Captain Mindfang
@marquiseMindfang
What strange ways do these winds 8low?
My wifes here Im gonna get bullied all fucking day now
Let me know her hours, so I can fill in the metaphoric night shift.
The sole 8lemish on the otherwise 8eauty that are Alternian women is the revolting aesthetics of its Empress. It is the universe's jest that the most potent throne of ladyhood is occupied 8y its ugliest.
(( Basically: Every woman is hot except for the Empress. dsidsdsdd ))
While her personality beliefs actions and expanding and contracting bladder-based aquatic vascular system are shriveled, blackened, and revolting, I think it disingenuous to pretend that she isn't a fucking bombshell.
I don't know, you seem pretty )(appy to be kissing someone w)(o's genetically nig)( identical 3B)
What a heavy accus8tion. What are you going to do? Pin me into a kiss until I recant?
We )(ave our ways of torturing t)(e )(eretics, but for you, dear Captain? You can expect 80 las)(es 38)
What a cruel f8te, indeed. You can expect my retali8tion in full force. As if I would ever accept punishment without getting some return fire.
#leijonwriting #eridanweek #longpost You were never particularly invested in the daily melodrama of Eridan Ampora. It had not even necessarily occurred to you to even think a8out him that often. As far as you were concerned, he was just another pawn 8eing used on the cosmic 8oard, 8eing su8jected to Skaia's whims as helplessly as you were. Never even 8reaching his monumental personality flaws. You pinch the 8ridge of your nose as he approaches you. You were expecting a quiet evening at the local tavern. Nothing too extravagant, just people watching. You guess that that was too much to ask as your hopes were swiftly dashed upon the rocks, 8ut there is no steep cliff for you to gracefully 8ow out of this conversation. "Hey," he greets you, his deadpan cadence somehow failing to hide his eagerness. "This place is a fuckin wwash, right? Havve you evven 8een inside the pitiful excuses for a8lution 8locks? You'd 8e 8etter off havvin a soak in the 8ay at lowwtide." Neither of you laugh at his attempt to 8r8k the ice. He shifts uncomforta8ly for a moment, 8row creasing at your lack of response. He sits down on the stool next to you, heaving a sigh of frustration. "Fine, I get it. Can't fuckin 8elievve a wwaste of genetic material like you thinks they're too good for a little chit chat wwith real no8ility, 8ut sure, yeah, I get it. Like I don't already fuckin knoww howw evvery8ody thinks of me." You feel a pang of, no, not pity, *sympathy.* You make it a point to keep those feelings very, very separate when dealing with his ilk. You tap your fingers against your half-empty glass contemplatively. "...How are you, Eridan?" you finally ask. His eyes light up, and you realize with a sinking feeling that his ploy had worked on you. "A8out time you found your tongue," he says. "Anywway, I'm doing horri8ly. Evverythin's 8asically untena8le and we should all 8e collectivvely wwringin our necks ovver how fucked it all is. Me in particular, I'm fucked. You think you could givve me some a that wwisdom you're alwways so purportedly toutin a8out?" You feel your eye twitch. You suppose that you did, at some point, have a conversation with him in the past, though you can scarcely recall it with any sem8lance of clarity. One of your weaker moments. You momentarily consider just telling him to fuck off and to leave you alone, 8ut you are, regretta8ly, a nosy sort of person. Despite everything, you do have a sincere sort of fascin8tion with him. Similar to watching a scuttle8uggy crash in slow motion, you can't help 8ut o8serve with keen interest as Eridan Ampora trips and stum8les over the course of his existence with a profound resign8tion staining his soul. You know that for all of his posturing and grasping at dignity, he su8consciously has already decided that he is not good enough. Whatever "good enough" even entails in a 8road scope. You indulge his emotional theatrics in the 8ar that night. He even sometimes says something funny, although if they were altogether intentional you weren't sure. You reacted positively and that incited him to keep going. You've heard it all 8efore, however. Friends who've cut him off, potential alliances that never made it past the har8or, the occasional 8emoaning of romantic struggles. You're not 8ored. He is theatrical enough to keep you engaged with his performance, 8ut you try not to interject too often, and only say that which he wants to hear. You really don't think you can handle 8eing a pillar of emotional support for him, much less invest yourself into the monumental task of "changing" how he thinks and feels. Hours pass. He stands to his feet and stretches. "This wwas a good talk. Let's do this again sometime, yeah? Yeah. I think wwe can make this into a wweekly thing, wwhat do you think? Actually, scratch that, I'll let you knoww wwhen wwe should hang out again." You say nothing. He seems fine with that. You think you might've 8ecome his friend? You'll 8e honest, you're not sure how many times you've accidentally hung out with him, 8ut you're 8eginning to question if this is a pattern that you've fallen into. Or worse, you're actually his friend. You hope you're not endeared to him. Oh, right, and two guys were kissing at the 8ar the whole time you two were conversing. Yaoi.
