELL YA LATER", A NAME I SHOULD REGRET, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T. THIS IS HOW I PAY HOMAGE TO THE LATE GREAT THRESH PRINCE.
:33 < i guess!
I THINK IF SOMEONE IN MY TIMELINE EVER SAW THIS I WOULD INSTANTLY LOSE THE WAR AND TROLLKIND WOULD FALL UNDER THE HEELED SHOE OF BETTY.
I AM SO SORRY. I BELIEVE YOU ARE BEING CONFUSED WITH *MY* COMMANDER.
:33 < hell yeah
:33 < yeah a diffurent commander karkitty :33 < but it looks like they might be hot in efurry timeline!
CONGRATULATIONS ON MAKING OUT WITH YOUR COMMANDER, I GUESS.
IT'S A LONG STORY. BLAME @TURNTECHGODDOUCHE FOR THE COMMISSION. HE'S THE COMMISSIONER.
i was gonna re-chitt again but the comments made me decided 2 make me not want to do that srry
