Jane Crocker
@gutsyGumshoe
CEO. Maid of Life. Opinions expressed herein are my own and do not represent the official views or policies of the organization with which I am affiliated. Status: ERROR.
OOC || UPDATED PINNED POST || Jane Crocker. Earth-C. Link to Carrd and gallery below. May discuss NSFW, NSFWE, extreme violence. All art is the writer's.
Please pardon my unexplained absence. I am residing somewhere of my own free will. I am not being extorted by the Church of Skaiantology. My return will be timely. #Safe #Free #Timely #Lawful
oH GOOD, i WAS WORRIED, aFTER ALL THAT STUFF THAT HAPPENED, tHAT i WITNESSED, bUT i GUESS, iT WAS NOTHING AFTER ALL, sO THAT'S GOOD, i HOPE YOU ENJOY, wHATEVER IT IS, yOU'RE UP TO, wITH YOUR FREE WILL!
Y34H SUR3 TH4T'S B3L13V4BL3.
i dunno what the context of this is yet but if youre not actually safe i will have to go from beatboxing puppy to guard dog or some shit jesus christ
▲sure whatever▼
...Miss Crocker, are you sure you're alright?
LOLLLLLL alright janey u jokester!! w/e u gotta do! but im sure those pics of u from the NYE party or whatever theyre holdin u up for arent thattt bad ;)))) except i wouldnt rly remember bc of that lampshade i was wearing the whole time lmfao
[ confectionery caking out. ] Good morning. [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!
[ confectionery caking out. ] What? Am I missing some factor that has turned the tides of this morning beyond casual pleasantries? :B [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
[ confectionery caking out. ] WHAT THE HELL IS FRAMING MY MESSAGES. [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
lol lmao even hehehehehe
OH MY GOD, IT'S LIKE A DEVIOUSART SIGNATURE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ehehehehe, this is fucking g0ld. anonym0us prankster is kinda goated with it.
[ confectionery caking out. ] YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON FROM WHOM I WANT THIS LIP, BUSTER. [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
0h, so im n0table enough tw0 be worth menti0ning. im flattered, miss swanson.
eHEHEHE,
ranking everyone by how well they give pets! 1. nepeta leijon 2. roxy lalonde 3. kanaya maryam 4. calliope 5. jane crocker 6. john egbert 7. feferi peixes 8. davepetasprite^2 9. jake english 10. rose lalonde 11. tavros nitram 12. nannasprite 13. dave strider 14. aradia megido 15. porrim maryam 16. meulin leijon 17. terezi pyrope 18. dad 19. the dolorosa 20. the disciple 21. casey 22. serenity 23. ms. paint 24. davesprite 25. fefetasprite 26. jaspersprite 27. jasprosesprite^2 28. jade harley 29. karkat vantas 30. sollux captor 31. latula pyrope 32. the signless 33. the summoner 34. peregrine mendicant 35. wayward vagabond 36. parcel mistress 37. white queen 38. tavrisprite 39. erisolsprite 40. gcatavrosprite 41. arquiusprite 42. jadesprite 43. rosesprite 44. the mayor 45. mom lalonde 46. grandpa harley 47. grandma english 48. bro strider 49. mituna captor 50. rufioh nitram 51. damara megido 52. meenah peixes 53. aranea serket 54. equius zahhak 55. horuss zahhak 56. kankri vantas 57. vriska serket 58. dirk strider 59. the ψiioniic 60. neophyte redglare 61. e%ecutor darkleer 62. the handmaid 63. marquise spinneret mindfang 64. orphaner dualscar 65. the grand highblood 66. the condesce 67. snowman 68. clover 69. biscuits 70. doze 71. eggs 72. fin 73. itchy 74. matchsticks 75. quarters 76. sawbuck 77. stitch 78. trace 79. crowbar 80. cans 81. clubs deuce 82. hearts boxcars 83. diamonds droog 84. spades slick 85. aimless renegade 86. writ keeper 87. white king 88. black queen 89. black king 90. courtyard droll 91. draconian dignitary 92. hegemonic brute 93. jack noir 94. weird guy 95. colonel sassacre 96. fedorafreak 97. sweet bro 98. hella jeff 99. geromy 100. charles dutton 101. guy fieri 102. nicolas cage 103. barack obama 104. maplehoof 105. vodka mutini 106. jaspers 107. pounce de leon 108. tinkerbull 109. aurthour 110. crabdad 111. seahorse dad 112. pyralspite 113. dragonmom 114. spidermom 115. glbgolyb 116. the mother grub 117. lil seb 118. sawtooth 119. squarewave 120. liv tyler 121. bunny 122. god cat 123. halley 124. typheus 125. cetus 126. hephaestus 127. echidna 128. hemera 129. nyx 130. yaldabaoth 131. abraxas 132. morpheus 133. cronus ampora 134. eridan ampora 135. gamzee makara 136. doc scratch 137. caliborn 138. lil cal 139. lord english
look ma! im frigging movin up in the world as we speak :)
my alternia wwhat am i lookin at do you take me for a fool do you truly believve i can be bested by a random gorgle search SURELY those arent your characteristic chompers unless you got em filed dowwn in wwhich case you better order a pair a big gag teeth off scytheon posthaste if you wwish to speak to me again
eridan. i have big teeth. i dont know what to tell you, but the canines got bigger than the buck teeth. all of these teeth? they often go past my lips. i just tuck in the canids so that i dont look too goofy.
