Jane Crocker
@gutsyGumshoe
CEO. Maid of Life. Opinions expressed herein are my own and do not represent the official views or policies of the organization with which I am affiliated. Status: ERROR.
Please pardon my unexplained absence. I am residing somewhere of my own free will. I am not being extorted by the Church of Skaiantology. My return will be timely. #Safe #Free #Timely #Lawful
oH GOOD, i WAS WORRIED, aFTER ALL THAT STUFF THAT HAPPENED, tHAT i WITNESSED, bUT i GUESS, iT WAS NOTHING AFTER ALL, sO THAT'S GOOD, i HOPE YOU ENJOY, wHATEVER IT IS, yOU'RE UP TO, wITH YOUR FREE WILL!
i dunno what the context of this is yet but if youre not actually safe i will have to go from beatboxing puppy to guard dog or some shit jesus christ
LOLLLLLL alright janey u jokester!! w/e u gotta do! but im sure those pics of u from the NYE party or whatever theyre holdin u up for arent thattt bad ;)))) except i wouldnt rly remember bc of that lampshade i was wearing the whole time lmfao
[ confectionery caking out. ] Good morning. [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!
[ confectionery caking out. ] What? Am I missing some factor that has turned the tides of this morning beyond casual pleasantries? :B [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
[ confectionery caking out. ] WHAT THE HELL IS FRAMING MY MESSAGES. [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
lol lmao even hehehehehe
OH MY GOD, IT'S LIKE A DEVIOUSART SIGNATURE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ehehehehe, this is fucking g0ld. anonym0us prankster is kinda goated with it.
[ confectionery caking out. ] YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON FROM WHOM I WANT THIS LIP, BUSTER. [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
0h, so im n0table enough tw0 be worth menti0ning. im flattered, miss swanson.
-- THIS IS AN AUTOMATED DRONE COURIER DELIVERY NOTICE. PLEASE SIGN FOR RECEIPT. --
d a v e apple dumpling c haha that should cover it
VERY charming, Miss Crocker.
⚇ YOOOOO IT'S JUST LIKE SCOOBY DOOBYY! ⚇ THIS FUCKS!!! ⚇
Mother,,, your sleuthing skills would be applicable here,, you could get some serious gum on your shoe,,,
holy shit!!!! i didnt kno these were gonna start comin out :DDD #omg #us
Well ill be! Isnt that just the best use of licensing my likeness weve ever seen. #omg #us
wHOA, sO COOL, i CAN NOT WA1T, tO SEE THESE COME OUT,
Couldn’t get him to wear a shirt for the cartoon, huh.
He tangled with the design team over the allowance of the pants length and settled finally above the belt.
The fact that you got him to cover up as much as he did is nothing short of a miracle.
To settle the score on a curiosity with which I have been recently afflicted. ... By your mid-twenties (early teens if we're speaking in sweeps), what is a REASONABLE number of individuals to have kissed? We are speaking in terms of romantic embraces only. Casual included. Specifically kissing. This is invaluable field data. ❤️- 1 to 3 ♦️- 4 to 6 ♣️- 7 to 10 ♠️- More than 10.
We're getting some hate reacts. I feel the need to clarify that the kisses would be mouth-to-mouth only.
I'm sitting at a firm two but i allso llived a llife of mostlly isollation in an uninhabited forest. so maybe it shoulld be higher for the average person
eh ill be honest while im no habitual facehugger myself way i see it any nonzero or zero number is fine and normal people kiss on the lips and feel nothing some people make it their entire life like why doesnt matter to me how many peeps one has or hasnt tongue poked as long as when theyre my sweetheart i know where those lips are going i lose no sleep i wasnt there to parry those lips so im not gonna guilt somebody for three points of contact if the number is low great exclusivity if the number is high im outdoing that many aborted attempts i stay winning
@goldenGigabyte -- THIS IS AN AUTOMATED DRONE COURIER DELIVERY NOTICE. PLEASE SIGN FOR RECEIPT. --
im so out of it i thot tht was a pizza box at 1st lmao
this is the cutest motherfucking delivery service by the way is there a way i can tip the drone or at least smooch the ceo 15% that is to say 15% of the ceo covered in smooches hypothetically
The drones are programmed to feel fulfillment at a task well done. The sender, however, appreciates ALL gratuitous gestures. Particularly when administered by a handsome satisfied customer. :B
"Take her swimming on the first date" is for pedestrians. Take HIM out for cookies on the first date. And use the milk mustache to map his features and assess his marital potential. Unless, of course, he's already sporting the necessary facial adornment. Then you can proceed to phase two and study up on the less significant factors, such as his interests.