What on Alternia have my eyes chanced upon this eve.
Evening.
IF I HAD TO GUESS IT WOULD BE BECAUSE I WROTE EXTENSIVELY TO THE FUCHSIABLOOD EMPRESS ABOUT FIXING MY FUCKING INTERNET. "THAT ISN'T MY JOB" THEN WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT OF YOUR REIGN.
An impressive tale, I must say. May8e not one for the ages, 8ut even I can enjoy the irony of the Orphaner 8eing 8ested 8y you even in a heightened st8te of magically enhanced ecstasy. I'm pleased that you were a8le to keep track of the majority of the event while still in your right mind. Even if 8y some happenstance there is some o8scure loophole that Crocker didn't account for the in the non-disclosure agreement, an accur8te recollection of events is important. After all, for however stu88ornly it keeps turning up, the lollipop juju's effects are a rare sight to witness. I shan't inquire to the after, I can surmise the details without it. I'll just say that depriving yourself of your palmhusk 8efore succum8ing to it was clever. I would've done the same. As for me, not much of importance. I've returned to my study of Alternia pre-apocalypse. I haven't honestly given it as much attention as I should have since I was more captiv8ted 8y ancient history.
A reply was unexpected, she must 8e ancient in your time, and her eyesight likely failing as much as it was in my own era. I would wager it was likely from her staff. One should never level criticisms at her from an address she can easily retrace. The only way you are getting out of this is if you have heavy artillery around.
Many tales aren't worth the ink to record them, and this one certainly will not grace the pages of my journal. A word for the wise, an non disclosure is only a valid agreement for those who sign it. You shall find no fingerprints of mine on that document; the Orphaner's are. He is the lia8le party, not I. Ha. So, that's why you're here. You're seeking a inform8tion as per usual. You expect me to narr8te the experience of Alternia for you?
Of course I do. You are speaking to a woman who commandeers a man-o-war. Ever fired a cannon?
NOT EVEN ONCE BUT I HAVE ZERO ATTACHMENT TO MY HIVE AND EVEN LESS ATTACHMENT TO WHATEVER THE FUCK IS PROWLING OUTSIDE.
That's the spirit, some ash in the lungs will do that fiery soul some good. Do you have a sylladex, or a transportaliser?
@m4rqu1s3M1ndf4ng You c4n just s4y you m1ss3d m3.
A legislacer8tor should not 8e so incorrect all the time.
Th4t 1s 4 lot of words th4t do3sn't sp3ll "1 m1ss3d you R3dgl4r3". >8]
The eve of 'Kindfang' has succum8ed, the only praise you will receive is 8y proving caegars.
I vote for #feltweek
I continue to suspect that the elev8ted li8ido is still influencing me, unless, of course, it has elev8ted my heat cycle earlier than expected. If you’d rather not 8e the target of flirtatious comments, refrain from interacting during this period. #nsfw
i fEar thE warning will havE thE oppositE EffEct ..