The Exploiit
@confinedAnomaly
communal account on behalf of The Exploiit, run by Her Duplicitous Sovereign's "Exploiit Enclosure" goldworkers on the Cocytus flagship. he's an old "helmsman" but likes to be involved. he/him, it/its
"frankly? 1 thought h1s lack of post1ng was because he d1ed outr1ght” “1 help a moment of s1lence a few w1pes ago” “or at least 1 th1nk 1t was a few w1pes ago” “1t’s hard to tell how much t1mes passes 1n th1s encapsulat1on” “no wa1t what are you do1ng why are you ch1tt1ng th1s stop that-“"
if there is one thing that history and time has provwen, ovwer and ovwer again, to be ineffectual against my charm and bravwado it is death. nowvw, a good lookin lowvwblood sitting on my lap wvwith a knife behind their back? that could get me at anytime.
oh wvwait you can't sit. let me rethink this.
"why d1d he rech1t that, 1t was not meant to be told to the masses 1n the f1rst place"
"1 prefer to lay than to s1t but take your t1me” “what, 1t’s not l1ke 1’m go1ng anywhere"
you may prefer it but is it possible for you? to be laid and strung across another's lap, laid like a delicate bismuth mummy upon the vwery seat of the wvwarm, beating body of a troll wvwho wvwould hold you close? hm?
"1 used to do more than that” “1 do however, cont1nue to be restr1cted from even scratch1ng my nonex1stent nose"
"1’m l1terally try1ng desp1te be1ng fused to a wall, what more do you want from me"
do you wvwant the realistic answvwer or the unrealistic answvwer?
"what 1f one of you lad1es went to an event w1th wh1le hav1ng my beaut1ful l1keness 1n a v1deo conference call on one of those small tablet dev1ces" "what do you mean that 1s outs1de of your pay-grade"
"@ardentEpulat1on 1s 1t actually outs1de of the1r paygrade" "leave me alone, 1m allowed to ask th1s""
Pray tell how you might manage to don a disguise to attend a masquerade, even if someone else were to act as your proxy? Sour. Flat.
"one of the lad1es just ment1oned a face f1lter" "naturally, the other two are mad that 1t was ment1oned" "1t doesnt have to be for the masquerade spec1f1cally though""
"hashtag awesome" "#awesome" "no 1 w1ll not reveal who told me about hashtags"
"no, 1 do not want them through my feed tube” “1 m1ss the actual dr1nk1ng them act1v1ty"
"lad1es, you know what 1 m1ss” “what, no” “1 mean yes, 1 m1ss touch1ng grass, but that’s not 1t” “coffee and cr1sp, cold water”"
"1 got that dog 1n me"
oh my god you okay??? you need to get it out??? thats so scary
"1 wonder how many t1mes 1’ve sa1d ‘th1s but a flesh wound’ before 1 was 1mpr1soned” “a lot, 1 th1nk"
"[translat1on]" "when 1 dream, 1 feel the w1nd's k1ss the trees, the b1rds the ants on my sk1n the cool grass and d1rt under my foot maybe one n1ght 1 w1ll wake and feel 1t aga1n" "[transl1terat1on]" "lama ba nam, ba h1ss b1l boos't1l hawa b1l sajarah, b1l asafeer b1l naml ala g1sm1 b1l n1g1l sa'a wal turab taht r1gl1 mumk1n f1 la1yl hasha wa h1ss behum tan1" "[or1g1nal]" "لما بنام، بحس بى بوست الهوى بالشجرة، بل عصافير فيلم علي الجسمي بالنقل ساعة والتراب تحت رجلي ممكن في ليل أصحى وأحس بيهم تاني"
"one of these n1ghts you w1ll hear of The Explo11t's Explo1ts, and 1t w1ll be bad"
"a what” “ma1d what” “show me what you mean” “oooohhhhh that’s what you call a ma1d outf1t, 1 see” “yes 1 am fam1l1ar w1th those myself” “yes, 1 d1d actually, though for not very long” “not for the lack of comfort, wh1ch 1t was oddly comfortably, but more so 1 d1d the work 1 needed to do 1n order to pay off my tab for the themed eat1ng establ1shment” “1 had no money and 1 broke a ceram1c ant1que"
"lad1es can one of you f1nd a p1cture” “well that’s close enough 1 th1nk” “though the length was a few 1nches shorter 1 bel1eve"
I am familliar with a Maids outfit. I had many serving me in my young days, much to my chagrin at the time. A themed restaurant?
