Dude Strider
@turntechGodsaid
no name, call me dude current owner of plushrump.butts call me the samurai of satire the way ill cut you in twain. youre a mark
((OOC Explanation Post! This is a Dave! Just a bit short of Breath. No John means no Stiller shades means no spreading his wings and getting out of Bro's shadow. May edit this in the future, but this is as much as needs said right now. 1st Edit! #nsfw themes may arise as Dude ran/runs plushrumps, the smuppet porn site. The implications of this are about as bad as they sound.))
[a video recording from a go pro, affixed to someones head. the background noise is harsh and grinding and the air hangs thick with a sickly green fog. dude is facing a massive fortress constructed of rusted gears and pistons fighting against each other. the footage turns to a blur as he flashsteps within. the dungeon is infested with high level enemies, some wearing armor, some wrapped in bandages, some with great antlers. they seem mostly disinterested in engaging with dude until he flies in with his katana and makes the first strike. he cuts his way through corridors full of mobs, not even stopping to collect their grist. he is silent save for the occasional muffled grunt. the video runs far too long, only ending after hes been panting for several minutes of fighting] #violence
plushrump.butts stocks are through the roof. we had to build another story just to raise the roof, and it went through that roof too. continue this ad infinitum and we realized we were playing tiny tower #anachronism. so we pumped all the profits into the premium currency and tthen made a couple films named after it. life is good.
seems like pride month is a post-entry deal. thanks obama. i guess. wonder how many other of the site categories got months. at least two. #suggestive
Could slap a rainbow logo on there before you talk your shit. I'm informed the lawyers call it covering one's ass.
@imJunior Hook a brother up?
What happened to the ASCII art. The people yearn for ASCII art.
i dont dance. anyway whats gay pride month? what are they proud of?
ALL THESE GODDAMN STRIDERS ARE PATHETIC AS HELL.
thats
i will admit i am pathetic idk about anystrider else
dirks cool
my dirk isnt pathetic
i dont get any comfort from this
gonna take some engagement bait for a test run. comment with a pic of yourself and ill roast your look
turn on a light or put on some clothes. shouldnt be surprised you need the lights off when youre showing that much skin. im sure whatever snu-snu victim you have in your basement prefers them off. thats not a butterface, thats a curdled milk face. a cheese face. that face has been sitting out too long under the sun. the joker makeup is a nice attempt to fix it, but we all know you got those scars from picking at acne. yknow im still stuck on the clothes, it looks like youre wearing a hammock. could wrap that thing up between two trees and have myself a nice nap if i didnt mind the smell of fake leather and sweat thats gotta be just roiling off you. #nsfw
okay so it is a cosplay youre an alien version of an anime twink, do you think that helps your case at all?
you trolls all look the same to me, you can pretend his was for you if it makes you feel better
im addicted to public humiliation i guess youre not gettin fresh pics outta me though im makin you wwork for it
i dont know how you think its a cosplay i just have long hair and headphones like he does, i just like the character
ThaT ain'T roasTin' as much as iT is callin' all Trolls ugly... you goT some kinda word for species based assumpTions in your human vernacular somewhere
MY TURN. ME TOO. I ALSO WANT TO HEAR. ABOUT THE COMPLEX COCKTAIL OF DISGUST AND AROUSAL. THAT MY ALIEN HOT SLUT FORM. INSPIRES WITHIN YOU. I'LL EVEN MAKE IT #NICE AND EASY. BY BEING THE ONLY ONE OF THESE LOSERS. TO PROVIDE 4K. HD. SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE. OF ME IN MY NATURAL HABITAT. #NICEMAID.
