KARKAT VANTAS
@cathexisGyromancer
BLOOD EMPEROR KARKAT VANTAS OF THE PLANET DIVIDEND. WE PLAYED THE GAME AND WON. WHAT MORE IS THERE TO SAY? <> @thaumaturgistsCanticle
SITTING IN THE ABLUTION TRAP ISN'T GOING TO BE SAFE FOR ME FOR A WHILE. UGH. SHOWERS EXCLUSIVELY, I GUESS.
CHITTR, YOU WILL ASSIST ON MY CROSSWORD. I COMMAND IT. HIGH BEAMS, 7 LETTERS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SUBMIT AN ANSWER IN TIME YOU FUCKING FRAUD. AT LEAST THE OTHER TWO TRIED.
I only know so many 7 letter words/ Vaginas/ Final answer/ #nsfw
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THE SAME GUY. ARE HUMANS JUST FREAK CLONES OF ONE ANOTHER? ACTUALLY, THINKING ABOUT IT, I THINK I'VE SEEN ONLY MAYBE FIVE DIFFERENT UNIQUE HUMANS ON HERE TOTAL.
ive never been c0nvinced it's not a wh0le bunch of extremely different humans wh0 never figured out the website lets y0u pick different names and col0rs.
PLEASE, AS IF ANY OF THOSE FUCKING CHARLATANS COULD BE ME. I'M THE ONLY ONE I'VE SEEN WHO ACTUALLY BEAT THE GAME, *OUR* ITERATION OF THE GAME. I KEPT ALL OF MY FRIENDS ALIVE, *AND* I AM A GOD DAMN EMPEROR. IF ANYTHING, *THEY'RE* CHEAP IMITATIONS OF *ME.*
Peons under your great and mighty hoof, bro, that's what I've been hearing. Grind their chitin into furikake for your supper, because you rule supreme over every pale imitation kani out there. They're straight-up fish paste in comparison to your homegrown, no fake, no additives, no MSG, no artificial coloring, no artificial flavors, no deviation, no bullshit, wholesale, real deal, real dude, real shit. Right? An essence of the true self exists within every derivative, no matter how pitiful. Regardless of how high you might shoot or how low you might stoop, some things always stay the same. There's no greater motherfucker out there capable of identifying these key factors than me, so strap your belt down, chucklefuck, and receive your one word synopsis. Your personality mainline encompassed, I speak it true like the Lorax busting a goddamn burn on Nestlé itself. Behold, dear Karkats. You all bleed just one thing: Ego.
I NEVER SAID THAT THEY AREN'T REAL. DERIVATIVES? YES. I'M THE REAL GOOD CEREAL ON THE STORE SHELF YOUR LUSUS BUYS WHEN THEY WANT TO MAKE SOME KIND OF GESTURE TOWARDS THE VAGUE IDEA THAT THEY LOVE YOU. THE OTHER ONES? THE HOMEBRAND SHIT THAT YOU EAT WITH WATER WHEN THE PAYCHECK IS ON ITS LAST GOD DAMN LEGS AND YOU KNOW THAT DINNER LATER WILL BE THE ICE SOUP SPECIAL. BOTH OF US ARE REAL, THEY ARE DEFINITELY, FACTUALLY 'KARKAT VANTAS', BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE ME. I AM THE BLOOD EMPEROR, AND I DEMAND MY POUND OF FLESH THAT THOSE OTHER KARKATS ARE ENTIRELY TOO FUCKING SPINELESS TO DEMAND. THEY'VE GROWN SOFT, SITTING THERE IN THE WATER WHILE I'VE BEEN NOURISHED BY MILK AND HONEY.
Right. That's what I just said, broski. I'm not doubting your object permanence here. The existence of real versus fake here is solely to distinguish gemkat from lower slopkat. Both kats. Both different breeds. But a dog will always be a dog. Anyway. Speaking of bleedin' ego, you just opened your main vein.
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HOOFBEAST'S ASS. I ALREADY GET THIS KIND OF SHIT FROM THE VOID EMPEROR.
