john egbert
@ectoBiologist
movie reviews and other wacky stuff (if i don't forget)! ((banner by @SvetoShumovaya on twitter))
the king's never sounded better than on the big tv's speakers. well, except probably live on concert, but. my house is one of the only places where i can bless @amorousChanteuse with my amazing, not at all annoying singing. https://open.spotify.com/track/76HKOVWqsEg26SECtmw7Rz?si=7b656bccb82744ad
do you have to serenade me while i’m making breakfast?? you keep tripping me up. :)
it's the least i could do after you kept begging me to sing that spandau ballet song to you. :)
stop you’re not supposed to tell people that!!!!! i like the control you have on your voice, and timbre so what! >:(
okay well you're not supposed to tell people THAT! i'm terrible singer. how do i close a chittr thread?
LET ME SET THE SCENE HERE. I'M SAT IN MY RESPITE BLOCK AT PRESENT, THE ONLY THING I HAVE OPEN ON MY COMPUTER IS CHITTR. IT'S A TEMPERATE MAY DAY IN THE TROLL KINGDOM AND THE RAIN IS COMING DOWN OUTSIDE PRETTY HEAVILY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I HAVE THE WINDOW OPEN A CRACK TO HEAR IT FALL. THE SYNCOPATED PITTER PATTER ON THE OUTSIDE WINDOW DANCING IN CONCERT WITH THE SOUND OF MY TOUCH STUBS GLIDING ACROSS MY MECHANICAL KEYBOARD. BACK ON ALTERNIA, YOU DID *NOT* WANT YOUR WINDOW OPEN DURING THE RAIN. THAT SHIT WAS PURE ACID, AND THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HIVE WAS BUILT TO WITHSTAND IT, BUT THE INSIDE SURE WASN'T AND NEITHER WAS YOUR SKIN. FOR SOME TIME, EVEN THOUGH ITS SAFE TO TOUCH THE RAINWATER ON EARTH-C, I REFUSED TO OPEN MY WINDOW. TODAY THAT CHANGED. DO YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS? BECAUSE TODAY IS A DAY OF FIRSTS. UPON REFLECTION, I SUPPOSE THIS IS MY FIRST 'SPONSORED POST'. A BENEFACTOR WHO WILL REMAIN ANONYMOUS GAVE ME A GIFT CARD TO A PIZZA PLACE CALLED GIORDANO'S. THERE WAS ENOUGH ON THIS CARD FOR A MEAL FOR TWO AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE, I *WILL* BE GOING BACK. I HATE EVERYTHING THAT THIS PIZZA TRIP HAS MADE ME BECOME. THE KARKAT THAT YOU KNEW YESTERDAY IS A DEAD MAN. HE'S BEEN LEFT IN THE PAST, MERELY AN ERRANT SPECTER HAUNTING YOUR MEMORY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY, TRULY FUCKING SORRY. I REALLY, REALLY LIKE EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. EXCEPT...I'M NOT SORRY, ACTUALLY. HAD YOU FOR A MOMENT, DIDN'T I? IF THERE IS ONE THING KARKAT VANTAS IS- IT'S UNREPENTANT IN HIS FOOD OPINIONS. DID YOU REALLY THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT I WOULD GROVEL AT YOUR FEET? BESEECH YOUR TEMPLE FOR APOLOGY? THROW MYSELF AT THE MERCY OF THE EXTREMELY FAKE CLOWN GODS ABOVE FOR DARING TO THINK THAT THIS PIZZA *FUCKS SEVERELY*? YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING WRONG. WELCOME TO KARKAT'S PIZZA REVIEWS. THERE IS NO GOD HERE BUT ME. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR TITHES IN THE TIP JAR AND KISS MY FINALLY BEJEWELED RING YOU ME DAMNED HEATHEN. NORMALLY WHEN I TRY OUT A NEW PIZZA PLACE, I GO FOR THE BASICS. NOT THIS TIME. AS THIS WAS A SPONSORED VISIT, I TOOK INSTRUCTION ON WHAT PIZZA TO GET- ANY VARIETY OF THEIR EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. I SEE NOW WHY SOME HUMANS CALL THIS SHIT A 'PIZZA PIE' BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THAT THING HAD A *CRUST*. IT WAS LIKE EXCAVATING IN A MINE OF SAUCE AND MOLTEN HOT CHEESE. I'LL ADMIT. I WAS VERY HESITANT GOING INTO THIS. SAUCE? ON TOP OF THE PIZZA? HOW NOVEL! HOW STRANGE! I'D HEARD OF SUCH A CONCOCTION, SUCH A WEIRD FUCKING MEAL BEFORE AND I'D SORT OF WRITTEN IT OFF ENTIRELY. HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY APPEAL TO THE PALATE OF ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING THINKPAN AND THE FULL POSSESSION OF ONE'S NATURAL FLAVOR BUMPS. I WAS A FUCKING FOOL. A FRAUD, EVEN. I'M A MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN NOW. A BETTER MAN. THAT. SHIT. FUCKED. