The Gardener
@gardenAffiliate
Beforus Kanaya. Just a woman and her flowers. (pfp by maroonidn on tumblr)
Clarification My Condescending Tone Is Not An Attempt At A Salacious Power Play With Anyone Im Just A Bitch
For A Brief Break From Hortignostic Nonsense Ill Offer A Sincere Statement I Admit I Do Feel A Little Intimidated At Times When Compared to Other Ancestors Not Particularly For My Own Sake But I Could See How It Would Be Disheartening To Look And Find Your Supposed Cosmic Signpost Of Destiny Is A Mundane Servant
Perhaps I Should Kill Someone To Spice Up My Reputation "No Officer I Dont Know Where The Owner Of The House Is I Just Work Here" "Yes. The Roses Do Look Beautiful"
He Wouldnt Stand A Chance #Vague-Posting #With-Platonic-Love
If Youre Feeling Overwhelmed With Negative Feelings Might I Recommend Gardening Its A Wonderful Way To Work Through Your Feelings In A Productive Manner And Corpses Make Superb Fertilizer
This feels so Morticia Addams, I love it.
bAkIng Is AlsO nIcE, thE sAmE wIth knIttIng, I hAvE yEt tO tAkE Up gArdEnIng bUt I wIll gIvE thIs A try As wEll
>--D=That=is=so=true=:)//<
Youre In Her DMs Im In My Garden There Is No Joke
Missssss, whoever you are, you inssspire me ssso much.🪻 Consssider me a sssupporter. 🪻
As A Person With A Fond Relationship With Sootnose I Feel Empowered To Say This About The Incoming Pyrope Wave Please No
I Dont Have A Message From The Strawberry Bushes They Dont Possess Any Precognitive Abilities Or Foreboding Messages But They Are Coming In Very Nicely
as much as i lovve spooky portents i like the wway you say thins also so ill take any newws.
Youre In Luck Ive Decided To Break My Lifelong Vow of Silence On This Website Only
that makes me feel extremely special thank you.
youvve done it. youvve summarized my existence.
Lavender Suggests That Deep Rooted Issues Will Fester Soon Try And Address The Problems Now So They Dont Nip You In The Ass Later
1M L1TERALLY ALWAY2 2AY1NG TH12.
Pruning Is A Process Of Removing Unnecessary Or Unhealthy Aspects From A Plant Interesting Enough Your Think Pan Also Does Something Called Synaptic Pruning Where It Removes Unused Pathways For Example: If You Stop Playing An Instrument For Sweeps Your Brain Will Actually Remove The Pathways Dedicated To This Talent While Happiness Is A Chemical Reaction The Pursuit Of Happiness Is Very Much A Pathway Have You Stopped Pursuing Happiness So Long Your Brain Has Pruned Away That Pathway
This Is A Long-Winded Way To Say Some Of You Are Quite Pitiful
Bars
How Nice It Would Be To Be A Flower And Live By The Suns Light
Suppose So, To Each Their Own. I Suppose I've Just Spent Far Too Much Time In The Light For My Lifetime.
No need to worry, I won't ever stay down 8ecause I keep my money up. You wouldn't get it.
I See I Would Offer Matronizing Advice But I Dont Feel We Know Each Other For Sincere Condescending Advice And Instead Ill Fall Back Onto Insincere Condescending Advice Have You Tried Wearing A Hat?
We Do Not And Yet We Do. Thank You For The Input. Perhaps A Hat Will Help, You Never Know.
You may 8e green 8ut you seem to 8e lacking the green, if you catch my drift.
You'll also need a glock. Don't forget that.