GOD DAMN UPSTART.
YOU FUCKING HUMANS ARE *OBSESSED* WITH BEING FUNNY! NONE OF YOU ARE FUCKING FUNNY! IT WOULD *NOT* BE COOL TO EXPOUND UPON MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS WITH SOME STRANGER OVER THE INTERNET.
karkaaaaaaaat karkaaaaaaaaaaaaaat karkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat i wanna know why wouldnt that be cool itd be so hells of cool
IT IS NOT COOL. DO NOT ADDRESS ME LIKE YOU KNOW ME. YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS 'BLOOD EMPEROR' OR 'SIR' OR 'YOUR HIGHNESS'. NOTHING ELSE.
hold on blood emperor is kinda fire did you come up with that yourself thatd be a sick producer tag
OBVIOUSLY. EVERYONE ON THE BOC CARRIES THE SAME TITLE, ASSOCIATED WITH THEIR ASPECT. VOID EMPEROR, MIND EMPRESS, DOOM EMPEROR, BREATH EMPRESS ETC
A WHAT YOU FUCKING MORON. IT'S THE WORD FOR YOUNG TROLLS. GRUB < WRIGGLER < ADOLESCENT < ADULT.
yeah ok sure but you didn't say *a* wriggler you just said wriggler so i was clarifying anyways i could talk all pompous and smart and whatever but thats not very dave strider of me
TOP THREE ALTERNIAN BOOKS: THE COUNT OF MONTAY CRISTO BY ALXNDR DUMAAS GREAT EXPECTATIONS BY CHARLES DIKENS AND THEN THERE WERE NONE BY AGATHA CRISTI
SOME OF YOU HAVE THE MOST DISGUSTINGLY UNREADABLE QUIRKS KNOWN TO FUCKING TROLLKIND.
1 837 Y1UR 8453M3N7 5UCK5 F47 5P1NY 8ULG3N 84R85 M1N3 H4S 4 G4MECUB3
IT'S NOT ABOUT ME BEING ABLE TO READ THE MESSAGE, IT'S ABOUT THE PRINCIPAL OF RESPECTING YOURSELF ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY DEVELOP A GOOD QUIRK.
[/-∊n♱rΩpy gr-∊yƗng Ωu♱./] -- ΩΩⴵ bΩy! Ⱥ prƗz-∊! Ɨ'll mȺ|⟨-∊ Σur-∊ Ɨ Σ♱rΩ|⟨-∊ Ⱥ♱ Ⱥ r-∊Σp-∊☪︎♱Ⱥbl-∊, mΩd-∊Σ♱ pȺ☪︎-∊. RuΣⴵƗng Σu☪︎ⴵ 屮Ωuld b-∊ brȺΣⴵ. -- [/ΣȺmΣȺrȺ'Σ Σ屮ȺnΣΩng./]
<d3rlord3> Any quirk can be good, they are the representation of the self, no? So wouldn't saying someone's quirk is bad be like saying "hey your representation of yourself sucks"
0H 0K4Y 15 7H47 4 L07 C4N Y0U 4L55K 0N3 0F 7H3M 70 M4K3 M3 4 54NDW1CH 1'M HUNGRHY 4ND 1 D0N'7 KN0W H0W 70 C00K
[/-∊n♱rΩpy gr-∊yƗng Ωu♱./] -- Ɨ mƗgⴵ♱, bu♱ ♱ⴵȺ♱'Σ Ω|⟨Ⱥy. -- [/ΣȺmΣȺrȺ'Σ Σ屮ȺnΣΩng./]
i already skip any p0st i can't read on text c0lor al0ne. a pickme quirk is just the crust on the eyes0re.
