Crabcake
@imitationBrachyura
I'M NOT SPENDING TIME FINDING A BANNER, FUCK YOU. ANY PRONOUNS. I DO NOT CARE. I COULD NOT CARE LESS, ACTUALLY. HI.
its only felonious assault if you get caught btw
TONIGHT HAS BEEN SLUGGISH. I TRIED TO FIND SOMETHING TO READ BUT ENDED UP JUST MINDLESSLY SCROLLING THROUGH THIS NONSENSE SITE FOR MOST OF MY EMPTY PAN MOMENTS. NOW IT'S ABOUT TO BE DAYLIGHT AND I'M READY TO HIT THE CUPE BUT UGH. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T *REALLY* WANT TO SLEEP. ONE OF YOU SHOULD START SPOUTING HOOFBEAST SHIT SO I HAVE SOMETHING TO OBSERVE.
well that's no fun. for you, i mean. you should be able to have shenanigans when you want shenanigans!
I SHOULD, YES. MAYBE I SHOULD IGNITE MY OWN FIRE OF SHENANIGANS AND MAYHEM. I'M SURE IT'LL GO OFF WITHOUT A HITCH AND NOT LEAD TO THE DOOM OF ANOTHER PLANET... OKAY, TONES ARE REALLY HARD TO MAKE CLEAR OVER TEXT. I KEEP FORGETTING THAT. /J. IS THAT HOW YOU DO IT? TO PUT EMPHASIS ON MAKING A JOKE AND BEING FRIENDLY INSTEAD OF A WASTE STAIN? THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING WITH IT.
omg ow!
THERE'S SOMETHING I COULD SAY HERE BUT I'LL HOLD MY TONGUE.
hey you can't talk, you're biting me right now!!!
ALRIGHT. AFTER FINALLY MEETING A HUMAN IN PERSON I CAN ADMIT IF YOU’RE ALL THAT WARM/SOFT I’M JEALOUS. THIS IS ME PRAISING YOU. YOUR HAIR IS LIKE PURRBEAST FUR. WHY ARE YOU SO SOFT? WAS THERE AN EVOLUTIONARY ADVANTAGE TO THIS?
*tzzk* Yes. Humans are. Pack animals. Being soft... Makes it cosier. To be. In a pack. *sskh*
i don't know, it could just be the whole mammal thing. like, we evolved from mammals. it means we're warm, covered in hair, can all produce milk, and have live births. i know some of that has some advantages over eggs, but not when it comes to numbers. i definitely don't know if the cozy factor is one of those advantages!
YOU... HAVE LIVE BIRTHS? THAT IS HORRIFYING. DAYMARE FUEL. MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOU'RE ALL SO SOFT, YOU HAVE TO BE TO NOT HURT YOURSELVES... AND THE MAMMAL THING. OR MAYBE THE MAMMAL THING IS BECAUSE OF THE... I'M PUTTING TOO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS, ACTUALLY. YOU'RE SOFT. I LIKE IT.
Yells really really really really loud. Okay?
THE UNINHIBITED JOY OF NO PANTS, BIG SHIRT COMBINED WITH COMPRESSION SOCKS FOR LAZY NIGHTS. I AM COMFORTABLE, COZY, AND MELTED INTO MY PILE. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I WAS MEANT TO LIVE MY POOR EXCUSE OF A LIFE. THIS IS TRUE EXISTENCE. OH, NOT TO MENTION I HAVE A SCENTED CANDLE GOING. FUCK YEAH.
my struggle is that i'm too tall for easy access to big comfy shirts. i'm maybe a little jealous.
B33c < hmmm B33 < i def cant visit your timeline without transpurrtalizer coords B33 < but id trade you a bath bomb jade also bought like way too many a while ago
YOU’RE A HUMAN, RIGHT? I AM ALMOST CERTAIN I HAVE EASILY ACCESSIBLE BIG SHIRTS FOR YOU. BUT ONCE AGAIN WE FALL INTO THE ISSUE OF I HAVE NO IDEA HOW EVERYONE IS TRADING THINGS SO EASILY. IF I FIGURE IT OUT I’LL SEND YOU A DOZEN.
well i can just sort of magically stop into another universe, and also i am always good to help someone out with a transportalizer so they can send things to people. i like being able to help!
