KARKAT VANTAS
@carcinoGeneticist
THE GUY WITH THE BEST FUCKING MOVIE BLOG IN THE INCIPISPHERE *AND* CO-HOST OF THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB, GMT/BST. >> THE BLOG: https://letterboxd.com/CGeneticist/ <<
I JUST GOT MY ASTROLOGY CHART READ, AND HOLY MOTHER GRUB, WHAT A FUCKING CLUSTER.
whts ur b|gg threee :O
thtss not too bAAd :O leeoo r|s|n |s fuuun | luvv leo r|ssngs beccz | Am onee!! |mm A scorep|o sunn l|brA moonn n leeo r|ss| g :) |vee been wA|t|ng forr somewone to br|ngg up Astroolog|ccAl chArts :)
IF YOU’RE INTERESTED, I CAN TELL YOU MORE ABOUT WHAT I JUST GOT TOLD ABOUT MINE OVER DM.
tAhtd be coool!! |f ur comfftAble w thAt ofc :)
࣪⊹₊˚{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
lotta smartasses on this place, huh.
HTTPS://HYPERBEAM.COM/V/ABCCGMT HAPPENING NOW. THE GMT SHOWING OF THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB, CO-HOSTED BY YOURS TRULY. THINK OF IT AS THE MATINEE SHOWING. CATCH IT TONIGHT AT 7 PST, TOO, IF YOU’RE THAT DESPERATE TO WATCH HOWLS MOVING CASTLE TWICE.
@CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST IS HOSTING THIS EVENING FOR YOU GUYS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD. GO TO HIS PAGE FOR THE INFO.
THIS IS YOUR *FINAL* FUCKING WARNING. I REPEAT, YOUR ***FINAL*** FUCKING WARNING. THE GMT/BST #ABCC #WATCHPARTY IS HAPPENING IN FIVE MINUTES. HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE, FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO KNOW. COMMENT IF YOU WANT IN. OTHERWISE, I’LL BE POSTING THE LINK TO THE MOVIE ROOM SHORTLY.
oh crap hell yeah
>>| .oh crap. .alright, .i'm .in.
(=^･⩊･^=) < MEW KNOW I'M SO FURRCKING READY.
¥es płease!
kids acting like cusack invented standing in a driveway with feelings. buddy. we had paul newman. the man could hold a boombox with his EYES. cusack needed equipment. newman just looked at your house and the house apologized.
PAUL NEWMAN? IS YOUR SPONGE ALL CURDLED IN YOUR THINKPAN? OH WAIT. YOURE RAGEBAITING ME. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS. BECAUSE THERE’S NO WAY YOU’RE PUTTING PAUL GODDAMN NEWMAN ON A PEDESTAL HIGHER THAN CUSACK.
also im gonna need your top 5 cusacks ranked right now in this thread because anyone this loud about him better have seen more than say anything and high fidelity.
FIRST OF ALL, SERENDIPITY. BECAUSE DUH. LITERALLY THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME AND I WON’T HEAR A SINGLE DEBATE ABOUT IT. SECOND, BETTER OFF DEAD. AN OLD CUSACK FILM, NOT VERY GOOD, BUT HE DOES ALRIGHT WITH THE ROLE AND IT’S SURREAL ENOUGH TO GIVE IT A PASS. THIRD, MAP OF THE HUMAN HEART. FOURTH, MONEY FOR NOTHING. AND FIFTH, SIXTEEN CANDLES. THERE.
ok. reviewing. and im gonna be fair because you clearly meant this. 1. SERENDIPITY at number one is the most incredible self report ive ever witnessed. 2. better off dead is legitimately correct and it hurts me to say so. youve got an eye. this makes the rest of the list worse actually because now i know you KNOW better 3. map of the human heart. buddy. cusack is barely IN that. thats like ranking a restaurant by the parking lot. you put a deep cut at 3 to look scholarly and picked one where hes a side dish. 4. and SIXTEEN CANDLES?? hes a background nerd in that. hes furniture with glasses. you ranked furniture in your top 5. thats not a cusack film thats a film cusack just happened to pass by final grade: 2/5. on account of one great pick. assessment result: promising but compromised.
AND I HAVE A FULL REVIEW OF BETTER OFF DEAD ALREADY. IN CASE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW A FORMULATED OPINION ON THAT ONE.