WHAT'S WITH THE SUDDEN UPTICK IN MEDICULLERS, BY THE WAY? DID WE FINALLY PAY DOCTORTURERS ENOUGH TO AFFORD CONSISTENT INTERNET ACCESS?
|--[ i hAve Been here fOr A lOng time. just inActive until recently. But i will sAy it is Odd But nice tO see mOre medicullers here. ]-->
IT REALLY BOGGLES THE FUCKING MIND HOW I'M CONSIDERED 'EDGY' WHEN SOME OF YOU SELF AGGRANDIZING FUCKS ON HERE ARE CALLING YOURSELVES EXTRA DIMENSIONAL BEINGS OR WHATEVER THE FUCK. TROLL SEPHIROTH CALLED, HE WANTS HIS SHTICK BACK.
Never Compare My " King " To The Worthless, Self Described " All Powerful " " Losers " On This Site Ever Again.
IF IT AMELIORATES YOUR USELESS FUCKING TEMPER ANY I HAVE NO GOD DAMN CLUE WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
Ah, Allow Me To Simplify It For You So You Are Better Ale To Understand. " Edgy " Chittr Users Are Not Worthy To Be Compared To Sephiroth.
OH WOW I DID READ THAT RIGHT, YOU'RE GOING TO BAT FOR A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. YOU'RE A FUCKING INSANE PERSON.
I DIDN'T SENTENCE *ANYONE* TO DEATH, THAT WAS BY ORDER OF THE COURTS. AND IT WASN'T JUST BECAUSE OF AN INFOMERCIAL, PEOPLE WERE TERRORIZED BY THAT FUCKING THING.
I Am Going To Make Sure I Get My Grubby Little Prongs On One Of Those Egg Devices, And Every Light You Will Receive A Message From Me With A Video Of Me Using It Attached.
IF YOU WANT TO TORTURE YOURSELF TO SATISFY YOUR SICK MASOCHISTIC FANTASIES, BE MY GUEST. YOU AREN'T A RESIDENT OF DIVIDEND AND ARE THEREFORE UNIMPORTANT TO ME.
SEE IF YOU CAN FUCKING BREAK ME, YOU HEDONISTIC BASTARD. I AM THE GOD DAMN BLOOD EMPEROR AND I CAN WITHSTAND MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY DISH OUT.
THE PHYLAXIS CITY THEATER TROUPE HAS BEEN PUTTING OUT BANGER AFTER FUCKING BANGER OVER THE LAST FEW SWEEPS. I MIGHT HAVE TO RECRUIT THEM TO PUT ON PERFORMANCES AT THE PALACE.
THANK GOD THAT IF ONE THING SURVIVED THE ANNIHILATION OF ALTERNIA IT WAS MUSICAL THEATER.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BECOME 'BROADWAY KARKAT' IF BROADWAY IS A HUMAN THING? GOD, YOUR SPECIES IS FUCKING DENSE.
just.... look it up on the human internet.... its a really funny reference i promise :/
HOW WOULD I HAVE ACCESS TO THE HUMAN INTERNET? I ONLY HAVE ACCESS TO CHITTR VIA SOME ASININE BLIP IN SPACETIME. ALSO REFERENCE JOKES AREN'T FUNNY, YOU SHOULD REALLY INVEST IN A BETTER FUNNYBONE. I HAVE A CLOWN TO DIRECT YOU TO IF YOU NEED LESSONS IN HOW TO ACTUALLY BE A WORTHY MEMBER OF YOUR SPECIES.
i made myself laugh and thats all i care about :)
HAD A MEETING TODAY WITH THE RAGE EMPEROR AND THE HEAVENLY ORDER OF NEW KLOWNS. IF NOTHING ELSE, THE EMPRESS WAS RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING: GET A CLOWN TO DO THE HANDS-ON WORK AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FIT INTO PLACE. YOU SHOULD ALL BE SEEING MY MOIRAIL *VERY* SOON. I'VE GIVEN HIM LEAVE TO COME KEEP AN EYE ON ALL OF YOU STRANGE FUCKS, AND HE SEEMS EAGER TO MEET YOU.
