Rose "Mom" Lalonde
@tiresianThaumaturge
Author. Revolutionary. Dark sorceress. She/Her.
I wonder if she'll hate this chit, too.
I want something.
Don't We All?
Apparently someone else does, too.
Parents of Chittr, rare though I'm sure you are, I have need of advice. My(F, 51y) daughter (NB, 24y / 1mo, depending) has declared themself evil. This started after her other mom (F, 5432s allegedly) gained sole custody. Other Mom is a deadbeat, having done nothing for my daughter until one month ago. Not even child support, despite being a very wealthy woman and owning her own (dubiously legal) business. At the behest of Other Mom, my daughter has been behaving very inappropriately towards their peers. How can I set a good example when I'm not physically present? How can I undo the no doubt deep-seated, possibly-literal programming Other Mom has instilled in her?
[☠︎︎] I LET MY OFFSPRING DO THEIR SHIT TBH LIKE IT WOULD ALREADY BE SO CHALLENGING AND UNWANTED TO SCOLD A SINGLE ONE BUT THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM DUE TO ALL THE MULTIVERSAL BULLSHIT THAT I AM JUST IGNORING SUCH INSTANCES CHECK IF YOUR OFFSPRING IS ALSO HAVING A FUCKLOAD OF VARIANTS OF THEMSELVES AND IF IT APPLIES TO THEM THEN JUST SIT AND RELAX LOL [☠︎︎]
Well, yes, there are a lot of Roxies. But there's one I've taken more closely under my wing than the others, and the one mentioned in this post is a clone who has all her memories. So, for the sake of this post, let's say I have two children.
If you mean the Other Mom: I'm tempted, but she has significantly more resources at her disposal than I do, and someone else already has dibs on my death. If you mean my daughter: I'm going to assume that's an attempt to get a rise out of me, which I will ignore like the others.
Also, you are by no stretch of the imagination a parent, though I can forgive an aging spinster for misreading a post so close to her bedtime.
Increased aggression is a sign of dementia.
I’M NOT THAT GREAT OF A PARENT HOWEVER I CONCUR WITH THE ONES SAYING MURDER IS THE SOLUTION.
[☠︎︎] IN THAT CASE CONSIDER HELP FROM SPIRITUAL AND COSMIC BEINGS BECAUSE IT IS THE BEST WAY TO CONTACT SOMEONE FROM AFAR JUST MAKE SURE TO DO IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE UNLESS YOU WANT TO END UP WITH A GHOST RIDER AS YOUR FINAL OPTION [☠︎︎]
OH YOU FUCKING BITCH
What is it about me that makes fish trolls so desperate to bump spades with me?
As much as I like a good roast, the hat really isn't that bad. And I'm not just saying it because they're arguably my kid.
Despite my cynicism, I do wholeheartedly believe in The Power Of Love. Strong interpersonal bonds are a much better motivator to radical action than raw morality, or even self-preservation alone.
couldn't have put it better myself!!!
I'm becoming a bit more of a stable alcoholic again. This past year I've been alternating between binge drinking and trying to be disciplined, but since starting this vacation I've been maintaining a decent buzz without getting too blasted. My liver probably can't tell the difference, but I'll die long before that ever catches up to me. #substance #substance-abuse
On vacation from giving a fuck. I'll deal with whatever responsibilities I've shirked when I get back.
have fun, miss Lalonde.
⠀
0h have fun and stay safe!
I think some of you would benefit tremendously from becoming acquainted with the concept of kayfabe. Whenever someone is kidnapped, trapped in a SGRUB session, stranded somewhere hostile, dying spectacularly, et cetera, there is inevitably someone in the replies going, "Oh, but you had time to Chit about it?" As though the natural conclusion is that the character, presently dangling upside-down over a vat of acid, has taken out their phone, carefully unlocked it, opened Chittr, composed three paragraphs and selected an appropriate reaction image. This is not necessarily what is occurring. Chittr is the medium through which the narrative has elected to present itself. The post exists because we, the audience, require some means of observing the event. Sometimes the posting itself is diegetic. Sometimes it is only partially diegetic. Sometimes you are effectively reading a stage direction wearing the skin of a social media post. You are foolish to assume this website that stretches across an infinite amount of timelines, universes, and means of interaction is nothing short of a mythical artifact, perhaps even a Juju. Professional wrestling does not cease being a wrestling match because the camera happens to be perfectly positioned to capture a conversation backstage. Nobody turns toward the cameraman and asks why he is being permitted to stand three feet away while two men conspire to commit aggravated assault. You accept the camera because the camera is how the story reaches you. The same courtesy should probably be extended to someone live-Chitting their kidnapping. They are not necessarily exposing their location to their captor, compromising the integrity of their SGRUB session, or somehow finding excellent cellular reception inside the narrative equivalent of Hell. You are simply being permitted to see what is happening because this is the proscenium we have chosen. Please respect the kayfabe. It is doing a remarkable amount of structural labor for you.