nope, dont think so. what do you want from me here? you look like harley quinn but out of one of the fetish comics they released #anachronism #nsfw youre literally this deviantart musclegirl harley theres nothing i can add thats gonna change that. you dont need me to roast you, you need a mirror. should i go grab farty harley? should we call the mayor? if you arent satisfied take it up with customer service, not my department. though, theyll take you to take up with management, and theyll tell you to take it up your ass. look i know you spent a lot of time at hot topic or spencers or wherever picking out what would look best to aura farm in, but this is just trying too hard. it has to be effortless, youre clearly trying to look scary and badass. its just kinda embarrassing ((fzak @ deviantart)
first thing i notice, you dont show up in the mirror. you seem like the type to be flattered by any comparison i could make using that though. could say its so disgusted by your form it bends light to avoid reflecting it, but eh. no no, ive got it, the mirrors been threatened by whoevers leaving those pink blotches on you to stay silent. what am i even looking at here? is this a xeno skin condition? std? or are you a human who bathed in sharpie for a bit but was being chikan-ed like achilles in the river styx, dozens of hands all grabbing at you, ensuring you have plenty of glowing red weakspots to aim for. and sheesh girl, take a toothbursh to your horns or something, they look nasty. you sleep on that bed with those things? youre gonna get bedbugs. that do isnt "do"-ing you any favors either. see what i did there? a bun *and* youre letting that frizzy mess hang down? if youre gonna go for the whole oriental thing at least put in some effort to make it cohesive. and your wrist, holy shit. im starting to think those have to be bruises and youre being adult-beaten. how else do you explain looking like a skeleton? thats a toothpick. i could snap that thing by looking at it right, not just wrong. could snap it by looking at it left. i bet it snapped just now because i looked at it through the picture. have some rice, get some carbs, take better care of your macros. and is your other hand put on the wrong way or do you just have some freakish fingers? your pinky cant be that much shorter than your ring finger. is that the finger length difference that means youre gay, like pyro from tf2? #anachronism. im starting to think i need to call cpa. is that why everything is all green, is this your salad fingers tribute? the surgery wasnt worth the bit. you have enough boonbucks, either alchemize a new fit or buy the blue color channel already. its hard for me to even comment on that thing actually, my eyes are protected from the highlighter glare but honestly? i think the outfits protecting my eyes from much, much worse. you probably look like a courtroom doll underneath, youre gonna show me where the bad man who threatened the mirror touched you. please, keep the corduroy on. i think what im most disappointed in, besides how terminally unfuckworthy those sheets are, is your lipstick. it doesnt even match your horns. youve got multiple shades of green, multiple shades of red, it just turns into a muddy christmas day. sorry kids, brown christmas this year, and its not even daddys fault this time. santa slipped and broke his neck, but its okay, he left the sleigh so we get all the toys. better call moist miser though, tell him the good news. was it moist miser who touched you? is he the one who will only feed you a single grape a day? i know hes a real freak, he likes his christmases 50 degrees and damp. id ask you to pick him out of a line-up but weve already got enough cultural insensitivity going on and im not going to take the responsibility of designing the mascot for "brown christmas". overall, would, but only after shoving you through a carwash at least twice #nsfw #nsfwe? #abuse #
can always tell when someone doesnt even track his macros
huh?
you probably get it, right angie? you take your boy/girl/dog kibble, get your essential nutrients, your macros (carbs, proteins, fats), and you get to work like thomas the tank after he snuffs a line of coal dust #substance
ohhhhhh, macros! is that the human word for it? i try to pay attention to those still but we had a teal to track my diet in depth, so i didnt really have a routine like for my skincare
i knew youd get it. cant stay in peak physical condition without keeping track of your macros
its always something around here. i should break the mold, why should the girls get all the fun? all the other striders just use this to flirt or fuck. ill take a massive step for meninism and be the first guy to have a power crazy metaphysical existential break down
Breaking the mold by doing the patented Dirk move instead. It's a bold strat, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for him.
idk whether 2 be impressed or horrified i just witnessed someone eat pizza topped with raw pumpkin seeds n all #vaguepost #iamworried #scary
this is what we needed to save us from the "pineapple on pizza is cursed" cliche. thank you, from the bottom of my heart. thank you.
Holy 2hiit, uh... do they requiire a22ii2tance?
II thiink 2he'd be liike... horriifiied 2eeiing that.... liike full on haiir raii2ed, ear2 pulled back....
