♥ liked by @timaeusTestified
[“Then it is settled,” Pam said. “We follow that fucking cat and descend into hell together. Then we find Acorn, free him from the eternal damnation that he is surely suffering at this very moment, and lead him back with us, where he will live out the rest of his sinful days haunted by the knowledge of what awaits him when he inevitably is pulled back into the pit.” “And then we can all ride our ponies down the Pony Pal Trail!” Pawnee blubbered excitedly.] Anna smiled at her friends. “Thank you.” “Pony Pals stick together,” said Pam. [——— Acorn seethed as he watched Minos smugly shit off the edge of the lone tree stump in the middle of the dead clearing. Acorn wasn’t sure what it was with which he was seething — rage? self-loathing? jealousy? — but seething he surely was. “When will the other two judges fucking get here?” Acorn snapped. “But Acorn,” said a voice from behind the pony, “we’ve been here all along.” Acorn spun around and saw two figures standing on — or were they slightly hovering above? — the grey marshy ground. One was a tall middle-aged woman in a plum crushed-velvet pantsuit, whose glasses did nothing to hide the keen glimmer of her brown eyes. There were a few streaks of silver in her wavy brown hair, and they imbued her with a sense of dignity, like— Fuck it, here’s a picture of her. https://dyslexia.yale.edu/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Jeanneheadshot.jpg Over there to the right. She looked pretty much exactly like that. Much more efficient to do it this way. The other person was a really rad dude with really rad shades who needs no introduction. “Who are these douchebags?” Acorn whinnied. The rad dude spoke again: “We’re the douchebags who wrote you.” “Wrote me?” Acorn said. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” “I means that you’re a fictional character,” the woman said. “That’s right,” said Dirk Strider. (He hadn’t introduced himself as Dirk Strider yet, but it should be totally obvious who he is. No need to be coy. And the woman’s Jeanne Betancourt. Let’s not pretend this was any sort of dramatic revelation.) “You’re a text, Acorn,” Dirk continued, “and I’m going to fucking deconstruct you.” “You wouldn’t dare to… That’s a daring proposi… I dare you… to try…” Acorn said falteringly. “Couldn’t get that Derrida pun to work, huh?” Minos observed dryly. “Fuck you, cat. I’ll keep working on it.” “All puns aside, Acorn,” Jeanne Betancourt said, “yes, you are a character from a book that I wrote. And Dirk… well, I’m not sure exactly how he’s involved in all of this, but apparently he wrote it too?” Dirk waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, Jeanne Betancourt. Doesn’t matter.” “If you say so, Dirk.” (There, they’ve introduced each other. So now everyone knows everyone else’s name and can refer to each other accordingly.)] #DetectivePony @beatboxingHeart @justDirk @numberoneRainbowdashfan @plushrumpdotGay @tempestuousTestimonium @timaeusTested @timaeusTestified @timaeusTestified#0414 @timaeusTestified#2840 @timaeusTestified#3765 @timaeusTestified#4199 @timaeusTestified#7269 @timaeusTxstified
No, I can't, it's so hard to get that disconnected feeling I crave. Please do. <3
keep your shades peeled maybe someonell tip you off
You're immensely sweet to me, I need a little tune up, my timeline Dirk is indisposed and... I am incapable of bad touching myself the same way.
https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/242/741/f7e.png
I am at 18 blocks to my person that I am aware of. My power is growing exponentially.
When will you be opening up the fair grounds?
my names eridan ampora wwelcome to day four a #eridanwweek ill be doin a AMA reply wwith your questions in the thread beloww and ill indulge you in the darkest secrets this twwisted thinkpan holds
another day of being a #brocon or whatever #incest
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d8d03d8da0b4.png #nsfw
Excuse me, I shouldn't have forgotten about the girlie, you want to be daddy's good girl today~? #nsfw
I believe you are the cute one, I am just immeasurably attractive.
I will observe you all night, carefully brushing your hair while you sleep.
