Jake English
@galeatedTerramorph
It is a right shame i only have so many characters to address myself here. There arent enough words in the encyclopedia to demonstrate my love for cinematics, or adventure, or taking a good tumble wi
By jove i think ive bloody cracked it. The elusive rubiks cube is mine to conquer gosh dammit and i am SO CLOSE to getting there.
Well gee thank you i also think i in fact got this!!!!! But i cannot seem to get these last two red pieces to move to the yellow side which is a mite bit annoying.
I don’t know about that. I think the rubik cube is going to win. It’s going to kick your ass.
Well maybe the rubik cube will lose but the rubikS cube is going friggin down in flames, brotato chip. I am going to steer this ship into the right port and it is only but a matter of time and resilience of which i have plenty of both!
Bro… Something is going down in flames alright, not sure it’s gonna be the cube. How long have you been attempting to beat these things? Indulge my curiosity.
This is only my first real attempt to be quite honest as i threw out the last three because i thought they were bummy ones that had some sort of fault that i kept encountering. But hey ho my mistake as i think i have finally gotten somewhere with it.
Everything you just said was something else bro. Indulge me longer, what was the fault that you kept supposedly facing?
Well it just simply wouldnt work really, every time i attempted to thwart the bastard and finish a side something else would move and ruin it for me. I could swear there truly was some nasty bad juju on those dastardly cubes.
I may have just upset a marvelous mare.
DRAT why didnt i think of this play on words the first time! I must think quicker in the future because now a lovely ceo is going to have my head ground up and likely mixed into her batter recipes. Or maybe I shant flatter myself in that way either.
I do believe it is akin to climbing the echeladder but for literacy advocates.
I am elated to say i have graduated from my phonics for dummies book and have moved on to the greener pastures of “phonics for feeble-minded yet capable adventurers”! Isnt that friggin grand.
Oh flipping bollocks ive just burnt myself on my bloody hob. Serves me right for trying to cook.
.ytefas nwo rieht rof ,nehctik a retne ot dewolla eb t'ndluohs enildoolb hsulgne eht ni enoyrevE
I feel as if at any moment that blasted autoresponder is going to assail me with another goregle expose-ay and all of my recent searches will have to scatter like critters under a rock when it has been lifted. Too bad i now know how to clear my bloody cookies! It is just like covering up a fresh poo on the side of a trail. #leavenotrace! #poo #goreglewrapped
It’s already pronounced exposé when you spell it correctly.
Ok-ay buster well it is far too late now the post has been posted and therefore the ship has SAILED.
Oh how i miss galavanting around the island. Houston isnt as much fun save for their nightlife and even then, what a riot in the worst way a riot could be.
Is this your way of asking me out, how classy Jake, but I'm to busy dealing with shit and not in the adventuring mood.
Oh blar you are no fun, but not to worry because i can ask jane! She will go with me, detective she is.
Wow, using the Jane card to make me feel a twinge of jealousy? Come on Jake don't take it so personal trust me, I would adore spens some time with my best bro in the world and shoot the shit, but I'll be honest I don't like going out that much and I still gotta do some fine tuning on brobot 2.0 .
Spending* Fuck apologies for the grammatically incorrections, still a bit groggy.
Seeing as the hashtag #tiemeuptuesday is trending i shall spin you a yarn about one of my more recent adventures because i think it fits the bill quite well! I was deep in the rainforest which certainly is typical for the likes of me and i was just about to happen upon a wild beastie three times my size when KABLAMO, something whipped twixt my ankles and hauled me onto my keester and then right up into a tree. I was swinging there like a prize pheasant after the hunt ill say and it was both a good and bad thing i was by myself because for one i was less embarrassed by the fact that no one was there to see me, but then the reality set in that well. No one was there to see me. Turns out it was a wily sentient vine that constricted around my calf like a gosh darn snake and i had to whack at it until it felt like letting me go! I still have a rug burn on my leg from the damage but i wear it as a badge of honor. Take THAT you friggin vine.
You are one nasty piece of work did you know that?? And tell your maker he can watch it on tubi.
Too late. I turned your oil stat up to 100 like this shit's WWE 2K19.
Are you having fun playing around with my artificial intelligence avatar at least? Harumph.
The things I've done to that virtual ass would get me put on a list. TL;DR Yes.
Lol. Lmao, even. You think I spun up that livescan today? Nah, bro. He's been chilling in Blender since you were 23. Sometimes I let him out to hunt him across the Nightreign map.