Waiit ii2 that the dude eatiing fuckn raw Pumpkiin on top of piizza? II mean II've done French Toa2t and 2yrup on piizza, but raw....raw pumpkiin?! II know what Troll Gordon Ram2ay would 2ay that'2 for 2ure
observation tells me im the main beta strider, for obvious reasons. im the only one not constantly moping about made-up alien romance. the transitive property implies the same of jade in my timeline and now i have proof. that is, every other jade eventually names her kid fucking yiffy. okay.
are you like evil #mydaeve
fuckin ass name.
good and evil are meaningless terms bandied about to make losers feel better about themselves by taking on a position of moral superiority. yeah buddy keep climbing that staircase, you look so good that far above me, dont mind me pulling back the band of my slingshot (a classic symbol of childhood rapscallionry, while also calling to mind the biblical david, perhaps innocent in his own right when he fights goliath, having not yet committed the sins of lust or pride) to plink you in the face with this cool rock i found
yeah ok #evilmydaeve
in time (ha) for tonights jade hour. sick. check this out harleys. should it be harlies? yknow what, the new plural for jade harleys is davidsons. a pack of davidsons. wait, no, fuck. scratch that. a pack of jades works fine. just check it. [attached is a video of of bec viciously attacking a weak stream of water coming from a hose held by whoevers filming. bec is absolutely growling and mauling that water. good job bud.]
we need to invent a sign language for toes
i have had it with these motherfucking jades on this motherfucking plane
dude we have to put up with the sea of you like all the time let us have our moment
you can't stop us all >:)
yknow what fair i prefer this to the waves upon waves of shitty twink versions of me
nu-uh
At least it's better than snakes.
are you constantly attacking yourself then undoing the attacks to grind your stats or are you a pussy #cw-self-harm #violence
whenever i need something to move from one state t another i do the samurai slash and freeze thing. closed door? flashstep. freeze. it opens. need some ketchup? flash, freeze, it starts squeezing that red goop out. fly undone? i put my hands behind my back. freeze. the zipper shoots up.
maybe i should start an extermination business. i cant be the only one in need
[a video. it shows a large grassy field, with some sort of glass dome covering the entire sky. theres a grunt from someone just off-screen and a greatsword spins in an arc. "fetch boy" comes a monotone voice, with just a hint of anticipation underneath it. the sword flies further, and further, and further, and then- with a green flash, becquerel appears in the sky, grabbing the hilt of the sword in his jaws. theres a blur, the telltale sign of a flashstep, and what appears to be a dave wearing a highlighter green wife-beater, too big basketball shorts, and kamina shades appears next to bec. he clashes his katana against becs sword with a grunt, and bec growls in return. the two of them trade blows, over and over, teleporting and flashstepping all over the arena. both seem like theyre dueling with intent to kill. the video lasts for over ten minutes with both parties barely seeming to tire. the battle reaches its conclusion with one final clash of blades, both combatants squarely on the ground. dude grits his teeth and leans in, bec growls and pushes back. dude suddenly rotates his hold and slashes upwards, sending becs greatsword flying. dude jumps into the air, grabs it, spins like hes about to throw a shotput, and shouts, "fetch!" bec teleports to go fetch. dude does not throw the sword. he lets it fall to the ground where it impales the dirt, then falls down after it. in a few moments bec returns with an annoyed huff. dude kneels down next to him and gives him some well-deserved scritches. he glances towards the camera and the feed suddenly ends.]
Getting the omniscient dog to fall for the fakeout. #GOATED
just in the nick of time. as usual
names not dave but far be it from me to not hop on a trend and enjoy #davehour, its technically dedicated to me, the one true alpha strider
[a well lit recreation of the lady and the tramp spaghetti scene, but with two smuppets and a plate of yarn. they begin slurping it up, the pile shrinks, the line goes taut... then it keeps going. one of the smuppets is unraveled, its strands sucked into the other. it keeps losing mass, losing limbs, its pert smuppet nose the last part to go. the other smuppets stomach gets fatter and fatter the entire time. once it has entirely consumed the other smuppet its face turns towards the camera. it holds this glare, silently, judging, for an entire minute before the video ends.] #nsfw #nsfwe #gore??
wow that was really well done!! good job dude!!!
he makes weird horror porn with puppets :)
not "too". not "now". been on this kick for years. plushrump.butts would be nothing without me.