of what??? you want my teeth from when i was a bad dog too?
wRIT kEEPER NEEDS, tO STEP UP HIS GAME, fOR THE NEXT QUARTER,
beloww eq and cro is fuckin CRAZY wwhat is your problem
i supp0se the top f0urth is acceptable.
Why spend hours pouring yourself into verbiage, when one can simply make visual their adoration? Words wouldn't do my appreciation justice anyway. Necessity is the mother of invention. Thanks for being my first fan, Jane.
Boo. Are you tellin' me I have to conceal the dagger in my cloak another day? Are you telling me I have to wait for the next time to strike, a phantom in the opera box, a general's unused Pandorian vessel, a villain offscreen? Seriously?
Yes i am in fact telling you that! Sorry to burst your bubble chap but you are fresh out of luck today.
Truly what a pity, i am feeling so much pity for you that you cannot kick me when im down.
Laying down and taking the punches is not a tussle, for the record. This entire thread is a masterclass in your submission.
I will show off these mitts and my very own one two punch in a separate scenario! Mark my words.
The fisherman seeks his big quarry, if only to feel the beast thrash against his rod. Good luck, junior.
There is no rod near my beast or whatever the flipping hell you said just now at all i can assure you that. Only the gun show and a penchant for roughhousing.
If there's one thing I can rely on, it's that I'm gonna pour my heart out and get steamrolled by the oblivious nature of some second party. Always. It's constant. It keeps happening. Is it my fault? Is there something wrong with me? I'm lured back to my stall with the promise of peppermints and an electrolyte block to drag my pink tongue around, I guess. Neigh. That bitch got me again. I'll surely escape next time, I huff under my barley-scented breath, ignoring the fact that my sunk in pony ribs are finally starting to fill out thanks to the full course human meals this insatiable whore is feeding me through the bars.
fat bottom girl you do in fact make the rockin world go round so like for those of yall who aint in the know my home cooking situation was kinda unique in that there fucking wasnt one for like all of my growing up despite that being a very real and important adult skill to have not just sipping room temperature aj and freezer burnt microwaved dishes fuckin big boy stuff so in order to impress the milfmother of all future mother baddies ive secretly started taking lessons and ive gotten pretty nifty with the kitchen cutlery still a bit sloppy in some areas but when i started treating this shit like an art instead of a science i started dropping some isaac newton forehead splitting type revelations i brought the preheat the sick oven fires and when i stopped melting expensive kitchen appliances i began melting minds i.e. dave's own tastebud cunt gigantamaxing flapple appletun gmax grind-to-100-layer cake the tail is a chocolate cake with a three layer mint glaze topped with a berry glaze from a route of your choice layer one is a simple vanilla cake with a raspberry buttercream frosting colored with a pinch of dragonfruit powder super effective just trust the process studded up with lil edible sugar pearls and tapioca layer two is a record setting double up on red velvet cakes held cheek to cheek together with a tart berry jelly of your choice choose this starter ingredient carefully as fuck cause thats the same tart ingredient you take to the championship at the top last layer four heavenly elite four kings crested with apple honey glaze and a tart berry jelly in the center shits your starter so you know its overleveled as fuck maraschino cherries with the same glaze as the tail as a decorative dip trail to taste the eyestalks were waffle crisps with edible sugar pearls fastened their tastebud tickling seatbelts in place with raspberry buttercream frosting mixed with fragrant apple finish
ye2, off 2pectrum red. can't ima9ine why i mi9ht 6e u2in9 that name.