Masterful technique.
Things are beginning to,,, make sense now.
I get downright despondent to see versions of my closest companions whose relationships with their Jane have all fallen to the wayside. :(
Good thing WE'RE all in tip-top shape.
-- Chittr, Am I The Asshole? -- I (25F, Creator) recently visited a friend (25NB, Creator) for dinner in their home. When they excused themselves to the powder room, I rose from the table and began to strategically captchalogue pieces of furniture and decor (37), leaving a hyper-realistic cake (Sour cream poundcake; Ermine frosting; Fondant) replica in their stead. Upon their return, we resumed our conversation and concluded our evening together. This was two months ago. Now, I am being leveled with accusations of holding the genuine household articles ransom as I have not yet disclosed which items are indeed cake, and not every replica is a load-bearing seat by which the natural processes of discovery may unveil the impostors! And also a minor infestation of mold on the upholstery. Why I think I might be "The Asshole:" One of the articles is the preserved tomb of a mutated feline whom may or may not have held some personal significance to my unnamed friend. In my defense: I was field testing a new technique to replicate the glassy exterior of the cube.
tbh i dont think this is a mad unfair view of it or anything like i can see both sides gonna need mah guy back tho #PLZ
kay so in her defense!!! lol! im actually learning that a LOOOOOOOT of shit can b caked rn
ok so in defense of op........ i kinda maybe MISSED some of these cakeables bc ive sorta either been in da lab/the good ol gamer basement for like a month n a half mayhaps
i understand why a 3rd party might feel this way but to be tbh theres kinda some ~nuance~ here
(psssssst hey eridan could u cast me a teleprotation spell on beastcaster whiskey sour of the encapsulated prison prismz)
(like it doesnt even have 2 be a big cool one it can just be kind of like a casual chill one ykwim)
k wait...... tavvy uve BEEN to my hive u know how much junk i have in here!!!!! lmao! id need like 2 sweeps! except atp thered be more mold in my wizerd landing then probably... :(
hey dude, frig off. jane and i can both be carrying the flame! it is a huge, olympic-style torch with two handles. she totally couldn't carry it without me.
Good gravy. Fine! Procure the requisite swimmies and meet me on the sand. @golgothasTerror
These swim britches are about to be so tight youll be picking the spandex from the back of your throat.
In consideration of next month's Creator Halloween Extravaganza, I'm taking suggestions on costumes. I've already got a little birdie in my ear, chirping on about the nurse getup. :|
Frankly, I've never been able to taste the difference between the Left and Right Shark. It may simply be a marketing gimmick to sell more sharks.
Halloween...I presume it is similar to Repiton's Hollownull. For costumes, I think you would look positively devilish in anything, but if I may throw my bias into the ring, I think you would do very well as Debbie Jellinsky.
big mec)(, doubles as a weaprawn
Did you get my email about us also being mitch buchannon and casey parker?
Screw thinking outside of the box janey im thinking outside of everyones geometric wheelhouse of whatever shape they please!
Were tit for tat in business sense alone ms crocker because i *do* recall it being principle numero uno to keep a free mind and an even freer schedule! Screw writing in the margins let me flip this sucker (my BUSINESS card) over and jot you down a cursory consult with lil ol me and the mahogany between us! We all know that a little bit wood shared betwixt two keen eyed ceos does for the profit. *wink*
My mistake, I suppose all this business jargon went right over my nugbone, haha~! Perhaps one of you could explain it to me sometime in a more private setting~.
What a good ol forum youve made for networking jane this is the bees knees.
