Troll Tom Lehrer
@columbidaeToxicologist
44.7 Sweeps | 6' NSFW To those attempting to woo me: While I find it flattering, we are simply too many sweeps apart from another. (OOC Other Muses: @twinAmnesias, @unacceptableCitrus, @okayTroogle)
A chittrUser's dirty little pamphlet guide to fuck-ass trinkets with no value. Or. "The Fuck's A Badge Anyway?" Badges. Chittr's answer to: "What if my avatar, banner, and username just ain't enough bling. How will people know that I have atypical gendering, a love for snails, the joking ire of at least one moderator?" Fret not, McGee. In her infinite codematronly wisdom, Mocáli Flaske has devised a solution to all these representative woes. You only have to grovel for it. Am I joking? We'll see. → "Where does this hideous pixel slop live?" The humble badge is displayed beside your username for every chump to see. On some devices, hovering over the little shits will display highly humorous titles and subtitles dictating the intended purpose or goal of said little shit. [Yes, it doesn't always work on mobile. We're looking into that, with hammers. Maybe this post will be retroactively edited to laugh about this coding folly. Maybe it won't.] When receiving a badge, a moderator makes sweet backroom love to the secret assignment button, shipping your "I'm so cool." indicator directly to your site SETTINGS page by sicknasty stork. Just above your permanent profile deletion options, or the DANGER ZONE, lives the user-side badge repository. Application is simple. Click that thing. Hit save. Clicking multiple badges lets you arrange them in order of selection. Highlighting nonbinary, neopronouns, #TeamPlay means all badges display in that configuration. Such technology. Such innovation. → "Is there a list of these things?" Nope. Certain users have crowd-sourced a rough guesstimation of the badge situation, now months out of date. We haven't made a list for a couple reasons. One: I can't be fucked to keep it updated. Two: the Chittr Team considers badges to be equal parts intra-community chitchat material and reward for sake of reward. See a badge you just need to boast? Ask the freak bearing this heavy crown where they got that thing. Look at you, farming Kult and Kull score organic style. Useless engagement numbers are warm for your form. This social capital is maddening. It could go to your head. → "Okay, man. What if I already know what I need? Who do I threaten?" Great attitude there, McGee. You can direct message a schmuck bearing the Blue Shield badge, displayed beside my username for convenience. That's the "official moderator" badge, assigned to pure of heart maidens like myself. Or, you can just ping my hand-coded NOT-brainclone badgebot @imJunior. It gets the job done. Usually. ...What? Oh. I get it. Groveling for a badge is out of character for you. Likely story, but we'll play it cool. I know your game, so we've got a solution to your desperation. Go to the Chittr Official Discord and open a ticket. You'll get what you're looking for. The satisfaction you crave. Unless the badge is user-unique, assigned to just one guy. Then you can get fucked right down the street and around the corner. → "What the hell? People can have unique badges? Where's mine? Show me the face of God." Simple enough. Unique badges are awarded by request, usually following a user reaching a milestone. This can be an event, some dashboard drama users got mad twisted up in, a party hosted at your pad, the act of reaching an arbitrary Kult or Kull score, or just like... some bullshit. One guy got badged for writing a few pick-up manuals. It's that easy. The "reach out" element is not negotiable. Bitch about your sordid achievements to Junior or another moderator. Open a ticket. Engagement feeds the gaping hole in my chest where self-love would usually make home. Don't you care. Don't you want me. Anyway. Sometimes badge ideas are rejected. It's not personal; the team will explain why each time. You can request community badges too, for your little clubs or just a general badge for any sadsack to use. Like snails? Leaves? A specific hemocaste? A free-for-all badge can help you foster imaginary bonds with losers you'll never chitt. At the end of the day, we're all shitheads looking for connection. Make it easier by requesting a badge for the gang. → "Tell me more about these wondrous toys, oh Prince." Beg, again. Haha. Just kidding. Every badge image scrunches down to 32 by 32 pixels. Talk about laundry shrinkage. What the fuck is this? Profile jewelry for ants? The maximum information contained is 100 KB, because storing this shit ain't cheap. Yes, you can submit your own badge images including GIFs, but I'll force Junior to slow that shit down if it's a flashy epileptic sleeper activation bomb. So. Be cool. Generally speaking, Chittr's not in the market to make badges about hating a motherfucker or explicitly advertising dong. Not sure where the sandy line was drawn? Just ask. Sometimes Junior will show up in your comments to randomly badge you. It does that. Usually the badge given is in reference to some bullshit you pulled, like tagging things properly or being a specific type of nuisance. Junior doesn't have feelings. It's not personal. You can own infinite badges, but you can only equip seven. Switch them out, mix them up, dragonmax 'til the knights get roasted. I'm not your God and the paradoxical reach of universal discretion is just barely in your grasp. Go forth and freak it. → "So. Can I get a badge?" You know what? Your tenacity is almost tolerable. Sure. I made one just for you. Comment "prince bitch idiot" to receive it. Receiving a quadrant reaction means you're part of the in-crowd.
