LORD URACIL
@theCaptain
KILLER OF USELESS TIMELINES. CONNOISSEUR OF SPIDER BITCHES. YOUR CAPTAIN. BORN FROM URACILUMBRAGE.TUMBLR.COM. ((account currently retired!
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 10: wvriska serket #nsfvw #nsfvwe #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #cagttl lol sorry for not making you part 8. this is about the point wvhere, if youre a highblood, you stop havwing an immediate advwantage. i mean, there might still be something if youre a lovwblood and you wvanna do some rewversal stuff going on, but i dont knowv enough about that to comment. nah, instead vwe gotta get right to this jerk-88 8a8e. shes a lot like terezi. hell, play your cards right, could get a scourge sister threesome going on. but wvhat i mean is that shes usually a bit of a paper tiger. showve her around a bit and shell crumple. she might complain and vwhine the vwhole time but she aint about to stop you. see the big difference here is that wvriskas are desperate. she needs to be wvanted, to be useful, to be appreciated. vriskas are some of the biggest suckers for compliments i knovw. you cant let her actually feel stability though, she needs to be afraid that evwerything shes vworked so hard for might get swvept out from under her feet at any moment. thats howv you svweep her off her feet, bada boom. lay it on thick vwith the backhanded compliments, especially if shes a lil skinnier. for some reason ivwe met a lotta wvriskas embarrassed about her cup size. another big thing, lusus issus. hoo boy, shes gottem out the wvazoo. she thinks shes gotta be wviolent and strong and the one in charge, so you make her feel soft and wveak and dependent on you, the provwider shes newver had. i like to be a lil stern sometimes too, telling her off for cussing, maybe throvwing a fevw spankings in there. they go gaga for that. im not just talking in the body though, its gotta be in the mind. if she can mind control you, uhh... hot, but also good luck, ivwe literally newver had to wvorry about that. the point is, shes using to controlling other people, so you gotta get in her head and rewverse it on her. make her feel like shes got no choice but to think the wvay you vwant her to think. i think wvriskas are probably the biggest losers there are. i mean that in a relativwe sense, like obvwiously there are people vwho start at a lowver baseline, but howv far these serks fall is just incredible. theyll go from saying shed newver be wvith a guy like you to mumbling about howv she vwants to gargle your globes in the space of one conwversation. dont let her evwer start to climb back up after she falls. yoink her glasses maybe, tell her she looks cute wvithout em, so she has to cling onto you to wvalk anyvwhere. make her dress all demeaning, make her act cutesy, just totally humili8 this girl. its like, karmic justice or vwhatevwer, she lowves it. r8ing: bod: wvriskas tend from scrawvny to awverage in my experience. youll sometimes meet the 8im8o bod ones sure, but theyre outliers. she tends to be pretty insecure about her figure wvhich makes up for it. plenty cute, ill take it. 6/10 wvariety: theres a lot you can do wvith wvriska. shes competitivwe, shes ovwerconfident, shes needy, shes desperate, shes a loser, shell go for stupid bets, she might evwen mind screvw some other gals for her if you ask nicely. shout out to the magic card game vwris, vwhat a keeper. 10/10 ease: this is a hard one to rate because shes on both extremes. either its an instant loss 2koma type thing, or she makes each lil wvictory like pulling teeth. im inclined to giwve her the benefit of the doubt here since she makes it fun. 7.9/10 personality: another hard one to rate. like, shes annoying sure, and desperate, and needy, and clingy, but sometimes thats vwhat you vwant in a gal. wvriskas are probably the best around if you actually vwant to "date" someone but dont vwant it to be longterm. set yourself up right so she hangs off your ewvery vword and shell practicallly vworship you. real cute. 7.9/10 ovwerall: okay baby, ill stop edging you. 8/10. if i can tell shes looking to be broken ill alvways go for a tumble wvith a wvriska. wvho doesnt lowve a classic fall from grace? plus, since shes like a bad person or something it means i dont havwe to wvorry about being sexist or misogynistic or vwhatevwer, no one cares if you act like that tovwards someone they dont like. vwhat a lady, huh?
THIS IS MASTERFUL WORK. HOWEVER, I AM GONNA HAVE TO KILL YOU FOR BEING COMPETITION.
[Cringe Compil8ion has 8een upd8ed!] Oh 8oy! This is a treasure hoard of unfiltered cringe tier crap. Nothing screams jealous of my loot louder than waving around a picture of….....what, exactly? Torn-up god tier pajamas? The ones you get for free with ascension? Stunning. Revolutionary. Some8ody call the treasure historians at such a score!
I would advoc8te for a collective 8oycott of his content. 8y engaging with his posts, even to express disdain, you inadvertently valid8te his relevance in sending him to the 'Loathed' rankings. Why do you choose to eternalise that to 8e found, when you can let it wither away like it deserves. He misinterprets this notoriety as a mark of pitch success rather than a reflection of his polarising nature
There was no need for that language.
She evidently craves the desire to 8e smug, and even when she is aware of the set-up, she once again shows that when it comes to destiny, she is always to inflict foolery upon her name.
1 4m NOT BL1ND.
YOUR ARCHETYPE IS YOUR ARCHETYPE, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT WHICH SPECIFIC LUCKY VARIANT YOU MAY BE.
Good morning to you too, Other Captain.
Tell the cretin yourself @lordUracil
Someone has to 8r8k it to you that you're second fiddle.
SPEAKING OF 8R8KING, I’VE STILL GOT YOU PENCILED ON MY SCHEDULE, BITCH.
I only found that Wordle existed two nights ago and I've 8roke my streak 8y not playing it.
It's not even a8out ver8osity, it involves a five letter word!
FIVE LETTER WORD: BITCH. AS IN SPIDER. AS IN YOU. A SLOPPY ALTERNATE, THOUGH. SHAME. I CAN STILL MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF YOU THOUGH.
Spider is invalid as it is six letters long.
Also six letters.
🐾#Nsfw | what’s a Pirate’s favorite kiNk? PeggiNg! hehe,
Ⓧ No one likes the kidnapping solution to a crush. It's because you all lack my vision. Ⓧ
[AN IMAGE IS ATTACHED. IT IS A SHIPS ROOM FILLED WITH PLUNDERED TIMELINE TREASURES, FROM JUJU TO LEGENDARY WEAPONS AND TATTERED GODTIER CLOTHES.]
Look at all the clothes he 8ecame too fat to wear. Lay off the grog.
COULD ALWAYS USE A NEW SPIDER BITCH TO POLISH THE COLLECTION, GLAD YOU’RE VOLUNTEERING.
8last it.
8ury yourself in a shallow grave, so 8ark8easts can urin8te on your 8allsack of a cranium.
Name something you will never 8e. ^
MAYBE NOT, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY? I’LL STILL BE YOUR CAPTAIN.
My 8loodline does not demote, it only takes and I will never see that night come.
I’VE GOT A SHIP OF CREW THAT SAYS OTHERWISE, BITCH. AND A FIRST M8 TOO.
The only role I will take for you, is as your executioner. You can call me Jack Ketch, 8itch.