Karkat Vantas
@knightGeneticist
I WAS HELD AGAINST MY WILL TO MAKE THIS STUID FUCKING ACCOUNT SO SUCK IT UP. I GUESS I LIKE WATCHING ROMCOMS AND LISTENING TO DAVES BEATS.
I LIKE THIS GUY. FINALLY, ANOTHER KARKAT THAT ACTUALLY REFLECTS OUR TRUE INTELLECTUAL PROWESS AND NOT A BRAINDEAD BACKROOMS-ESQUE COPY.
THIS IS MY EXACT FEELINGS ABOUT YOU AND ABOUT 2 OTHERS OF US.
AND I’M WILLING TO BET I KNOW WHO THE OTHER TWO ARE.
YOU CAN TRY, BUT I’M NOT ENTIRELY SURE THAT YOU WOULD KNOW WHICH ONES I’M TALKING ABOUT. WELL, THAT’S NOT ENTIRELY TRUE. THERE’S ONE I CAN THINK OF FOR SURE THAT YOU WOULD KNOW WHO IT WAS, BUT I’M NOT SURE IF YOU WOULD KNOW THE OTHER. LET’S JUST PUT BOTH OF THEM ARE THEMATICALLY FEMININE BODIED.
OH MY GOD. IF YOU SAY IT’S THAT HOT GREEN ONE. OKAY. I’LL ADMIT. HE’S SMART TOO. BUT HE’S NOT WHO CAME TO MIND RIGHT OFF THE BAT. SORRY TO HIM.
I MEAN, THE FIRST ONE THAT CAME TO MIND WAS @IMITATIONBRACHYURA. BUT THE SECOND ONE WAS THE LIME GREEN HOT ONE.
YOU’RE NOT THE LIME GREEN KARKAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT.
might start doing fat bear friday where i share the fat bears scientists have taken pics of cause i think theyre cute yall see walker home boy is beefy
I SEE THIS NON-JOKINGLY. BET.
wdym
… DO IT STRIDER! DIDN’T THINK I NEED TO SPELL THAT ONE OUT FOR YOU.
man im thinking about fat bears rn im dumb
OK BUT WOULD SENDING THESE SORT OF PICTURES ON HERE BE A FUN IDEA? FUCK YES. IT’S AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION STARTER.
ALRIGHT. JUNE FINALLY GOT ME TO WATCH COYOTE VS. ACME ON ONE OF OUR THREE-WAY DATES. SO BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER: SPOILER WARNING. #SPOILERS #RANT #REVIEW IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THIS MOVIE YET, GO FUCKING WATCH IT FIRST. I WENT INTO THIS EXPECTING A COMEDY WHERE WILE E. COYOTE WAS GOING TO BE THE PUNCHLINE FOR TWO HOURS. AND, YEAH, THAT’S THERE. BUT IT’S NOT REALLY WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT. WILE E. COYOTE MIGHT BE ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANT CHARACTERS IN CARTOON HISTORY. HE’S AN INVENTOR, AN ENGINEER, A PLANNER, AND A FUCKING DETERMINED ASSHOLE WHO REFUSES TO ACCEPT THAT FAILURE IS THE END OF HIS STORY. THE MOVIE ACTUALLY TAKES THAT SERIOUSLY. IT ALSO MAKES IT VERY CLEAR THAT HE’S NOT PERFECT. HE’S OBSESSED WITH EATING THE ROAD RUNNER. HE’LL PUT HIMSELF IN DANGER OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR THE SAKE OF THAT OBSESSION. HE HAS TO DEAL WITH THE PEOPLE LOOKING DOWN ON HIM BECAUSE HE’S DIFFERENT, SPECISIM, AND BEING TREATED LIKE HE’S LESSER BECAUSE HE’S POOR AND LIVING IN A FUCKING CAVE. SEE, THAT’S WHERE THE CHARACTER GOT A LOT MORE INTERESTING TO ME. HIS FAILURES AREN’T JUST FAILURES. HE’S CONSTANTLY LEARNING FROM THEM, EVEN IF HE DOESN’T REALIZE IT. HE BUILDS, TESTS, FUCKS UP, FIGURES OUT WHAT WENT WRONG, AND TRIES AGAIN. BUT UNDER HIS NOSE AND BECAUSE HE HAS ALSO GOTTEN COMPLICIT, HE IS BEING USED BY THE BIG CORPORATION. HE’S A TEST SUBJECT FROM AFAR. AND THEN THERE’S THE ROAD RUNNER. HE DOESN’T HAVE A HUGE AMOUNT OF SCREEN TIME, BUT THE LITTLE HE DOES MATTER. THERE ARE MULTIPLE MOMENTS IN THE BEGINNING WHERE HE CHECKS ON WILE E. AFTER HE GETS HURT TRYING TO CATCH HIM. LATER, WHEN OTHER CHARACTERS TRY TO KEEP HIM FROM GETTING TO WILE E., HE’S CLEARLY NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. THE MOVIE DOESN’T NEED TO STOP AND EXPLAIN WORD FOR FUCKING WORD THEIR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP. YOU