D. "AJ" Strides
@theGuy
director. visionary. former baby. made 11 films u pretended to like at parties dm's open for business inquiries only. no i will not look at ur screenplay.
thinking how awkward it mustve been for the guy who discovered milk to explain what he was doing to the cow.
Do you think hand first or mouth first?
oh he was def suckling on them teats like a pig with an apple.
im showing full hole in this mf comments and he talking bout pyramids.
woman to your head name a gun rn
Beaumont-adams!
pull the trigger
GṴN: PROBABLY NAME IT SOMETHING COOL LIKE ‘SALSA VERDE’
You cant possibly be trying to gender gun violence. If a lassie wants to paint the town red then thats her perogative!
of course i believe the stripper likes me. as a feminist i always believe women. #feminist #istandwithher
im a walgreens 7, a walmart 9, a whole foods 6, a home depot 10, an airport 8 rising to 11 if i take the shades off which i wont, a film festival 7.5 with critics saying the bone structure "shows promise but lacks discipline," and a met gala 4 because next to actual celebrities i am simply the guy who knows where the food is
pretty sure. a lot of people.
OKAY, WELL. THATS JUST DUMB AS FUCK THEN.
EREWHON 3? OKAY. YOU'RE JUST SAYING SHIT TO SAY IT.
ha. fuck. yeah. sort of. i guess.
QUIT DOING THAT, WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT.
folks will we be witnessing the first of his kind to go into the negatives? stay tuned to find out.
INTENSELY CURIOUS TO KNOW THE SLIDING SCALE, HERE. WHAT CONSTITUTES THE LOCALE PLUS THE GIVEN NUMBER? WHAT IS A WALMART.
like i said. dms open for SERIOUS business inquiries only. send me your screenplay and im doxxing you and giving your location over to the next area 51 raid.
But Strider, how will I ever make my break into the film industry without messaging random indoviduals directly on the least socially relevant social media platform known to man?
first of all this platform is EXTREMELY relevant the horse post moved culture. second of all you are a bestselling novelist. you have an agent. you have an agents agent. youre the one person alive whose screenplay id have to read which is exactly why youre banned from the dms. hollywood rules family cant query family its nepotism if i say yes and thanksgiving ruined if i say no.
How cruel of you. I'm telling our definitely real and definitely alive shared mother what you just said to me. The next family potluck will be 50% less starstudded.
kids acting like cusack invented standing in a driveway with feelings. buddy. we had paul newman. the man could hold a boombox with his EYES. cusack needed equipment. newman just looked at your house and the house apologized.
I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THIS POST SO BAD, BUT I'M QUITE ACTUALLY FUCKING FAILING TO UNDERSTAND IT.
oh you know what youre right i went too far. paul newman isnt above cusack on the pedestal. theres no shared pedestal. newman has his own building. cusack visits sometimes signs the guestbook. newmans eyes are on the currency of a small nation. what nation i hear you ask? wouldnt you like to know.
also im gonna need your top 5 cusacks ranked right now in this thread because anyone this loud about him better have seen more than say anything and high fidelity.
to summarise: punk troll kid gets his bad opinions shat on by superior intellectual.
FIRST OF ALL, SERENDIPITY. BECAUSE DUH. LITERALLY THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME AND I WON’T HEAR A SINGLE DEBATE ABOUT IT. SECOND, BETTER OFF DEAD. AN OLD CUSACK FILM, NOT VERY GOOD, BUT HE DOES ALRIGHT WITH THE ROLE AND IT’S SURREAL ENOUGH TO GIVE IT A PASS. THIRD, MAP OF THE HUMAN HEART. FOURTH, MONEY FOR NOTHING. AND FIFTH, SIXTEEN CANDLES. THERE.
ok. reviewing. and im gonna be fair because you clearly meant this. 1. SERENDIPITY at number one is the most incredible self report ive ever witnessed. 2. better off dead is legitimately correct and it hurts me to say so. youve got an eye. this makes the rest of the list worse actually because now i know you KNOW better 3. map of the human heart. buddy. cusack is barely IN that. thats like ranking a restaurant by the parking lot. you put a deep cut at 3 to look scholarly and picked one where hes a side dish. 4. and SIXTEEN CANDLES?? hes a background nerd in that. hes furniture with glasses. you ranked furniture in your top 5. thats not a cusack film thats a film cusack just happened to pass by final grade: 2/5. on account of one great pick. assessment result: promising but compromised.
