♠ hated by @acquittalTort
uh huh. shore. ill swing by anautter time to get that outing nautarized or whatebber and we gonna sea about that
dammm was everyfin that happened in that office naut compensation enough. seamed like you was havin a great time -E-ELMAO
-- [ cuttlefishCrusher's palmhusk has been acquittalTotally trashed! ] --
yeah postin about it on chittr reel mature #directlyvagueposting
ill be RIG)(T back its naut efin gonna be an issue
lawyers man alwaves hostile for no good reason
yk certain things make it difficult to wanna stay in here already but at least they lettin visits happen (efin if i gotta ask reel nice). cuz those certain things can just come to me #whatup #prisonlife #coldasfuckinhere
first order of business: serve second order of business: swap out the resolute desk for somefin cooler
were i a lless pollite friend id ask what freaky zombie sex is llike but reallistically I probablly don't want to know #nsfw
@cationicAgonist but i think she's newlly taken if you're trying to get llaid idk
never posting about my zombie friend llaying pipe ever again jegus. #nsfw
yeah eelmao
@cuttlef1shCrusher so 1s 1t a yes or a no ton1ght
youre tell1ng me th1s on #matespr1tmonday? llev, get real
I need you to never have sex again I'm bllaming this on that #nsfw
two of who what
can not bellieve you two but at lleast you have a good excuse to renovate
aight the resolute desk is broken so i reely gotta find a new one. imma install a coffee maker right into this one
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 1: rose lalonde #nsfwv #nsfvwe #substance #dubcon #cagttl first in my kinda arbitrary order is rose lalonde, rosie, blondie, cutest babe to evwer scovwl at me. trunkbeast in the block, yeah youre gonna need one into dudes, but thats more common that youd think. wveirdly more common than some of the other gals into gals, ewven. second point of order, roses are freaks. ewvery single one, iwve newver met one that isnt. this means that youvwe got an in, but not necessarily an easy one. youvwe gotta prowve to her that you can provwide wvhat her owvn fucked up pan vwants. usually this means dealing wvith her lusus issues. she wvants a masculine figure to giwve control to so that she can pretend like she isnt messed up about mommy. her loss is your gain. theyre also usually drinking too much of the seer juice, so doing stuff they vwouldnt expect is a good in. that or shes drinking the soporifics, dont see this one super often, but the vway to take advwantage of that is obwvious. wvhatewver it is, just position yourself as someone she can giwve control to. a fawvorite line of mine is "wvhos gonna believwe me anyvways?" my personal fawvorite is the "oh no please dont" style rose. this is the one that showvs off wvhat shes got, puts herself into situations, but acts frosty anywvays. think of her like a meovwbeast. you cant come on too quick, you gotta let her come to you, figure out vwhat she wvants. a good compliment vwill usually set her off in the right wvay, preferably something crass as possible to immediately get her off-balance. tits or ass wvorks, though some vwont be impressed by that, so get creatiwve! once youwve got her on the defensiwve you can figure out vwhat her thing is. does she get off to the shame of being seen around a dude like you? do her knees go vweak at the idea of taking orders? cant handle some trollhandling? shell hiss and scratch a little, but keep up the pressure and shell crack. shell get all blushy evwen as she snarks, and shell call you a creep but she wvont stop you. these ones lowve getting taken somewvhere priwvate to "chevw you out" wvhen really they just wvant an excuse to giwve you the chance to feel em up evwen more obwviously. then youwve got the magic dabblers. magic is fake as hell, obvwiously, i think vwhat they technically do is majykks or howvevwer you spell it. doesnt matter. these ones are bored as hell and theyre wvilling to make it just about anyones, uhh... the opposite of a problem. you see a rose thinking about testing a spell from some spooky tome on herself, encourage it, shes one of these. if they can find some excuse to giwve you the reins, they wvill. find a vway to justify your ovwn magical acumen. these are usually the type wvho wvanna givwe up control, wvanna stop thinking, so take charge and giwve that to em. i think if you leawve any rose alone vwith an esoteric tome long enough she becomes