"yes a themed restaurant” “someth1ng that was very novel at the t1me” “wh1ch 1 bel1eve, was at least a hundred sweeps after you passed” “somewhere 1n eastern altern1a dur1ng my very br1ef v1s1t, 1t was on the ground floor of an 1nn that 1 had spent the l1ght at” “unfortunately 1t was very well shuddered, because 1 couldn’t see anyth1ng wh1le walk1ng to the shared bathroom on the second floor” “all 1 could do was grope the walls bl1ndly, and 1 acc1dentally bumped 1nto the surpr1s1ngly del1cate ceram1c ant1que shattered, very loudly” “everyone heard” “the 1nn-keeper and restaurant owner was not very happy, but offered me a way to pay off the est1mated damage” “yes, that was the reason why 1 had to work there as a ‘ma1d’ for about a per1gee"
"hm?” “well 1 haven’t had much to say lately” “be1ng here does not leave much left to the 1mag1nat1on after however many hundred sweeps” “all my thoughts have been thought and th1ngs 1 could poss1bly say have already been sa1d so many t1mes over” “the repet1t1on holds no 1nterest to me all that much anymore, a stagnat1on” “all there 1s cont1nues to be the same as 1t ever was” “bleed and be bled” “burn and be burned” “…” “cons1der th1s a per1od of t1me dur1ng wh1ch you w1ll not be d1sturbed 1n your work, do as you w1ll"
"1 am be1ng s1lenced" "th1s 1s the k1nk-post1ng s1te, why do you not allow me th1s one th1ng ever"
A point in favor of public decency, it would seem. Umami, nutty.
"oh NOW 1ts about publ1c decency" "how much more publ1cly 1ndecent can 1 be as a half-charred corpse on the wall" "actually" "1 have accepted my own challenge" "th1s w1ll become everyones problem unt1l my ab1l1ty to speak on here 1s allowed more freedom"
"1 have dec1ded that 1t matters not that he’s here now” “another mandatory attendee to my d1g1tally translated mus1ng wh1ch 1 w1ll now do more frequently just to bother h1m” “😄"
"no pr1vacy allowed on th1s b1tch of a flag sh1p"
"oh crap he’s here” “wa1t why d1d you follow h1m on what’s supposedly my account” “go do that on your own account, what the hell"
The agreement that was made after the revelation of this account was that they would follow me. This ensures a mutual flow of information. You understand. Rancid and phenolic.
"1 fear that my gut 1s tell1ng me that someth1ng 1s about to happen” “yes 1 know my gut doesn’t ex1st as 1t was anymore, 1 was be1ng metaphor1cal"
"wow, descendants these days really do not know sh1t about the1r h1story huh" "wa1t hold on, what's a wreck1ped1a page""
To be fair. There are few surviving records that I llived at all. Bllame the wretched Empress.
"at least you have someth1ng thats even remotely true 😭" "what the lad1es are read1ng to me 1s all fake"
"thats what 1m say1ng" "1 cannot th1nk of a real way any descendant of m1ne could know of anyth1ng ever, 1t genu1nely saddens me" "no 1m not go1ng to message her, are you fuck1ng crazy" "perhaps 1f she knew though, she would th1nk 1 was a b1t of a badass" "what- of course 1 was, do you understand just how much 1 had that sh1t on before they caught me the last t1me" "where do you th1nk my descendant got her sense of style then huh" "yes, me, exactly"
"oh 1 see, thats your problem r1ght there, you cant haggle for sh1t" "1f you agree w1th the f1rst pr1ce someone tells you for your, uh, wa1t what were you try1ng to sell on that dreadpop place aga1n" "actually dont tell me, 1t doesnt matter, 1ts the pr1nc1ple of barter1ng 1tself that does" "your f1rst pr1ce 1s always your h1ghball, and the1r f1rst request 1s the lowball" "never, and 1 mean never, agree to the1r f1rst b1d" "stay closer to your 1n1t1al set and let them cl1mb closer to you, 1ts you w1th the th1ng they want after all" "well yes, you see, 1 spent a good part of my youth do1ng exactly that w1th recycled wart1me goods and mater1als to get by"
I do hope you were not "highballing" me. This woulld lleave me feelling... lless than jubillant.
"why or how could 1 have been h1ghball1ng you, you were not wart1me goods or mater1als"
"hehehe, 1 know r1ght” “dead w1fe’s dead w1fe 1s pretty funny"
"The Bohem1an” “someth1ng about a trend, 1 am unsure but 1 do l1ke to be 1ncluded somet1mes” “that’s the whole purpose of th1s account why are you argu1ng w1th me about someth1ng th1s tr1v1al”"
Dydst thou just I Also Choose Thys Guy's Dead Wyfe me???
"wa1t no d1d you send that already” “1 wanted to say someth1ng funn1er l1ke 1f you th1nk about 1t 1 actually chose the dead w1fe’s dead w1fe” “no, no that’s not 1t” “bah 1 can’t th1nk of anyth1ng else neverm1nd” “wa1t why are you send1ng th1s all now hang on-"
"yeah when 1 asked you sa1d 6/12” “eas1est to remember hatch day ever number-w1se frankly"