Dude Strider
@turntechGodsaid
no name, call me dude current owner of plushrump.butts call me the samurai of satire the way ill cut you in twain. youre a mark
why do people always go "im not gonna lie to you" before saying something heinous. i wasnt asking you to lie or tell the truth. theres a third option here if you could believe it: not saying anything. yknow, think. is is truthful, helpful, inspiring, necessary, kind. "im not gonna lie" only fulfills the first of the quintet, which i think is the least useful. brutal honesty just exists to be brutal, the honesty is secondary. like how brutal legend (2009) #anachronism was about the brutality and less about the legend. who even remembers that they got jack black to voice the main character in a heavy metal isekai rts? no one, thats who. damn was that shit brutal though. brütal enough for the u to be staring at you with those beady ol eyes. whats it thinking? whats it looking at? what does it see inside of you? it knows what you said. it knows what you did. you cant hide from the ü
i felt it.
four lords and seven seers ago - babraham twinkoln
-- turntechgodsaid [tg]s phone has been destroyed! --
i dont even know any seers.
secoNd is best? how curious, to declare yourself beholdeN to a rule made iN school schoolfeediNg riNgs for aNd by wigglers.
tied up? i am Not that kiNd of troll. i just offer guidaNce. because i am a seer. :)
then whats the point of you. why would i want to hang with an alien that isnt a sexy lady in a bodysuit with a prosthetic forehead and three tits and a weirdly dominatrix-esque culture. why? #nsfw
oh but trolls are quite keeN oN gimp suits aNd latex. triple spheres maybe Not, but a haNd oN a leash, certaiNly.
[a video. the composition is generously described as "artistic". it is realistically described as shit. dude punches a hole into a wall. in an instant hes a step to the right, and punches another hole. again, again, again. as he works the view jumps back in sudden cuts. he skips some spots on the wall, but more and more holes are punched. the wall is ridiculously large. perhaps the room has no other purpose than to have a punching wall. after about ten minutes what the final image will be is clear as it reaches half completion, but he keeps going. another ten minutes pass with the only sounds being smashing, and dudes grunts. finally, he disappears from from. revealed is the image hes punched into the wall, almost pixel art: a classic trollface. the video ends.]
What a kneeslapper! What ever will the tortured mind conjure up next.
spore.
awful game. making a creature now. dances like its in pain.
🜏 somɛ♱iimɛs u don'♱ go♱♱a bɛ prroud you xan jus♱ fiind urr own joy n whiimsy iin yourr own ɛxxiis♱ɛnxɛ. u xould lɛarrn frrom ♱hosɛ liil guys ♅
im like a god damn scientist over here. ive got petri dishes and microscopes and bubbling flasks and tubes. were studying those three and the blue one i guess this is a control group over here. "normal" versions of the gang because the spooky lines in their bios mean nothing. im doctor professor puppet over here this is what ive been waiting my whole life for. cant wait to see jade and roze cut their strings. dave is probably gonna be gay and badly flirt at people he shouldnt. and the blue guy? fuck if i know i dont care to study him. #watchingandwaiting #meninstem
[|87 :: 1 eagerly awa;t your updated thes;s on th;s matter
i dont even have a middle name
my point is i was hatched in a batch of 1000s so i got the left half of the pile name and thats it
[a video recording from a go pro, affixed to someones head. the background noise is harsh and grinding and the air hangs thick with a sickly green fog. dude is facing a massive fortress constructed of rusted gears and pistons fighting against each other. the footage turns to a blur as he flashsteps within. the dungeon is infested with high level enemies, some wearing armor, some wrapped in bandages, some with great antlers. they seem mostly disinterested in engaging with dude until he flies in with his katana and makes the first strike. he cuts his way through corridors full of mobs, not even stopping to collect their grist. he is silent save for the occasional muffled grunt. the video runs far too long, only ending after hes been panting for several minutes of fighting] #violence
plushrump.butts stocks are through the roof. we had to build another story just to raise the roof, and it went through that roof too. continue this ad infinitum and we realized we were playing tiny tower #anachronism. so we pumped all the profits into the premium currency and tthen made a couple films named after it. life is good.
seems like pride month is a post-entry deal. thanks obama. i guess. wonder how many other of the site categories got months. at least two. #suggestive
Could slap a rainbow logo on there before you talk your shit. I'm informed the lawyers call it covering one's ass.
i dont dance. anyway whats gay pride month? what are they proud of?
gonna take some engagement bait for a test run. comment with a pic of yourself and ill roast your look
turn on a light or put on some clothes. shouldnt be surprised you need the lights off when youre showing that much skin. im sure whatever snu-snu victim you have in your basement prefers them off. thats not a butterface, thats a curdled milk face. a cheese face. that face has been sitting out too long under the sun. the joker makeup is a nice attempt to fix it, but we all know you got those scars from picking at acne. yknow im still stuck on the clothes, it looks like youre wearing a hammock. could wrap that thing up between two trees and have myself a nice nap if i didnt mind the smell of fake leather and sweat thats gotta be just roiling off you. #nsfw
okay so it is a cosplay youre an alien version of an anime twink, do you think that helps your case at all?
you trolls all look the same to me, you can pretend his was for you if it makes you feel better
im addicted to public humiliation i guess youre not gettin fresh pics outta me though im makin you wwork for it
i dont know how you think its a cosplay i just have long hair and headphones like he does, i just like the character
ThaT ain'T roasTin' as much as iT is callin' all Trolls ugly... you goT some kinda word for species based assumpTions in your human vernacular somewhere
MY TURN. ME TOO. I ALSO WANT TO HEAR. ABOUT THE COMPLEX COCKTAIL OF DISGUST AND AROUSAL. THAT MY ALIEN HOT SLUT FORM. INSPIRES WITHIN YOU. I'LL EVEN MAKE IT #NICE AND EASY. BY BEING THE ONLY ONE OF THESE LOSERS. TO PROVIDE 4K. HD. SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE. OF ME IN MY NATURAL HABITAT. #NICEMAID.
