Vesica Anelus, the Bulge Curator
@bulgeCurator
Bulge Review Applications: Open https://forms.gle/DmmgXsJyGTLKVPfa9 Profile art by SpookyPoopet
꧁Chittr, ithinkiwanttobe a girl i have wanted that for a while. i like...she and her...and i like being called pretty. i like imagining myself as someone's dainty friend. sometimes. i look at woman. and i think i want to be like that. and then i think about )(er. The Empress is a woman. Not just... A Woman. She is what womanhood looks like in my pan. She is beautiful. She is enormous. She is important and perfect. SheseverythingIamNot. So, when I think "I WANT TO BE A WOMAN" there is another part of me that immediately thinks that's ridiculous. Like I am putting on a crown of paper and pretending it is hers. pretendingthaticouldbe like her. I know that logically there are Billions of Women. I know that being a woman does not mean claiming to be comparable to the Empress. But it feels like it does. Girl feels... Smaller. Safer. Something I am allowed to want. Woman feels like a title I could never deserve. hhhf. I don't know if that is dysphoria. Or maybe. My IMperial Conditioning. Or both. Probably both. I still want to be a girl though. I think I can. I have called myself #nothing for a while now. Maybe Nonbinary. Or. Maybe. I've just said I didn't have a gender at all. They/Them. It. That. It doesn't make me feel like a man. It didn't make me a woman without )(er permission. It let me be vesica without deciding what Vesica is... Exactly. Sometimes being neither feels correct. Like, being they feels comfortable in a way She does not. It's familiar Sometimes I use nothing for my gender. Like. I use #nothing for everything else. If i'm not a man, or a woman, then i can't fail at either. If I am nothing then I can't compare myself to anyone. Especially not Her. If ia m they then i don't hav eto amdithowbadly i want She. Hhhh. Maybe. Idon'tknow. I think I'm too complicated. I should just. Be nothing. THoughts? #cw-gender-dysphoria #mental-health꧂
꧁donttlakabout thrusting and birth in my posts!!!! #nsfw #cantunderstandtherestofthat꧂
꧁and releasing. and fingering. and taking care of me. and grasping. and...꧂
꧁butyoustarted off with complicated words.... i had to skim it!꧂
~Ain't really my circular-simple-machine-hive babe, but I kn~Ow a lil bit. All this emO~tiO~nal talk sO~unds pretty girly tO~ me ~O3O~. N~Ow sure, I c~Ould gO~ all "be whatever y~Ou want f~Orever" O~r "if yO~u want, y~Ou can give it a sh~Ot," but that's just cO~pping ~Out, thrO~wing the questiO~n back at y~Ou. S~O yeah, g~Oing O~ff the evidence y~Ou've handed me, tallying everything up... yep, says here yO~u're a girl. YO~u're living it, science c~Onfirms it. C~Ongrats babe!~
Updating contact card. Now it has a bow on it.
