Jake English
@galeatedTerramorph
It is a right shame i only have so many characters to address myself here. There arent enough words in the encyclopedia to demonstrate my love for cinematics, or adventure, or taking a good tumble wi
Bollocks i can’t seem to summarize myself down enough for my bio. Oh well! It will have to stay like that.
By jove i think ive bloody cracked it. The elusive rubiks cube is mine to conquer gosh dammit and i am SO CLOSE to getting there.
Well gee thank you i also think i in fact got this!!!!! But i cannot seem to get these last two red pieces to move to the yellow side which is a mite bit annoying.
I don’t know about that. I think the rubik cube is going to win. It’s going to kick your ass.
Well maybe the rubik cube will lose but the rubikS cube is going friggin down in flames, brotato chip. I am going to steer this ship into the right port and it is only but a matter of time and resilience of which i have plenty of both!
Bro… Something is going down in flames alright, not sure it’s gonna be the cube. How long have you been attempting to beat these things? Indulge my curiosity.
This is only my first real attempt to be quite honest as i threw out the last three because i thought they were bummy ones that had some sort of fault that i kept encountering. But hey ho my mistake as i think i have finally gotten somewhere with it.
Everything you just said was something else bro. Indulge me longer, what was the fault that you kept supposedly facing?
Well it just simply wouldnt work really, every time i attempted to thwart the bastard and finish a side something else would move and ruin it for me. I could swear there truly was some nasty bad juju on those dastardly cubes.
THE. FUCKING. ODYSSEY. LONGTIME READERS AND FIRST-TIME OBSERVERS, I BRING YOU THE #MOVIEKAT REVIEW TO MARK THE FUCKING AGES. I STARTED THIS REVIEW UNDER THE PRETENSE THAT I WOULD BE GOING ON THIS JOURNEY ON MY OWN. BUT HUBRIS HAS A REAL FUNNY WAY OF KICKING YOU IN THE SHINS (SPOILERS). I TOLD @CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST ABOUT THE FACT THAT I’D JUST SAT THERE IN A DARK THEATRE AND GNAWED BASICALLY THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF MY KERNELSPLOSION BUCKET FOR THREE HOURS, AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HE DID? HE SAID TO ME, “KARKAT. WE HAVE TO DO THIS TOGETHER. WE HAVE TO DELIVER ODYSSEY TO THE PEOPLE.” SO. HERE WE ARE. A CO-WRITTEN REVIEW (WHICH IS MOSTLY ME AND NO, VANTAS, YOU CAN’T REMOVE THIS PART, FUCK YOU) BY THE ONLY TWO TROLLS IN PARADOX SPACE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS TO REIN NOT ONE, BUT *TWO* OF US IN? THIS REVIEW IS THE *EPITOME* OF TWO DUMB BITCHES SAYING “EXACTLYYYYYYYYY”. THIS IS