sticky sbahjo
@turntechGodhead
so i asked the guy, do you sell seashells, and he was like, what? what are you talking about? and i go well you are by the sea, so it would make sense if you sold seashells, by the sea shore, and he
guys i might have overcommitted but i think im in too deep now to go back what do i do
Change nothing and do this forever
well shit i guess youre right i mean theres not really any going back cant exactly turn back the clock i mean you can but you cant you know what i mean time only flows in very specific nondescript ways and right now it is catapulting me straight down into sticky sbahjo land
>> Mr. ડbahjo, you have a c1¡ent wa¡t¡ng for you on 1¡ne 3.
You are so good at saying bullshit, Stick Sbahjo.
oh shit ok hold the line im coming i just need to wrap up these papers and quiet this desk pager and remember where i put my left shoe im coming hold the line
thank you its a hard job around here but i do try my best theres a lot of lines to sign on and a lot of pages to go through with a lot of really big hard words but thats why they voted me sticky sbahjo into temporary office the town needed a leader and they got one
Poor Sticky! Alas, I knew him... vaguely. :B
hey hey hey guys did you know that my human name would be dave
not my past sins im not ready to face those yet ghost dave
>> y'a11 are ડo uncreat¡ve ડmh that'd be 1¡ke ¡f ¡ ડa¡d my human name waડ H¡me ✋😔
its cool ill face em for you
wait dude but youre so cooking with that it fits the bill its unique whats there not to love what am i going to do name myself sticky sbahjo (valid troll name by the way but is it me does it fit my vibe am i ready to commit to that forever)
youre so brave
>> ARE you ready to comm¡t to that forever, ડt¡cky?
lmao not much left to lose makes a dude pretty damn courageous i guess i should be in one of johns shitty movies where i am be the star its me and you cause we know i do this for the cause
i dont know man i dont know this is a lot of pressure and the clocks already running down its a big decision that i wasnt prepared to make five minutes ago that could alter the entire course of my life forever fuck it i guess im sticky now you know what were committing were going all the way we are doubling down yes dealer im putting all my money on it let it ride
>> T¡me to change your ડcreen name, Mr. ડbahjo, 1et'ડ make th¡ડ baby off¡c¡a1. ¡'m a1ready gett¡ng your deડk namep1ate 1aડer engraved.
so nice of you to help me out in transitioning during these hard times and uncertain future events i dont know what i would do without your help
you know far be it from me to be the one to say anything i think maybe troll romance is just sort of like that sometimes and i am definitely so far removed from being an expert that i really have no place commenting at all so were gonna condense it all into one vague rambling paragraph but i might be slightly mildly a little bit perhaps partially concerned #dashwatching
see were cool around here we dont name names or try to stir up any sort of fuss we make passive observations for the public to ponder and roll over in their heads but not in a way that might put a target on anybodys back because that wouldnt be cool and i would never do such a thing
yup heart of absolute gold you can tell by all the gold flakes that keep suspiciously appearing wherever i go wait no i think those are the remnants of the goldfish crackers from earlier but hey that doesnt make the statement any less true
i think i might be caffeinated
something about the ringing in my head and the buzzing in my limbs that tell me i have to go really fast right now or something will explode so guess what im currently doing
I WAS BEING SARCASTIC, BECAUSE I READ YOUR OTHER CHITS. BUT SURE, LET’S HUMOR THE ROCKET-POWERED WEASEL GOING 500 MILES A SECOND BECAUSE HE HAD SOME COCA COLA. WHAT *ARE* YOU CLOCKING IN AT ANYWAY? MACH SEVEN?
wow this guy actually reads my posts hey thats kind of cool i think i might be clocking at a solid mach 17 and i assure you coca cola is not the culprit this time although cola is really good and now i kind of want some but i both dont have any and i think if i tried to climb down the stairs right now i dont think id get to the bottom in one piece and i know your argument is going to be well then dave you shouldnt be climbing on the roof but listen you can only climb up or down and down is making me dizzy right now so up it is also hi karkat
OH MY THROBBING ANGUISH BLADDER, YOUR RUN-ON SENTENCE IS MAKING IT PRACTICALLY BURST WITH DISMAY FLUID. YOU NOW OWE ME FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES. I TAKE PAYMENT VIA CARD, CASH, OR MAYBE WHATEVER YOU’RE CONSUMING THAT ISN’T COLA. AND YEAH. HI DAVE. GET DOWN FROM THE ROOF.
