RANKMAID
@archiveAddict
hai hai mina-san 0v0 — love, rankmaid-sensei the rackmaid of the felt post #rankbait dms always open for fic requests! fujoshi pride!
The Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to researching and preserving all records, artifacts, cultural relics, woodblock prints, romantic poetry, and erotic wall scrolls belonging or related to the Pre-East Alternian Restoration era figure Uesugi Karkat. Founded in late 20XX many sweeps after the Restoration, it was determined that this historical figure warranted further inquiry when a lacquerware hair de-wrangler once belonging to the enigmatic figure during his courtesan era was scanned using material dating technology. The scan revealed a hollow interior to the de-wrangler which, when split open, contained instructions in both archaic East Alternian and the modern-day parlance on how to find and log into the Chittr account formerly belonging to the user @carbolicGalvanologist. This has led to a dramatic re-examination of his possible origins, one which has stirred controversy among Alternia's foremost scholars. This account endeavors to offer an authentic and evidence-based chronicle of the life of Uesugi Karkat from his mysterious appearance in the Troll Edo period to his death at the Battle of Fearoyama, rejecting the insufficiently substantiated and formally unrecognized theory of time travel as of this moment in the Foundation's deliberation process. Chitts will be posted from this account related to the numerous and varied arcs of this esoteric, hemoanonymous leader of the Pre-Restoration era. The Head Curator has decided that all information hereafter will be displayed in a quirkless format for legibility. DMs are for historical inquiry only. #uesugikarkat
what
@handMaid this isnt funny fix this
@handMaid actually before you do im going to try and get my prongs on these erotic wall scrolls
OKAY. OKAY. EVERYBODY CALM DOWN. CHALKBOXKUN IS OBVIOUSLY HAVING A GREAT TIME. MAKING PROBLEMS IN HISTORY. FOR ME TO UNFUCK LATER. I HAVE TO HAND IT TO HIM. I DID NOT THINK #MAIDJAILBREAK WAS POSSIBLE. HE IS DEMONSTRATING A REAL. ENTREPRENEURIAL. GO-GETTER ATTITUDE. DEVELOPING NEW STRATEGIES. TO MAKE MY LIFE HARDER. ALL THE TIME. AND POSTING SICKENING FAIRY DUST REDROM BULLSHIT. TO MY ACCOUNT. FROM MY FOURTH WALL. TO PISS ME OFF. AND WHILE I'M HERE. LAVISHING UNDESERVED PRAISE ON MY MISSING UNDERLING. I WILL ALSO SAY. WOULD.
0n0
can i have that painting
IMAGINE getting some sleep after a long day of EVERYTHING that happens here and knowing that if one of my bosses thinks they can be the funny ones for once they can just put you in gay chalky jail for apparently an ETERNITY but also like 5 minutes or whatever IMAGINE getting some sleep after ALL THAT and then even more capital b BULLSHIT happens chalky busts outta gay chalky jail bosses are VERY NORMAL about that and i slept through EVERY BIT OF IT honestly THAT might just be the funniest thing ive done since i got here anyways BACK TO WORK NOW!!!!! someones gotta liven this place up (|;)
caliborn-sama has been drawing with me for so long that ive lost track at this point i need to catch up with whats going on while ive been trying to teach him proper human male hand anatomy
WHAT. HOW. IT SMELLS LIKE A CHEMICAL WEAPON IN HERE. WHERE THE FUCK DID HE GO.
?????????????????
good evening chittr! ^0^ i hope i didnt miss anything too exciting (tags: The Rankmaid/Chittr, rankmaid arisen, rackmaid duties have been keeping me so busy, archive rating: G)
haha no they didnt ^_^ im just pulling your frond (tags: #pranked, archive rating: P) (the P is for #pranked)
you really got me i was so scared i peed in my chair a little
oiled up my skateboard fuck tony hawk im doing a 20000 #dsflow #oiled #rankbait
kudos!