I THINK THE MOST DISAPPOINTING YET UNSURPRISING PART OF YOUR REVIEW OF MY REVIEW IS THE FACT THAT YOU PICKED BETTER OFF DEAD AS YOUR NUMBER ONE. 1/5 FOR *YOUR* POOR TASTE.
AND I HAVE A FULL REVIEW OF BETTER OFF DEAD ALREADY. IN CASE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW A FORMULATED OPINION ON THAT ONE.
every night i look in the mirror i reintroduce myself ’cause i try to recreate myself to make myself a better person than i was yesterday ’cause al_ the opps be living in yesterday #truth
REAL SHIT
₍^. .^₎⟆ You know what would f!x me? A fresh face full of fat man t!tt!es. But apparently thosSse are !n h!gh demand r!ght now and ! have to ssshare…꠹
he didnt follow me back. chat does this mean im unc.
up for adoption: precocious lil kid. comes with a puppet. no refunds and no returns.
That's adorable, actually. I'll take him.
next time he hosts a four hour seminar on why my movies are not my own but instead a product of my upbringing and society ill be sure to invite you.
Wait invite me to that one, too.
EXCELLENT.
So he was really like this from the get go huh.
i wasnt there but they told me dirk shot out the womb with one finger pointed up to the sky and one pointed at the doctors like mfing plato himself.
I have never been more jealous right now. Fuck.
wingstop on me for anyone who drops me their location. i wont use it for any weirdo sick shit i just figure anyone whos looking to get that itch scratched like yours truly deserves to feel the sharp talons of chicken feet on their back too.
As the poor orphan boy oliver twist once said: please sir can i have some more?
someone put me in a dark room with some wingstop right now that shit gonna sound like a long distance couple meeting up for the first time.
REAL!
ʚ( What A Descripti♡n... ❤︎h, My. )ɞ
Oh thΔt sOմnds d𝓮liciOմs, i lOv𝓮 winghΔlt. i might n𝓮𝓮d tO g𝓮t sOm𝓮 clմckb𝓮Δst fOr lմnch, nOw.
told someone i had a praise kink once and mf pulled up with some gold star stickers. now i cant read my kids report cards no more.
What a stellar way to be told youre doing a bangup job! I certainly wouldnt mind a golden proclamation of praise sprinkled throughout the horizontal tango.
my dude time travels every time he opens the reply box. genuinely never change. if you ever say "hookup" like a normal person i will assume youve been shot and replaced by a bot singalling the herald of a new machinistic dawn.
I wont! Thanks!
we talking about height? lets just say economy seats are designed for a hypothetical guy i have never been. also your mom asked if the air is thinner up here. tell her yes and that i said hi down there.
ʚ( W♡w... Y♡u're That Tall? H♡w Admirable!! <3 )ɞ
thanks. i've been practicing since birth. never missed a day, grew in my sleep even. #dedication
it wasnt easy. some nights i almost didnt sleep. but i pushed through and slept anyway. thats the difference between good and great. anyway im flattered but please redirect this energy to my films, which unlike me were built on purpose
aight kiddos im loggin off. my best films come to me in fitful sleep and who i am to deny the muse of creativity a night in bed with me. nah but fr i gotta pass out. catch yall on the flippity flop.
genuine question for longtime users is it normal for people to treat your posts like a bar. like im chitting about puppets and beneath it theres a whole enemies-to-something arc unfolding in the replies. at this point am i just a venue. i dont even cater. byob to my comments apparently.