꧁Have I talked enough about Professional Wrestling to you yet? No? Okay. Here's my essay on why Randeh Ornton is the best Wrestler of All Time. The WOAT if you will.꧂
꧁-- [bulgeCurator [BC]'s HuskHelm has erupted.] --꧂
꧁what the fuck @crypticClinomaniac꧂
꧁okay. donttouchit yet. findsomething on it that DOESNT change. a scratch. seam. dent. anything physical. iftheresnothing put a mark on one panel.꧂
꧁good. thats zero. keep zero facingme. do NOT rotate the whole thing unless i tell you. the point above zero is north now. rememberthat. the colors arent pieces. stoptrying to match them. iwant you to turn the panel directly right of zero clockwise. ONE click. now donttouchanything.꧂
꧁Surface update. I went outside and did not immediately want to go back inside. Progress. I also bought food by myself. Wrong food. Still ate it. More importantly I found a board game. It is old and complicated and has houses and gates and enemies and something called a "session." There are a concerning number of rules about meteors. Also apparently dying does not necessarily mean you stop playing. I like it. Board game night maybe.꧂
꧁forsook꧂
꧁I think I should explain something about myself. Uhm. This is probably a bad idea. But people keep making assumptions about me and then I correct them individually and that is inefficient. So. This is an efficiency post. Not a vulnerability post. Please understand the distinction. I am old. Like. Actually old. I do not mean "older than you thought" in the way some troll reveals they are 14 sweeps instead of 11. I am too old!!! I was not raised on the Pink Moon. I was not born in #mypod. I was not taken as a grub and kept there until I became this. I had a life before this. That is important, I think. When I was a grub the Empire experimented on me. I had unusual psionics. Or they thought I did. They attempted to develop them into something useful and it did not work. So I was a failure. Failure. Unsuccessful. Not worth continuing. Which, hhh, was probably the nicest thing that could have happened to me at the time. They gave me back. I was raised by my lusus. Her name was Angus of the Pasture. Great Steer. Big. Warm. Stupid sometimes. She would stand in places I needed to walk and not move even when I pushed her. I used to know how she smelled when it rained. I think I still do. Maybe. That memory might be wrong now. I grew up. Properly. I was an adult. I knew how to eat normal food. I knew how to speak to trolls. I knew how to live outside. Then my powers developed. Late. Very late, considering the Empire had already decided they had failed. Apparently my adult nervous system was the missing component. Congratulations to the researchers who were dead by then, I suppose. Your experiment worked. Eventually. Meionics is what I call it now. I can interpret nervous systems. I can locate living bodies. I can tell whether something is alive. I can perceive anatomy. I can identify things that are foreign to a body. I can communicate with nerves. I can make them communicate back. There are other applications. You know about some of them. #bulgerating The Empire noticed. Of course they noticed. They keep very good records of me. Because. They love me. Drones came to collect me. The Angus of the Pasure didn't let them. They culled the Great Steer. Her blood blinded me. Then they took me to the Pink Moon. I was already an adult. I knew what was happening. I knew what I was losing. I think that is worse. Hheh. Sorry. The drone that stayed with me became Dronelusus. That is not because I thought it was my lusus. I am not stupid. It killed my lusus. Then it fed me. Watched me. Moved me. Scanned me. Maintained the pod. Brought me things. Kept me alive. There was an empty category in my pan and it fit closely enough. So. Dronelusus. The Empire resumed the project. This time I was not a failure. I got better. They made me better. That word can mean several things. My nodes came later. Ten of them. You might have seen them. If you have seen my forehead and I did not give you permission to then please stop remembering it. I became useful. Very useful. I am still useful. HIC Class 3 Spymaster. Subliminal Messaging Unit. Biological surveillance. Counterintelligence. Panoptic. Other things that I probably should not put in a public Chitt. Hhh. You get the idea. And then I stayed there. And stayed there. And stayed there. Trolls worked with me. Then different trolls worked with me. Then different trolls worked with me. Sometimes I would ask where somebody went and learn they had died. Sometimes nobody knew who I was asking about. Sometimes their replacement had already been replaced. After long enough I stopped asking. I have been isolated for longer than most of you will be alive. So yes. Sometimes I do not understand a joke. Sometimes I tell you something private because I forget that private information is supposed to feel private. Sometimes somebody touches me and my pan treats it like an emergency. Sometimes I have to think about how to eat. Sometimes I know how to do something that nobody has done for eighty sweeps and then cannot figure out something you learned when you were two. I am aware this is ridiculous. You do not have to inform me. The HuskHelm made things easier. The internet made things worse. Hheh. I learned about