IF YOU AS A GROWN-ASS TROLL ARE STILL THINKING OF YOUR LUSUS, YOU'RE LINGERING ENTIRELY TOO MUCH ON THE PAST AND IT'S GOING TO TEAR YOUR FUCKING SKULL APART. THERE'S NO BRINGING THEM BACK, THERE'S NO CHANGING WHATEVER IT IS THAT HAPPENED TO THEM. YOU'RE BETTER OFF MOVING ON.
My love, my most dearest darlingest fool, the act of parenting... is what a lusus does... Most species just opt to have the idiot who spawned you do it instead of literally like, a dog or something
DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. THERE'S ONLY ELEVEN PEOPLE ALIVE WHO'VE EARNED THE RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME AS AN EQUAL.
whaaaat! dude, pity is awesome! it's right up there with fondly reminiscing about your dead loved ones and trying to live in a way that honors how you'd like to have treated them were they still around! easily top 10 manifestations of bonds between hearts, eeeeasily
MY PITY IS RESERVED ENTIRELY FOR MY MOIRAIL AND SIMILARLY I'LL ONLY ACCEPT IT FROM HIM IN TURN. YOUR ADVANCES, WHILE UNDERSTANDABLE, ARE KIND OF MAKING ME DRY HEAVE A LITTLE SO BACK OFF.
BACK FROM THE QUARTER-SWEEP MEETING WITH THE BOC. YOU SIMPLY COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO WRANGLE WHAT SHOULD BE A COLLECTIVE OF WORLD-CONQUERING BADASSES INTO AN ACTUALLY FUNCTIONING COHORT. THE SPACE EMPRESS HAS BEEN CHALLENGING ME AGAIN. I SHOULD TALK TO HER ABOUT THAT.
WHY HAVEN’T YOU SIMPLY KILLED THEM AND TAKEN SUPREME POWER FOR YOURSELF.
THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS YOU FUCKING IGNORANT DOUCHE. I'M NOT ABOUT TO RAZE HER TO THE GROUND JUST BECAUSE SHE DISAGREES WITH ME A FEW TIMES. ...PERSUASION OF SOME KIND MIGHT BE NECESSARY, HOWEVER.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY FAILED 'ME'S ON THE TIMELINE AT PRESENT.
OHH NOO, MR GOD COMPLEX IS ACTING ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY. NEWS FLASH, ASSHOLE, NO MATTER HOW STRONG YOU ARE, WE'RE BOTH ON THIS SHITHOLE OF A WEBSITE NOT SLEEPING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M AGREEING WITH YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, BUT YEAH, THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING WEIRD.
PERHAPS I'D TAKE YOU MORE SERIOUSLY IF YOU DIDN'T TAKE YOUR DARING QUIPS FROM ITS ALWAYS SUNNY IN SHRILADELPHIA. I'M NOT SLEEPING BECAUSE THESE ARE MY WORK HOURS, YOU FUCKING MORON.
I must admit that I came in here to question your word choice, as is typical, and seeing that I thought Hm. No, that was too weird.
WHO THE FUCK WATCHES THAT SHOW ANYMORE? I BEAT THE GAME TOO, BUT I DIDN'T BECOME A DOUCHEBAG OVER IT!
Much like the original poster did not ask for your opinion. Amazing how these things work.
I AGREE WITH MY FULL BLOODPUSHER. THERE'S NOT ENOUGH KARKATS WHO CAN ACTUALLY WIN AT CARD GAMES!
TODAY, DIVIDEND SEES ITS FIRST PUBLIC EXECUTION. THIS IS A GRIM CHAPTER IN THE HISTORY OF OUR PLANET, BUT ULTIMATELY A NECESSARY ONE. ROLLIE GLIZZY, INVENTOR OF THE EVIL AND DIABOLICAL ROLLIE EGG MASTER, WILL SEE JUSTICE ENACTED AFTER TWELVE DAYS OF STRINGENT COURT DEBATE. NO MORE WILL THIS HEINOUS FUCKING DEVICE HAUNT THE AIRWAVES IN THE FORM OF DISTRESSING INFOMERCIALS, NO LONGER WILL OFFICE SPACES HAVE TO ENDURE THE ARDUOUS, INFERNAL HISSING OF THIS THING TRYING TO SHIT OUT A LEVIATHAN OF PROTEIN, AND, AFTER TODAY, NO LONGER WILL THIS VILLAIN, THIS *SICK FUCK* DRAW BREATH. TO THE VICTIMS, YOU HAVE MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES. TO THOSE WHO AIDED AND ABETTED MR. GLIZZY, KEEP LOOKING OVER YOUR SHOULDER. TO ALL OTHERS. GOODLIGHT.