My second stop on my very illustrious book tour brings me to lair of the cyclops and WOW what a friggin lair it has been so far, more like a labyrinth of total awesomeness i say. I am so glad i taught myself to read so that i can enjoy this quote 2 million year old mystery as it touts itself as on the back cover. If anyone has their mitts on crown of the serpent PLEASE do send it my way because this is a crack up. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/54d4a260f78c.jpeg
I stayed up all night watching judge judy or as it is now known judy justice and i have to say i am a mite knackered.
I just discovered that judge judy has a revamp show with a whole arsenal of episodes per season. Chris Kringle has come early by jove and he comes bearing gifts of justice for petty fraud.
It is!!! What mystery and allure our illustrious judy brings to the stand.
Should i download a text to speech helper tool on my phone that reads not_a_virus_that_will_blow_up_your_shit_.win.rar? Vote below.
Well okie dokie mister presidente we shall see what happens when i click this nice beautiful neat folder in my files download.
Oh come on bro answer like a man! What is this noncommittal higgledypiggledy.
What a straightforward and to the point answer brochacho I have to respect the hustle and also the bustle. I will download it shortly and let everyone know the outcome as i am sure i will maintain communication on my cellular and it will NOT impact anything whatsoever.
It was sarcasm bro, of course you shouldn't download the world's most obvious virus known to man, seriously Jake be a bit more smarter.
What, can't Hal have a bit of whimsy and just do some harmless pranks, besides I don't got time to get into it with you english, I'm at a cookout.
Fine! Then YOU mister cooking out are going to have to answer when i inevitably download this alleged virus dot win dot rar and my shite blows to smithereens.
Or now, this might sound a little crazy but, you don't download worlds most obvious virus, stop being a dumbass and maybe just maybe join me at the cookout I'm at, rose is there along with a few others, you might enjoy it.
What kind of brave adventurer would i be if i turned that down? A pretty shite one to be honest.
I suppose so, but you would be a smart adventure not downloading the virus, but hey if you wanna blow up your skull top be my guest, English.
I think i have a touch of dyslexia but this is what autocorrect is for. Does not however apply to reading so called analog media such as INTERSTELLAR PIG. Hm.
If only there was some sort of helpful digital tool that could convert the text you are presently squinting at to speech. #DownloadMyVirus.
I dunno about that whole rigmarole mate maybe i should just go back and take more speech lessons or something like that.
Besides you claim it to be a virus as you have so well coined just now right here!
Bro has an Alexa and a Gmail account and he’s concerned about tech privacy. Pause for studio audience laughter.
My visit to the first stop on my bookstore tour was a resounding success! You may be asking yourself jake what are you doing in a half-empty bookstore in the middle of bloody nowhere and to that i say you will not find a better selection than the shite found in here!! I have been searching high and low for the almighty INTERSTELLAR PIG novella and i am proud to say i have my mitts on it! There truly is no better feeling of diving into a good ol sci fi, except for watching a flick of course, which, hm. Is there an interstellar pig film? Now THAT would be a riot. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/bb8f39773845.jpeg
Did you take this picture on an irradiated camera.
What’s that camera got, fifteen percent of a megapixel? #Sad.
Congratulations on learning to read, BTW. It’s never too late.
Hold your digital pixelated tongue mister!!! I have known how to read for over five years now and i am just as good as anyone else. I dont even use text to speech anymore either, cheeky.
It is taken off of my motorola razor which is a perfectly fine piece of equipment.
Your poor, beleaguered phone no doubt breathed a sigh of relief when you sprayed spittle across its screen for the final time.
Would you like to use its empty husk for anything in particular? Or your maker, perhaps, would find use in it? I think the jungle green would make a great accent for a robots peepers if i do say so myself.
Bollocks i can’t seem to summarize myself down enough for my bio. Oh well! It will have to stay like that.
Hello there! I almost said lass but maybe that is being a bit presumptuous.
not at all, love, i'm qUite the same as i was. it's me, callie! and, to spare yoU the shock... yes, i'm very dead. bUt i'm not so alone anymore...!
Oh dear callie i THOUGHT that was you, i did think for a moment oh pish posh that can’t be the same sweet gal i know but it is!!!!! What a pleasant surprise. Wait you are dead? Egads what happened to you?
my brother, a dersite assassin, and naivete. he's also why i have to be so alone. if he finds me in the dreambUbbles, he will obliterate me completely. i've been hiding from him, and from all the ghosts searching for me.
Well you are a madwoman for being able to chit from your secret position as it were, i commend you.
frankly, i don't even Understand it. it simply showed Up on the compUter i'd dreamt Up to draw with. not looking this gift horse in the moUth, thoUgh!