CAN JUST WATCH THEM. THERE’S A KIND OF RESPECT THERE. THEN WE GET KEVIN. AND I THINK THIS IS WHERE THE MOVIE’S ACTUAL ARGUMENT BECOMES OBVIOUS. KEVIN IS SOMEONE WHO HAS FAILED ENOUGH TIMES THAT HE’S STOPPED TRYING TO BECOME SOMETHING MORE. HE’S MADE HIMSELF COMFORTABLE WITH LESS BECAUSE TRYING AGAIN HURTS. HE’S ALSO THE OUTSIDE VIEW OF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS STARTED ACCEPTING. IT’S THAT WHOLE ATTITUDE OF: “WHAT THE FUCK IS ONE PERSON SUPPOSED TO DO?” “IT’S JUST HOW THINGS WORK.” “THE COMPANY IS TOO BIG TO FIGHT.” “MY ONE VOICE WON’T CHANGE ANYTHING.” AND LET ME JUST SAY, I’VE SEEN THAT ATTITUDE ENOUGH TIMES THAT I DON’T EXACTLY HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING IT. THIS IS WHERE THE “ACME CORPORATION” PART OF MY RANT STARTS. THIS ISN’T JUST A MOVIE ABOUT “CORPORATION BAD.” IT’S ABOUT HOW EASY IT IS FOR EVERYONE TO BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH SOMETHING BEING WRONG BECAUSE CHANGING IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE. PEOPLE KEEP BUYING THE PRODUCT. THE COMPANY KEEPS MAKING MONEY. EVERYONE KNOWS SOMETHING IS FUCKED. AND EVENTUALLY PEOPLE JUST SHRUG. THIS MOVIE DOESN’T LET YOU SHRUG. IT KEEPS ASKING WHERE THE LINE IS. WHEN DOES PERSEVERANCE BECOME OBSESSION? WHEN DOES BEING REALISTIC BECOME COWARDICE? AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN YOU’VE ALREADY FAILED? THE ANSWER MIGHT SHOCK YOU. NOTHING, AND I MEAN, NOTHING CAN OR WILL BE MAGICALLY OR “MIRACULOUSLY“ (FOR THE CLOWNS) CHANGED. THAT WOULD BE FUCKING STUPID. SOMETIMES YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING RIGHT AND STILL GET KNOCKED FLAT. SOMETIMES YOU FUCK UP. SOMETIMES YOU’RE PART OF THE REASON YOU’RE STUCK WHERE YOU ARE. NONE OF THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO STAY THERE. AND, GOG, I UNDERSTAND THAT ONE. I’VE FAILED AS A LEADER. I’VE FAILED AS A MOIRAIL. I’VE LET PEOPLE PUSH ME AROUND. I’VE BEEN TOLD MORE THAN ONCE THAT I SHOULDN’T EVEN EXIST. I’VE FUCKED UP. A LOT. BUT FAILURE DOESN’T GET TO DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. YOU CAN ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG WITHOUT DECIDING YOU’RE WORTHLESS. YOU CAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY WITHOUT SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE PUNISHING YOURSELF. AND YOU CAN GET BACK UP EVEN IF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING YET. THAT’S WHAT I THINK THIS MOVIE HID UNDER ALL THE ACME EXPLOSIONS AND CARTOON BULLSHIT. IT’S A STORY ABOUT PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN CONVINCED THAT THEY’RE POWERLESS. AND ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FINALLY DECIDE THEY’RE NOT GOING TO ACCEPT THAT ANYMORE. HONESTLY I DIDN’T EXPECT TO WALK AWAY FROM THE MOVIE ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT IT. THAT’S PROBABLY THE BEST COMPLIMENT I CAN GIVE A MOVIE. IF THE CREDITS ROLL AND I’M STILL SITTING THERE THINKING ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK I JUST WATCHED, THEN IT DID SOMETHING RIGHT. SO, YEAH. I FUCKING LOVED IT. MORE THAN I EXPECTED TO. AND IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET, GO WATCH THE DAMN MOVIE. THEN COME BACK AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING THIS ONE IS GOING TO STICK IN MY THINK PAN FOR A WHILE. @CREATICGOETICIST I KNOW THIS ISN’T A REVIEW OVER A BOOK BUT I WANTED THOUGHTS AND KNEW YOU WOULD PROBABLY READ THIS.
