KARKAT VANTAS
@cathexisGyromancer
BLOOD EMPEROR KARKAT VANTAS OF THE PLANET DIVIDEND. WE PLAYED THE GAME AND WON. WHAT MORE IS THERE TO SAY?
ALL THIS LUXURY AND GRUB BALUT IS STILL THE BEST SHIT I'VE EVER EATEN. ANYONE WHO THINKS DIFFERENTLY IS AN ASS-OUT MORON.
You have someone that represents each aspect and you neglect your sleep? Are the others entirely useless?
DO YOU THINK WE WOULDN'T CLAIM OUR PRIZE? A ROUGHLY SIX HUNDRED HOUR CAMPAIGN TO RESURRECT OUR SPECIES AND RESTORE IT TO GLORY AND WE'RE *NOT* GOING TO RULE IT? MAYBE *YOU* WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND, BUT WE'RE TROLLS, 'Z'. CONQUERING IS IN OUR FUCKING BLOOD, AND AS THE BLOOD GUY, I KIND OF HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY TO SAY THAT.
You are going to run yourselves and your people into the ground because of your greed, "Karkat"
THE CONDESCE MANAGED TO SUSTAIN OUR SOCIETY UNTIL IT WAS TAKEN OUT BY COSMIC EVENTS OUT OF HER CONTROL. SHE WAS IN CHARGE FOR BILLIONS OF SWEEPS. I THINK WE'RE GOOD FOR THE MOMENT.
FINALLY IN THAT BATH I'VE BEEN WANTING. I TOLD MY GUARD TO FIELD MY CALLS FOR A FEW HOURS WHILE I TAKE THIS IN. FOR ALL THE BITCH WHINING AND GRIPING I DO: SOMETIMES IT'S FUCKING GOOD TO BE AN EMPEROR.
gosh that sounds so cozy right now... you must be so relaxed!
ABOUT AS RELAXED AS I CAN BE. IF NOTHING ELSE THIS BATHROOM DOESN'T HAVE ANY WINDOWS SO IT'S VERY UNLIKELY THERE'LL BE SOME KIND OF SHITTY ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT WHILE I'M IN HERE.
even better!! windows are scary in bathrooms, anyway.
MAYBE IF YOU EVER WATCHED ACTUAL FUCKING CINEMA LIKE SMASH ALTERNIAN HIT "THE ONE IN WHICH AMANDA SEYFIEND PLAYS THE ROLE OF A MIDBLOOD ABOUT TO ENGAGE WITH THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF YOUNG FLUSHED ROMANCE IN A MUSICAL FOR THE AGES BUT FINDS HERSELF WONDERING ON WHETHER OR NOT SHES MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE. SO BEFORE SHE COMMITS TO THE RELATIONSHIP SHE TRIES TO FIND INFORMATION ON HER ANCESTOR AND FIGURES OUT IT CAN BE ONE OF THREE PEOPLE AND INVITES THE OTHER DESCENDANTS OF THOSE TROLLS TO TRY AND SEE WHICH ONE IS MOST LIKE HER WITHOUT REVEALING WHY THE FUCK THEYRE THERE BECAUSE SHE'S A LITTLE CRACKED IN THE THINK PAN AND EVENTUALLY HER LYING AND TRIPLE SWITCHEROO COLLUDING RESULTS IN EIGHT DEATHS AND TWELVE ABBARATION MUSICAL NUMBERS AND ALSO MERYYL SCREECH IS THERE" YOU'D UNDERSTAND WHAT REAL JOY AND MEDIA ANALYSIS FEELS LIKE.
wwhere havve you been all my life do you wwanna hang out i mean hey that is cool bro did evveryone wwin or just you showw those fuckin peons wwhat they deservve am i right
ITS INEVITABLE THAT WE AGREE ON SOMETHING. ESPECIALLY THIS. IT REALLY IS THAT FUCKING SERIOUS.
NO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY FUCKING IS THAT SERIOUS.
