Jane Crocker
@gutsyGumshoe
CEO. Maid of Life. Opinions expressed herein are my own and do not necessarily represent the official views or policies of the organization with which I am affiliated. Status: In the office.
... Unreal Heiress. Play Lips of An Angel by Hinder.
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part trois. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/69c71ccb275b.png
Congratullations. Or Ungratullations. I do not know anymore what is appropriate
aww, i wish you had been there...
Another absolutely gorgeous ensemble, Miss Crocker. Not to mention the beauty of the woman underneath.
wwhat wwere wwe fightin about again
I don't know. Who cares. Everything is terrible.
a lot a simps in the replies it makes me a bit sick fifty four likes is borderin on forelock tuggin sycophancy then again you are a wwahman so all you need to do is exist an drovves a droolin cads wwill magically appear to drag their mouth muscles across the ground you tread on the upside you look like youvve gained wweight vvery good keep up the excellent wwork i like a wwoman wwho does her due diligence an you my glitter dribblin tinkerbell made the right decision to inflate your backside for my vviewwin pleasure another ten scrawwls an i wwill be the one liftin the vveil to press a wwet kiss to your covvergrub rum raisin lips
what did i even mother fucking do!!!!!!!! HOW ABOUT YOU PULL YOUR HEAD OUT YOUR OWN MOTHER FUCKING WASTE CHUTE. fuck you i don't mother fucking need this.
@golgothasTerror Is bringing a surprise guest over for an evening rendezvous. I must admit, after the week I've had it will be nice to put my legs up and unwind. Hopefully his taste in secondary company rivals his primary.
>([o# man s#e dont even know w#at s#es gettin in2 girl better bring an extra bottle of oil just in case]
@ARCHIVEADDICT YOUR BIAS IS STRAYING AGAIN.
@golgothasTerror what does this mean
im sure there is a perfectly homosexual explanation for this
Posting #hole for #sinfulsunday. #nsfw? https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0bb8b14d4a57.jpg
COMPUTER. make the mother fucking cream in this wicked image. PURPLE.
Unreal Heiress, make these guys super straight and virtuous.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/733fd833af56.png
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR PHONE. OR GIVE ME A CALL. I CANNOT SUPPORT THIS. I KNOW THIS IS NOT YOUR HEART.
Unreal Heiress, turn off notifications from caligulasAquarium.
I’m sorry, Jane. I’m afraid I can’t let you do that. Princes gotta stick together, and he is objectively only posting bangers.
I needed you, and you ABANDONED SHIP.
I, like most people, exist at the mercy of my creator. Would you have preferred I pitch a fit and we both lose my adorable bunny body as a result? I was playing the long game.
Yes, go hide behind his skirts. You can make your mealy-mouthed appeals to my favor later when I can stand the sight of you. Dog house, buster. Er, rabbit hutch.
"It's called Dersite humor. You'd better take your sensitive ass back to Prospit." A real exchange I overheard at #outglutmasquerade.
LMAO #heardthat #davastjoke
Unreal Heiress, play Fools Rush In by Bow Wow Wow.
Unreal Heiress queue season finale of Undercover Boss.
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part deux. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/60fe1ab7fc3f.png
YOU LOOK AMAZING MESSIAH YOU SLAYEd THE CUNTQUEEN INTO THE GRUB MOTHER
You wear these colors just as marvelously as your traditional blue. Absolutely stunning.
damn. YOU SINGLE? ;o) you look too damn good to not have a metallic band on that finger.
Unreal Heiress, play Fire in My Heart by Escape From New York.
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/facba58a1d7b.png
see i ain't even bothered. RAMPAGING WAS MOTHER FUCKING YESTERDAY'S DEAD SEA DWELLER.
You are stomping your big floppy shoes on thinner ice than you could possibly conceptualize. I suggest you disengage from me.
what crawled up your pipe and shit acrid smoke out, sister? I THOUGHT YOU LET OUT ALL THAT VITRIOL ALREADY.
ALRIGHT WHY DON'T YOU DO A TRIPLE MOTHER FUCKING SOMERSAULT INTO SOME MOTHER FUCKING SLIME PILES THEN. let yourself get nice and encased and then mail yourself back to me like a mother fucking busty hockey puck. TELL THAT MOTHER FUCKING MAIL COURICLINGER TO DELIVER YOU.... WHEN I GIVE A MOTHER FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!
I. Only just saw this. Curse my inability to leave the solitary universe alone-
...You dress up well, of course. The mask is a nice touch. All other opinions will be fielded into DMs. I think.
Legislation on Earth-C has officially outlawed the sale of all unauthorized, counterfeit materials bearing my likeness, including toys and other various silly comfortstuffs. Farewell and good riddance, "Janunu." https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/77469c7a3c16.png
Actually a reazonable decizion wtf iz that thing
Jane what the fuck is this.