oh no not your anguish bladder whose only sole evolutionary purpose i assume is to store your dismay fluid safely away from the rest of your organs and could very well be fatal if it ever exploded i mean that would be just tragic heres the problem though im both out of monster which is kind of impressive when you think about it given i had a whole crate here like three days ago and im also sort of entirely broke unless you accept stock photographs as an acceptable currency in which case i have a ton of those sorry man no can do im gonna touch the sky
YES, MY ANGUISH BLADDER, MEANT TO STORE MY DISMAY FLUID AND KEEP IT FROM LEAKING ALL OVER MY SPONGE AND OUT OF MY AURALDUCTS, IS IN DANGER OF BURSTING LIKE A THIN WATER BALLOON THROWN AT THE BACK OF A PUDGY CHILD’S HEAD. I GUESS I’M GOING TO HAVE TO ACCEPT YOUR STOCK PHOTOS IF IT MEANS I CAN GET SOME PAYBACK FOR HAVING TO LISTEN TO YOUR INCESSANT DRIVEL.
thank god because i have so many of them im starting to not know what to do with them theyre really cool and funny but ive also taken so many that weve gotten to a truly exorbitant number and at one point i just kept replicating more with grist because i had so much in the bank and i didnt know what else to do with it ill stop before your anguish bladder actually bursts open i would not want to be responsible for another death im a cool guy like that
MESSAGE ME WITH THE GOODS WHEN YOU’RE READY TO REPENT FOR YOUR MISSTEPS I GUESS. THE GOODS BEING THE STOCK PHOTOS. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY IM GENUINELY ASKING FOR THESE.
okay guys ive got an update i know youve all been waiting on the very edge of your seat for this wondering what the outcome would be and youve been unable to do anything else due to being locked in so do not worry ive got your back update one is make sure you take the drink out of the can first before microwaving this step is incredibly important do not skip it update two is it kind of tastes like tea like if you had some kind of crazy fruity artificial tea loaded with so much sugar and vaguely tainted by the sins of the world it kind of lost all its fizziness in the cooking process which is vaguely disappointing but i guess also kind of expected im gonna rate it a 6/10 not the best not the worst i did in fact drink the whole thing might do it again on a cold day if i ever get one
men in science making the fucking sacrifices for this country i salute you
do we think boiling monster would change its flavor or would it taste mostly the same just warm
M1CR0W4V3 4 C4N F0R 7H3 837H7 R35UL75!!!!
that was actually the plan from the beginning considering i cant use a stove and also i dont even think the stove here is connected to the gas anyway wish me luck
H3H3H334H4H4QHQHHQ L0LL0L0L G00D LUCK!!!
and stepping up to the plate is good ol insomniac with his trusty steel bat he plants a square stance ready for the swing and he goes so goddamn wide you can see him spinning around in place holy shit look at the guy go hes giving it his best but you know he never hits anything with his bat because jim if he could im sure hed hit himself on the head so he could actually fall asleep
hey guys if i meet a celebrity and they immediately die shortly afterwards what does that mean exactly
Poison
like he poisoned himself or like i somehow managed to bring poison to him i know im hammering the point a little but the nuances are important here
Dave = Poison
oh no its my worst fear exposure to me leads to a sudden and tragic demise we cant timeline our way out of this one boys or can we
Get in the DeLorean.
fuck ok im getting in im not asking questions please drive fast before something happens i cant be arrested again i already got a speeding ticket earlier today and i know youre the one driving but still
Vroom vroom, Dave. We're off.
⫸ d4mm. ⨀ne time i met my f4v⨀rite b4nd 4nd then the next week they br⨀ke up :(
fuck you might have a similar curse dude but its ok dont lose hope we are driving really fast right now and im sure we are going to find a cure trust
yEr vIbEs wErE WaY FuCkInG OfF )o:
oh boy
going somewhere going fast going nowhere going under
Where are you going?
i think currently possibly on my way to the metaphorical ER i mean my hearts going a million miles a minute and i did chug a couple monsters back to back which im sure is not something you were supposed to do but in the moment it tasted good and i was vibing and now its past the moment and my hands are shaking too much to hold my controller and i need to go somewhere but im not sure where that somewhere is supposed to be and i just passed a traffic light and i didnt stop and the cops on my ass and oh shit im about to be pulled over fuck fuck just play it cool slick your hair back and play it cool theyve got nothing on me
Pretty sure that you could've made this less longer, this is slightly painful to read.