but how would i know youre infrared completely off the spectrum infra dont go please i tolerate you
i can it sounds like the name of a future friend infrared even when you feel all alone youre not your weak human eyes just cant see the irrefutable truth im here for you or something like that
aw, how cute, how can i 2ay no two that?
that is definitely a way to put it.
yeah the correct way
sure, we can go with that. :p
:O ... Dave, I do not even know what to say! You have caught me entirely with my trousers at my ankles. I hadn't the foggiest clue! But it should be no surprise to me that you have thoroughly mastered the decorative aspect of the hobby, given your other artistic inclinations. I can tell by the structural integrity of the thing that you have mastered gauging the density of the sponge relative to the height and weight of the completed product. I can detect no sagging whatsoever. Even layers, a perfect crumb coat, the smooth, oblong shape of the carved tail... And not a lick of fondant (the quitter-baker's vice). I am so proud of you. :'B I would not dare have a meal prepared to preface this most ambitious and gargantuan dessert! In my book, a project of this caliber IS the supper and should be regarded as such. Just where and when may I join you to sample my sweet apple??? ... Meaning the cake, of course. :p
earliest convenience my place now o clock aint got no qualms with bragging that i beat the everloving piss out of the books and safely concluded fondant fucking sucks if it doesnt taste good licking the excess after tools get used its not gonna taste good going onto the thing mad glad you like it though absolutely aimed to please
This would have blown the cardigan straight off Dame Mary Berry's elderly shoulders. I can tell you that much. I am on my way. :B
-- THIS IS AN AUTOMATED DRONE COURIER DELIVERY NOTICE. PLEASE SIGN FOR RECEIPT. --
d a v e apple dumpling c haha that should cover it
VERY charming, Miss Crocker.
⚇ YOOOOO IT'S JUST LIKE SCOOBY DOOBYY! ⚇ THIS FUCKS!!! ⚇
Mother,,, your sleuthing skills would be applicable here,, you could get some serious gum on your shoe,,,
holy shit!!!! i didnt kno these were gonna start comin out :DDD #omg #us
Well ill be! Isnt that just the best use of licensing my likeness weve ever seen. #omg #us
wHOA, sO COOL, i CAN NOT WA1T, tO SEE THESE COME OUT,
Couldn’t get him to wear a shirt for the cartoon, huh.
He tangled with the design team over the allowance of the pants length and settled finally above the belt.
The fact that you got him to cover up as much as he did is nothing short of a miracle.
To settle the score on a curiosity with which I have been recently afflicted. ... By your mid-twenties (early teens if we're speaking in sweeps), what is a REASONABLE number of individuals to have kissed? We are speaking in terms of romantic embraces only. Casual included. Specifically kissing. This is invaluable field data. ❤️- 1 to 3 ♦️- 4 to 6 ♣️- 7 to 10 ♠️- More than 10.
We're getting some hate reacts. I feel the need to clarify that the kisses would be mouth-to-mouth only.
I'm sitting at a firm two but i allso llived a llife of mostlly isollation in an uninhabited forest. so maybe it shoulld be higher for the average person
eh ill be honest while im no habitual facehugger myself way i see it any nonzero or zero number is fine and normal people kiss on the lips and feel nothing some people make it their entire life like why doesnt matter to me how many peeps one has or hasnt tongue poked as long as when theyre my sweetheart i know where those lips are going i lose no sleep i wasnt there to parry those lips so im not gonna guilt somebody for three points of contact if the number is low great exclusivity if the number is high im outdoing that many aborted attempts i stay winning
@goldenGigabyte -- THIS IS AN AUTOMATED DRONE COURIER DELIVERY NOTICE. PLEASE SIGN FOR RECEIPT. --
ugh, i need a sweet treat now.
Pipebomb
-=[OMGGHEHE !!! ITS SO BIG !11!1_☺]=-
im so out of it i thot tht was a pizza box at 1st lmao
this is the cutest motherfucking delivery service by the way is there a way i can tip the drone or at least smooch the ceo 15% that is to say 15% of the ceo covered in smooches hypothetically
The drones are programmed to feel fulfillment at a task well done. The sender, however, appreciates ALL gratuitous gestures. Particularly when administered by a handsome satisfied customer. :B
Letting gcat have a beer! #saturyay #whatthehell #sure
GET THAT AWAY FROM HIM.
DUDE NO
The only acceptable way to celebrate a Saturday.
Even the president agrees!
Hm. That sure is a choice.
HIS TONGUE... KAWAII...
jAKE, dON'T DO 1T, yOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE, a MAJOR BONER ON YOUR HANDS, aND MAKE YOURSELF OUT TO BE, a REAL NONCE!