GOING TO BE AN INCREDIBLY LONG ANALYSIS FOR YOU PEA-BRAINED IMPS WITH NEXT-TO-ZERO READING COMPREHENSION AND CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS, BUT MAYBE YOU CAN TREAT THIS AS A SPONGE EXERCISE. AND FOR THE REST OF YOU WHO ARE EAGER TO MUNCH YOUR WAY DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF *THIS* KERNELSPLOSION BUCKET AND GET YOUR MONEY’S WORTH OF THE THE BUTTERY, SOGGY MORSELS: SIT BACK. RELAX. MAYBE TAKE A MIGRAINE PILL PREEMPTIVELY. AND LET’S FUCKING GO. —- REVIEW BEGIN —- ZEUS’S LAW. THE CORNERSTONE OF ANCIENT HUMAN GREEK RELIGION AND PHILOSOPHY. THOUGH NOT A WRITTEN STATUTE, IT DEFINES THE SACRED OBLIGATIONS THAT COMPRISE A DIVINE MORAL ORDER, GOVERNING COMMUNITY, OATHS, KINGSHIP, JUSTICE, AND THE RESPECT OF THE STRANGER. POETRY AND FICTIVE WORKS BACK IN YE OLDE HUMAN DAYS DEPICT ZEUS AS THE OMNIPOTENT FORCE TOWARD PROTECTION OF THE VULNERABLE. AND IT COMES WITH A BIG RED FLASHING WARNING LABEL: ANYONE CAN BE A GOD, SO YOU BETTER FUCKING TREAT EVERYONE AS IF THEY WERE. THIS UNCERTAIN PROBABILITY SHAPED AN ENTIRE SOCIETY FOR AN EON TO COME, BASED ON THE CHOICE TO BELIEVE. RELATIONSHIPS FORGED FROM RITUALISED FRIENDSHIP WENT ON TO SHAPE ARISTOCRACY AND GOVERNMENT, INHERITED GUEST-FRIENDS THROUGHOUT GENERATIONS, AND BUILT THE FOUNDATIONS OF AN EVER-GROWING POLITICAL — AND FAMILIAL— NETWORK. BOOM. HISTORY LESSON. YEAH, WE’RE BOTH ADVANCED HUMAN HISTORY BUFFS. YOU KIND OF HAVE TO BE INTO THAT SORT OF THING TO KNOW YOUR MOVIES AS WELL AS WE DO, YOU FEEL ME? BUT, CLASSIC MOVE FROM US, HERE– AND I MEAN ALL OF PARADOX SPACE — WE SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT ALL OF THAT AS TIME GOES ON. INCREASINGLY, WE LIVE IN A WORLD THAT HAS TURNED ITSELF ASS-BACKWARDS. WE TREAT EACH OTHER AND OURSELVES WITH AN INDIFFERENCE UNRIVALLED TO ANYTHING SOCIETY HAS SEEN BEFORE. EVEN THE DAMN WORDS THAT SHAPE OUR STORYTELLING AND SOCIETY HAVE GONE INWARD TOO, FORGETTING THE TANGIBLE AND BECOMING INCREASINGLY ABSTRACT AND CLINICAL. LOGIC, TREATMENT, REGULATION, FAVOURED OVER STORY, COMPANIONSHIP, COURAGE. THE CONNOTATIONS CAN’T BE CLEARER. WE’RE LOSING EACH OTHER AND OURSELVES TO THE CHARYBDIS, SPINNING AND SPINNING TOWARD A WILD, THRASHING END. TRANSLATOR NOTE: THIS MEANS THAT WE ARE FUCKED. ALMOST, WITH A COUPLE OF HUGE FLASHING *ASTERISKS*. WHAT HAPPENS TO US IF WE DON’T SURVIVE CIRCLING THE DRAIN? SOMETHING HAS TO PULL US OUT OF IT, LEST WE FORGET THE WEB HUMANITY BUILT IS THERE TO SERVE A PURPOSE. WE ARGUE THAT THIS MODERN INTERPRETATION OF THE ODYSSEY SERVES AS A REACHING, LONG-LOST PART OF OURSELVES, CRYING OUT: SAVE YOURSELF. SAVE YOUR BROODMATE. SAVE US ALL. HERE’S HOW. BUT LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS ABOUT THE