UGH, I REALLY HATE TALKING TO 'OTHER MES'. IN WHAT FUCKING REALM OR REALITY WOULD I SAY 'YA'? THE ABYSMAL STATE OF PARADOX SPACE SICKENS ME TO THE VERY FUCKING CORE.
… DIDN’T KNOW HAVIN’ A FUCKIN’ ACCENT WAS SUCH A FEDERAL GOG DAMN ISSUE.
No, but you clearly want an audience to your cruelty. So I am playing the peanut gallery.
... OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT. MAYBE DIVIDEND IS ALRIGHT.
*THIS* IS WHAT IT TOOK TO CONVINCE YOU?
OKAY WELL. I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO EAT *AND* GET REST IN, SO I'LL JUST GO TO 'CUPE FOR DINNER AND IT'LL BE FINE.
SLEEP FOR DINNER IS A VALID DIET OPTION, KARKAT. NOT THE ONE I WOULD PRESCRIBE, AND DEFINITELY NOT THE ONE I'D EXPECT OF THE BLOOD EMPEROR OF HIS ENDGAME TIMELINE, BUT GIVEN THAT I'VE BEEN HAVING CIGARETTES FOR DINNER FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS, WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW.
COMPUTER, TAKE A NOTE. IT MIGHT BE IMPOSSIBLE TO COMPLETELY RECONSTITUTE LUSUS GENES CONSIDERING THEY ALL DIED WITH ALTERNIA. IT'S NOT LIKE WE WERE ABLE TO BRING OURS WITH US OUTSIDE OF BEING SPRITES, WHO ARE NOW VERY MUCH GONE, AND WE DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO THE ECTOBIOLOGY EQUIPMENT THAT I DID IN THE VEIL WHEN I FIRST CREATED US AND THE OTHER TWELVE (WHO THE FUCK WERE THEY ANYWAY? WHATEVER, WHO FUCKING CARES). BUT! BUT. WE HAVE SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER GENETIC SPLICING TECHNOLOGY THAN WE HAD ON ALTERNIA. IF I CAN GET THE HEART EMPRESS AND THE LIFE EMPRESS TO WORK TOGETHER ON A GENE SPLICING PROJECT (POSSIBLY INVOLVE KANAYA TOO?) MAYBE WE CAN MAKE CHIMERAS OUT OF THE ANIMALS WE HAVE HERE.
FUCKS SAKE. I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S STARTED DOING THIS BULLSHIT, BUT IT KEEPS FORWARDING MY NOTES TO CHITTR. I'VE MANAGED TO CATCH IT A FEW TIMES BEFORE IT GOES THROUGH, BUT OTHER TIMES I'M TOO DISTRACTED. WHATEVER, I'M NOT PARTICULARLY CONCERNED ABOUT THIS ONE GETTING OUT.