Perhaps it is the syntactical nuance that is lost on you. Cronus is not known for saying, "I think some of you would benefit tremendously from becoming acquainted with the concept of kayfabe. Whenever someone is kidnapped, trapped in a SGRUB session, stranded somewhere hostile, dying spectacularly, et cetera, there is inevitably someone in the replies going, "Oh, but you had time to Chit about it?" As though the natural conclusion is that the character, presently dangling upside-down over a vat of acid, has taken out their phone, carefully unlocked it, opened Chittr, composed three paragraphs and selected an appropriate reaction image. This is not necessarily what is occurring. Chittr is the medium through which the narrative has elected to present itself. The post exists because we, the audience, require some means of observing the event. Sometimes the posting itself is diegetic. Sometimes it is only partially diegetic. Sometimes you are effectively reading a stage direction wearing the skin of a social media post. You are foolish to assume this website that stretches across an infinite amount of timelines, universes, and means of interaction is nothing short of a mythical artifact, perhaps even a Juju. Professional wrestling does not cease being a wrestling match because the camera happens to be perfectly positioned to capture a conversation backstage. Nobody turns toward the cameraman and asks why he is being permitted to stand three feet away while two men conspire to commit aggravated assault. You accept the camera because the camera is how the story reaches you. The same courtesy should probably be extended to someone live-Chitting their kidnapping. They are not necessarily exposing their location to their captor, compromising the integrity of their SGRUB session, or somehow finding excellent cellular reception inside the narrative equivalent of Hell. You are simply being permitted to see what is happening because this is the proscenium we have chosen. Please respect the kayfabe. It is doing a remarkable amount of structural labor for you." Cronus is actually known for saying "i think some of you vwould benefit tremendously from becoming acquainted vwith the concept of kayfabe. #kayfabe #chittr #chittrpsa #narrativwe #metatextual #metamale vwhenevwer someone is kidnapped, trapped in a sgrub session, stranded somevwhere hostile, dying spectacularly, et cetera, there is inevwitably someone in the replies going, "oh, but you had time to chit about it?" as though the natural conclusion is that the character, presently dangling upside-dowvn ovwer a vwat of acid, has taken out their phone, carefully unlocked it, opened chittr, composed three paragraphs and selected an appropriate reaction image. this is not necessarily vwhat is occurring. chittr is the medium through vwhich the narrativwe has elected to present itself. the post exists because vwe, the audience, require some means of observwing the evwent. sometimes the posting itself is diegetic. sometimes it is only partially diegetic. sometimes you are effectivwely reading a stage direction vwearing the skin of a social media post. you are foolish to assume this vwebsite that stretches across an infinite amount of timelines, univwerses, and means of interaction is nothing short of a mythical artifact, perhaps evwen a juju. professional vwrestling does not cease being a vwrestling match because the camera happens to be perfectly positioned to capture a convwersation backstage. nobody turns tovward the cameraman and asks vwhy he is being permitted to stand three feet avway vwhile tvwo men conspire to commit aggravwated assault. you accept the camera because the camera is howv the story reaches you. the same courtesy should probably be extended to someone livwe-chitting their kidnapping. they are not necessarily exposing their location to their captor, compromising the integrity of their sgrub session, or somehowv finding excellent cellular reception inside the narrativwe equivwalent of hell. you are simply being permitted to see vwhat is happening because this is the proscenium vwe havwe chosen. please respect the kayfabe. it is doing a remarkable amount of structural labor for you." As much is said in the post above.
An incredibly necessary analysis. Those who complain about such things are unaware of what exactly they are attacking. Listening to them results in a flatter, less interesting story.
Ah, I understand much more succinctly now, Rose.
Brevity is oft alluded to as being the soul of wit.
we did just get a rankmaid back s0 perhaps things are improving and we'll get less 0f a 3-1 ratio 0f some0ne actually doing shit vs. a cr0wd of midwits whining ab0ut their privilege two see activity.
if i ever find myself in one of these predicaments and i'M posting on the timeline, please know it is not "kayfabe" doing it for me. this chittr shit is fucking serious to a chud like me. i WILL be livechitting it for the sake of the clout. that'S just how much it means to me. but, in a way, that'S my own personal kayfabe, i guess.