FILM ITSELF, FIRST. HUMAN CHRISTOPHER NOLAN HAD SOMETHING HUGE TO CONQUER, MUCH LIKE ODYSSEUS HIMSELF. TRANSLATING AN ANCIENT TEXT, REGARDLESS OF ITS PUNY SIMPLETON HUMAN ORIGIN, IS A MASSIVE UNDERTAKING. IT REQUIRES A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF AWARENESS THAT OFTENTIMES IS LACKING IN LARGE-SCALE PRODUCTIONS, WHETHER THAT’S DUE TO THE CLEANSING OF NARRATIVE IN THE INTEREST OF PLACATING A WIDE AS POSSIBLE AUDIENCE, OR BEING SIMPLY TOO COWARDLY TO GET TO THE POINT. NORMALLY, I WOULD SAY, “YOU CAN ALL ACT LIKE BRAINDEAD ASSWIPES IN YOUR OWN FESTERING FLAP OF PARADOX SPACE, FINE WITH ME”, BUT NOT IN THIS INSTANCE. NUH UH. NOT ONLY THIS, BUT DUE TO THE SHEER VOLUME OF THE TEXT ITSELF (WITHOUT EVEN TOUCHING THE TALE OF THE ILIAD), THERE ARE WHAT SEEM LIKE ENDLESS POINTS OF INTEREST AND A PLETHORA OF LESSONS TO BE LEARNED. THEY LURK AROUND SHADOWY CORNERS, BARREL TOWARD US IN LUMBERING FOOTSTEPS, SING TO US WITH A SIREN’S SONG. SO MANY OPTIONS IN A NARRATIVE THAT SPEAKS AD NAUSEAM, THAT NOLAN WAS SURELY SPOILED FOR CHOICE LIKE A GRUB IN A GODDAMN CANDY STORE SETTING THEIR GANDERBULBS ON A FRESH CUP OF ANT POPPING BOBA. AND ANYHOW— WHAT IS THE RELEVANCE OF A TEXT LIKE THE ODYSSEY? WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT IT? THE ODYSSEY’S POWER LIES IN THE TRUTH OF IT BEING “THE OLDEST STORY”. IT CONTAINS THE ABILITY TO TRANSMUTE ITSELF TO FIT THE CURRENT SOCIAL NARRATIVE AND BE APPLICABLE TO OUR LIVES THROUGHOUT THE AGES. THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF A TEXT LIKE THIS; OVER THE COURSE OF 3,000 EARTH YEARS, IT STILL TRANSFORMS ITS OWN MEANING OVER TIME. IT IS NO SURPRISE OR SECRET THAT NOLAN DOES NOT STAY COMPLETELY FAITHFUL TO THE SOURCE TEXT. HOWEVER, I RAISE THE QUESTION, IF THE ODYSSEY WAS A MASSIVE PHILOSOPHICAL ALLEGORY FOR HIS TIME, WHY CAN’T WE USE IT AS ONE FOR NOW? THIS IS WHERE NOLAN TAKES THE REINS. HEAVY ARE THE GYVES OF A MONUMENTAL AND OVERWHELMING LITERARY MASTERPIECE, SHACKLING ONESELF IN ORDER TO CONVEY MEANING TO AN AUDIENCE THAT, FRANKLY, ARE A MISERABLE POINTLESS CROP OF LIFEFORMS FROM A MEANINGLESS BORING PUSTULE OF A PLANET. NOLAN DOES A FANTASTIC JOB, HOWEVER, OF RELAYING NARRATIVE INFORMATION THAT TRULY RESONATES, LEAVING ITS SOLID CORE. YOU CAN’T HELP BUT THINK ABOUT IT, EVEN LONG AFTER THE THREE HOUR LONG FILM ENDS. I KNOW I DID, AND SO DID VANTAS. WE COULDN’T FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT IT. SO. THIS BRINGS US TO THE SEVERAL THEMES OF THIS FILM, AND WHY WE THINK IT’S IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM. ODYSSEUS IS NOT NECESSARILY THIS BIG HERO WE’RE ALL COUNTING ON HIM TO BE. WE UNDERSTAND THE CONTEXT OF ODYSSEUS’ STORY AS A DESPERATE WARNING IF