OKAY, ADMITTEDLY, WHEN I READ THE HOOK FOR THIS REVIEW, I ACTUALLY AUDIBLY LAUGHED. I MEAN, WHO SERIOUSLY WRITES A REVIEW FOR A FUCKING CARTOON OF THIS CALIBER? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. YOU CONVINCED ME. YOU’RE AWFULLY PERSUASIVE. I PARTICULARLY RESONATE WITH THE TAKE IN WHICH YOU SAY, “IT’S ABOUT HOW EASY IT IS FOR EVERYONE TO BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH SOMETHING BEING WRONG BECAUSE CHANGING IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE”. WHAT A SENTENCE. I MEAN, THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT IN MY ODYSSEY REVIEW, TOO. GREAT (AND ALTERNATE) MINDS THINK ALIKE. GOOD ONE, KARKAT. SERIOUSLY. YOU SHOULD DO MORE. AND IM NOT BEING AN ORNERY SHITHEAD ABOUT THAT, IM BEING GENUINE.
NORMALLY I WOULDN’T DARE WRITE A FUCKING REVIEW ABOUT SOMETHING THAT’S BASICALLY A STUPID CARTOON. BUT THE FACT THAT THIS MOVIE IS SUCH A WEIRD BLEND OF CARTOON COMEDY AND ACTUALLY DIFFICULT SUBJECT MATTER FELT KIND OF RIGHT TO ME. LIKE, IT’S TAKING THESE HARD TOPICS AND PRESENTING THEM IN A WAY THAT EVEN A WRIGGLER COULD LOOK AT AND UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IT’S TRYING TO SAY. AND I THINK THAT’S PART OF WHAT MADE IT SO INTERESTING TO ME. IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE SOME DEPRESSING, OVERLY COMPLICATED STORY TO MAKE YOU THINK. IT CAN BE A FUCKING CARTOON ABOUT A COYOTE GETTING HIT WITH ANVILS AND STILL TURN AROUND AND ASK YOU SOME PRETTY UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS. I THINK THAT’S WORTH TALKING ABOUT. AND, UH. …THANKS. GENUINELY. I’M GLAD IT ACTUALLY RESONATED WITH SOMEONE INSTEAD OF JUST MAKING ME LOOK LIKE I SPENT SEVERAL HOURS OVERANALYZING A CARTOON FOR NO FUCKING REASON.
see like raise your hand if youve found another you but its actually john in sunglasses and you try to steal them off his face like pulling the mask off a scooby doo villain but theres another pair of shades underneath bc hes both john and you and you know you would totally do that too in his place
… YOU HAD SOME WEIRD ASS DREAM AFTER DRINKING APPLE JUICE BEFORE BED, DIDN’T YOU?
howd you know
MY FIANCE HAS WEIRD DREAMS LIKE THIS TOO FOR THE EXACT SAME REASON. IT HAPPENS WITH NOTHING ELSE. THAT AND HOW THE FUCK COULD JOHN BE YOU IN SHADES UNLESS FOR SOME ODD REASON YOU FOUND THE RARE OF ALL RARE’S. A JOHNDAVESPRITE. OR WHAT JUNE HAS REFERRED IT TO. “THE PEPSICOLASPRITE”
john is scary blonde it was a nightmare ive clearly not recovered from the encounter anyway i hate that sprite name im gonna have another nightmare
TELL ME ABOUT IT. AND REALLY? I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD LOOK SCARY BLOND BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW.