[BEGIN MESSAGE] ... [ACTION:QUERY] if i check tthe feed pr0per|y am i g0ing tt0 find a |ive-chitted kidnapping? [END MESSAGE]
No. I timed this during the lack of a kidnapping as to not be drowned out by incessant bitching.
[BEGIN MESSAGE] tthank y0u. [END MESSAGE]
You're welcome, Pascal.
This hotel room has a single bottle of wine. It taunts me. Not because I'm trying to be stay sober or anything so upstanding, but because I'm trying to figure out exactly how to portion it. I don't know if I'll get another one. Do I uncork it and start drinking? It's just big enough to be a bit much to drink all of it in one sitting. But if I'm going to drink, I'll want a few. But there's not enough in this bottle for two of my usual party nights, and I don't want to just leave one glass or less in the bottle. This bottle is the perfect size to paralyze me with choice, thus ensuring I don't drink it at all. Clever.
This Is Exactly How I Sound When I Portion Out My Weed To Make Sure It Lasts Until The Next Time I Meet My Dealer. I Did Use To Grow My Own But Alcohol Is A Bit Different I Suppose. #substance
mom the trip is all expenses paid
Yes, but I don't want to ask for more.
S0metimes its g00d t0 refrain y0urself
ok
(( gonna take a hiatus til Tuesday, been feeling overwhelmed with rp lately so im gonna step back for a bit! mwah mwah
((Be well.
Hop on Pop: A Realtime Analysis Part 2 In our last venture we explored the strange spatial reality Geisel created with his use of a grotesque dogbeast and its varying sizes. A regret I have, besides a point discussed in the comments of my previous post, is that I did not put enough stock into the words themselves and focused entirely on the visuals. In a way, I was transformed into a member of the target audience. Babbling, focused on the colorful images rather than properly absorbing and deconstructing the words before me. I'll endeavor to do better this time and accept any and all flogging I have earned for my lackluster initial post. MOUSE HOUSE Mouse on house. The prose is constructed of rhyming couplets in the most literal manner. The words are presented, then placed in context. A mouse is certainly upon a house. It lacks any discernable arms but then who am I to judge? A mouse on a house is not inconceivable, but it makes one wonder how it got there. Did it climb? Was it dropped there? Transportalized? And why? Surely there's nothing for the mouse up there. Perhaps the answer is "because it is there". How noble. Or ignominious, depending on your preferences. HOUSE MOUSE House on mouse. How quickly Geisel brings us to the absurd. The mouse, arms now visible, has picked up the house and runs with it. The house is, indeed, on the mouse, yet the mouse remains the actor. In both instances, the mouse has agency and is in control, so it would seem; no matter which appears "on top" one maintains the power in the dynamic. Also of note is the strength of the mouse. The mangrit on display would make a Schwarzenegger blush and a ROUS squeal with envy. Not only does it lift the house with no sign of exertion, it runs quite quickly with it. Where is it taking the house? Towards what end? Again, we can read foreknowledge into this. Climb to the top of the house, the house will be taken by forces you thought you could control... Curious. ALL TALL We all are tall. You're breaking new ground here Geisel. Four entire words in one sentence? Are you sure your readers will be able to keep up? So. We all are tall. Who is we? The illustration implies it is the set of four humanoids clad in orange jumpsuits. The ambiguity remains. Everyone? Is the reader contained in we? Given the target audience we can presume not. But what if the reader is the guardian of the child? Then the reader may very well be tall, at least compared to the child. More on this after the next couplet. ALL SMALL We all are small. Riveting stuff, I know. Up there with Shakespeare and James. Again, the illustration presents us with a gaggle of four, also in orange. The youthful reader will find more to see themself in here. We all are tall. We all are small. Not "we are all tall". Not "we are all small". We all. All is encompassing. We all are tall *and* small. Four who are tall, four who are small, yet all in all, all are smtall. Geisel, just what did you know about the scratch? The author continues to tease us with his knowledge of what was to come, or whatever visions haunted his nightmares that needed to escape onto the pages and disseminated to impressionable young readers. Who benefits? Who gains something from the instruction to climb up the house, to move the house, to understand that the group of eight all are tall and small. Did he know ball? #HopOnPop #FreudianAnalysis #Unconstruction #TheHerosJourney #TheHeroesJourney #NoMyLittlePonyMention #UnrealisticPortrayalsOfMice #UnrealisticHeightStandards #Reality #Irreality Seuss, Dr. 2004. Hop On Pop. Random House.