The Bushes Look So Dapper In Their Winterwear My Handsome Girls
:33< mew k33p saying its wintpurr :33< its sumpurr where i am right nyow so its kinda crazy that its wintpurr fur mew! :33< its like 12th peregr33 in midsumpurrperegr33
Its Currently Fall For Me Actually But Its Never Too Early To Prep For Your Children
:33< i s33 so its meowre like :33< furightnight in midsumpurrperegr33
That Was An Interesting Bout Of Nonsense But I Need To Prepare A Coat For My Roses If Youll Excuse Me
Clarification My Condescending Tone Is Not An Attempt At A Salacious Power Play With Anyone Im Just A Bitch
I Dont Know If This Is Sarcasm But Im More Inclined to Agree If Youre Being Disingenuous
I tho+ught yo+u wo+uld appreciate the art o+f being o+mino+us but I suppo+se I co+uld be frank with yo+u. There have been several versio+ns o+f yo+u that I have had the pleasure o+f co+nversing with but no+t all were pleasant to+ be aro+und. I'm fielding what kind o+f Kanaya yo+u'll be.
I Do Appreciate A Bit Of Ominous Foreboding But Im Struggling To See It In Your Text Perhaps We Could Include A Sound Clip Of Lighting Striking To Really Showcase The Point Though I Cant Make Any Grand Claims To Being Unpleasant But You Can Safely File Me Along The Ranks Of Uninteresting And Tedious Kanayas T
A pleasant kanaya wo+uld also+ respo+nd that way co+ded mo+stly in snark so+ there's truly no+ way aro+und what must be do+ne.
A deep + tho+ro+ugh investigatio+n caped by a dule fo+r dramatic effect.
I See This Is A Reasonable Outcome Ill Have To Prepare My Many Utensils Of Danger In Preparation For Your Arrival Dear
What's the quo+te? Ah yes. "St+ ready fo+r my arrival, wo+rm."
Until then indeed, fo+o+lish wo+man.
Winter Will Be Intense This Upcoming Season Insulate Your Loved Ones From The Elements
:33< how do i say this... :33< okay so what mew just said to meow has serious #nsfw clawnotations to it :33< which if mew intended that my dms are open to that sort of thing 100% always :33< i just thought mew should be aware in case it was an accedent and mew didntt mean it like that
Primarily A Patronizing Maternal Tone Its A Safe Bet To Assume That Will Be My Tone For The Near Future Until Elaborated In A Translators Notes
:33< okay so it wasnt #nsfw to mew in nature?
﹏﹏S﹏﹏ Ssso glad to Sssee Sssomeone elSsse who careSss about the upkeep of their garden aSss much aSss I do! I Sssuppose if itSss to be Sssuch a hard Ssseason, I Ssshall have to touch up my SsstatueSss! Make Sssure the bite of the cold doeSssn't get to them too much... ﹏﹏S﹏﹏
:33< okay cool just making supurr sure
Topographical Maintenance Is An Important Hobby Especially For Those Of Us Who Have Invested An Inordinate Amount Of Time And Affection Into It
﹏﹏S﹏﹏ OHOHOHO! QUITE SSSO, MY FRIEND! I've put a hundred SssweepSss or more into thiSss garden! I Ssshan't Sssee it taken by a touch of inclement weather now! We Ssshould trade tipSss, darling! It'Sss Ssso rare to find, let alone talk to, another of comparable age, let alone one who SsshareSss my hobby! ﹏﹏S﹏﹏
I Will Contact You Later [ Vague Timeframe ] After I Properly Secure My Own Homestead
﹏﹏S﹏﹏ ASss you wiSssh! Excited to Ssspeak with you in the future, dear! ﹏﹏S﹏﹏
A Gentle Note: Flowers Do Not Possess The Ability To Hold Conversations Just A Reminder For Silly Little Girls
Is your advanced lifespan, then, more due to the socioeconomic factors or biological? Assuming the three hundred-odd years listed in your bio is correct.
If Youre Asking "Are You Old" Then Yes By Jade Standards I Would Be Considered Near-Geriatric
So, Rainbow Drinkers have increased lifespans, then.