nope, dont think so. what do you want from me here? you look like harley quinn but out of one of the fetish comics they released #anachronism #nsfw youre literally this deviantart musclegirl harley theres nothing i can add thats gonna change that. you dont need me to roast you, you need a mirror. should i go grab farty harley? should we call the mayor? if you arent satisfied take it up with customer service, not my department. though, theyll take you to take up with management, and theyll tell you to take it up your ass. look i know you spent a lot of time at hot topic or spencers or wherever picking out what would look best to aura farm in, but this is just trying too hard. it has to be effortless, youre clearly trying to look scary and badass. its just kinda embarrassing ((fzak @ deviantart)
first thing i notice, you dont show up in the mirror. you seem like the type to be flattered by any comparison i could make using that though. could say its so disgusted by your form it bends light to avoid reflecting it, but eh. no no, ive got it, the mirrors been threatened by whoevers leaving those pink blotches on you to stay silent. what am i even looking at here? is this a xeno skin condition? std? or are you a human who bathed in sharpie for a bit but was being chikan-ed like achilles in the river styx, dozens of hands all grabbing at you, ensuring you have plenty of glowing red weakspots to aim for. and sheesh girl, take a toothbursh to your horns or something, they look nasty. you sleep on that bed with those things? youre gonna get bedbugs. that do isnt "do"-ing you any favors either. see what i did there? a bun *and* youre letting that frizzy mess hang down? if youre gonna go for the whole oriental thing at least put in some effort to make it cohesive. and your wrist, holy shit. im starting to think those have to be bruises and youre being adult-beaten. how else do you explain looking like a skeleton? thats a toothpick. i could snap that thing by looking at it right, not just wrong. could snap it by looking at it left. i bet it snapped just now because i looked at it through the picture. have some rice, get some carbs, take better care of your macros. and is your other hand put on the wrong way or do you just have some freakish fingers? your pinky cant be that much shorter than your ring finger. is that the finger length difference that means youre gay, like pyro from tf2? #anachronism. im starting to think i need to call cpa. is that why everything is all green, is this your salad fingers tribute? the surgery wasnt worth the bit. you have enough boonbucks, either alchemize a new fit or buy the blue color channel already. its hard for me to even comment on that thing actually, my eyes are protected from the highlighter glare but honestly? i think the outfits protecting my eyes from much, much worse. you probably look like a courtroom doll underneath, youre gonna show me where the bad man who threatened the mirror touched you. please, keep the corduroy on. i think what im most disappointed in, besides how terminally unfuckworthy those sheets are, is your lipstick. it doesnt even match your horns. youve got multiple shades of green, multiple shades of red, it just turns into a muddy christmas day. sorry kids, brown christmas this year, and its not even daddys fault this time. santa slipped and broke his neck, but its okay, he left the sleigh so we get all the toys. better call moist miser though, tell him the good news. was it moist miser who touched you? is he the one who will only feed you a single grape a day? i know hes a real freak, he likes his christmases 50 degrees and damp. id ask you to pick him out of a line-up but weve already got enough cultural insensitivity going on and im not going to take the responsibility of designing the mascot for "brown christmas". overall, would, but only after shoving you through a carwash at least twice #nsfw #nsfwe? #abuse #
can always tell when someone doesnt even track his macros
you probably get it, right angie? you take your boy/girl/dog kibble, get your essential nutrients, your macros (carbs, proteins, fats), and you get to work like thomas the tank after he snuffs a line of coal dust #substance
ohhhhhh, macros! is that the human word for it? i try to pay attention to those still but we had a teal to track my diet in depth, so i didnt really have a routine like for my skincare
i knew youd get it. cant stay in peak physical condition without keeping track of your macros
its always something around here. i should break the mold, why should the girls get all the fun? all the other striders just use this to flirt or fuck. ill take a massive step for meninism and be the first guy to have a power crazy metaphysical existential break down
Breaking the mold by doing the patented Dirk move instead. It's a bold strat, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for him.
observation tells me im the main beta strider, for obvious reasons. im the only one not constantly moping about made-up alien romance. the transitive property implies the same of jade in my timeline and now i have proof. that is, every other jade eventually names her kid fucking yiffy. okay.
fuckin ass name.
good and evil are meaningless terms bandied about to make losers feel better about themselves by taking on a position of moral superiority. yeah buddy keep climbing that staircase, you look so good that far above me, dont mind me pulling back the band of my slingshot (a classic symbol of childhood rapscallionry, while also calling to mind the biblical david, perhaps innocent in his own right when he fights goliath, having not yet committed the sins of lust or pride) to plink you in the face with this cool rock i found
in time (ha) for tonights jade hour. sick. check this out harleys. should it be harlies? yknow what, the new plural for jade harleys is davidsons. a pack of davidsons. wait, no, fuck. scratch that. a pack of jades works fine. just check it. [attached is a video of of bec viciously attacking a weak stream of water coming from a hose held by whoevers filming. bec is absolutely growling and mauling that water. good job bud.]
we need to invent a sign language for toes
i have had it with these motherfucking jades on this motherfucking plane
dude we have to put up with the sea of you like all the time let us have our moment
you can't stop us all >:)
yknow what fair i prefer this to the waves upon waves of shitty twink versions of me