OH, FUCK THAT’S COOL. OKAY. COME BY SOMETIME. I’LL GIVE YOU THE SHIRTS.
it's definitely safe for me to do that stuff. i've been doing it for years. i can even bring you a hot chocolate mix. you said you needed a hot beverage! maybe you figured yours out, but more couldn't hurt, right?
I HAVEN’T FIGURED IT OUT YET. THAT SOUNDS GOOD. YOU COULD JOIN ME IN WATCHING “CRIMINAL MINDS”, TOO IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO DO.
oh that sounds nice. and i get all cozy too? yeah, i'm down!
NICE. LET ME TIDY UP MY HIVE A LITTLE. IT’S A FUCKING WRECK IN HERE.
A DAVE SENT ME AN ALIEN - *HUMAN* - TV SHOW FILE AND I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS BARKBEAST SHIT IS ACTUALLY ENTERTAINING. THE TITLE IS ABSURDLY VAGUE BUT I GUESS I CAN FORGIVE IT.
what's the show called?
CRIMINAL MINDS. THE MOST VAGUE THING THEY COULD HAVE POSSIBLY NAMED IT.
oh! i've never actually watched that one. for some reason the first show that popped into my head was x-files. i have no idea why.
well in theory, it's about fbi agents who investigate reports about aliens, but for a lot of people, it's about the shipping of the main agents, mulder and skully. the will they, won't they of it all. it went on for years long before i was born.
... MAYBE I SHOULDN'T PLAY THE "WE WANT ALL YOUR CAEGARS BUT WILL ASK FOR THEM IN SMALL, SEEMINGLY INNOCENT WAYS UNTIL YOU ARE BANKRUPT" GAME.
WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS JUST ME BEING NOSY AS SHIT SO FEEL FREE TO IGNORE MY ASS IF ITS NOT SOMETHING YOU WISH TO DISCLOSE.
I WAS BORED, WHICH IS WHERE EVERY RECENT GROSSLY MUNDANE STORY INVOLVING ME BEGINS, SO I DOWNLOADED SOME ARCHAIC GAME ABOUT WIZARDS WHO CAST SPELLS VIA MAGICAL AND CONVOLUTED CARDS. SOMEHOW IT'S BOTH SUBSCRIPTION BASED *AND* FULL OF (OPTIONAL) MICROTRANSACTIONS.
MAYBE DON'T PLAY THAT THEN?? THERES SO MANY GAMES LIKE THAT TODAY AND ALL OF THEM KINDA SUCK?
THE ISSUE IS THAT IT DOES NOT SUCK. IT'S RIDICULOUSLY FUN. I HAVE TO PEEL MY FRONDS OFF THE KEYBOARD AND COAX MYSELF AWAY FROM MY HUSKTOP TO AVOID DUMPING MORE CAEGARS INTO IT. I'M LEVEL 50, I HAVE A COOL PET, AND I BEAT MY ENEMIES INTO THE GROUND. WHAT MORE COULD I REALISTICALLY ASK FROM A GAME MADE WHEN I WAS A WRIGGLER? ... BUT YOU'RE RIGHT. I REALLY NEED TO STOP PLAYING. GOD OF THIS PLANET OR NOT, I HAVE A FUCKING BUDGET.
I WANT A CARBONATED DRINK AND TO SIT DOWN IN A DARK, COMFORTABLE BLOCK TO WATCH A MOVIE I HAVE NO BUSINESS REWATCHING FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME AND I WANT MY STUPID FRIENDS TO JOIN ME.
so i'm guessing some bullshit is in the way of that, huh?
DING-DING. MOST OF THEM ARE ASLEEP AND THOSE WHO AREN’T SHOULD BE SO I’M NOT ASKING THEM OVER.
well that's no fun. but if they're asleep, why aren't you? is this some weird timezone thing?
I’VE BEEN HAVING A HARD TIME CONVINCING MYSELF TO GO TO CUPE. I HAVE TO KEEP BUSY LATELY, I GUESS.
if you went to, uh, cupe, would you be able to sleep? i know going to bed can still mean hours of laying in bed before i fall asleep, and i hate it, but that's just life.
oof. that really does suck. what do you do when you can't sleep?
I READ. BOOKS. BLOGS. CHITTS, NOW, TOO. IT BECOMES A GAME OF HOW LONG CAN KARKAT KEEP THEIR EYES OPEN TO BEAR WITNESS TO THE NONSENSE GOING ON IN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES, FICTIONAL OR OTHERWISE. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT ARE MORE EFFICIENT I AM HAPPY TO HEAR THEM.