no plushies were harmed in the makin of this pic #nsfw #rorogallery https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/9d9a8050a532.png
how much for the pplushie
hello would you sell the plushie or no
dms are open arigatou
ATTENTION, WORTHLESS CHITTRLINGS. LONG TIME, NO CHITT. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME *AGGRAVATING* DEVELOPMENTS IN MY CAREER AS A PLATFORM USER, AS A CREATOR, AND ABOVE ALL, AS ONE OF THE UNLUCKY JACKOFFS STILL UNACCOUNTABLY FORCED TO EXIST IN A PLACE AND TIME WITHIN A MULTIVERSAL CONTINUITY OF ENDLESS, CACOPHONOUS FUCKRUMPUS PARADOX CHICANERY. BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSY TRYING AND FAILING TO WRIGGLE OUT OF THESE DEVELOPMENTS, I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN AROUND TO PROVIDE AN UPDATE. I'M GOING TO DO THAT NOW. SO DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF, BECAUSE I WON'T. I'LL JUST PULL UP THIS CHITT, SEIZE YOU VIOLENTLY BY THE HEAD, AND SHOVE YOUR BLOODSHOT GANDERBULBS AGAINST THE SCREEN UNTIL THE AMBIENT HEAT COOKS THEM LIKE EGGS. READ, SHITSPONGE. READ THIS AND GET OFF MY DORSAL RIDGE ABOUT IT, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE WHOLE. FUCKING. SCOOP. STARTING WITH THE BIG ONE. I WORK FOR THE FELT, NOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. I CAN HEAR THE QUESTION AT THE VERY FRONT OF YOUR THOUGHTSPONGE DOING BACKFLIPS, FRONTFLIPS, CARTWHEELS, AND ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTES. "KARKAT, WHAT KIND OF TURBO-CHARGED JUJU-FLAVORED CRACK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? DIDN'T YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE SESSION FIGHTING THIS JOLLY GREEN MANLET AND HIS BUMBLING CADRE OF BUMBLING ASS-BURGLARS? WHAT IN THE FRESH, FULMINATING *FUCK* MADE YOU SIGN A CONTRACT WITH *THESE* LOONEYBLOCK TIME BANDITS?" THE SHORT ANSWER? THE MIME MADE ME DO IT. LITERALLY. MY SPONGE STILL HURTS FROM WHERE HE SHOVED HIS PRONG IN IT LIKE A GLOVE AND MADE ME TYPE UP THAT APPLICATION. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PLAN IS HERE, BUT I'M WILLING TO BET *ANYTHING* THAT HE'S GOT ONE. SO YES. AGAINST MY WILL. AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT. AGAINST A THOUSAND ETERNITIES OF BALEFUL, ENDLESS SUFFERING, I HAVE A NEW NINE TO FIVE. AND WITH IT, A NEW TITLE. ONE WHICH I AM *OBLIGATED* TO USE IN OFFICIAL CAPACITY, BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU CALL ME "CHALKBOX" WHILE I'M OFF THE CLOCK, I'M GOING TO INVENT A NEW WAY TO PERFORM A LOBOTOMY. FUCK YOU, KURLOZ. FUCK YOU, SCRATCH. AND MOST OF ALL, COMING IN HARD WITH THE FUCK YOU X3 COMBO, IT'S A WHOPPING FIVE-SCOOP, CHOCOLATE-DRIZZLED FUCK YOU SUNDAE FESTOONED WITH OBLONG BUNCHFRUIT, WHIPPED CREAM, SPRINKLES, AND A CHERRY-RED MIDDLE FINGER ON TOP FOR MR. MALDING GREEN MANLET HIMSELF. I'M WEARING THE BADGE OUT OF SPITE. I AM CLOCKING IN FOR THE LONGEST DAY AT THE LONG DAY FACTORY I HAVE EVER WORKED. AND IF I EVER MANAGE TO CLOCK OUT, THERE WILL BE *HELL* TO PAY. ANYWAYS. I HAVE TO GO MOP UP A NASTY, REEKING PUDDLE OF NON-NEWTONIAN ECTO-PHLEGM, OR SOMETHING. HERE'S A PICTURE FOR THE ALGORITHM. THIS IS THE CHALKBOX, SAYING, "GO BRING THAT PILE OF DIRTY CUPS AND PLATES IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK TO THE SINK, YOU FILTHY, WALLOWING SLOBHOGS." HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/67CB4DD16DFF.JPG
so happy to have you as part of the team! 0u0 also i just finished giving @caliBorn his bath could you deep clean ablution block 42 theres a lot of blood
Forearm against the throat, bicep against the nape, squeezing until the darkness edges into my vision, the blood pounding in my ears, finding nirvana right at the precipice of unconsciousness. #Nsfw #Nsfwe #Rankbait
kudos!
I shall post a treat later, I think. Goodnight/light chittr.
And yes the treat is yaoi flavored.
post it now
can you post it now
could you describe it maybe
hello can you post it now and not later
I could, but I could also offer a sneak peek in PMs.
are you sseriosush
#nowplaying #suggestive i wont deny, ive got in my mind now all the things i would do so i try to talk refined, for fear that u find out how im imaginin you https://open.spotify.com/track/29bXfCo3mQVzohwPJXohaU?si=jghi0nAJR1yMjsT4LnJY9Q
this song makes me feel like a recently widowed alpha catching the scent of an omega whos pheromones are eerily similar to my late omegas and the guilt of my rut is making it hard to deny my own primal instincts (tags: The Rankmaid/Omega, #nsfw, #abo, maybe hozier is my omega, omega!hozier, archiev rating: M)