I'M REALLY NOT SURE HOW WE'D DO THAT. BUT YES, EVERYONE WON. WE ALL REACHED GOD TIER AND GENERALLY KICKED SGRUB'S PATHETIC, WAILING WRIGGLER ASS. WE CLAIMED OUR PRIZE. AS FOR THE PEONS, I CARE LITTLE FOR THEM SO LONG AS THEY STAY THE FUCK IN LINE. ITS NOT LIKE THEY'RE FULLY FORMED PEOPLE LIKE WE ARE ANYWAY. THEY PROVED THAT.
holy shit you talk like the perfect leader i alwways kneww you could be kar but hold on wwhat you are sayin is you havve your owwn eridan you knoww if he evver slips up and pisses you off and you need a neww bro i am avvailable i am sure wwe could find a wway EXACTLY yes kar oh my god wwe havve the same pan trust me on this
THE HOPE EMPEROR AND I HAVE A PROFESSIONAL WORKING RELATIONSHIP. WE'RE FRIENDS AS MUCH AS I AM WITH ANY OF THE OTHERS. AND YEAH, WE SEEM TO BE PRETTY ALIGNED ON THE IMPORTANT SHIT. I'D BE HAPPY TO CONTINUE CORRESPONDENCE.
Look at that, a flicker of discernment in this intellectual wasteland. I'd almost dare to call it refreshing, so accustomed as I am to 8eing the sole purveyor of sense in the metaphorical 8lock. 8ut do go on, you have my genuine approval. We can all agree that Amanda Seyfiend and Meryl Screech are a terrific duo. ::::)
the hope emperor are you fuckin glubbin me right noww kar yes hell yes wwe wwill continue much correspondence exchange noble vvalues and ideas of leadership i wwant to knoww all about your planet
Finally. The sweet sound of nothing. My nerves are positively weeping with gratitude. ::::)
COMPUTER, TAKE SOME NOTES. FIRSTLY, CHECK IN WITH GAMZEE ON THE REBUILDING OF THE MIRTHFUL FAITHFUL. A RELIGIOUS POPULATION IS A CONTROLLED POPULATION. SECONDLY, FIND KANAYA. SHE HASN'T BEEN RESPONDING TO HER MESSAGES AND THAT FUCKING UNNERVES ME. THIRDLY, FIND TROLLS FOR THE TEST FLIGHTS OUT OF THE ATMOSPHERE. FOURTHLY, *IF* NOTE THREE IS A SUCCESS, START LOOKING INTO THE POSSIBILITY OF THE CONSTRUCTION OF DYSON SPHERES.
[Script start:I meān sure ill tāke n⁰ts but y⁰u c⁰uld hāve āsked nicer.:script terminated]
AS IF THERE'S ONLY ONE COMPUTER EVER MADE, YOU SANCTIMONIOUS TIN CAN. I AM *NOT* TALKING TO YOU. LEAVE ME.
[Script start:H⁰₩ rude, hāve ā g⁰⁰d dāy.:script terminated]
CURRENT OBSERVATIONS INCLUDE THAT, CYCLICALLY, THE SITE EXPERIENCES A FEW SLOW HOURS AROUND THIS TIME, INDICATING A SORT OF WEIGHT TO THE 'TIMEZONES' THAT PEOPLE ARE USING HERE. WHICH IS KIND OF FUCKING FASCINATING TO THINK ABOUT CONSIDERING HOW EVERYONE IS DIALLING IN FROM INFINITE FUCKING MINUTIAE OF BULLSHIT TIMELINE RODEO. HOW IS THIS *NOT* FASCINATING?
"= i prefer the quiet hours. it gives us. more time per post. which can be good. ="
I believe that your perspective of the website is dialed in to your perspective of time. I *know* some individuals on this website come from the future, yet are interacting with their present day selves. As a result, there's a sort of temporal mass hysteria regarding timezones. The program is somewhat similar to the temporal memos that you're likely familiar with. Chalkbox, an iteration of yourself, locked in the chastity that is eternal Felt servitude alongside yours truly, has shown me, indirectly, said memos. How does it know who is future, and who is past? It's based off of some sort of strange signatures built into the software. Yet, you commune simultaneously all the same. This is without the intervention of a 'time player'. I hope this lends to a greater understanding of the mechanics behind Chittr.
HHHUH. OKAY. I'LL HAVE TO GET SOLLUX TO LOOK INTO THIS, AND ALSO ARADIA I GUESS IF ITS SOME TIME BULLSHIT. UGH, IF I CAN *EVER* INSPIRE HER INTO ACTION BEYOND BEING PRESENT FOR VOTES. THIS INFORMATION WAS CRITICAL. THE BLOOD EMPEROR THANKS YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.