And yet, you seem much more youthful than your supposed geriatricity would imply. For the record, a human lifespan is typically around eighty years. About forty sweeps, I think. I suppose I'm trying to draw some equivalence in culturally percieved maturity. Some sort of measuring stick to determine whether I should regard you as an elder, or as a peer who simply took longer to get to where I am.
The Average Jadeblood Can Live To Anywhere From 200 to 300 Sweeps So Theoretically Im Either In My Twilight Sweeps Or Midlife If Were Being Optimistic Your Age Is Noted As For Culturally Perceived Immaturity I Suppose It Doesnt Matter Either Way Our Species Doesnt Have The Same Genetic Markers In Biology That Mark Someone As "Advanced Age" If You Want To Think Of Me As A Condescending Peer That Works But If You Would Prefer To Think Of Me As An Ancient Nymph Fluttering Around The Woodlands I Would Not Mind That Either
Flowers speak. Not with words. But with signals. Colors. Even ultrasonic little squeaks. Do you think it is a coincidence that they bloom in bright eye-catching colors? They are saying, "come, eat me, I am ripe, ready, and offer you nutrition aplenty! I ask only that you do not digest my seeds, that I may spring forward ilk in my likeness, that they might one day feed your own offspring, and we can live together in cyclical harmony!" Others will release smells that solicit insects to pollinate, as if to say, "I am ready. Take me now. I have made peace with all my worldly affairs, each intimately and articulately in order". Roots will connect and send distress signals to fungi for food and nourishment. Lastly...in frequencies too high for either you or I to hear...they will sometimes pop. Producing little squeaking sounds at an imperceptibly pitchy level. Flowers speak. We just do not know their language. And haven't the means to respond.
The endless tedium of your chronically negative whimsy makes you uncharitably boring. What are you doing concerning yourself with the musings or silence of flowers? Don't you have some English to ignore instead? Or must he be invoked?
The latter option is more attractive to me, but the former allows for freer communication. Perhaps I'll choose something in the middle.
Last Message For Today From A Flower In The Back Of My Garden That Will Not Be Specified To Keep A Young Woman With The Same Name From Popping Out The Woodwork They Say "Kill Dirk Strider"
What did he ever do to you?
I Do Not Know A Dirk Strider But If Youre Asking The Flower That Is A Rather Silly Gesture Flowers Dont Talk
:33< wondpurr who thats about
Wait, you genuinely just divined his name from the tulips? That *is* interesting.
How did you know about Dirk Strider?
I Told You The Flowers Told Me You Would Have To Direct Your Question To The Tulips Which We Covered Earlier Would Be A Silly Gesture
I see. I personally have other sources.
Jasmine Cant Predict Anything But It Thinks Your Shoes Look Nice They Were A Good Choice
Mrrrp?
Just To Clarify I Am Not Receiving Messages From Aliens Like A Nutcase Every Message Is Passed From A Flower Like A Well-Adjusted Individual
3 for 3 so far. Let's see if you can pluck another ambiguously-named flower to divine from. It won't be hard - flowers are a common source of human names.
Nepeta Says There Will Be Relationship Issues In Your Future Yes. If You Are Reading This It Applies To You Unless It Doesnt
Just To Clarify: I Am Talking About The Flower Not The Plucky Little Girl That Induces Maternal Feelings Of Pity
:33< do mew mea- oh wait nefurmind yeah
Rose Predicts Bad Weather And Missed Opportunities Tonight
I Cant Actually Provide A Candy But Pretend I Did Along With A Condescending But Affectionate Gesture
:33< okay i will :33< im mewsed to that look peopurr look at meow like that all the time
:33< that one too!
Why indeed.
I See This Is Going To Be An Unfortunate Theme Of Miscommunication Due To Shared Monikers Might I Suggest You Change Your Name
I've lived with this ambiguity my whole life, I can deal with it.
Besides, I suppose I won't have to for long.
Why, thank you. You'll find I'm chock full of those.