Swifer Eggmop
@swiferEggmop
THERE'S AN ATTACK ON A HIVEBASE OUT WEST. COMMANDER PEIXES DEPLOYED THE LOBsTERs. I'LL BE JOINING THEM SOON. IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE ON CHITTR AND IN THIS UNIVERSE IN THE NEW OLD YORK AREA, CLEAR THE WAY FOR THE CONSORT WITH THE EYEPATCH. HE'S A FREAK OF NATURE.
Oh, goodness gracious. Swifer Eggmop, reportin' for clean-up duty, commander!
I got brought on as a janitor to help with the post-cook off clean-up, and my *word.* If the kitchen gets any messier throughout this whole malarkey, we'll be out here for the whole darn day before the floors even think about lookin' spiffy again, let alone the countertops!
Oh, you're a darlin', but I think we'll be quite alright. I'd hate to impose, but all the same, I can't stop you if you're really itchin' to help out with the cleanin'.
Good gods! Saucy posts are a dime a dozen on this here site. Some of y'all need a good swifin', that's for darn sure. Not that I'm judgin', heavens no.
>>| .i'm having .a bad feeling .about the meaning behind word "swifing". please, do correct me.
>--D=There=is=nothing=wrong=with=showing=your=body=off=so=that=other=trolls=can=appreciate=it=and=you=yourself=can=feel=more=confident=haha=:P//<
Oh, it's nothin' to fret over! It's just me usin' my trusty mop. But it ain't just any old mop. It's a swif, y'hear.
Ain't that the truth. I just wasn't expectin' quite the rambunctious lot here. Though, it is in the odd hours of the night, so I ought to temper my expectations a good bit.
"GOOD" EVENING. THIS ACCOUNT EXISTS SOLELY TO ACT AS A CORRESPONDENCE POINT BETWEEN MYSELF AND MY FELLOW COMMANDERS. I SHOULD REASONABLY NOT EVEN BOTHER MAKING A SINGLE "CHIT" (STUPID FUCKING TERM) BUT I FIGURE IT'S BEST TO BE OPEN AND CANDID ABOUT WHO AND WHAT I AM FOR THE SAKE OF TRANSPARENCY. MY NAME IS COMMANDER KARKAT VANTAS. LEADER OF THE REVOLUTIONARY ARMY FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHTS AND LIBERTIES OF TROLLKIND ON EARTH C. BEFORE YOU COME TO ME WITH ANY OF THAT "BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING ON MY EARTH" OR "I'M ON ALTERNIA" OR "I'M ON BEFORUS" OR WHATEVER OTHER CONJUCTION OF SPACE-TIME THIS SITE IS SOMEHOW ABLE TO BREACH SHIT, I KNOW. I KNOW HOW IT WORKS. TRUST ME. I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK. THOSE OF YOU FROM *MY* PARTICULAR CONJUCTION, THIS ACCOUNT IS FOR YOU. THE REST OF YOU? THIS ACCOUNT IS ONE OF MANY FACELESS ALTERNATE ACCOUNTS FROM ONE OF MANY ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF THE SAME SELF-LOATHING, EXHAUSTED PIECE OF SHIT YOU KNOW AND LOVE/HATE. DISREGARD IT AS YOU PLEASE. I'M SURE THE KARKAT VANTAS MARKET IS ALREADY OVERFLOWING ON HERE. IF YOU'RE FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE AND HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT ALL OF THAT I JUST SAID, FEEL FREE WALTZ RIGHT UP AND ASK. I'M A GOD DAMN LIVING LIBRARY FULL OF CAUTIONARY TALES THAT YOU'RE GONNA WANNA HEAR. THANKS. COMMANDER V
I TRULY WISH YOU HAD BEEN MY FIRST FOLLOWER INSTEAD OF TROLL KARL MARX.
Sorry, sir. I was still gettin' signed up when you sent that notice out, y'see. But I'll be standin' at the ready next time, you can count on that!