one of these, so go for it if thats vwhat youre into. if youvwe got a rose vwho doesnt seem to fall into either category, but youre sure she could like dudes, then you gotta mold her yourself. make jabs at her competence, emphasize hovw easy it is for you to push her around physically, make her feel small. shell push back, but youre prodding at stuff shes already thinking about herself. shell nevwer accept you as her equal so you gotta tear her dovwn until shes about to implode, then offer yourself as a shoulder to cry on. a confidante. she can trust you, vwho wvould you tell, vwho wvould believwe you? then you make your mowve. make her feel useful, use her, make her think that givwing you her body is just as good as wvovwing you wvith her mind. you gotta be her rock. the genetic predisposition to soporifics abuse is a great help here. shes used to feeling this wvay, ewven if she cant admit it, you gotta make it feel good. make her associate this state vwith pleasure, wvith you. if you can do that, youvwe got her in the palm of your hand. alright, time for the rating bod: roses havwe a lotta wvariance, ivwe seen em scrawvny and iwve seen em curvwy as hell. bonus points for being blonde and making the best faces vwhen theyre mad. 8/10 vwariety: 9/10 you can get a rose for just about any mood you might havwe, but theyll usually act grumpy about it ease: you gotta wvork a little bit to make a rose put out, but theyre usually entertaining enough its not frustrating. 6/10 personality: i lovwe em for their rambling, makes for fun banter, but i can see hovw itd put some people off. the ice queen schtick really does it for me those 7/10 ovwerall? ten outta ten babes, cant complain. im alwvays happy to see a nevw rosie in the bubbles and figure out her deal. usually her deal ends up being an unhealthy obsession vwith xeno-biology
ey i saw that like on my fit pic
a romance scheme has neva gone wrong for no one in all of history
got her girl feelin #rancorous
jealousys a baaad look for anyone
nail meet coffin lol
whale technically either of us could be the ugly one it dont reely matter. i dont efin think she ugly its moor aboat trollbamas tastes
still am whenebber they get that shit movin again #winning
[ This taped confessional merely consists of multiple cuts of Mintyl running. He is not very athletic. So they are all very brief cuts interspersed by bouts of wheezing. He doesn't seem to be running to the same place in any of these shots; not even remotely. Where is he going? ] #AngelsNutritionblock #confessional @assistMint
[Wrothe is pacing back and forth, out of focus from the camera. His posture is hunched and trembling, which while not particularly unusual, seems exacerbated by the curvature of the lense. His gamer neck has achieved a near 90° angle, as his quivering, wet fingers peck rapidly at the screen. What first seems like some kind of correspondence with his job, is rapidly revealed to be the chittr homepage when the camera zooms in. A cut in the footage places him in front of the nutrition block wall, instead. Still trembling, still sweating enough to create noticeable pitstains in his chef coat, but standing upright and forward enough to address the crew.] ↗️I AM NOT FEELING GOOD ABOUT THE CHALLENGE. AND I AM NOT GOING TO LIE, IT IS LITERALLY ONLY MY FAULT.↗️ [He places his head in his hands. There's silence from the crew. The small influence of dramatic music begins, as if he's about to tell a story about how he's doing this all for his sickly lusus, and the money will help pay for a new pasture for him to frolick in until he feels better.] ↘️my dandruff fell into the appetizers.↘️ ↗️I DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT AN HORS D'OEUVRES WAS, UNTIL TONIGHT.↗️ ↘️it is so over for me.↘️ ↗️AND KANTAN CANNOT STOP CHANGING OUTFITS, DESPITE MY BEGGING THAT I AM LITERALLY STARTING TO BE UNABLE TO DISCERN THEM FROM OUR OTHER TEAMMATES.↗️ ↘️and we have a puppet on our team.↘️ ↗️I WATCH VIXROY FLUB THE GARNISH SO PREPOSTEROUSLY THAT I COULD NO LONGER TAKE ANY COMMAND SERIOUSLY.↗️ ↘️we are going to lose this competition.↘️ ↗️AND IT WILL BE EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT↗️ ↘️and only partially mine.↘️ [He pulls once at his short hair, which makes the film crew take a visible step back and audibly go "eugh", before he corrects his posture. He seems fine, now.] ↗️I KNOW WE ARE SUPPOSED TO VOTE SOMEONE OUT. AND I AM PLACING MY VOTE FOR MINTYL OF THE OPPOSITE TEAM.↗️ ↘️he is just a liability on set, at this point.↘️ #AngelsNutritionblock #confessional @gratuitousAnnuity