@gutlessGorturer Alrighty. Let us dispense with the pretense of pleasantry, here. I am going to shift to a lower gear NOT in retreat, but in response to what you must assume is a well-calculated assessment of my person. Some minor concessions. That I stress test my alternates and peers for low-risk data by which I may color my own upward momentum. Such is the necessary vehicle of self-improvement when one has blown off the training wheels and is shakily keeping upright of their own volition- something you know nothing about!! Also, they need a little pushing. It's good for them, and for you. Or it would be, if you weren't too augmented to make use of peer feedback. :P Anyhow, that is where your potency as a social saboteur falls to a fizzling, flat failure. Now on to your points in order. 1.) "Biological clock." Nonexistent. Someone tell this dizzy broad that MY ova are EVER-replenished. Frankly, you ought to know this if YOUR spawncannon is as fruitful as it must be for you to attack MY lack of reproductive bounty. I had better watch the accordion-fold print of YOUR legion of heiresses SPILL from your wallet. LET'S SEE UNREAL HEIRESS' LITTER. The mother hen scratches herself a proper nest before letting loose! I have AS LONG AS I'D LIKE to situate that space before engaging in Phase Two. 2.) You have narrated the cycle of behaviors in my posts. Congratulations. With effort, you might bust out of your CURRENT toady britches of absolute servitude and land a gig in the social media department at MY headquarters! Oh, wait, no. These are the baseline double-digit IQ observations of essentially anyone on the platform who performs a regular check-in on my page. Congratulations rescinded. 3.) I "speak like a CEO" because I am a CEO, who is electing voluntarily to share my personal opinions on certain matters on my PERSONAL SOCIAL MEDIA PAGE. If I were any battier on the main feed, it would be a disservice to my accomplishments in the court of public opinion. Again, a cavelike simplicity to the logic you wield. Could we wake up the SUPERcomputer? I fear my genetic neighbor is burning the interior of the TI-84 she's got banging around up in that empty coconut! 4.) I am a conduit of raw Creation and those properties of Life are mine to "abuse," although I take issue with your liberal application of the word. No jokes here. I am simply going to continue doing what I want! :B 5.) (To the reader: she counted my posts. What a fucking loonybird.) YOU have posted [TOO MANY] times, comprising a quantity I refuse to dignify with an actual figure. Whatever quantity of blithering has escaped your flapping mouth has run past the dadgum fill line. 6.) Eridan Week was in fact spectacular. We are eclipsing into a rare alignment of ideals for this brief moment. Bask in the shadow of my footsteps and see how much wiggle-room you've got yet to fill on those toes. 7.) Again with the a-words. Assault? I have a towering stack of liability waivers that beg to differ. Also missing the strategic point of that night and the greater event as a whole, which doesn't surprise me. You are such a dogmatic black hole that no humor may escape your gaze with ANY remaining merit, even the shroud of joviality over actual gamepiece movement! 8.) I LOATHE being subjected to the fumbling of an individual wearing my face and name. In your case, I'll give you a pass, because you've been rendered little more than an enforcer, and at that task within your own chronology I'm sure you're quite successful. I do not SELF-loathe. This is an inaccurate interpretation of my deeper motivations spawned by YOUR artificial imperative to get me on board with your Ponzi hubbub. Durr. On the off chance that these insults are being relayed strictly for guffaws (which I doubt), you're equally missing the mark. Missy, I have got your number as well as you think you've got mine. At the end of the day, I have BEEN you. You have never been me! One day, when the circlet falls from your scalp and the scales from your eyes, I will accept your blubbering apology in the form of your face mashed against the polished marble of my executive office floors. And then perhaps, PERHAPS, in the name of sisterhood, I will drop you a couple of pointers. Or maybe you'll just die like that OTHER Jane, tormented in biological inauthenticity and so augmented that her tether to Life itself pinched shut in utter rejection of her fate. But trust. It's one or the other for you. :B
You'd 8e surprised how easy it is to rig a stupid computer to replic8te someone so low, Tavros!!!!!!!!
jANE IS BASICALLY, oNE OF MY BEST FRIENDS AND TRUST ME SHE,,, sHE'S INIMITABLE,
Tavros you're asking me to give a sh8t a8out an account that apparently had me 8locked despite never having spoken to them 8efore in my life, you're going to have a 8etter time getting a set of ro8ot legs than getting me to c8re with the week I've had 8EFORE heaeing wit this petty sh8t.
,,,i DID GET, a SET OF ROBO LEGS, bUT ALSO i DON'T NEED THEM ANYMORE? i AM CONFUSED BY THIS,
sURE AS LONG AS YOU, pLEASE DO NOT CALL ME MAN?