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST 10/10 REVIEW. THIS BASIC ASS, BEAUTIFULLY SIMPLISTIC CHEESE AND SAUCE DEEP DISH FLAVOR DISC WILL BE MY SWAN SONG. YOU CAN PLAY ME OUT NOW. I CAN DIE HAPPY. LET'S REVIEW WHAT'S GOOD. EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I JUST SAID? THIS IS UNASSAILABLE! YOU CANNOT HOPE TO ATTAIN THE BENEVOLENT PEAKS THAT THIS FLAVOR DISC PROVIDES, YOU HAPLESS DEGENERATE. YOU SPEND HOURS EVERY DAY GOONING ON CHITTR.ING WHEN THERE'S A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF EXPERIENCES WAITING FOR YOU OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR IF YOU JUST SEEK TO ATTAIN THEM,. THE CRUST FOUGHT ME. IT WAS A BRIEF STRUGGLE TO BITE INTO BEFORE ITS CRISPY DENSENESS YIELDED TO THE SUPERIOR MIGHT OF MY FANGS, LIKE A LOVER JUST A TOUCH TOO SHY TO GIVE IN RIGHT AWAY. THE SAUCE SETTLED ON TOP, A TEASING OCEAN OF TOMATO AND PESTO. SHE STARED AT ME IN OUR TWIN COLOR, EYES ALLURING AND INSPIRING A GROWL FROM ME. IT WAS FERAL. I'M NOT PROUD OF THE WAY I TOOK HER. THE WAY I CLAMPED MY CLAWS AROUND HER AND TORE INTO HER SUPPLE FLESH. ...WHAT? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS #SUGGESTIVE? I'M DESCRIBING BITING INTO A SLICE OF PIZZA YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. THE CHEESE WAS THICK. HAVING BEEN BAKED INTO THE BASED LAYER OF THE PIZZA MEANT THAT SHIT WAS LIKE A LAVA EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH. THERE WAS SO MUCH OF IT I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE. IT SCORNED ME AT FIRST, BURNED THE SHIT OUT OF MY CHIN, BUT ENTICED ME WITH HER FLAVOR. SO I PUT IT DOWN AND TOOK A HUGE GLUG OF COKE (WITH ICE) AND THANK YOU TO THE GIORDANO'S STAFF FOR THEIR SWIFT RESPONSE BECAUSE ANY LONGER AND I MIGHT HAVE SCREAMED A LOT AND MADE EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT LOOK AT ME FUNNY AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE ME NOT WANT TO POST THIS AT ALL. THE FLAVOR PROFILE WAS IMMACULATE. EVERY FLAVOR BLENDED INTO EACH OTHER SO PERFECTLY BUT STILL KEPT THEMSELVES CHASTELY DISTINCT, EACH SHOWING ME WHAT THEY HAD GOING FOR THEM INDIVIDUALLY AS WELL AS A COLLECTIVE. THEY WERE LIKE MY THREE GIRLFRIENDS. AND YES THEY SMOKED WEED. TO PUT INTO THE SIMPLEST WORDS POSSIBLE. I AM A CHANGED MAN. I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN WHO WALKED INTO THAT PIZZA PLACE. THAT SHIT WAS ALSO WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME TO EAT IN ONE SITTING SO I STILL HAVE A FEW SLICES LEFT THAT I TOOK HOME AND SHOVED IN THE FRIDGE. VRISKA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS KEEP YOUR HANDSY THIEF PAWS OFF OF MY FUCKING PIZZA I MARKED IT WITH MY BLOOD AND PUNCHED IN TRIPLICATE THAT IT'S FUCKING *MINE*, OKAY? I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY I GOT YOU A BBQ MEATLOVERS IT'S IN THE FRIDGE ON THE BOTTOM SHELF, OKAY? I EVEN GOT YOU A 2L OF SPRITE. YOU *LOVE* SPRITE. IS THIS ENOUGH APPEASEMENT FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR LOUSY, NO GOOD CLAWS OFF OF MY FOOD? YES? GOOD. GLAD WE COULD COME TO AN AGREEMENT. FINAL VERDICT: 10/10. I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE IN LIFE. A NEW *PURPOSE.* THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE, GUYS. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GO OUT AND SEIZE IT. CARPE DICKEM OR WHATEVER. THANK YOU AND GOONNIGHT. I MEAN GOODNIGHT.