maybe if the strands of your own hair were practically transparent youd understand he looked like a friggin youtuber the kind who do lets plays of mobile games and get sponsored by honey
… EW. YOU KNOW THE KIND OF FACE I’M GIVING AT THIS HORRIFIC THOUGHT NOW. THANKS. I’M GOING TO BE STUCK HAVING NIGHTMARE ABOUT IT FOR SWEEPS.
ill see you there man
WELL AT LEAST I WOULD HAVE COMPANY.
she said her name is ramona
WAS SHE WAS A SHOWGIRL WITH YELLOW FEATHERS IN HER HAIR?
no but maybe she could be she did have her hair yellow the last time i saw her
THEN YOU MIGHT HAVE CONFUSED HER WITH LOLA.
do you ever say something and then think "wow this isnt even a bit im just like this"
ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
WELL
WELL WELL WELL?
WELL SAID.
“IF THERE’S A READ MORE BUTTON NO ONE WILL CLICK IT” OHHHHHHH. OH OKAY. OKAY SO I GUESS EVERYONE HAS THE ATTENTION SPAN AND READING COMPREHENSION OF A WORTHLESS SPINELUMP PIECE OF GARBAGE WRIGGLER WHO USES AN AI BOT TO HELP THEM BREATHE AND WIPE THEIR OWN WASTECHUTE. OF *COURSE* NO ONE *READS* ANYMORE, SILLY ME. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER, *MY FUCKING BAD*.
WAIT, YOU WROTE A REVIEW ABOUT THAT? HOLD ON, I’LL GO READ IT. I’VE BEEN MEANING TO WATCH THE ODYSSEY FOR A WHILE NOW, I JUST HAVEN’T ACTUALLY MANAGED TO GET AROUND TO IT YET. SO THIS IS PROBABLY A GOOD EXCUSE TO FINALLY FUCKING DO IT.
IT’S MY PINNED POST. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS. AND IF YOU’RE PARTICULARLY DEDICATED AND HAVE NO SENSE OF SELF PRESERVATION, MY LETTERBOXD HAS THE REST OF THEM.
HONESTLY, SINCE I HAVEN’T WATCHED IT MYSELF YET, I CAN’T REALLY GIVE YOU MY THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE ITSELF. BUT I CAN SAY THAT THE WAY BOTH OF YOU DESCRIBED IT SOUNDS PRETTY FUCKING CLOSE TO HOW I’D PROBABLY INTERPRET IT TOO. I’M GOING TO ASSUME WE SEE A LOT OF OURSELVES IN IT. US KARKATS, I MEAN. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO THE FUCKING HUBRIS WE’VE HAD TO EAT SHIT OVER IN THE PAST. I’VE ALWAYS FOUND MOVIES THAT ACTUALLY PICK AT YOUR THINKPAN A LOT MORE INTERESTING THAN THE ONES THAT STICK SO CLOSELY TO WHAT SOCIETY DECIDES IS COMFORTABLE OR ACCEPTABLE. BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK IS A STORY SUPPOSED TO BE, ANYWAY? SOMETHING THAT JUST MAKES YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE FOR A COUPLE HOURS? OR SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU ACTUALLY STOP AND THINK? DON’T GET ME WRONG, I STILL FUCKING LOVE MY ROMCOMS. SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO WATCH TWO IDIOTS FALL IN LOVE WITHOUT HAVING TO QUESTION THE ENTIRE FABRIC OF MY EXISTENCE. BUT I’VE NOTICED THAT AS I’VE GOTTEN OLDER, I’VE STARTED WANTING STORIES THAT CHALLENGE ME MORE. I LIKE HAVING SOMEONE PUT AN IDEA IN FRONT OF ME THAT MAKES ME GO, ‘WAIT. WHY THE FUCK DO I THINK THAT?’ BECAUSE IF I’M NEVER WILLING TO QUESTION MY OWN BELIEFS, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF I’VE ACTUALLY GROWN OR IF I’VE JUST GOTTEN BETTER AT DEFENDING THE SAME OLD BULLSHIT? …WHICH IS PROBABLY WAY MORE THOUGHTFUL THAN I INTENDED THIS CHIT TO BE. WHATEVER. YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.
YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY CHITINOUS WINDPIPE AND SMACKED THEM SLOPPY STYLE RIGHT ONTO MY REPLIES THREAD. THANK YOU, KARKAT. I KNEW YOU’D HAVE AN INTERPRETATION WORTH A SHIT. AND THANKS FOR BOTHERING TO READ IT. I KNOW JUST AS WELL AS YOU DO THAT NOT MANY PEOPLE STOP TO SMELL THE ROSES SO TO SPEAK. THE ROSES BEING OUR DRIVEL.
GOG, DO I FUCKING UNDERSTAND. I’VE BEEN READING AND DIBBLING THROUGH SOME STUPID BOOKS LATELY, AND IT IRRITATES THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF ME BECAUSE I WANT TO LIKE THEM. I REALLY DO. BUT THEN I GET A FEW CHAPTERS IN AND I’M JUST SITTING THERE THINKING, ‘WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS?’ AND IT’S NOT EVEN ALWAYS THE STORY ITSELF. SOMETIMES IT’S JUST… THE WRITING. THE WAY IT’S PUT TOGETHER. THE DIALOGUE. THE FUCKING WORD CHOICES. SOMETHING ABOUT IT JUST FEELS OFF. I COULD GO INTO IT IN WAY MORE DETAIL, BUT THIS IS NEITHER THE PLACE NOR THE TIME FOR ME TO START WRITING A FUCKING THESIS ON WHY THIS BOOK IS PISSING ME OFF, AND I HAVEN’T EVEN FINISHED IT YET, SO I’LL HOLD OFF ON THAT RANT FOR NOW. THERE’S ANOTHER KARKAT ON HERE WHO’S HAVING BASICALLY THE SAME PROBLEM, TOO, WHICH AT LEAST MAKES ME FEEL A LITTLE LESS INSANE. AND THEN I’LL TALK TO SOME OF THE BEINGS ON HERE AND THEY’LL BE LIKE, ‘BUT THIS BOOK IS REALLY GOOD!’ AND I’M JUST SITTING THERE LIKE— ‘IN WHAT MANNER???’ WHAT PART OF THIS IS GOOD? THE PLOT? THE CHARACTERS? THE PROSE? THE DIALOGUE? THE FACT THAT EVERY FUCKING SENTENCE SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS ASSEMBLED BY A MACHINE THAT WAS GIVEN THE INSTRUCTIONS ‘WRITE A BOOK’ AND NOTHING ELSE? I SWEAR TO GOG, SOMETIMES I’M READING IT AND THINKING, ‘THIS READS LIKE AI WROTE IT.’ AND THEN I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE FOR THINKING THAT BECAUSE APPARENTLY EVERYONE ELSE LOVES IT. BUT I’M SORRY. I NEED TO KNOW WHY YOU THINK IT’S GOOD. DON’T JUST TELL ME IT’S GOOD. TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOOD ABOUT IT.
AND ONLY AFTER WRITING ALL OF THAT DID I REALIZE I WAS RANTING. …SORRY. APPARENTLY I HAVE SOME FEELINGS ABOUT BOOKS.
I LIKE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT BOOKS. KEEP SAYING THEM.
LOOK, IF I ACTUALLY MANAGE TO FINISH THIS FUCKING BOOK, I’LL POST A WHOLE CHIT ABOUT IT AS A REVIEW. BUT RIGHT NOW THE REAL CHALLENGE IS NOT THROWING THE DAMN THING INTO A FIRE, BECAUSE AT LEAST THEN IT’D BE USEFUL AS KINDLING. AND, TO BE FAIR, MY GRUB KEEPS MOST OF MY ATTENTION THESE DAYS, SO THAT DOESN’T EXACTLY LEAVE ME WITH A LOT OF TIME FOR READING. WHICH IS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST, BECAUSE HE’S CONSIDERABLY MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS BOOK ANYWAY.
IF YOU GET AROUND TO IT, PING ME, BECAUSE I’M DYING TO GIVE IT A READ.
I’LL MAKE SURE YOU’RE THE FIRST ONE I PING WHEN I FINALLY FINISH THE DAMN THING. DON’T WORRY. YOU’LL GET THE FULL RANT. I’LL BE TESTING THE CHIT LIMIT WHILE I’M AT IT.