Clubs Deuce
@clubsDeuce
the boss says i ain't allowed to put nothin' here no more.
It's probably a good thing that a video game destroyed my home before I had the chance to get into organized crime. It looks... stupid.
that's just 'cause you never tried it! the boss says only me 'n' boxcars got bricks for brains, so by process of elimination, everything else ain't stupid!
That's some pretty solid logic. It'd be a pretty intense pivot to make at this point, though. Also, I'm human. So I can't take part in "they threatened to eat me" gambits.
d'aw, that's a real shame. maybe if carapacians start threatenin' to eat humans, you could find your start in the business!
can i go and take a piss for five minutes or will i get another baseless accusation thrown at me in that space of time??
Solution: Never piss again, and you will be immune to all criticism.
i tried that, y'know. i don't recommend it, boss. it smarts reeeaaalll bad after a bit.
To those among you presently grappling with the recent accusations of cannibalism against me, I would like to offer TWO think pieces to tickle your budding minds. First: is it cannibalism to consume a member of a totally distinct sapient species? Secondly: https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f349bad3640d.png
ooohhhh. that's what that means. i gets it now!
why the fuck have you all started a screenshot chain?
well droog said to keep it goin', y'see, so i'm just followin' orders!
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/54cdfac68d9c.png ai generated.
i knew they were just draggin' your good name through the mud, boss!!
I am pleased to announce that we have reached a settlement with Crockercorp that we feel satisfied with and that they didn't agree to. We thank you all for your support during this turbulent time.
that means carapacians of all sorts are off the menu! no more butterin', or eatin', or boilin', or comparin' us to lobsters. now that last one is just rude.
i thought that'd work.
maybe you should try it again, boss. i think it'll work this time!
i never said you were! i was just trynna be helpful. sorry, boss. does this mean i'm not your fourth most useful goon anymore?
Maybe we should eat everyone, just for the equality of it all.
ms. detective said i was exempt from bein' eaten though, and she started it! that means all of yous gotta follow by those rules.
eat the rich should be changed to eat the crocker #carapaciansincrockerfields
what if i don't wanna eat anyone, boss? what do i do??
*ANNOUNCEMENT* Too many anti-crocker capers have been pulled across my feed for my liking and its with a PROUD and VALIANT stand that i pledge myself in alliance with my good friend jane (@gutsyGumshoe for the uninitiated). Her guidance is stalwart and while we may come to blows here and there on accounting of our tactful social beefing based purely on statistics and little else (friendship remains rock solid keep your paps at bay and your screenshots of this flare untaken) i say it with certainty that she would NEVER do any of the junk she has priorly been accused of such as i think eating people? You rancorous cads couldnt bud up enough talent between you to do a fishs whisker worth of what she does!! And ALL while NOT chowing down on the less fortunate than us might i add she has donated many a pretty penny to the carapacian cause. The stand mixers at their canless shelters have never been shinier nor redder. If you find yourself prepping a slanderous knownothing post about her kindly steer it elsewhere and give ME a heads up so that i might disengage from your poppycock posthaste. Arigato.
i don't know what a lot of what you said means, but she said she wouldn't eat me, so i'm fine givin' a dame like her a tip o' my hat and goin' about my way! can i have some of those pretty pennies, though? our coffers are lookin' a little dry as o' late.
DO YOU REALLY SUPPORT @GUTSYGUMSHOE WHEN SHE THREATENED TO EAT MY FRIENDS ALIVE?
To clarify- Not "alive."
it's not better? but wouldn't you wanna be dead if you're gettin' eaten? i don't wanna get eaten alive!
This one can live. He's about footstool high.
i knew bein' 4 hats too short to reach the countertops would help me out one o' these days.
@gutsygumshoe eats carapacians and thinks they're nothing more than fancy lobsters #cancelcrocker
d'you want me to send bombs to their house, boss. i don't know where they live, but if i send enough bombs to enough people, i think i can gettem!
i heard @gutsygumshoe has money should i send the crew to loot her too?
ain't it say they're a detective, boss? i don't like playin' 'round with the snoopin' types. unless you're looting 'em so they can't snoop on us anymore! gee, you're a genius, boss!!
#nsfw folks nowadays want to get all up 'n arms about all this goonin' stuff, but i don't see what the big idea is! i've been doin' it since the day i got into the crew, y'see, and nobody made a big stink about it then. the boss tells me i'm his fourth most useful goon, and i can't even parade it around without gettin' some unsavory looks. maybe they just don't make goons like they used to.