YOU THOUGHT ME GONE. YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD SILENT. GROUND INTO MULCH UNDER THE HEEL OF MY RESPONSIBILITIES TO THE TIME ASSHOLE MAFIA. THAT I HAD LEFT MY THRONE, THE ONE I CARVED OUT OF THE RAW, PRIMORDIAL SHITSLUDGE OF THIS UNCULTURED WEBSITE WITH MY TEETH, CLAWS, AND GODTIER TASTE IN ROMANTIC CINEMA, TO COLLECT DUST, COBWEBS, WINGBEAST SHIT, AND LIMESCALE. WELL GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLES. YOU THOUGHT WRONG. IT'S BACK. IT'S FUCKING BACK. AND THIS TIME, IT'S HERE TO STAY. STARTING 7/8, THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB IS BACK. THE BEST ROMANCES, ROMANCE-ADJACENT FLICKS, AND BARELY JUSTIFIABLE AS ROMANCE CINEMASLOP THAT I'M CAPABLE OF STREAMING FROM THE MOON WHILE I'M ON A VERY LONG SMOKE BREAK. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE JOINED ME IN MY PERSONAL CINEMANIA RUMPUS ROOM BEFORE, YOU'LL NOTICE A FEW NEW PERKS FOR NEW MEMBERS AND OLD ALIKE, JUST BECAUSE I'M SUCH A MAGNANIMOUS PIECE OF SHIT. THEY INCLUDE: - REGULAR SHOWTIMES. EVERY WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY AT 7 PM PST [PLACIDIC STANDARD TIME]. NO MORE MUCKING ABOUT, CARVING X'S INTO YOUR CALENDAR, WONDERING IF IT'S GOING TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN THIS WIPE AND WHEN. WE'RE LOCK FUCKING STEP, THIS TIME (I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO SAY "FUCK IT" AND EITHER SKIP A DAY OR HAND IT OFF TO ONE OF MY TRUSTED LIEUTENANTS. THIS IS MY NON-NEGOTIABLE LEADERSHIP CONCESSION. DO NOT FUCK WITH IT). - ABCC MIDDLE PRONGSTUBS S-LIST. IN OTHER WORDS, PRIORITY REGISTRATION. SOME OF YOU (AND YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO YOU ARE, YOU CRAZY BASTARDS) GET THE EXORBITANT FUCKING LUXURY OF A GUARANTEED SPOT ON EITHER DAY, SO LONG AS YOU RSVP IN ADVANCE A COUPLE OF DAYS. THE STUPID VIRTUALBLOCKS ONLY HOLD TWELVE PEOPLE AT A TIME (HUH. WONDER WHY IT'S THAT NUMBER, SPECIFICALLY. SOMETHING NOSTALGIC AND FUCKED UP ABOUT IT), SO SPOTS TEND TO FILL UP FAST. ENJOY NEVER HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT THAT PEDANTIC BULLSHIT EVER AGAIN. - #SUBSTANCE NIGHT. YES, YOU HEARD ME. SINCE WE'RE SHOWING THE SAME MOVIE BOTH NIGHTS, FEEL FREE TO PULL UP ON FRIDAY AND (OPTIONALLY, OPTIONALLY, CANNOT FUCKING STRESS THIS ENOUGH, *OPTIONALLY*, PEER PRESSURE WILL BE MET WITH THE SWIFTED DOWNFALL OF MY MIGHTY BANSICKLE IMAGINABLE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD) CRACK OPEN A COLD ONE (OR A WARM ONE, IF YOU'RE SOME KIND OF LAZY, UNWASHED CHUD WHO JUST KEEPS THEM UNDER YOUR FUCKING WORKPLANK, OR SOMETHING) AND COME BE A MESSY DUMBFUCK REPROBATE WITH YOUR FELLOW CHITTRLINGS. IT'S BYOB. BRING YOUR OWN BULLSHIT. FUCK AROUND RESPONSIBLY. - THE SUGGESTION BOX. YUP. THAT'S RIGHT. NOW YOU, TOO, CAN PRETEND TO HAVE TASTE IN MOVIES THAT'S ONE STEP ABOVE A WIGGLER WATCHING KEYS JINGLE IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE. THROW A MOVIE INTO THE HOPPER AND WATCH IT COME OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE WHEN IT'S TIME TO SCRAPE THE CRUST OFF THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL. OR IMPRESS ME, IF YOU'VE GOT A REALLY GOOD PICK. YOU CAN SUBMIT A MOVIE HERE [ https://forms.gle/7anjoq22cFsipBMS8 ]. AND THE FEATURE I'M PROUDEST OF. - GHASTLY MIST TIME [GMT]/BILIOUS STANDARD TIME [BST] SHOWTIMES. YES, THAT'S RIGHT. IF YOU'VE HAD THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN OF MISSING OUT