Hop on Pop: A Realtime Analysis Hop on Pop, authored by one Theodor Geisel, is a children's classic. Its monosyllabic nature and wayward, meandering plot make it perfect reading material for those with minds of a similar consistency to a mudslide and with attention spans distracted as quick as also a mudslide. Of course, no piece of children's entertainment can exist without some dark purpose looming over it; one only need type "analog horror cartoon scary real -mlp" into their search engine of choice to be assured of that. With this in mind, I intend to deconstruct Geisel's writing to uncover whatever witch hexes or demonic sigils the man has hidden between the words. This will be done in parts, on no schedule besides my own interest. UP PUP Pup is up. The "pup" seems to be a snub-nosed breed, with especially fuzzy paws. It is perhaps a hybrid of man and canine given the apparent thumbs and ability to fix the reader with a smug grin. One must imagine its misshapen form bequeaths it with the gift of constant joint pain and breathing issues. The pup soars above a tree at great speed with apparent ease. A bird watches from below, amazed. The setting is unclear. If the bird is of an expected size (small enough for one to fit in a hand and two in a bush) then the tree is a sapling on a mound. If the bird is gigantic, then the pup is soaring high over lightly wooded hills. CUP PUP Pup in cup. PUP CUP Cup on pup. Moving on, our erstwhile pup finds itself frolicking with a large, yellowed tea cup. The color is almost sickly, suggesting that this cup was once a pristine white, but has become dulled and stained with age. Pup is able to entirely fit within the cup. It is large? Is Pup small? What does this imply about the previous size discrepancies? There is only one reasonable assumption to draw. The human-dog hybrid, which has the power of flight and has an unclear relationship with size is representative of one Miss Jade Harley. Mr. Geisel, either consciously through some foreknowledge of events, or subconsciously through the threads of paradox which weave in and out of reality, foreshadowed Jade's transformation and abilitiies. Is this a coincidence, simply a matter of the lack of need for spatial veracity in an early reader's picture book and the way Geisel spins together the fantastical and mundane to capture the hearts and minds of a demographic generally more focused on convincing Mother to un-wean them than in fine literature and hard science in fiction? No, surely not. #HopOnPop #FreudianAnalysis #Deconstruction #HegelianDialectics #MyLittlePonyMention #Breastfeeding #SpatialInconsistency #Reality #Unreality #UnethicalBreedingPractices Seuss, Dr. 2004. Hop On Pop. Random House.
sorry i was liking because of the image but i dont quite understand what the tags have to do with it yet we're still figuring it out
huh. i guess thats a fun conclusion to draw? my fursona isnt quite that uncanny but its closer than it could be. are we going to talk about how the pup has a collar in the first two illustrations but not the last one?
Excellent observation. The pup is free only under a protective shell, yet it still peeks out and beckons the reader to see it. To witness it and thus lock in what *it* is. Tragic.
...hmmm. im getting less comfortable with you saying this dog is me!
God I'm in love with you.
Self-esteem, acquired situational narcissism, or some leftover affection from dear, sweet, innocent Jaspers? Perhaps good taste, if I may indulge in the former two options.
Oh Rose I've had plenty of time for my identity to diverge from my constituent parts. Thus the name! That said all three sources you posit *are* present, it's just that I've also grown to be able to view you from an outsider's purrspective. No longer are my feelings about you defined by things that came before me! I have memories and experiences and past interactions to draw upon and make my own conclusion that, yes, you're absolutely adorable when you satirically overanalyze a Dr. Seuss book.
A divergence still implies a causal connection. It is non-linear, this specific instance of Rose Lalonde will never become any instance of yourself, but it can hardly be called an outsider's perspective when you so proudly carry the family name. Your cooing suggests to me a need to find someone you perceive as lesser in power and/or experience that you might use to define yourself against while maintaining a radical form of self-love that can come only from gawking into funhouse mirrors with the lights off and covers drawn. A baby doll pushed around in a stroller by a toddler. Not aspirational like your Barbies, your Bratz, your Garbage Pail Kids, but something that allows you to mimic the adults around you. A daughter or little sister. We share some, but not all, of our genes. In a sense, we are elder and younger siblings, linked by blood, or ectoplasm as the case might be. Vicarious living, nostalgia, Toddlers and Tiaras. I can see it all now. My conclusion is as follows: Satire? What are you talking about? This is all entirely serious and very important work. Now if you excuse me, I have a modest proposal to pen.
No I just think you're endearing. You think I'm putting myself above you? Really? I'm literally a plushie and also a silly kitty cat. I'm as psychologically diminutive as a grown woman can get without literal age regression. I admit I do find endearment in our contrast though so you're not completely off mark!