;; I KNOW WHAT YOU AREEEEEEERRREEEEEEEEE EEEUEUEUUUUEUUUUU UUUWUWEHH UUUUUU EEEE E AAAEHHH HHHHHEEE UUU HHEE ;;
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↗️UPPER MANGLEMENT HAS INSTRUCTED ME TO ISSUE AN APOLOGY REGARDING MY FRANKLY UNCOUTH AND ALSO INTERPERSONALLY SCATHING REMARKS MADE TOWARDS JUNIOR HELMSMEN AND THOSE AMONG US THAT ARE PSIIONICALLY GIFTED.↗️ ↘️please be patient as i literally do anything but that, because that request did not happen and it is kind of ridiculous to imagine that this is even a problem.↘️ ↗️I ASK ANY AND ALSO ALL PARTIES OFFENDED BY MY OBVIOUS JESTURES↗️ ↘️that is a pun↘️ ↗️TO COMMUNICATE THEIR GRIEVANCES WITH HER IMPERIAL EMPIRE.↗️ ↘️and when you do not do that.↘️ ↗️TRY SEEKING GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT.↗️
↗️IN YET ANOTER SLIGHT AGAINST ME, MY WORKSQUARE NEIGHBOR HAS SPOKEN SO ILL OF ME TO OUR JOINT SUPERIORS THAT I HAVE INCURRED ANOTHER WRATHFUL PUNISHMENT.↗️ ↘️literal lies and also slanderous material pushed against me in droves, because i have not even once deigned to have a "long, winding, loud" conversation at my desk.↘️ ↗️NOT EVEN ONE THAT IS VERBAL, ANYWAY.↗️ ↘️instead of the usual thick whipping with some blunt, intrusive instrument of despair and backwarping, i have been commanded to fascinate my gaping wordhole with something else.↘️ ↗️A TASK TO TIRE MY EVER-RUNNING MAW, APPARENTLY.↗️ ↘️i have been ordered to rechew the used gum off the bottom of some choice desks.↘️ ↗️MY CHOMPBONE ALREADY ACHES.↗️ ↘️it iss so much.↘️
↘️i wish my ultimate superior↘️ ↗️WHO IS ENDLESSLY REFLECTIVE AND SELF-ASSURED IN HIS OWN PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, AND SOCIETAL PROWESS OVER A LOWLY OFFICE DRONE AND PITIFUL DESKDONKEY SUCH AS MYSELF↗️ ↘️would see fit to approach me with a stapler and directly tack his orders to the front of my starched and also freshly pressed shirt, like a troll martin luther placing his decrees on the clurch doors.↘️
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 I'M MUTHAHAFUCKING TELLING YOU THAHAT SHIT'S DIFFERENT BROOOOOOOOOOO.
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 MY LAWYER'S BEEN BREATHING DOWN MY MUTHAHAFUCKING NECK BECAUSE I TOLD HER I DIDN'T LIE TO THE THRESHECUTIONERS. ACCUSED ME OF LYING TO THE JURY. LIKE, NO DUDE, I JUST LIED TO YOU. THAHAT SHIT'S DIFFERENT. :o/
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 BET.
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 I JUST REALLY THINK I COULD BEAT HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY IN BASEBASKETFOOTHOCKEYBALL IS ALL. :o/
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 OKAY. OKAY, BUT I BEEN THINKING THOUGH, RIGHT? I BEEN THINKING THAHAT IF I COULD TALK TO HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY, AND WE COULD JUST HAHASH IT OUT YOU FEEL ME? I WAS THINKING MAYBE IF I COULD CONVINCE HIM TO PLAY PICKUP BASEBASKETFOOTHOCKEYBALL AND IF I WIN THEN THEY GOTTA DROP ALL THE CHAHARGES.
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 I JUST THINK IF I COULD EXPLAIN TO THE JUDGE *WHY* I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BRING CRYSTALIZED SOPOR INTO THE COURTROOM THEY WOULD UNDERSTAND, YOU GET ME? #substance
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 HEY. DON'T DO THAHAT.
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 IT HAHAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY MUTHAHAFUCKING ATTENTION BY MY LEGISLASCERATOR LAWYER HOMIE THAHAT I SHOULD NOT PREACH STRAIGHT UP MUTHAHAFUCKING GOSPEL WHEN I'M BEING ARRAIGNED FOR CRIMES AGAINST TROLLKIND. FUCK WHAHAT THEY TOLD YOU, DON'T TELL MY LAWYER I'M GONNA GO APESHIT IN THE COURT ROOM ANYWAYS. YUNG JUGG OUT. 💯💯💯✌️✌️✌️
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 ARE YOU ALLOWED TO JUST CHIT THE SHIT I SAID LIKE THIS. I THOUGHT THIS SHIT WAS LIKE LAWYER CLIENT CONFIDENTIAL AND SHIT. :o/
"get Ωut Ωf my digital Ωffice space" yΩure sΩ cute. its the internet babe there aint nΩ space between yΩu and i. theres nΩ space Ωn the internet at all really, nΩt with stupid capitalistic advertisements like yΩurs encrΩaching Ωn what SHΩULD be a "space." dΩnt ruin a gΩΩd thing and maybe get yΩurself an actual website???
anΩther teal whΩ is anΩther bΩring ass empire kissing legislaceratΩr. lame