ON STREAMS AND OTHER LIVE EVENTS BECAUSE YOUR TIMELINEZONE IS NESTLED SQUARELY BETWEEN THE WORDS "FUCK" AND "YOU," THEN BOY DO I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU. THE GOATED SON OF A BITCH HIMSELF. THE CINEMATIC BALL-KNOWER. THE GUY WITH THE BEST FUCKING MOVIE BLOG IN THE INCIPISPHERE, #carcinoGeneticist#2443 IS GOING TO HELP ME ORGANIZE SHOWTIMES FOR EVERYONE ON THE FLIP SIDE OF THE UNIVERSE. AND YOU CAN TRUST HIM, BECAUSE HE'S LITERALLY ME. TIME AND DATE FOR THAT WILL BE COMING SOON, SO JUST HOLD YOUR FUCKING HOOFBEASTS AND DON'T GET ON EITHER OF OUR ASSES ABOUT IT. YOU'VE WAITED THIS LONG, YOU'LL BE FINE. SO COME. COME ONE, COME ALL, COME GET A FACEFUL OF BLISTERING HOT ABSOLUTE CINEMA DOWN AT #ABCC'S NEXT #WATCHPARTY. WE'LL BE JUMPSTARTING THIS FLY-RIDDEN CORPSE WITH A CLASSIC ANIMATED ROMANCE TOMORROW THAT MOST OF YOU ARE PROBABLY FAMILIAR WITH. HAVE FUN WITH IT. THEY WON'T ALL BE THIS EASY. SEE YOU THERE, FUCKWITS. #GETIN.
YES. YOU HEARD IT ALL RIGHT. IN FACT, I KARKAT VANTAS FROM UNIVERSE 2443, WILL BE HOSTING THE ABCC IN GHASTLY MIST/ BILIOUS STANDARD TIME. IT IS AN HONOUR TO TAKE THE WHEEL WHILE THE REST OF YOU NOT SITUATED IN BETWEEN THE "FUCK AND YOU" AS HE SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT ARE SOUNDLY SLEEPING. WE PUT TOGETHER A FRICTIONLESS SUBMISSIONS BOX TOO SO GET YOUR RECS IN. THANKS FOR TRUSTING ME, MAN. THIS IS GOING TO BE *INCREDIBLY* ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
YOU KNOW WHAT. NO. I CHANGED MY MIND. JOHN CUSACK, YOU ARE NO LONGER MY TYPE. PAST KARKAT WAS VULNERABLE IN A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS, AND HE MAKES ME SERIOUSLY WANT TO WEEP ACTUAL PUKE OUT OF MY GANDERBULBS JUST LOOKING AT THAT CONFESSION. GOODBYE FOREVER JOHN CUSACK EXCEPT FOR IN SERENDIPITY, YOU CAGEY SMIRK-TORTURED BILGESACK. JOHN BILGESACK. NICE. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/A4FF18BF81C7.JPEG
THIS IS HUGE. ENORMOUS. FUCKNORMOUS, EVEN. THIS MIGHT BE THE SADDEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN.
I TAKE IT BACK AGAIN. MAYBE. A LITTLE. HE STILL HAS MY PUSHER IN A CHOKEHOLD WHEN IT COMES TO SERENDIPITY.
im a walgreens 7, a walmart 9, a whole foods 6, a home depot 10, an airport 8 rising to 11 if i take the shades off which i wont, a film festival 7.5 with critics saying the bone structure "shows promise but lacks discipline," and a met gala 4 because next to actual celebrities i am simply the guy who knows where the food is
INTENSELY CURIOUS TO KNOW THE SLIDING SCALE, HERE. WHAT CONSTITUTES THE LOCALE PLUS THE GIVEN NUMBER? WHAT IS A WALMART.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I EVER LIKED THAT PALE SALLOW-FACED HUMAN ACTOR. NO MORE. PAST KARKAT NEEDS TO BE STRUNG UP AND TRIED. IN THAT ORDER. POSTHUMOUSLY.
࣪⊹₊˚{ { you walk into my tripwire + trigger my net trap + are like fwooshed up into my net trap } }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ NOW ROLL TO STRUGGLE! \}*7*{/ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
I ROLLED A NAT 20. DOES THIS MEAN I STRUGGLE EXTRA BAD OR DO I ACTUALLY COME OUT OF THIS WITH MY PRONGS?
࣪⊹₊˚{ um.... uh.... i dont know.... ive never been the clouder befoure.... i guess.... you win???? }*∀*{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
you hear that everyone karkat is an eligible bachelor now that he doesnt fuck with john bilgesack https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/9a4d0fd8837f.jpg