In my younger years, I often wondered what cabal of heiresses pockmarked the long line of Alternian un-succession prior to the fall of the empire. Now, thanks to Chittr, I have the misfortune of witnessing entire flocks of the future fallen firsthand. I see not every young fuchsia rises to meet the demands of their mantle. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure it must have seemed an impossible task. ... But come ON!! Some of you do not even seem to be trying! It becomes a matter of how dignified your attempts look to the public in the final throes and rattles! Have a little pride in yourselves! So for their benefit alone, I am organizing what I consider the baseline characteristics requisite to the survival of a young Alternian heiress, in case no one ever told you. It feels like a big fat durr, but who knows! Perhaps you ALL belong to the invisible generations relegated to the Easy-Fork Coven. I'm sorry your genetic predecessor didn't give a hoot how you turned out. Even you prong-fodder ought to SEEM respectable. Coming soon.
[It's embarrassing is what it is]<There are so many here who don't even seem to care>[I can't believe they're all real][Especially these so-called "heirs"][No, I have to conclude the majority of these are ill-advised flarpers]
IT REALLY DOES WEIGH HEAVY ON MY BLOOD PUSHER THAT TRADITION IS FOISTED TO THE WAYSIDE SO READILY IN THE FACE OF SHIT LIKE 'FEAR'.
Correct. You're not sure. Nor are you particularly qualified on the subject! :B
hi jane, i’m going to be making arroz con leche if you’d like. :)
I’M SOUTHERN AN’ USE A FANCY TEXT-TA-SPEECH THAT PICKS UP ON THAT. NOT MUCH ELSE TA’ SAY, REALLY.
I sense a portion of you are too flip with your use of the term "motherfucker." You skittish jokers aren't even the motherapproacher, much less the mothercourter. You couldn't look the mother in the eye, much less the crack. #MotherNothinger
Do I look like the motherbroker to you? Curate your own cooter, missy. It is YOUR JOB to venture out into the brush. Bush? #NSFW
aM i, a POTENTIAL MOTHERFUCKER?
If you say so, Miss Crocker. I am happy to have been a source of levity, even if I am a touch confused.
Reminder that taking a break is unacceptable. Your time belongs to your goalpost, not to your selfish and fickle desires. #OverworkYourself #ToughenUp
True and just
In the #TrollKingdom. Just had Grand Highburger for the first time. My organs are in absolute medical distress.
It's just AWFUL food. Not nearly as good as what you can find in the Human Kingdom. Grubsauce is a JOKE.
Average interaction with @aspiringPessimist:
｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡ LUH FUCKING MAYO get his assssssss ♫
Would You Like An Autograph?
Certainly! Do let me know if you happen upon any noteworthy individuals.
LORD, yes, you got me. I replied five minutes later, therefore I MUST have been hunched over my monitor and utterly stumped as to how to defend myself against your scathing remarks. For a meager cog in the intergalactic conquest machine, you sure do seem to forget most adults have jobs.
Oh dear, you are mid-workday and you are still choosing to take time out of your oh so busy schedule to squabble online with me? What an honor. Should we tell everyone? Should we throw a party? Should we invite troll bella hadid. #reference #snark #snark #snark
((we pretend I didn't accidentally tick the lil ooc box down there 🌈🐬))
Gee. We've rocketed from our most grievous faults to our most cherished virtues.
At @therapistofThedeep's request. I don't know that this quiz is accurate. I answered mostly innocuous questions concerning feelings that I would assume EVERYONE has.
I know. Good grief, does your lily-livered facsimile NEVER buck you with even an ounce of stubborn skepticism?
n0, she does. and shes n0t lily-livered. i just dont like the idea 0f some0ne feeling like theyre a bad person because their pan has them thinking s0mething out 0f their contr0l.
Your namesake is in my comment section batting his eyes at me. Don't grow too proud of yourself.
STOP MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP MAKE SENSE IN MY COMMENT SECTION.
I AM MORE THAN CAPABLE OF AND COMFORTABLE WITH OPEN GESTURES OF KINDNESS. HUMANSTYLE. I COULD SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW!
c< cOuld yOu, really? >c
the final tall7 was two (ompliments, one of whi(h was a “7ou’re good be(ause 7ou’re the same as me”, just so 7ou know