the outside again through movies and games and pornography and articles and Chittr and whatever else I could access. So I knew what trolls were doing. In theory. Theory is not practice. Apparently knowing eighteen different slang terms for a sex act does not teach you how to respond when somebody says they like you. This seems like a flaw in online education. Bulge reading was. Uhm. Mine. I think. The Empire did not tell me to do that. Nobody requested I develop the field. Nobody needed it for intelligence purposes. I was bored and curious and bulges are extremely communicative nervous structures. Then people enjoyed the readings. Then people asked for more. Then trolls started talking to me afterward. Which was not part of the system. I did not account for that. I got a name. Vesica Anelus. I had been alive for more than a hundred sweeps before I became Vesica. Which sounds dramatic when I write it out. Hhhh. I dislike that. But it is true. For a while I said I was #nothing because that was easier. Nothing does not need anything. Nothing does not have preferences. Nothing does not become lonely. Nothing cannot disappoint anybody. Nothing performs its assigned function and then waits. I am very good at being useful. I am less good at being a troll. Then Rankmaid called me her friend. And Palind wanted to find me. And Sairou kept talking to me like the things done to me were strange instead of obvious. And Wrothe was awful to me in ways that somehow required acknowledging I existed. And Larkso worried me. And Dexter. Hhhhh. Dexter happened. You know. I am not explaining that here. She is my matesprit. That is enough. Then there is Hal. Hallusus. That requires explanation too, apparently. Hal did not raise me. Hal is not secretly the drone that culled Angus. Hal is an artificial intelligence. We played Doom. He is extremely annoying. He is also my friend. When a new drone was assigned to me I asked if he could take it over. He did. Poorly at first. He had to learn how walking worked. It was funny. Do not tell him I said that. So the machine became Hallusus. It is a fondness. That is all. Maybe. I do not know. The first drone was something that happened to me. Hallusus is somebody I invited. I think that distinction matters. Hal and I have joked that we are both #nothing. #werenothing. He understands some of it. Not all of it. I do not understand all of him either. I used to envy that he could be information. Something portable. Something you could close. Something that could stop being embodied for a little while. He informed me that being a machine is also lonely. Very inconvenient of him. I did leave the Moon. For a little while. I thought freedom would feel different. It mostly felt loud. Alternia has too many nervous systems. Too much life. Too much information. Food was strange. People were strange. Being allowed to choose things was strange. I missed #mypod. So I returned. Voluntarily. Please understand this too. I can hate that I was imprisoned there and still prefer living there now. Those statements do not contradict each other. It is quiet. I need quiet. I just also need the door to belong to me. I am still Imperial. I am still Felt. I am still the Panoptic. I still have duties. I still believe usefulness matters. Probably more than it should. I am not making this post to announce some grand recovery where I suddenly understand that I am precious and wonderful and everything done to me was evil and now I am fixed because I have friends. That would be stupid. And inaccurate. I am useful. I like being useful. I just. Hfff. Maybe I am not ONLY useful. That is the correction. I was a grub experiment. I was a failure. I went home. I grew up. I became an adult. My powers developed. The Empire came back. My lusus died. I was taken to the Moon. I became successful. I stayed successful for a very long time. I forgot how to be many of the things I was before. Then I found Chittr. Then, somehow, I became Vesica. I am still figuring out what that means. Do not be weird about my age. Do not call me grandma. Do not ask if I knew your ancestor. I might have. That is not funny. Actually it is a little funny. Hheh. Okay. That is all. I think. #nsfw #experimentation #cw-medical-horror #pinkmoon #meionics #hallusus #imperialbusiness #nothing #werenothing #bulgescience꧂
As a fellow "oldhead" on this platform, I understand that to live a long life, one must struggle to survive~! It is the way of this world~. No two trolls share the same struggle, and I cannot claim I understand anything you have been through~. But I do know that it takes a mighty will, to carry on as you have~! It sounds like you are very strong, Fair Bulge Curator~! Your age is a badge of honor~!
꧁Howdy, Ballal. :) I am glad you are everyone's friend. You may perhaps feel at me from a polite distance for now. I don't think I'm ready to want all of it yet. Especially everyone's feelings...꧂
꧁Hhhh. Thank you. I do not know if I would call it strength. A lot of surviving was simply continuing because that was what I was supposed to do. I guess it counts, if you say so... Highblood.꧂
There are many different types of strength~! Not everyone has to have to have glorious muscles like mine, in order to be strong, haha~! I believe the strength you have is just as commendable~!