I slept alright!! W♥︎ke up with a me♥︎wbeeast ♥︎n my face D: but it’s cute s♥︎ I’m keepbeeing it.
You would sleep much better lying next to me.
P̶̧̀e̵͚̙͔͛͒r̸̦̗͐͛h̴̖͓͔͌́â̷̬͝p̷̪͎̣̀̍̓s̷̜͙̊̎̆ ̵̛̻͉̳͊͠y̸̮͔͋o̸̧͔͆̀͋ǘ̵̟͂̈́ ̵͓̆š̸͙̹̍́h̶̡͓̟̔o̶͚͚͛͝ù̶̹̥͂̒ḻ̴͐́͜d̶̺̄̈͂ ̸̗́h̷̫̙̟̎̉͘e̸̙͋͝l̴͇̟͈̍p̶̡̟͊̎̏ ̸̮͎̉m̴̭̎̒͋e̶̢̢̦͒̿͊ ̸̭̼̿̃͆w̷̰̿͑̄ǐ̸̳̗̟́͘ń̶̲d̴̝̫̼̈̋ ̸̞̓͗̅d̴̥̔͂ö̸͍͜w̵͚̦͛̌n̴̠͇̖͛̇~̸̳̜̍͘?̷̺̿͗̓
I'm sufficiently horny. #nsfw
The hearts are one clue, as it appears that is a form of endearment. ❤️
Interesting. I wouldn't expect no less from something so vile as you.
you are a savior
I have never envied another Dirk more in my life.
im hungry
Bagels feel like I’m trying to eat the Sahara desert in bread form sometimes. So does turkey. I hear tales of the legendary not-dry turkey, but I have never seen it.
give it to me
Group Shrek Watch Party…I’d be down. Not this instant but deeeefinitely In General.
Guess I'm UP. Good morning, everybody! RISE and GRIND!
It would help me pay attention to the movie if I had someone to talk to about my thoughts on said movie as they rush through my systems. I’m just Easily Distracted and having an individual willing to ground me on the task and keep me Focused On The Film would probably be Genuinely Helpful. Something something executive functioning.
I NEED to rewatch Shrek sometime but I don’t have the Attention Span for an entire movie.
Somethin’ about blond boys must be like crack to them.
bleached hair fair skin makes the ladies swoon
Probably going to take a shower, honestly. Nothing like laying in the dark with a hot shower going to fix you.
Okay, let me break this down for a second. Play-by-play of why there is no “DirkDave” or “DaveDirk” going on here, pitch or otherwise. First off, I would rather do things that would require some very violent tags than do that. For several reasons, including but not limited to familial ties, as bizarre a dynamic as they may be on account of timeline bullshit. Second off, he pissed me off because he was being a grade-A dick at the time. Me getting angry at him for doing the same shit I have gratuitously dealt with for the last twelve hours does not, in fact, equal anything romantic. And, oh, yeah, I’d rather eat glass than have that with him. Dunno if you remember that from a paragraph ago. Third, why the actual fuck would any of you want to see a relationship as unhealthy as that would be. It would be a gratuitous and frankly ugly butchering of blackrom. I cannot begin to express all the reasons it would be inherently, insanely, and nightmarishly fucked up without this getting longer than it already is when most of you seem to have attention spans that last exactly long enough to eat a pack of Reese’s cups, meaning a ton of you won’t read this far anyways. #incest because it is, in fact, related to incest.