__Ah._He_seems_busy.__ https://i.imgur.com/bNZJsC4.gif #eyestrain #blood #violence #gif
👍 👏👏👏
ARE YOU COMING. I HAVE A GROSS ABOMINATION UNDERFOOT AND I WOULD LIKE TO BE OUT OF HERE.
fuck. i need the other ruby too. @rubyredBarking
i, dO NOT KNOW HOW, rEALLY, gIVEN, i DO NOT KNOW, wHERE YOU ARE OR, wHAT IS GO1NG ON, oR WHO HAS DONE THIS BUT, i AM SURE, wORKING TOGETHER, wE CAN FIGURE ALL THIS OUT,
Fill me in what did I miss
hMM,,, sEA GUYS, aRE NOT ALWAYS TRUSTWORTHY, bUT NOT ALWAYS, nOT NOT, tRUSTWORTHY, iN MY EXPERIENCE, sEA GUYS, aRE TAKEN, aS THEY COME, i GUESS THE DECIDING FACTOR HERE IS, cAN YOU SEE THE SEA GUY, aND DOES HE SEEM SANE, oR CAN YOU NOT SEE THE SEA GUY, bECAUSE HE IS SEALED IN, sOME SORT OF SUIT OR SEADEV1CE, cAN YOU SEE THE SEADEVICE, tHOUGH i GUESS, iF YOU SEE A BIG ENOUGH, sEADEV1CE, i MUST CEDE MY THOUGHTS, oN SEEING THE SEA GUY, tO SEA GUY EXPERTS,
so. i dont fuckin know. hes askin for our help. and anarchism is still asleep.
Well,,, he's already in here,,, i don't have much of a choice but to trust him,,,
__Tavros:_Greet_your_guest.__ https://i.imgur.com/NK4YPWe.png @orphanerDualscar #blood #eyestrain
Ah. There he is.
Aye. That is true.
Ferg-o-o-t I ain't in th' Myth-o-o-sphere -o-o-' Human \/\/\/\/igglers quit yet. I'm th'stuff -o-o-' nightmares. I make th'beasts -o-o-' -O-O-lde an' Ne\/\/\/\/ alike \/\/\/\/ither in fear like branches r-o-o-tted in a \/\/\/\/indstorm. I am th'storm itself, rainin' d-o-o-\/\/\/\/n' \/\/\/\/it' m'gallant rifle 'p-o-o--- S\/\/\/\/eet Lusus -o-o-' G'lb'golyb \/\/\/\/hat is that thin'?
Okay. Let's stick to succinct answers,, like Yes, or, No,, for the future,,, Thank you for your resume,, Mr.Gameward,,,,
I s'p-o-o-se I can agree. Happy t'help.
"Take her swimming on the first date" is for pedestrians. Take HIM out for cookies on the first date. And use the milk mustache to map his features and assess his marital potential. Unless, of course, he's already sporting the necessary facial adornment. Then you can proceed to phase two and study up on the less significant factors, such as his interests.
Masterful technique.
IS THIS. NORMAL FOR HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS?
Certainly! I could teach the master class on the subject.
INTERESTING.
Things are beginning to,,, make sense now.
__Tavvy:_Wish_everyone_a_Fishing_Friday_==>__ https://i.imgur.com/87G8u0f.jpeg #fishingfriday #eyestrain
Must b'a go-o-o-d catch.
Hrm. I s'p-o-o-se I can offer m'ser\/\/ices. \/\/\/\/here are th'lot -o-o-' ye?
mmmmsarians,,trencgh,, there s, something,, on the ship[ with me,..,
I'll try an' find \/\/\/\/hat that means.
https://geohack.toolforge.org/geohack.php?pagename=Mariana_Trench¶ms=11_21_N_142_12_E_region:XP_type:waterbody
What the fuck IS THAT
hey dude, frig off. jane and i can both be carrying the flame! it is a huge, olympic-style torch with two handles. she totally couldn't carry it without me.
janey..... all im gonna say rn is that i rly rly RLY need mr whiskey sour of the encapsulated prison prismz back... like rn ._______.
I get downright despondent to see versions of my closest companions whose relationships with their Jane have all fallen to the wayside. :(
Good thing WE'RE all in tip-top shape.
@gutsygumshoe
NTA it is your divvine mandate to carry the flame a convvivvial japery through eternity seein as your blue counterpart wwhose name escapes me right noww wwould rather wwaste awway amongst diminutivve critters than uphold that responsibility