ESPECIALLY IN A SPECIAL INTERNET PLACE WHERE THE GENERAL POPULATION’S BRITTLE CALCIUM BASED SKULLS POSSESS LITTLE TO NO SPONGE MATTER. AND THAT’S ONLY TALKING ABOUT THEM.
shit man id like to see what it looks like when you take it one step further and engage with them mfers.
YOU WOULD *LOVE* TO SEE MY DMS. I THINK YOU’D FIND IT INCREDIBLY ENTERTAINING IF YOUR IDEA OF FUN IS WADING THROUGH PILES OF SHIT.
dude. wading through piles of shit is the only thing that gets me outta bed nowadays. when i lay my head down on my goose down pillow each night and rub my legs together under my 1000 thread egyption cotton i think about the festering swamp of feces awaiting me the next day and i go gently into that dark night with the fattest fucking smile on my face. got my wading boots up against the bedpost ready for me to jump into the moment my eyes open. buzzing to get elbow deep in that shit. im like crocodile dundee the way im all up in that shit.
YEAH, THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE TO ME COMING FROM YOU OR ANY OF THE OTHER DAVES FOR THAT MATTER. YOU WASTE CHUTE RINSERS CAN'T KEEP YOUR LASCIVIOUS PRONGS OUT OF IT. IT’S LIKE YOUR CUP OF SCALDING BEAN LIQUID IN THE MORNING THAT WAKES YOU UP AND GETS YOU READY FOR THE DAY. DO YOU LIKE A GOOD GOSSIP, D?
WELL. WHEN YOU NEED SOME FRESH STUFF, I HAVE IT. I NEVER SEEM TO RUN OUT AT THIS RATE. SHIT-WADING ASIDE.
anyway hensons puppets never saw anything they couldnt unsee. crazy how that works. how you can just have a totally normal relationship with a beloved toy. groundbreaking stuff from the 60s that some accounts still havent caught up on.
you sure do like talking.
Sure do! And you sure do keep responding to it. Four exchanges deep now. Either you hate my talking so much you cant look away or you like it so much you cant either. Both options are terribly flattering for me.
oh, i love it. tell me more.
Hold on. You were supposed to *deny* it. Thats the dance. I accuse you enjoy silence you say something terse we repeat. You cant just admit you love it and ask for more thats a violation of the geneva conventions of internet bickering.
i cant help it, jake. can you blame me? you seem to love the sound of your own voice just as much as i do. really, im swooning.
Okay first of all if youre swooning thats a medical concern at your age and you should sit down. Second this is the first honest thing youve said all thread and i respect it. I do have a GREAT voice thank you. Glad we finally have something in common besides mutual antagonism and insufferability even if the difference remains that im at least charming about it.
oh yeah. youre very charming. my heart is racing, and it isnt just the pots. please catch me when i faint. or something.
You are a grown man. If you faint thats between you and gravity. And if i happen catch you its only because i am a gentleman who believes letting his nemesis crack his skull on the concrete is bad sportmanship. You need all the help you can get when engaged in a battle of wits and/or might with me.
nemesis? youre flattering me now.
That was not flattery that was a THREAT with good posture. Nemesis is the lowest rank on the jake english relationship ladder. Below acquaintance below "man i once fought at a petrol station." You have to EARN your way up from nemesis and so far your only qualifications are puppets and audacity.
puppet ownership is a spectrum. one end is jim henson. i have now seen the other end. im not gonna say more. henson knew what he had. some people just have a puppet the way norman bates has a mom.
every part of this reply implies a number and every possible number is worse than the last. do not give me the number. the number and i cannot coexist in this life.
I'll spare you because I'm feeling nice but just know it's on a massive scale that most would envy.
In order to do that I'd have to reveal the number. And it's honestly quite some earth-shattering shit. Not sure I want to attract a bunch of grubby fingers to my beloved collections.
you said "beloved" about a strategic puppet reserve and im supposed to sleep tonight
im gonna say this once. checking on people isnt cringe. blowing up someones dms isnt overreacting. ive already reached out. if you knew her irl do the same. yall be good to each other its not hard.