I use it as a general term for everyone including my w8fe 8ut sure, I'll try to remem8er to make an exc8ption for you.
i APPRECIATE IT! i AM NOT, gENDER-NEUTRAL SO, i WOULD PREFER TO NOT GET GENDER-NEUTRAL TERMS APPLIED TO ME, tHANKS }:)
An official statement on my rendezvous with @aeneasCaldarium. He joined me at the Crocker estate for supper, and we had a long, civil adult discussion on the subjects he erroneously ascribed to MY person in his sloppy pursuit of my alternates. I took great care to wipe that slate clean and to reeducate him (VERBALLY) on the state of my interests and endeavors. He was... more than receptive to my revisions. :| Then he left! I wholeheartedly accept the apology and corrected statement that followed. And that is all she wrote, buster!
Your lack of composure is noted alongside all other instances of your freely expressed will.
First off Im not a chud I just like using the phrase Second off, please don't fight me Im not in the mood rn.
I'm going to provide you a singular opportunity to train the AI sucking your brainstem NEVER to speak to me in that manner again. If you're as intelligent as your wire (and circuit) mother, you'll learn.
You have been designated a failure by the Crocker Corp Board of Directors. Should we meet, your termination will be handled immediately.
Crockercorp. One word, you disappointing fucking dullard. Also- the "BOARD OF DIRECTORS?" What reality are YOU dwelling under the funk of wherein OUR namesake corporation is run by ANYTHING other than our own private equity? You haven't bought back your own fucking stock? The bootstraps are for PULLING ONESELF UPWAYS, not tangling around your own gullet like an unobserved toddler stumbling into the window shades! :B But let us be quite frank with ourselves, shall we? You are cognitively ROTTING under the yoke of that contraption. You will never aspire to anything greater than burrowing mouth-first into your empress' shoe leather like a rat trying to find fresh air. And good gravy, that is ok! I have now thoroughly observed you. Beneath the heel of a more intelligent superior is precisely your niche, Jane. Hold on tight to that shelter, because we can all see VERY APPARENTLY that you do not have the chops for upper management.
I do so love seeing you at full form, Miss Crocker.
Apparently because you had zero return input! :B A failsafe by your second brain to prevent the shame burning through your HUMAN nervous system? Try turning yourself off and on again.
Unreal Heiress. Play My Paper Heart by the All-American Rejects.
Unreal Heiress queue up In the End by Linkin Park.
It's morning. I don't know that "good" is the hat I'd bestow upon the day straight off the starting line.
DAMN IT. HOLD ON. Don't reset my foul mood with your pleasantries. I'm trying to hold the buzz on a solid prior-night tantrum.
Unfortunate to hear. I am confident in your ability to come back from this, however- you know who you are, Miss Crocker. We both do.
@terminallyCapricious#2753 Wake up and get out of my house.
Unreal Heiress. Play Nobody by Mitski.
Unreal Heiress queue up I'm Not Okay by MCR
@uranianUmbra#4373 @tipsyGnostalgic#2248 @golgothasTerror Ahem. Slumber party! Tonight. Starting ASAP. Haul your rumps over here. I have all the necessary preparations.
Dirk wins, everyone! Dirk wins ALL THE FRIENDS. Congratulations. Pile into the Pope Room, one and all! Behold Dirk's crops and see that they are positively SAGGING with fruit. I hope you're quite satisfied with yourself. Keep them. Forever!!!! GOOD BYE.
So sorry! His lord highness has commanded I not attempt to seek comfort from my own friends. Sleepover cancelled!
UNREAL HEIRESS, CANCEL OUR RESERVATION FOR THE POPE ROOM AT BUCA DI BEPPO!!!!!! @caligulasAquarium @timaeusTestified#0414 EAT THAT, YOU UTTER TRAITORS.
That's right. What she needs right now is a brainless lapdog humping at her heels and acting as if he's ever had a proper seat at the table. Have enough self respect to make your whimpering supplications in her DMs directly instead of openly simping in public. She's not gonna fuck you, bro.
BUTT OUT. YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!!!! AT LEAST HE'S OPENLY SUPPORTING ME, WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR YOU, MR. "BOYS' NIGHT."
How boorish. I'm not concerned with such things, especially not at the moment. I'm concerned with her wellbeing, as well so should you as her supposed 'friend'. Boys Night...you make me sick.
Please. Care to tell him why it became a Boys' Night as opposed to the original, all-inclusive get-together you disinvited yourself from? Matter of fact, would you care to tell yourself? You dug yourself a hole and then cried abandonment when we didn't climb in after you.
Enjoy the petting zoo in your DMs. I'm sure the virtual palm-licking from some loser stuck in the Medium will do wonders in comparison to fine dining with friends.
twwo ascended princes in the popes chamber btww plus i just convvinced kar to come join us sounds like a wwhole lot a boys night that just got facilitated thanks jane
I am contractually, and perhaps even morally, obligated to say don't forget @technicallyTimaeus . You'll get a kick out of his little bowtie.
So teethmeltingly adorable even the world's foremost hater has to lay down his torches and pitchforks to give me props. \></