WE JUST TAKE TWO SECONDS TO REALLY LOOK AT IT. IF YOU VIEW ODYSSEUS AS THE PROTAGONIST, AT FACE VALUE, IT’S ABOUT BEING A LEADER. HE IS INDEED THE BRAVE WARRIOR WHO DEFEATED AN ARMY IN THE BATTLE OF TROY, THEN MADE THE PERILOUS JOURNEY BACK HOME TO HIS WIFE AND SON. ISN’T THAT ADMIRABLE? BUT YOU WOULD BE A FLAMING IDIOT IF YOU STOPPED YOUR THOUGHT TRAIN AT THIS STATION. THE FIRST SCENE WE WITNESS IS SINON TAKING HIS DYING BREATH, PINNED AGAINST THE TROJAN HORSE. A SACRIFICE, AND ONE THAT WE LATER FIND OUT IS BUILT ON A FARCE; SINON IS LED TO BELIEVE THAT HE ISN’T A SACRIFICE AT ALL, THAT THE IMPOSING STATUE IS HOLLOW. HE DIES WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING THAT HE IS NOTHING BUT A PAWN FOR ONE MAN’S CHOICE. IT IS THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL OF ZEUS’S LAW, AND THUS THE BETRAYAL OF COMPASSION AND EMPATHY. ODYSSEUS BETRAYS THIS LAW TIME AND TIME AGAIN, HIS PRIDE SWELLING FAR TOO WIDE IN HIS CHEST TO MAKE ROOM FOR HIS PUSHER. HE REFUSES TO LISTEN TO HIS SLOWLY DWINDLING ARMY AS THEY CROSS TREACHEROUS SEAS AND ENCOUNTER DANGERS AT EVERY STOP. HE FIRES AN ARROW AT POLYPHEMUS JUST BECAUSE HE DESIRES TO SHOW HIS SUCCESS IN OVERCOMING HIM, FORCES HIMSELF TO LISTEN TO THE SIREN’S SONG JUST BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE HEARD IT AND SURVIVED. HE TURNS AWAY FROM HADES AND THE FACES OF HELL HE RECOGNISES WITH A REFUSAL TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE INEVITABILITY OF A FATE HE DOESN’T WANT. OH-DICK-SEUS. THAT’S WHAT HE IS. HA. HA HA, EVEN. LIKEWISE, THE ATROCITIES COMMITTED THEREOF ARE ALSO DEMONSTRATED IN THE SUITORS OF PENELOPE; THEY CONSUME AND TERRORISE THE PALACE, SLAUGHTER HIS LIVESTOCK, DRINK HIS WINE, INTIMIDATE TELEMACHUS, PRESSURE PENELOPE AND CONTEMPLATE MURDER. THEIR CRIME IS NOT SIMPLE DISCOURTESY. THEY CONVERT HOSPITALITY INTO PARASITISM. IT IS THIS BASTARDISATION OF TRUST, THE VIOLATION OF INSTITUTIONAL ALLIANCE, THAT BREAKS THIS ANCIENT SOCIETY— AND US, THOUSANDS OF YEARS IN THE FUTURE— APART. THE CATASTROPHE RESULTING IS CUMULATIVE RATHER THAN INSTANTANEOUS. THE SUITORS ARE REPEATEDLY WARNED BY BOTH PENELOPE AND TELEMACHUS. THERE ARE COUNTLESS OPPORTUNITIES TO TURN BACK, TO REPENT, TO CONCEDE, TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE GODS HAVE PROPHESIED. THERE ARE MOMENTS, EVEN, OF PROSPERITY AMONGST WARRIORS; BUT UNRESOLVED VIOLATION ACCUMULATES UNTIL REVERSAL BECOMES UNAVOIDABLE. IN FACT, ATHENA CAN’T MAKE THINGS ANY CLEARER TO ODYSSEUS WHEN SHE SAYS, “WHO DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THUNDER? FIRE? A CHILD’S SMILE? A GOOD HARVEST?” IT DEMONSTRATES THAT GUIDANCE ONLY COMES FROM THE WILLINGNESS TO UNDERSTAND BY TRUE PERCEPTION, SOMETHING