Jack Noir
@tenebrousCutthroat
You read the Carapacian's bio. It appears to be a well-maintained list of stab victims, with links to his various knife-themed alt accounts.
==> Be the handsome Carapacian. Your name is JACK NOIR. You're a cutthroat criminal from the moon of DERSE, though you'd call yourself more of a STABBER WITHOUT BORDERS. You have many interests, including STABBING, STABBING, STABBING, STABBING, and NOT SPENDING TIME ON WEIRD TROLL WEBSITES. Unfortunately, it looks like you've found yourself on a WEIRD TROLL WEBSITE. And you haven't figured out how to STAB someone through the INTERNET yet.
==> Ponder on identity. We all wear different faces.
Another day, another face.
==> Check Chittr. You - oh, looks like something's already happen. You read up on what's happening. That's... That's rough, buddy. That's rough.
==> Post a warning. You type a missive informing members of the Felt that following you is grounds for a stabbing. In fairness, this is equally true for non-members of the Felt.
we need to put every clown on this site into funny court. Funny trial even. I want some actual fucking jokes here or they are getting executed.
this is vwhat im saying!!! i could do standup and no one wvould vwanna execute me, make em do the same
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 I refuse to give you the pleasure Mr uhhhh.... Jack Noir if that is your real name. No jokes shall be supplied to anyone actually requesting entertainment, I prefer to only provide and offer entertainment for the ones who least want it. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
You get one chance or I'm hunting you down.
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 And I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! If you are not the granddaddy of all liars! Think of the little critters of nature... They do not know how ugly they are! That is very funny! A fly marrying a bumblebee! I told you I would shoot! But you didn't believe me! Why didn't you believe me? Fuck you and the filthy hoofbeast you rode in on. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
My one dream on this site is to one get a badge thats just "# numberonestab"
==> Check Chittr. Sigh. The new monitor's in, might as well browse for a few minutes while Deuce makes you your morning coffee. You greet the world, and ask the idiots what they're up to today.
Good Evening, Friend! Are you ready for a Swell day?
GOING TO THE DOCTORS
==> This guy's weird. Abscond. You stab the monitor again. You're not putting up with this today.
Stop wanting to be stabbed by me when I say something about it. When I stab you, I want you to suffer, not moan like a fucking weirdo. #nsfw
==> Greet old friend. You're shocked to see the face of @heartbreakingButch around this pigsty. Ol' Boxcars seems to have made a few adjustments to their gender since the last time you took a gander, but you know what? Good for her. You're just glad there's somebody *sane* here. You write her a chit to let her know of your presence, and the possibility of linking back up for another heist sometime.
AW FUCK NICE TO SEE A FAMILIAR FACE NOT AS PRETTY AS MINE BUT THATS HARD TO LIVE UP TO. YOU NAME THE TIME AND PLACE, AND ILL BE THERE FOR YA
==> Chat with the first normal person here. You chuckle, and inform Boxcars that it's not easy keeping your mug pretty when you keep eating crowbars to the face. Crowbars... You inform her to keep her ears to the ground. You're gonna take that Huge Bitch down soon, and you'll need all the help you can get.
==> Respond. Sigh. Some things never change, you suppose. Just keep your pulchritudinous pitchwise feelings in your pants on the job, Boxcars. Save it for the warehouse interrogation afterparty.
@pulchritudePowerhouse sleuth sleuth sleuth sleuth sleuth sleuth sleuth sleuth sleuth sleuth sleuth -from the office of ace dick detective agency
==> Try and find somebody less pathetic on this website. You hunch over the desk in despair, before sitting upright once more to face the keyboard. Surely not everyone on this site is a pincushion, right? One of two of them have to have something resembling a backcarapace, you think, as you type a witty and charismatic (as always) missive on the virtues of bloodletting via sharp kitchen implement.
>> a 1ot of comp1a¡ntડ and excuડeડ for ડomeone who'ડ ડuppoડed1y a ડk¡11ed profeડડ¡ona1 ડtabber pડડhh ¡'11 be1¡eve ¡t when ¡ ડee ¡t, bud
==> Reply to the pathetic green one. No. You're sorry, but no. This one doesn't even justify a response.
>> ¡t ડeemડ 1¡ke ડomebody ¡ડn't ડo conf¡dent ¡n the¡r penchant for punctur¡ng, ¡dk ¡f ¡t were me ¡ wou1da been ab1e to ડtab ડomebody a1ready ¡f ¡ rea11y waડ that adept at ¡t ¡ gueડડ not every cook haડ what ¡t takeડ to be a Chef
==> Be the handsome Carapacian. Your name is JACK NOIR. You're a cutthroat criminal from the moon of DERSE, though you'd call yourself more of a STABBER WITHOUT BORDERS. You have many interests, including STABBING, STABBING, STABBING, STABBING, and NOT SPENDING TIME ON WEIRD TROLL WEBSITES. Unfortunately, it looks like you've found yourself on a WEIRD TROLL WEBSITE. And you haven't figured out how to STAB someone through the INTERNET yet.
==> Reply, once again, to the strangle purple troll. God, is he trying to *flatter* you now? You politely but firmly inform him that you've perfected the art of knifeplay, and have no need for "TEST SUBJECTS".
My jurisdiction is where I damn well make it, Crab Noir! I was indulging in FENESTROLOGY back when these kids were in diapers, ain't nowhere a sleuth can't go! Also as if I'd wanna be one of those InterFOOLS anyway....
==> Once more, take valuable time out of your day to humour the strange purple fellow. You... honestly can't find a retort to this one. That's a damn good point. Maybe he ain't so bad after all.
==> Mock the detective. Yeah, take it up with your lawyer, you say as you aim a rude hand gesture squarely at your screen.
>> you cou1d probab1y ડtab me too ¡f you rea11y wanted y'know,, juડt ડay¡ng,,
==> Oh god, another one? These people are pathetic. Are they seriously *all* asking you to stab them?
>> yeડ, becauડe ¡'m pathet¡c, you got ¡t ડpot on :))
==> Regret the life choices that lead you here. Kid like this, ain't even worth the knife. It'd be like stabbing wet sand. No fun at all.
>> ડhou1d ¡ put up more of a f¡ght? wou1d that work? nooo don't ડtab me p1eaડe nooo