Sure thing. I guess.
you can proooooobably explain it with some wierd time stuff and timezones or like some cosmic entrophy meaning that during these times no one posts but liiiiiiiike realistically its just that sometimes times line up and people gotta be not here ya know i mean we got jobs im sure you get it you cant be sittin on your candy red tinted butt cheeks all day doin nothin hehehe i leave all that time shit to the pros and just say 'people be busy' and leave it at that
OKAY, I'LL GIVE ONE #BLOODPOST. KEEPING THE TEAM TOGETHER AS I HAVE IS FUCKING EXHAUSTING BUT IT'S WORTH IT. IT'S NOT PERFECT ALL THE TIME, BUT GOD IF HAVING THE BOARD OF CREATIONISTS ACTUALLY WORK TOGETHER ISN'T REWARDING. WE DESERVED THIS, WE *EARNED* THIS. AND IF I NEED TO GO WEEKS WITHOUT SLEEP TO MAINTAIN IT, I FUCKING WILL.
#BLOODPOSTING IS NOT REQUIRED.
"= #bronzeposting. ... ="
If I use t)(e same pun more t)(an once in a message I'll DI---E, by t)(e wave. So if you sea somet)(ing I typed and go "O)(, s)(e missed one )(ere!", No, I didn't. T)(is game is FAR more deep t)(an you could POSSIBUBBLY compre)(end.
RECHITT.
YOU ARE ONE OF VERY FEW PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY ON THIS WEBSITE, WHO I CONSIDER EVEN MILDLY TOLERABLE.
BLOOD COMPUTER, PLAY 'MY WAY' BY FRANKI SINATR
COMPUTER, PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT I NEED TO HAVE TEREZI ROUND UP MORE 'LAWBREAKERS'. WE NEED A LABOR FORCE FOR THE METAL MINING OPERATIONS AND MORE HELMSTROLLS. WHAT? WHY ARE YOU IN CHITTR THIS ISN'T MY NOTES APP, DON'T FUCKING SEND-
:33 < this is funny cause karkitty messed up :33 < empurror or nyo i bet he's still fun to poke at
ARE YOU ON DIVIDEND? IF NOT, THEN I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
:33 < au contraire :33 < this is fun!
IT'S THE PLANET ME AND MY FRIENDS CREATED VIA SGRUB. WE NAMED IT DIVIDEND. I THINK IT WAS KANAYA THAT COINED IT AND THE REST OF US DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER.
PEOPLE ON HERE ARE OBSESSED WITH TALKING ABOUT ME, EVEN IF IT'S NOT *ME* ME. WHICH I SUPPOSE I GET BUT IT REALLY DOES MAKE FOR SOME INTERESTING GOD DAMN LITERATURE WHEN I OPEN THIS PLACE LIKE THE MORNING PAPER.
:33 < karkat realize he's an inpurresting purrson challenge: difficulty impawssible
OF COURSE I'M AN INTERESTING PERSON, THAT KINDA COMES WITH THE DEFINITION OF BEING EMPEROR OF A PLANET. THE TROLLS ON DIVIDEND AREN'T TALKING ABOUT MY ASS THOUGH. I THINK? OH GOD, MAYBE THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY ASS. I NEED TO GET NEPETA'S MEDIA INSIGHT.
:33 < who isn't talking ameowt mewr ass?
:33 < cr33py but true
ONCE AGAIN I FIND MYSELF IN POSSESSION OF MY MENTAL FACULTIES AND THE PLANET DIDN'T EXPLODE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP. SIX HOURS IS MORE THAN I'VE GOTTEN IN SWEEPS, SO I HOPE THE FINCESS IS FUCKING SATISFIED. GOOD EVENING, PEONS.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I WON’T SPOIL IT FOR YOU.
WHAT PART OF 'THEY'RE BUSY' DO YOU NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND? WE HAVE AN ENTIRE PLANET TO RUN, AND WE DON'T TRUST ANYONE ENOUGH FROM THE GENERAL POPULACE TO DELEGATE YET. WE'RE STILL WORKING ON BRINGING THE POPULATION TO HEEL.
ok see that might be your problem? you're trying to conquer, when you should try like. working WITH them. you catch more flies with mind honey than snapleaf acid!
