♥ liked by @aerobeaconApathetic
-- PINNED POST -- You are THE LUNARCH, and you are the uncontested CHAMPION CULLTAKER of Beforan Ethically Subjugated Entity 41014. Mostly because that's KIND OF A THING YOU TRAILBLAZED YOURSELF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Some trolls like to tell you that CULLING YOUR BELOVED LESSERS is not inherently an Imperial Assignment, and to that you say COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG, BROTATO CHIP. COME TO MY CRANIAL STEM OF THE WOODS AND SEE IF YOU DON'T END UP CULLCHOW. You were practically still in your larval molt when you achieved your wildest dreams of GLOBAL FIDUSPAWN CHAMPIONSHIP. In fact, your status as a COMMODIFIED BEAST ZEALOT shot your wriggler ass straight up the rankings of LUCKY ELITE AGENTS designated worthy of leaving your home planet for the POMON COLONY CLUSTER- the home of the FIDUSPAWN, where they are carefully biomanufactured for WALLET-DEFYING SHOWMANSHIP AND FESTIVITY. 41014 is the TROPICAL SHINING JEWEL of this miniature paradise (within the larger and MOST UNIMPEACHABLE BEFORAN UTOPIA of course) and alongside your beloved STARBAT LUSUS and your MILITARY GRADE FIDUSPAWN, you defend 41014 and its troll inhabitants from INTERDIMENSIONAL HORRORS BEYOND MORTAL COMPREHENSION. You also HOST TOURNAMENTS on the hiveturf in search of BEFORUS' BEST AND BRIGHTEST TRAINERS, and have remained PRETTY FUCKING FAMOUS for bringing the beatdown on and off the battlefield. Frankly, you don't remember or care how the hell they did things before you showed up, because they're FUCKIN' WITH THE BIG BEASTS NOW. It is rare that a purple such as yourself reach a caliber of excellence that they are permitted to oversee more than a small handful of warmerbloods, but you are nothing if not a RECORD-BUSTING MONSTER in all aspects of life. Each of the terrestrial-dwelling inhabitants of 41014 lives, works hard, and PARTIES HARDER under your DOTING STEWARDSHIP. In exchange for your UTTER DEVOTION and INTERPLANETARY CELEBRITY SPONSORSHIP, it seems like a pretty low toll to demand your faithful underlings LOVE, SUPPORT AND TRUST YOU UNCONDITIONALLY. What will you do?
Your fortune hums. Victory, for you, has become less a laurel than a collar with excellent branding. You will stand beneath the lights, smile for the cameras, refuse to reveal your team, and privately calculate whether twenty-two minutes of sleep can be loved enough to count as a relationship. The answer is no, of course. Still, there is some comfort in the lighthouse. A fixed point. A warning. A thing made to burn so that other vessels do not break themselves on the rocks. Do be careful, champion.
You are most welcome, Volkur.
that’s SUCH a funny way of say1ng that 1’m absolutely go1ng to add that to my vocabulary thank you
that’s one of the most depress1ng th1ngs 1’ve ever heard. good luck
damn, that sucks
NOW THAT. IS WHAT *I* CALL. A REAL. FUCKING. BALL KNOWER.
lIKE,,, iN DOUBLES IT HAS 1TS USES, bUT,,, i WON'T FAULT SOMEONE FOR PLAYING WITH, tHE1R FAVORITES, bUT IN A TOURNAMENT SETTING, mAYBE ALLOW YOUR FAVORITES TO BE DEC1DED BY, v1AB1LITY AND, hOW THEY MATCH UP AGAINST THE META AT THE TIME,,,
sOMEONE WHO WATCHED THE ANIME i GUESS, tHOUGH FRANKLY IN THIS META, i WOULD ALMOST PREFER hORSAPONI, hOLDING A LIGHT BALK,
WHO DID THIS. WHO DID THIS. WHO DID THIS. I'LL KILL THE _EXT LIVI_G THI_G I SEE SO HELP ME GOD.
}(]]]]]) < if you need a camera crew then how about you contract team skull to hel₽ you shoot the videos? only 450.99 caeǦars for you hot shot > ([[[[[){
}(]]]]]) < yeah really more like a business associate than a friend biǦ Ǧuy > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < i'm also a fuckinǦ BEAST at ₽omon so maybe we should Ǧo a round or two > ([[[[[){
}(]]]]]) < FINE > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < i'm on ₽omon too > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < over at Wharfsack > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < on the water with the warehives > ([[[[[){
}(]]]]]) < oh you're firinǦ me u₽ now > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < that just makes me wanna TAKE YOU DOWN HARDER > ([[[[[){
}(]]]]]) < bored eh? we'll Ǧet ready to be seethinǦ soon because biǦ bad Ǧuzmah is Ǧonna stom₽ you down down down until you can't Ǧet u₽ from the fuckinǦ as₽halt > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < I'M TAKINǦ YOU DOWN > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < what's this tournament called aǦain > ([[[[[){
}(]]]]]) < well you just wait CHUM₽ because i'm Ǧonna Ǧet so many ₽oints it's Ǧonna make your fuckinǦ head s₽in you're Ǧonna be so dizzy from my ra₽id rise to the to₽ that you're Ǧonna throw u₽ and fall over > ([[[[[){
8=8 > we'd offer to help but we think we'd chew more wires than we'd kill pests