i couldve but wheres the fun in that also might i recommend eye protection see you might be unaware but there is this really nifty thing called sunglasses aka shades aka super fucking cool spectacles that will protect your oculars from bright lights and overstimulation of excessively red text
hive defense tip just be like really really really high up like on the top floor of the top floor like on the roof theyll never get you nobody can climb that many stairs trust
on the one hand its late and i should probably draw the curtains and call it quits for the night before my sanity wanes from a thin line to a snapped cord that has no hope of being repaired on the other the controller is right here in my lap and if i dont pull off these sicknasty wallglitch moves on my board i mean who will
WAKE ME UP wake me up inside CANT WAKE UP wake me up inside #lyricposting #sorry #iwasfeelingleftout #anditsstuckinmyhead #soimforcingitonyoualltoo
SAVE MEEEEEEEE! Call my name and save. Me. From. The. Dark.
you fucking get me you understand we are so tight now like glue and paper
oh shit truth nuke
hey did you know that
if it makes you feel any better i have spent exactly zero days on alternia so you actually have a leg up on me in that department
why does this sound vaguely like a threat should i be concerned
Well dont leave us hanging!
maybe ill find a way to punch in some vacation time and visit one day
hey did you know that
What cruel trick is this.
hey did you know that i saw a bug earlier and it was really really cool i was probably originally going to say something way more profound ill be honest but the bug kind of derailed the entire train of thought and stole the whole show i mean it was a really cool bug
Why didnt you say so sooner! Ive got a prime bug collection thats itching to expand.
oh my god you guys the cool sunglasses blog followed me im famous ive achieved all my life goals i can die happy
unless you think theyre just trying to market to me but jokes on them im completely and entirely broke
okay you guys im armed and dangerous i can read anything anybody posts now look out im coming for you and im reading what youre typing be afraid
₍ᐢᐢ₎★ Literally shaking in my metaphorical boots #scaredstraight #withoutthestraight
yeah thats right youd better tremble before my newfound literary prowess you cant hide anything from these orbs anymore
[ tffP ]
i found it you guys it fell over its behind the table it also sort of spilled entirely everywhere and normally that would be a spectacular tragedy i mean really something that brings a tear to your eye over the lost potential but you know i think theres a deeper meaning this time i think its about loving something and needing to let it go to finally feel free and reminding yourself that youre not in control of everything and as scary as that is thats okay or maybe god is telling my fat ass to stop drinking so much soda because its bad for my teeth and its not a replacement for actual food even though sometimes i pretend it is because its a lot fucking easier and im still kind of scared of the stove despite knowing for a fact nothing is in there anymore and hey nobodys going to read this far on a social media site so i dont think i need to backspace that we are just going to let the thoughts keep flowing man i dont have any more of that flavor either i really liked the orange crush too damn what a shame
its that time of the night again where real things start to feel fake and fake things start to feel real now where did that half finished soda can go
၄⋆၃ real as hell turns slowly and stares at the suspixiously troll shaped shadows that keep moving out of the xorner of my ganderbulbs dot dot dot
they are probably not real and probably cant hurt you unless its past midnight then youre fucked and you should get a shotgun asap
၄⋆၃ sxratxhes my pan i think im fuxked but also i xannot be bothered to get off the floor
ah yes the classic "im absolutely fucking cooked but also i dont have enough energy to care to devise some sort of solution so i might as well enjoy the feeling of gravity until the weight of my ignorance catches up with me" play bold move if i do say so myself
oh cool were debating the morality of kidnapping thats a neat morning topic to have over this room temperature monster that i found under my bed
dont think ive ever been asked to select my blood color when signing up for a website before but fuck it we ball
damn dude i mean i guess that makes sense people do be out here lying and shit but like thats crazy having to give up a blood sample to get registered somewhere on a digital space when like the whole point of a space being digital is the fact that you can spoof yourself to be whoever you want to be while also sort of avoiding the consequences of being that person
bars i could be purple and youd never even know
cant argue with this one we are pretty fuckin weird actually
our entire lives are categorized and monitored I think we’re used to it
i mean to be honest humans sort of have a similar thing going for them its just not strictly related to blood color and is more related to like your social security number and what websites you look up that might put you on an FBI watchlist
ohhh yeah we have that shit too I just don’t know if our hatch num8ers are like Important or not I sure fucking hope not
do you also have to memorize them and use them every time you fill out government paperwork if not then i think youre probably safe
fuck no I ain’t filling out no paperwork ever
hahahaha real shit man dont let the government know what youve been up to make them dig up that information themselves were free spirits in a wild world and we cant be tamed
I keep it real and keep it hidden until my final adult molt when I am forced into our galaxy conquering fleet as canon fodder