I ASSUME THIS IS MORE HUMAN SENTIMENTALITY? WE'RE *TROLLS*, WRIGGLER. SPARE ME THE ETHICS LESSON.
just saying, shit's pretty good over here. and my crabdad sleeps eight hours everyday. 8p
FAR BE IT FROM ME TO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM A VERSION OF THE LITERAL FUCKING LIFE EMPRESS, SO I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO GET SOME REST. IF ANY OF YOU FUCKS ARE FROM MY TIMELINE AND YOU TRY SOME SHIT WHILE I SLEEP, KNOW THAT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO SURVIVOR THE WRATH OF THE RAGE EMPEROR, THE GATES OF TARTARUS ARE READY AND FUCKING WAITING TO OPEN FOR YOU.
251521 || 1185 || 1 || 2315144518621121225 || 1611919915141205 || 251521147 || 13114||
WE ALL MADE FUN OF 'THE BREATH EMPRESS' WHEN WE WERE ASSIGNING TITLES, BUT IF ANYONE'S MADE IT WORK, ITS KIND OF HER.
UGH. FOURTH DAY WITHOUT SLEEP.
sk1ll 1ssue really then
THAT KIND OF NAIVE THINKING IS EXACTLY HOW THE INSURRECTIONISTS GET YOU, OR MANAGE TO ACTUALLY TAKE OUT ONE OF YOUR OWN.
Fair point, except NO!!! W)(at about w)(en you inevitably collapse or your judgement starts getting s)(rimpaired from lack of sleep? W)(at t)(en, mister?
MY JUDGEMENT IS NEVER FUCKING IMPAIRED. AND BESIDES, I DON'T SEE ANY OF THESE OTHER CHUCKLEFUCKS STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE TO TAKE ON MY DUTIES. THEY HAVE THEIR OWN SHIT. KANAYA IS WITH FEFERI MAKING SURE THE MOTHER GRUB IS HEALTHY, SOLLUX AND ARADIA ARE WORKING ON REVERSE-ENGINEERING ALTERNIAN LEVEL SPACE FLIGHT. GAMZEE IS RE-ESTABLISHING HIS RELIGION WITH *US* IN MIND... EVERYONE'S BUSY. *I'M* BUSY. THERE'S NO TIME TO SLEEP.
)(mmmmm. W)(ale, I'm not going to pus)( on it, but I )(ope you know a fincess from a distant timeline is staring at )(er device V----ERY disapprovingly towards t)(e sentiment of one of )(er alternate-fronds pus)(ing too )(ard! ----Everyone needs sleep, dummy.
UGH, YOU EVEN TALK LIKE HER. FINE. FINE! I'LL TRY AND SQUEEZE IN A NAP FOR AN HOUR AFTER MY ADDRESS THIS AFTERNOON. HAPPY?
T)(at's a good start! Keep on it and you mig)(t even start practicing wriggler-tier levels of self care! 38P
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THEY CALLED ME A 'GOD KING'. I'M THE FUCKING BLOOD EMPEROR, NOT A KING. THAT'D IMPLY I WAS THE ONLY PERSON RUNNING THIS FUCKING PLACE AND A HEARTY 'FUCK OFF' TO THAT.
IT REALLY IS SO FUCKING UNFORTUNATE THAT I GOT SADDLED WITH BLOOD FOR THIS. NEPETA GETS TO BE THE HEART EMPRESS! TEREZI GETS TO BE THE MIND EMPRESS! MEANWHILE I SOUND LIKE A CARTOON VILLAIN.
I alwayves knew you )(ad it in you! Reely, good job!!! I don't know aboat t)(at ot)(er stuff but t)(ank you, too! 3X)
... So it's an Oligarchy and it would be more accurate to call you perhaps Senators. And you just opted to be Emperors because the title sounded better?
WE'RE EMPERORS BECAUSE, ADMITTEDLY, WE WERE 7 WHEN WE PICKED THE TITLES AND THEY JUST KIND OF STUCK. BUT YES, OLIGARCHY IS CORRECT. WE ALL HAVE A SAY IN THE WAY THE PLANET IS RUN, AND WE PUT SHIT TO VOTES AMONGST EACH OTHER. IN THE EVENT OF A TIE, WHICHEVER SIDE *I'M* ON TENDS TO BE THE ONE THAT WE GO WITH.
As someone who's stuck with "Grand Princess" due to the decisions of her grandmother, I can empathize with having a somewhat unfortunate designation. Interesting. Most setups would not opt for an even number of senators for that reason in specific. May I ask why you've been given tiebreaker designation?