I need a drink. #substance
r u still at my house?
Haven't left. You'll know when I do, I'll get overly emotional and make a whole big deal about it. Earth B can survive without me for a bit longer.
ok thts rly nice 2 know also u can take my booze if u rly want i mean ur my mom i literlly cnt stop u from drinkin lol #substance
It's okay, I'm. Trying to be a good role model here. I'll live. I love you.
love u 2 mom
Could I get a hug, instead?
of course!
Remember, kids: "Evil Empire" is redundant.
⪩ S𓉸me 𓉸s 'ev⸸l c⌖rp⌖r𓉸t⸸⌖n'. ⪨
="€vi| Civi|isation" is a|so r€dundant #hottak€
Ah, yes. Any old gathering of individuals who choose to build something together might as well be Nazi Germany.
=This is tru€ b€caus€ p€op|€ bui|ding things isn't civi|isation
I was using flowery language to describe the concept of civilization. Please stop clogging my replies, I'm trying to make a salient point here without being diluted by random "#hottakes."
Gwuh. That is all.
[/-∊n♱rΩpy gr-∊yƗng Ωu♱./] -- g-∊♱ ΣΩm-∊ r-∊Σ♱ ȺΣ Ⱥl屮ȺyΣ, MƗΣΣ LȺlΩnd-∊. -- [/ΣȺmΣȺrȺ'Σ Σ屮ȺnΣΩng./]
0n0
Don't worry, doctor, I'm being restful today. You have a very nice waiting room. How's Roxy doing? Any updates?
[/-∊n♱rΩpy gr-∊yƗng Ωu♱./] -- Ɨ mȺd-∊ Ⱥ pΩΣ♱ ȺbΩu♱ Ɨ♱ Ⱥ lƗ♱♱l-∊ -∊ȺrlƗ-∊r ȺgΩ, ♱ⴵ-∊Ɨr Ɨn r-∊☪︎Ωv-∊ry Ⱥnd ♱ⴵ-∊ Ωp-∊rȺ♱ƗΩn 屮ȺΣ Ⱥ ☪︎Ωmpl-∊♱-∊ Σu☪︎☪︎-∊ΣΣ, ♱ⴵ-∊ ☪︎ⴵƗpΣ b-∊-∊n r-∊mΩv-∊d. -- [/ΣȺmΣȺrȺ'Σ Σ屮ȺnΣΩng./]
Hello, all. This is Roxy's mom, @tiresianThaumaturge. I'll take this time to update you on what's been happening. Two nights ago, the group known pretentiously as "Clockwork Inc," for reasons unknown, abducted her to perform a nonconsensual brain surgery. This violation implanted a chip in their head which suppressed their ability to feel emotions, as well as repressing memories with particularly emotional associations. They couldn't recognize their own partners. @empyreansApothehosis will be performing a much more ethical surgery to remove the chip. I'm told it will take the better part of tonight and tomorrow. I'll update you all as the situation develops, but I have to believe Aradym will remove the chip safely. Message me directly if you have any questions. Tomorrow, though. I need sleep. Stay vigilant.
[BEGIN MESSAGE] ... [ACTION:QUERY] iz aradym a zurge0n? [END MESSAGE]
Evidently. I hear the sound of thousands of hands waiving in dismissive unison, their owners crying the same thought-terminating refrain, echoing across the Chittrverse: "Ultself Bullshit."
Approaching 48 hourswithout sleep. It's not pleasant.
Perhaps A Nap Is In Order?
I'll nap when I'm sure Roxy's safe. It's fine. I've done this before. Not as a fifty-one-year-old woman, but I've done it.
Best Of Luck With The Situation Ma'am, I Do Hope Things Go Well
do you need anything?
Nothing it would be prudent to have right now. I'llbe fine. Thank you, Jill, you're a peach.
well if there's anything i can do to help you, just ask. there's no other way we'll get through this.
Caffeine is a vile and evil thing. A Faustian bargain in every sip. It grants you supernatural awareness and wakefulness, but at the terrible cost of feeling like a piece of your soul is being singed off every minute it's in your system. But Roxy's a flight risk right now. So I have to keep them safe.
No comment.
valid please ignore any/all my posts
I'm already talking like a pirate. I've literally disrupted trade routes.
7arrrr, a (old hearted bu((aneer and no mistake!
wait is it talk like a pirate day?
If I say yes, will you start talking like a cartoon pirate?
i can't be sure until you tell me! :D