https://open.spotify.com/track/2jjsghppatm8lxeyjd95fw?si=abwd9vzstig9tbu-rxi_6q voy desveladooooo 😭
and you’re gonna like it because it’s not turning off until i clean up our movie night crime scene!!!
haha the SNACK and POPCORN and CHIPS crime scene of course!!!!!!!! CAMI.
That Is Far Too Many Pity And Mediation Reactions For My Liking I Am Supposed To Be The One Doling Out The Latter In Fact
you know what, as much as i know about quadrants now, i'm still really confused on how to apply them as reactions.
>oh my gog I killed Weezer.
Please take your medication today, by the way.
DELIBERATELY UNINTERESTING CHITT TO SAY "I'M HIVE." LIFE GOES ON. UNFORTUNATELY.
If for any reason this #DroneSeason I become momentarily incapable of acting as President, I would like to make it clear that @tentacleTherapist#7214, the VP of my administration, is fully authorized to act as President until my faculties return to me.
I fucking love spiders. I'm posting a8out this daily now.
(( now's a good time to lay down some headcanons and AU deets! ༄ earth c, post-credits (~5 years after) ༄ epilogues and BC won't happen (but will interact with characters from both!) ༄ 5'8", mixed (caucasian/filipino) ༄ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶h̶o̶m̶o̶s̶e̶x̶u̶a̶l̶ closeted pansexual ༄ incipient gender dysphoria - a june in waiting ... ༄ chronic depression (medicated most of the time, sometimes not. sometimes weed [thanks davekat]) ༄ same setting as @amorousChanteuse ༄ more juicy stuff through chits and interaction clues ooo 👻 as for ooc ... 👻 dms are open (but are immersive! only either pesterlog style dms, OR for ooc contact. won't action RP in there.) 👻 not here to be a horndog IF it's completely out of character for john 👻 i'm here for laughs, angst, and fun character-accurate poppycock 👻 any characters that could exist in the same time period and setting as my john can be assumed to do exactly that! let's have fun! thanks for having me!! )) #substance #mental-health #depression #dysphoria #genderdysphoria #sexuality
Philippines mentioned!!!!))))
omg. ;_; i hate waking up hot as hell.
man, sounds like a blue boy and his, and i quote, "annoyingly cold must" would've been plenty useful right then.
yeah, it’s too bad i only have an annoying blue boy and his nerd musk instead.. it’s really hot over here!!!!!!! :( and like i thought u were busy so w/e!
i'm basically never busy. i'm just waiting for you to holler!
https://media.tenor.com/OcjtR8kvMp0AAAAM/the-office-dwight-schrute.gif
actually my window will stay shut tonight btw unrelated and also i use my block button quite liberally.
thinking of my pals... every next birthday is a little less boring with you guys around. #throwbacktuesday #newbanner ((by @SvetoShumovaya on twitter)) https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f1a5d98ca5b2.jpg
((my jade is based on this artist's vers of jade!! :D
such a beautiful rendition of jade :sob: this artist's john is my fav too!! ))
https://i.ibb.co/20vkbxh1/img-6785.jpg stop eating my food you chud. i have no money
triple jade... it's like that one trollcaloid song!
ボーカロイドの話？ せか～いで、一番お姫様様......
with the power of goregle translate! unless this is a more general question. then uh. yes. i can.