I WAS THE LEADER DURING OUR SGRUB SESSION AND EVERYONE, FOR SOME COMPLETELY PARADOXICAL FUCKING REASON, TRUSTS ME TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES. IT'S LED TO SOME CONTENTION, BUT ULTIMATELY WE'RE A COHESIVE UNIT. I *FOUGHT* FOR THIS UNITY AND GOD DAMN IT I'M GOING TO FUCKING UTILIZE IT.
I haven't the foggiest what an "SGRUB session" is, but I will assume it is some manner of difficult trial in which you proved your mettle as a leader. Congratulations are in order, then, since council-based government without a de-facto supreme ruler is difficult to maintain.
It is rather difficult to rule a nation without some sense. Not as difficult perhaps as it ought to be, looking at some of my neighbours, but difficult.
SO FAR WHAT I'VE GATHERED FROM THE TIMELINE IS THAT YOU ARE ALL SOFT-BELLIED, JELLY-SPINED AND *HORNY* IDIOTS. THANK GOD THE TROLLS OF MY TIMELINE HAVE BEEN WHIPPED INTO SHAPE.
Aren't you pregnant?
y0u sh0uld try whipping s0me 0f us int0 shape. #suggestive
THE ONLY OTHER ONE I'VE SEEN WAS FACE DOWN, ASS UP AND NUDE FOR A BUNCH OF ONLINE STRANGERS SO I'LL WITHHOLD MY JUDGEMENT UNTIL THE SAMPLE SIZE INCREASES.
Oh dear, saddening to think you've found out this way.
See, I have that one ignored, so I don't see it. You should employ this practice.
WELL CONSIDERING I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS I'LL CONSIDER IT NET ZERO INFORMATION.
GENUINELY GOOD ADVICE. I HAVEN'T EXPLORED MUCH IN THE WAY OF 'SITE FEATURES' YET SO I GUESS I'LL GO DO THAT.
and the baby is me...
I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THE WHOLE 'TRANSTIMELINE' BULLSHIT BACK DURING SGRUB, BUT NO. SOLLUX IS ALWAYS FINDING SOME HORRIBLE BACKDOOR INTO HELL AND THEN PLACING IT ON *MY* LAP FOR ME TO 'CHECK FOR THREATS'. PARANOID FUCK. GREETINGS 'CHITTR USERS', THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING. THOUGH I SUPPOSE IT WOULD BE MORE ACCURATE TO SAY YOUR EMPEROR. I'M NOT GOING TO PRETEND TO FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE OTHER THAN 'SOME BULLSHIT', BUT I THINK I'M MORE THAN ADEQUATELY PREPARED TO HANDLE WHATEVER IT IS THIS PLACE THROWS AT ME. WHAT? DO YOU THINK AN EMPEROR HAS NEVER DEALT WITH AN ONLINE MORON BEFORE? PLEASE, I WAS DOING THIS SHIT BEFORE YOU WERE GOD DAMN HATCHED. IF YOU ARE ONE OF MY SUBJECTS: BE PREPARED TO BEND THE KNEE AND GROVEL BEFORE YOUR FUCKING CREATOR IF YOU ARE NOT ONE OF MY SUBJECTS: I WANT TO KNOW WHY. LET'S ALL HAVE A CHAT, SHALL WE? I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE KIND OF MIND NUMBING RAGE EXCRETIONS YOU FUCKING NOOKSTAINS CAN PILE ONTO MY MEAL PLATTER.
THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY THING YOU'VE SAID TO ME THAT SEEMS LIKE A CORRECT ASSESSMENT. I'VE SEEN A FEW OF YOUR 'KIND' ON HERE NOW JUST BROWSING THE MAIN TIMELINE AND FUCK ME YOU ARE GOD DAMN UGLY.
lmfao yeah you pretty much wanna suck out your own thinkpan through a silly straw every time you meet one of us forever and that never changes. except when it does!
haha yeah. anyway this you? 8P
THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME. WHY IS THIS DUDE'S FACE ASSAULTED BY SOME KIND OF FURRY ANIMAL?
eh, guess he grew it out 'cuz mom and dad like it or something.
eugh. how on earth did you survive your session with out terezi or vriska slapping some sense in to you?
WHAT SENSE WOULD THEY BE SLAPPING INTO ME? THEY'RE MY FRIENDS, THEY'RE ON THE SAME PANEL OF CREATIONISTS THAT I AM.
okay, mister emperor.