Darlin Dearie
@gullibleColumnist
Hired at the Felt Manor as the Doormaid, known as well under Vilegirl. "I will love you until my blood evaporates."
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ I fear a divvy lot of you lewdies would fall for any propaganda if it’s got the right proportions. ]
https://media/tenor/com/bj7D0gpVJ4UAAAAM/waltergotme/gif
Only if she lets me get a propa ganda you know what I'm say/ing///
Is it all that up high/// You're a lot shorter than me last I checked, lewdie/
But I could, and that's the important part/
>who want me >no seriously who wants me >im selling myself into indentured servitude until further notice >i'll do anything >i'll fuck you and/or any of your quadmates (if you're of a cuckish persuasion) >i'll clean your disgusting shithole hive >i'll refill your cupe every night with a guaranteed promise that i won't poison your filtration system to get rid of you >mfw i will literally bathe you with my own tongue if i need to >hire me >tell me you want me >give me money NOW
READ ALL ABOUT IT -- [ Tempting offer. But, broke is broke. ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ If I may ask to any stranger reading their timeline, what's a warble (song) that you particularly enjoy? Doing some research, I suppose.. ]
trans(endental (ha (ha (ha, b7 tom (ard7
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ Kidnapping plot is trivial. What you need is a romance plot that ends terribly. Sylink can vouch. @singularityManifest ]
D★rlin I don't know how to tell you this but my "rom★nce plot" is going wonderfully right now.
I'm sorry, if it's ★ny consol★tion I've only like, directly told one troll. I just h★ven't thought to br★g I suppose.
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ Wow. Fuck you. Does our weird off and on mean nothing to you. Snrk. This bit sucks some real ass. ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ Oh no I didn't say it wasn't. Just that it's trivial. Something can be trivial & interesting. Like Jenga! ]
-=[i went to pussy island andd they all knew yo!u!!! :-D_☺]=-
READ ALL ABOUT IT -- [ Hid there away from the law sweeps ago... sigh... what days those were.... back on Pussy Island... ]
reluctant friend: rustbucket city is a myth, vwe should turn back. grizzled mercenary: its getting dark, keep movwing. me (sexy): rustbucket citys real. its a city full of submissivwe gutterbloods, a place ill belong & fit in, its home. i sawv it. eccentric scientist: the implications are astounding.
READ ALL ABOUT IT -- [ ... Okay? ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ @gadaboutTrickster queiries: "What's a story you LOVED as a grub?" Now this'll sound real strange for a grub like me to be reading. But I always liked The Etranger by renowned goldkrovvy Albert Kameus. The excerpt where the other lowkrovvy shopkeeper realizes that the legislacerators, the jury and even the fellow lowkrovvies were never going to perceive Outsider Erusault as anything but guilty is a damning reality most lowkrovvies face when dealing with Alternia's justice system. The moment you walk through that door, the world is against you. And there's nothing anyone will do, no one will afford you mercy, no one will pity you. Especially if you're not 'normal' by Alternian standards. A shame they culled Albert Kameus for this novel not only half a sweep after he released it. ]
wow, that sounds like exactly the kind of story that would shape your worldview to be critical of what is considered "correct" or "just" on a societal standard.
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ There were a lot of things that contributed to my view but this is certainly one of them. The place I was raised had quite the amount of 'banned literature'... the only sensible lewdie there -- the jade -- knew that some of us could use some zammechat novels. ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ Evenin, everyone. ]
ENTERTAIN ME
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ 'Dis about t'shatterquad? Need somethin' to entertain you? ]
WELL GEEZ YOU DIDN'T NEED TO BRING THAT UP!!! ...BUT MAYBE
READ ALL ABOUT IT —- [ Ugh. Look. In a couple of lights, they're hostin' a creation competition down in Outglut. Past Matterchute Avenue, there's a lot of lewdies showin' up, low and highs. Normally 's a lowkrovvy thing but recently they been bringing lots of highs in to make competition a bit more fierce. If y'want, you can start preppin' an invention for said event. Gives y'somethin to do instead of rottin' like a corpse on a table. ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT -- [ You may messel that I'm a survival horror protagonist, but I'm actually the shopkeep that you mysteriously find in an alleyway, and who gets around into impossible places. Like I'm teleporting around. And I trade you weapons and bullshit for some commodoties like newsclippings or typewriter scrap. ]
<3-Ah,-drinking-buddy.-Type-of-troll-that-I-could-really-see-as-a-survival-horror-protagonist. In-a-like,-wet-meowbeast-sorta-way.
learning how to tie knots! it's a very useful tool.