THE NATURALLY EVOLVED LUSII OF DIVIDEND ARE INTERESTING. THEY COME IN A SIGNIFICANTLY LARGER BEVY OF COLORS THAN THE LUSII OF ALTERNIA. I'M NOT AN EXPERT IN LUSUS BIOLOGY, THAT'S JUST NOT MY PURVIEW SO DON'T TRY AND PRESS ME FOR ANSWERS LIKE I'M ASK FUCKING JEEVES, BUT FROM THE LECTURES THE HEART EMPRESS HAS GIVEN ME THAT I DIDN'T AUTOMATICALLY TUNE OUT OF, ALTERNIAN LUSII HAVE WIDESPREAD LEUCISM BECAUSE OF ALTERNIA BEING A LARGELY NOCTURNAL PLANET. THE ANIMALS HERE DIDN'T EVOLVE IN THE SAME WAY- THE SUN IS NOT ONLY FURTHER AWAY BUT ALSO GENERALLY COLDER- WE'RE ABLE TO ACTUALLY WALK AROUND IN THE DAY (EXTREMELY FUCKING WEIRD TO GET USED TO, BY THE WAY) AND SO ARE THE ANIMALS. WE'VE BEEN LOOKING INTO THE POSSIBILITY OF BREEDING BONDING INSTINCTS INTO DIVIDEND'S ANIMAL POPULATION SO THAT TROLLS CAN HAVE LUSII AGAIN RATHER THAN JUST PETS, BUT IT'S PROVING REALLY GOD DAMN DIFFICULT. THEY JUST DON'T HAVE THE SAME OLFACTORY CAPABILITIES ALTERNIAN LUSII DID, SO I GUESS THE FIRST STEP IS TO MAKE THE ANIMALS ABLE TO DISCERN TROLL BLOOD BY SCENT? GOD THIS LOGISTICS SHIT IS GIVING ME A FUCKING MIGRAINE. IF ANYONE WITH ANY ACTUAL FUCKING INSIGHT INTO THIS IS READING, FEEL FREE TO PIPE UP AND CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY IN A WAY BEYOND JUST THE REQUIREMENTS OF THE DRONES.
ngl sounds like u need to go into the ectobiology department an get the dna of the old alternian lusi and combine it with the new one im sure u will figure it out eventually but dont do somethin that causes them to become bloodthirsty for trolls
SEE I WAS WITH YOU UNTIL THE END WHERE YOU IMPLIED THAT WE MIGHT BE SOME KIND OF FUCKING CIRCLE OF MORONS WHO'D UNLEASH AN UNTESTED GENETIC EXPERIMENT ONTO THE WIDER POPULATION.
no im not callin u morons but anyone can fuck up or somethin can escape even if the plan is full proof it just takes one massive pain in the ass 2 escape containment and then casualties happen unless u do it jurassic park style an only work with land lusi
idk what the fuck that is im just lettin u know shit can happen thats all anyway good luck with ur lusi project hope it works out for ur society
Maybe more than just the Jades can pick up the slack? Do the trolls on Dividend not see a benefit to helping to steer the future generations? I know troll caretakers are HARDLY the norm where we come from, you know better than any what bonds with your fellows can do for trolls!
SOME THINGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE FOR A REASON. KEEPING LINES, EVEN IF THEY'RE LOOSER NOW, MEANS THERE'S LESS CHANCE OF THE PEOPLE COMING TOGETHER AGAINST US.
…Why would the people want to come together against you? Are you not doing right by your people? What’s the purpose?
OF COURSE WE'RE DOING RIGHT BY THEM- WE'RE DOING WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO KEEP THE PLANET AND TROLLS AS A SPECIES SAFE. YOU WOULDN'T FUCKING GET IT.
I get it, I just think you’re misguided, Emperor Vantas. I think if you hold on too tightly to the old ways.. You will end up breaking your fragile new empire before it can be as great as you want it to be.
COMPUTER, ORDER MY USUAL FROM SMACK-IN-THE-BOX
SURE THING BROCHACHO. ALSO I ADDED A STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE BECAUSE WHY NOT
TODAY'S AGENDA INCLUDES: -COMMISSIONING PAINTINGS FOR ALL OF US ON THE BOARD TO HANG IN THE NEW ALTERNIAN MUSEUM THAT THE HOPE EMPREX IS OPENING -MAKE A SPEECH AT THE CAVALREAPER CORPS GRADUATION CEREMONY -DISCUSS WITH VRISKA AND TAVROS ABOUT INSURRECTIONIST MOVEMENTS IN THE NORTH -CHECK ON THE PROGRESS FOR ERECTING ANOTHER WING OF CASTLE VANTAS.