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 If you visit troll social network, You will find it very witty. Just two things of which you must beware: Don't feed the trolls and don't suck up the badges! badge pollution, badge pollution! They got smug and leak ego and mud. Tum on your daily feed And get hot and cold scrolling badge infested industrial crud! 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
Do you have a favorite modern-day composer? Mine are Howard Shore and Ramin Djawadi.
does tom lehrer count as modern?
Sure.
@columbidaeToxicologist
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 Hard to believe a fossil such as myself would still be considered 'modern', but in terms of musical history I suppose I should not be too surprised by it. @turntableGuardian I must say I find myself quite humbled. You may also enjoy some of the composers I borrowed from or parodied for my own selfish reasons! Either way I am glad to hear that my work was enjoyed. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 I have many times, is there perhaps something improper about doing so? 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 I am currently ordering approximately 1,043 of these to surround my hive with, you have most excellent taste if I do say so myself! 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
IT’S A DANGEROUS JOB. I SHOULD PROBABLY READ THAT SAFETY ARTICLE THAT WAS SENT TO THE OFFICE.
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
IM SITTING HERE WATCHING AS I AM PATIENT ZERO OF THE FUCKING TWINK PLAGUE BY MENTIONING TWINK JENGA /ONCE/ #NSFW
You Fool...
IM THE FUCKING TROLL OPPENHEIMER OF CHITTR AND TWINKS
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 In that case my humble advice would be to be extremely careful when yielding or experimenting with that level of power. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
SHE REALLY IS THE ALPHA BITCH. I'M JUST ANOTHER PITIFUL VERSION.
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
Best fast food burger, go: In-n-Out.
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 Burger Chef given no time or location restraints. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
Mr. Lehrer, I missed you in my replies. I thought you had vanished into the oblivion that is not opening this website for an undisclosed amount of time.
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 To be completely up front I had locked myself in my hive sipping on sparkling water for the last few cycles as there simply was no content up on this very dashboard worthy of responding to or making fun of. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
five guys tw0 expensive to be fast f0od. steak & shake or smashburger d0es go0d.
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 you bring up a rather worthy contender with Steak & Shake. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
situation abatement beam
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 Would you perchance be able to assist with the removal of asbestos and asbestos accessories? 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
yeah, actually. you got asbestos?
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 Lots of it. Even my grand pianos are stuffed with it for reasons unknown. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
-> I Have No Rice, Why Am I Even Here = Your Total Is $7.50
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 I do believe this I would be able to assist with. Will this perchance be enough? 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
-> A Sustainable Amount Indeed... Do You Require Financial Compensation? Perhaps Assistance In Shipping? I Would Be Overjoyed To Receive Such A Supply. = Your Total Is $6.66
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 No sir, you provide an amazing service to the community, feel free to take it all and distribute it as you see fit. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
The Geneva conventions cannot stop me due to the fact I am not reading them.
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
CAN ANY OF YOU FUCKING SPELL GOD RIGHT.
who????
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 How is it that trouble always seems to be dressed in orange? 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
oh naruto ^_^ yeah i know he's here belie\/e it
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 And with my day thoroughly ruined I shall now retire for this cycle. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
you don't like him ? Z:(
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 I rather enjoy my peace, silence and quiet. All things that appear to be absent with them around. Not sure who of the orange suited beings we have here is louder, but he is the less behaved of the two, the other one has a lovely wife who keeps him in check. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
did you like my screaming ^_^
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 was quiet and soothing. Other orange clothed troll for reference btw 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
e\/eryone knows naruto was based off of him ^_^
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 Perhaps they and @tenkaichiBudokai would get along and exchange advice. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