READ ALL ABOUT IT -- [ Great practice... ]
FROM THE MOMENT THE NAME "CHALKBOX" WAS SEARED ONTO MY CHITTR PROFILE LIKE A DIGITAL BRANDING IRON, I HAVE CHAFED BENEATH IT. SOME OF YOU KNOW ME BY THIS TITLE AND NOTHING ELSE. TO SOME OF YOU, I STOPPED BEING "KARKAT" A LONG TIME AGO. AND ONCE UPON A TIME, I WOULD HAVE TOLD THOSE JACKOFFS TO KISS MY HEMOANONYMOUS ASS. BUT THAT OFFER IS NO LONGER VALID. THIS ASS HAS SINCE APPRECIATED IN VALUE BEYOND WHAT YOUR POCKET CAEGARS CAN AFFORD. IT'S BEEN THROUGH THE MOST BRUTAL AND CUTTHROAT OF ALL WORKPLACE RELATIONSHIPS — THE PRIME TIME SOAP OPERA OF COWORKERLY PLOT TWISTS. A MERGER. A MERGING OF ALLIANCES. PUBLICLY. IN THE TOWN SQUARE. PLAIN AS THE STUPID ON YOUR FACE. A FIRM, MEATY PRONGSHAKE BETWEEN TWO SHITBAGS FROM DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE WHO HAVE SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN THE SAME COSMIC LANDFILL, ANYWAY. TWO FUCKWITS WHO HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN I OR ANYONE ELSE MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT. TWO FECULENT NOOKSTAINS WHO KNOW THAT IF WE'RE GOING TO BE PRESS-GANGED INTO SERVICE IN THE WORST JOB IN EXISTENCE, WE'RE GOING TO DO IT IN STYLE. TO THE FELT. TO *ALL* OF THE FELT. YES, INCLUDING YOU, @handMaid. BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO SEE THIS, PERSONALLY. MAY THE GLOWING-HOT PROD OF MY ENMITY REND ITSELF UPON THE MEMBRANE OF YOUR GANDERBULBS WITH SIZZLING, BUBBLING AMUSEMENT. BECAUSE, AND I QUOTE, "ALL MEN KNOW HOW TO DO IS LIE AND STEAL AND FUCKING BETRAY." AND MOST OF ALL, TO MY COWORKERS. TO MY TEAM. TO THE FECKLESS, MISERABLE SHITHEELS WHO EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO GET THE JOB ALONGSIDE ME. TO THE ONES WHO NEVER GAVE UP. THE ONES FOR WHOM "CHALKBOX" WAS NEVER A BAD WORD. @comedyGold. @gullibleColumnist. @terribleFate, YOU TOO, YOU FUCKING WEIRDO. AND WHY THE FUCK NOT — @veritysGleam, MY LOYAL MAIDLING. @terminatedRegalia WANTS YOU TO REPORT TO A LEADER? YOU'RE SURE AS FUCK GOING TO GET ONE. SO HERE. FOR ALL YOU ANNOYING CHUTEMAGGOTS WHO EVER BUSTED MY GLOBES ABOUT NOT "COMMITTING TO THE WORKPLACE TEAM SPIRIT. FINE. YOU WIN. THIS IS THE PATHETIC, MICROSCOPIC CRUMB OF MY CONCESSION. @scratchDoctor. SINCE THE MOMENT YOU SIGNED MY EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT, I ONLY EVER WORE A SHRED OF THE COLOR TO SPITE YOUR DUMBFUCK ANTIQUATED DRESS CODE. EVERY TIME I YANK THE TIE OFF, IT'S WITH MY MIDDLE PRONGSTUB. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT DIRECTION I POINT IT IN — I KNOW IT'S ALWAYS FACING YOU. I HAVE IMBUED THAT TIE WITH ALL OF MY HATE. ALL OF MY RAGE. ALL OF THE BITTER, FULMINATING CHAGRIN IN MY EVERY PULSING LIFE FIBER. I PLAN TO DO THE SAME WITH THIS ONE, FOR THE RECORD. SO FEAST YOUR SMOOTH, BALD HEAD (IN PLACE OF ANY DISCERNIBLE GANDERBULBS) ON THE COLOR YOU SO CLEARLY WANT YOUR COVEN OF INTERDIMENSIONAL RAINBOW DRINKER COSPLAYERS TO WEAR. GO AHEAD. GLOAT LIKE YOU WON ME OVER, EVENTUALLY. LIKE I DECIDED TO REP THE COMPANY COLORS, FOR ONCE. IT IS MY HATE-FILLED, SPITE-FUELED, IRONIC GESTURE OF PROTEST TO YOU AND THE MALDING GREEN MANLET @caliBorn HIMSELF. YOU TWO, BY VIRTUE OF SIGNING MY CHECKS, HAVE SUFFICIENT CLEARANCE TO KISS MY ASS. THE FELT IS MORE THAN A NINE TO FIVE. MORE THAN A HIVE WHERE I KICK UP MY FRONDS AFTER A GRUELING ETERNITY OF TOIL, WHETHER IT'S IN THIS TIME PERIOD OR IN AN ISEKAI TO THE FAR-FLUNG PAST. MORE THAN A PRISON TO CONTAIN A HATRED THAT PARADOX SPACE ITSELF HAS BEEN TRYING TO SQUASH FOR AS LONG AS I'VE BEEN WEARING GRAY, AND IT STILL HASN'T CULLED ME YET. THE FELT IS WHERE I BELONG. FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE. SO GO AHEAD. FUCK IT. WHO CARES WHAT YOU CALL ME. KARKAT. CHALKBOX. CHALKY. OR ANOTHER TITLE THAT I'LL UNVEIL IN ANOTHER, SEPARATE CHITT, RELATED TO HAVING FINALLY PUT A CERTAIN CHICANEROUS PURRBEAST IN HER PLACE IN REGARD TO WHO THE *SUPERIOR ROMANTIC CINEASTE* IS. IT DOESN'T MATTER. IF I'M HERE FOREVER, I'M DOING IT MY WAY. OR IN THIS CASE, A SORT OF JOINT-PARTNERSHIP WAY. BESPOKE NEW UNIFORM COURTESY OF @charmeuseCaressing. TAILORED BY THE FELT, YES, BUT ON *MY* TERMS. BECAUSE YOU DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT, NOT THE ONE YOU HAVE. AND MARA. IF YOU'RE READING THIS. AND I KNOW YOU ARE, BECAUSE YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO HELP YOURSELF. I WANT THAT PAIR OF NEEDLES YOU VANDALIZED OUT OF ROTTING GREEN COMPANY PROPERTY. NOT BECAUSE I GIVE A SHIT. BUT BECAUSE I KNOW AN OBNOXIOUS, OMNIPOTENT DIPSHIT WHO DOES. HOW MANY ZEROES WILL BE ON THE CHECK HE SIGNS WHEN I BRING BACK HIS SISTER'S THORASSIC BONE CURVATURE, I WONDER. ESPECIALLY WHEN I PRY IT FROM YOUR HOT, WHORELY HANDS. WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU AND EVERY OTHER POMPOUS, JACKBOOTED SHITHEEL WHO KEPT ME DOWN HERE, I'LL STAB THEM STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR WORKPLACE ORGANIZATION CHART AND TEAR IT A GAPING NEW WASTE CHUTE. THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME FUCKDAMN *CHANGES* AROUND HERE. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME LAMENTING THE LOSS OF YOUR UNDERLING, *MANAGER.* BECAUSE THAT PROMOTION. IS #ALREADYHERE.
READ ALL ABOUT -- [ ...Mh. The more goes on, the less I feel like I'm aware. But, particularly you've done... fine. Nice job, Karkat. ]
who up ovaling in their office
READ ALL ABOUT IT -- [ Damn I thought they got you. ]
We need more maids in the Felt/ Also someone took my figurines/
READ ALL ABOUT IT -- [ Do we really need more? I feel like we're- wait the figurines were yours? ]
You know what happen to'em/// Yeah/ They're mine/
Newsflash, Dorkmaid/ Everyone in the Felt likes Women/ Even the Women/
READ ALL ABOUT IT -- [ Yeah yeah. Why do you think I chose to get hired. Joking, of course. ]