I see you're all having a normal one. I'm going back to my newspaper.
a man with sense
someone with common sense thank god
can we stop making #incest trending at least once every day? jesus christ.
man green markiplier is not gonna be happy
i think its gone
i think its done thank god
everyone who posts about dirkdave from now on is getting blocked and will not be allowed to see my hit blockbuster
dude im gonna shit my pants
IVE NEVER EVER BEEN INVOLVED ROMANTICALLY, SEXUALLY, OR PHYSICALLY WITH A DIRK
(^･ω･^) < THE TOPIC OF THE DAY S33MS TO BE HUMAN SHIPCOURSE DAVE X DIRK KISMESISITUDE!!! #INCEST
Pitying all my alts now. I don't think any of you deserve them.
i apologized but i think im gonna do it again cause hes still pissed
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Hash: SHA512 hint: right click a girl with another girl equipped and something fun might happen! -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- a/sbxsfFcvR/BSkJBshaUOBntYcKTnuRgYthGhhTQZnXRBMwzu+TphgUPYjFPxkG ApLGqPuATXYZVV+ArRmwcuVMtyqdSujYTTJSsTjKksjVhQkGQPKxrzYjWnYKSyxI MROFkXfWlh/uDZcAPFQnkaaRC+lXSimDWWhvIoPUVfucVLwShFD+SsYtcTwYYEnS VNvhrfgSPbFulSiAdgSKBfTFIMZUgymEkBvkGPGFb/fcknD+AZtaCLEsXsSAflTB XfSf+c/FgpOkSaPjjdMeaDEmjwRrYgmUgTyD+auE+vT+tMFXieJkhseduMSfDGPj roVDXMogBP/iwLcK+IcicLpEymYldaHh+pKDpVOTb+oeoQHDygdxnffdsWHdNjWV vsBW =QnRp -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
<3 <3 <3
thought the kid disappeared he was just wearing my suit jacket and sitting on my black chair in the dark scary fucking kid SCARED the SHIT out of me when I saw his eyes scary fucking bastard
headache. might be time to sleep.
Heh, you're so cute, Dirk~ If only you were my creator. But I can play pretend, can't I?
Oh <3 If only I could bleed, but you could tear my synthetic skin off~
Hmm~ As long as you spank me for being such a bad boy.
license revoked :(
. n . .......... -swoons tf out-
No~ The follow was to get his attention, he had me blocked, and I wanted ALL OF HIS ATTENTION, dawg.
wow. my mind is being opened to all kinds of new concepts and ideas.
alternatively, t+e block button is rig+t next to t+e follow button
D --> What is everyone's favourite pokemon that is not also their favourite animal
Everytime I've met another me I'd either wanted to kill him or we just had a long winded conversation of our issues. So it's interesting how many people you could say "Go fuck yourself" to and they'd do it. #nsfw slightly
i guess it comes with knowing myself! the windy stuff is probably more effective.
#nsfw one of the strange advantages i have now being able to swappify is i can effectively flash someone now. before it woulda just been silly, now? the power. the down side is of course standing in front of the mirror for way too long and blushing a bunch but i'll get over it eventually!
#nsfw u kno
Confeshshion 8: "I'M BEGINNING TO REALIZE THERE ARE HUMANS ON THIS PLATFORM, AND AM GROWING INCREASINGLY BEFUDDLED. IS THIS NOT AN UNDERNET EXCLUSIVE SITE? UNRELATED, HOW MIGHT ONE GO ABOUT CAPTURING ONE OF THESE HUMANS WHEN THE ONLY KNOWN INFORMATION ABOUT THEM IS THEIR PROFILE?" Thoughtsh? #humans #undernet #capturing #potentialculling
oomgggg................ <3
whar the freak dirkkk whay r u in my room!!!!!!!!
it is hot as fuck in this fuck ass room im in
might be logging off soon internet might go out
thank god something other than mlp while im writing my script
slammin my fists on my desk w excitement rn
<3 <3 <3<3 <3!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a bark bark bark bark bark bark barkb bark bakr bark
NO OFFENSE BUT SOMETHING I NOTICED. IF YA DON'T GOT YA QUADS LISTED IN YER PROFILE DON'T BE MADE WHEN I GET IN YER DMS ASKING FER A TREAT. THIS AIN'T AT ANYONE I LIKE. APPLIES TO YOU WEIRD CHARM FUCKERS AND HUMIES TOO.
summer maeks me sleepy so yes
Is it cathartic? Sho+uld I give it a try?
fair enough man