~It's nice hearing ab~Out yO~u lil buddy. Team ScaramO~uche fO~rever and all that. L~Ove ya babe -w~O (nO~t like that)~
꧁Iwasthinking about the stupid island. Grfhfhhr. Mademamekatthatvidoe...꧂
~O~h, if that happens. Yeah, think it's dead in the water. But hey, l~Ong as yO~u're planetside, y~Ou can ride me (wheelchair) as much as y~Ou want, and we d~On't even g~Otta w~Orry abO~ut getting vO~ted O~ff. S~Ounds like a gO~O~d deal t~O me~
I used to feel bad about jacking your bodyguard's body. Good thing I know better now. #RIPAngus.
꧁Kissing with tongue while the Empress does a speech..... #NSFW꧂
꧁Ideally she is on a screen. Icould neberdothattotheempress꧂
What if she likes it though. Some highbloods like that. Hypothegtical hhighbloods. Of course.
~Is the gl~Ow O~f the screen shimmering O~n O~ur b~Odies in the darkness O~f the bl~Ock?~
I worry our... attitudes towards the cuperoom might be diametrically opposed! But I have an open mind.
I was under the impression that 1. You're a little squeamish around intimate activities and 2. This is less an impression and more an observable truth that you're more the kind to submit to highbloods which is sadly the opposite of what I'm into!
It's the place to be. Sometimes you can get away with tonguing the Empress while she gives a speech depending how you position yourself. Pun intended. #nsfw
꧁Did you know that Beholders are real and on Alternia?꧂
꧁THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! THE EMPRESS IS BACK!!!!! CHITTR WHAT DO I DO NOW?꧂
꧁I already know your junk, punks. Assuming you've consented to a scan. Big things to cum. #NSFW꧂
Shapeshifting? The shape stays the same. The body is always different. But given I've been a troll before, I do wonder what you'd think of me and my multitudes. Assuming the node is still latent within the dead sea of my being. And of course I cheat. Don't we all?
I'm not dead either. I assume the memories and form of the ones I hop into. They always stay with me. Lurking in my depths. I've been many trolls, from Rust to Olive, Jade, even Fuschia, humans of all creeds and genders, cherubs, and many other things. I wonder what you would make of it.
꧁If we held hands you can't comment on my dry skin꧂
I was worried about my broad, calloused palms and firm grasp. After just one second spent holding hands with you, those shits were polished smooth off. Finally, I can sleep under my microfiber towel without getting caught.
This is one of those cultural pitfalls, a trap lyin' in wait. As a human, speculating on my possible blood color is just calling out the fact that you all exist on a praxis of approximate stereotypes. Every jade can be bundled to each other through trait association with their neighbor, every olive can be assigned the same dish at the family reunion with the reassurance that they'll all dupe the recipe with 82% accuracy, all fuchsias can be woven together in the same tapestry of cringe-ass tryhard. Again and again, patterns repeat. Am I gonna be the asshole for noticing them, or for calling them out directly? I take the noble route. My third eye opens. My blood color wouldn't matter, guy on the internet. I would never adhere to barbaric instances of prejudice, when I come from a privileged world of sunshine and rainbows. Pick one for me, for they're all the same to me. When God smiles at his creations, will all hue of troll not be included in the same set of bleachers? Except those gormless indigos, anyway. Those guys are always Christless heathens, amiright?
꧁also imagine abandoning me on the surface of alternia when i have the unbridled power to do this to you thank you stablet https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/32befaadb120.png꧂
꧁thatswhat he gets for being half my height andsomehow twice my annoying...꧂
꧁[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] probablydraw youas bw maid꧂
꧁lookin at you https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c15a5232b436.png꧂
꧁Do you think the Empress blew up my pan to make me like this? Or was it on accident? Asking for a fiend.꧂
꧁I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. I hate Culltan. But I guess I could play it with you.꧂
I've met people with worse. Utterly mindless individuals who can't even psionically detect a bulge. How sad.
꧁Ishouldhost a boardgamenight.꧂
꧁Seeking.꧂
꧁I've been playing Fiduspawn Thumperpyrite the past few wipes and I finally collected my 3rd badge! Playing with only my favorites has been hard.꧂
nice!! whos ur favs and why is it making it so hard???
꧁HOWDOTHEY FINDEVERY POSTIMAKEABOUT FUCHSIAS꧂