THAT ODYSSEUS IS REFUSING TO LOOK IN THE EYE. LEAVING ODYSSEUS AS THE LAST OF THE LAST ABOARD A SINKING SHIP IN THE MIDDLE OF ZEUS’S MIGHTY STORM IS ONLY THE TERMINAL EVENT. THE DEEPER PUNISHMENT IS HIS OWN REFUSAL TO ADMIT WHEN ENOUGH IS FUCKING ENOUGH. HUBRIS. ONE MAN’S CHOICE. THIS IS WHAT PULLS APART THE INTRICATE WEB THE ODYSSEY WEAVES. AND THE CONSEQUENCES ENDURE: CIVILISATION IS TESTED BY THE TREATMENT OF A STRANGER. ZEUS’S LAW REMAINS RELEVANT IF WE OBSERVE ITS APPLICATIONS IN TODAY’S SOCIOPOLITICAL UNREST. THE POLITICS OF REPRESENTATION IN A TIME LIKE THE ONE WE OCCUPY DO NOT GO UNNOTICED. NOLAN’S DECISIONS ON CASTING, THEMATIC LANGUAGE, VISUALISATION, AND STORYTELLING POSITION HIM IN A VERY DELIBERATE AND SPECIFIC PLACE AMONGST THE STORM OF MODERN CULTURE. WE’VE SEEN SO MANY PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT THE GODDAMN BULLSHIT THAT IS “WOKEISM” IN CINEMA, AND THAT NOLAN IS ONLY PULLING THESE SORTS OF MOVES TO TICK HIS BOXES. THIS IS A FATAL MISSTEP, HOWEVER; AN OVERSIGHT TO AN INTENTIONAL PROVOCATION. AND REALLY– HOW OFTEN DOES THIS HAPPEN IN OUR LIVES TODAY TO THOSE OF US THAT ARE SCAPEGOATED FOR THEIR MERE EXISTENCE? FOR THEIR CHOICES, REGARDLESS OF THEIR MORAL STANDING? FOR EXAMPLE, SINON THOUGHT HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING. NO ONE ELSE DID. AND ODYSSEUS LET THEM BELIEVE THAT. PERHAPS HE EVEN BELIEVED IT HIMSELF. THE HOLINESS OF OUR BRETHREN, KNOWN OR UNKNOWN, HAS BEEN LOST TO MYTH. IT SEEMS WE HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT THE STRANGER IS SACRED. WHAT THIS FILM ACHIEVES IS A PULL TOWARD THIS ORIGINAL DOCTRINE, BUT ALSO A LAMENTATION ON WHAT WE HAVE ALREADY LOST. ZEUS'S LAW ISN'T JUST BETRAYED THROUGH ODYSSEUS, IT'S FLIPPED — SEE DIVINITY IN THE GRACE OF THE STRANGER, AND YOU WILL FIND THEIR MOST DIVINE QUALITIES. SEE AN ENEMY, AND YOU WILL FIND AN ENEMY. WE ARE TRAINED TO SEE THE WAY WE SEE. WE MUST RECOGNIZE THAT IT IS WITHIN OUR POWER TO TRAIN. IT IS A VISUALISATION OF A WORLD COMING TO TERMS WITH THE VIOLENCE IT HAS INFLICTED ON ITSELF, AND THE INTENTIONAL BLINDERS THAT WE STILL WEAR. NOLAN’S FILM IS A DEEP EXAMINATION OF THE POWER A NARRATIVE CAN HOLD, THE APPEAL OF A MEMORY, AND THE BELIEF IN AN UNRELIABLE NARRATOR. IT'S NOT A DESIRE FOR SOMETHING YOU DON'T HAVE, IT'S A LONGING FOR THAT WHICH YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST AND CANNOT BEAR TO BE WITHOUT. STORIES ARE HOW PEOPLE WAGE WARS, BUILD EMPIRES, AND CONVEY MEANING. THEY ARE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AS MUCH AS THEY ARE AN OLIVE BRANCH. THE ODYSSEY IS BOTH, AND THE TEXT’S UNRELIABILITY STEEPED IN A RICH, DEVELOPED SET OF PHILOSOPHICAL IDEOLOGY MAKES FOR A FINE RECIPE FOR MODERN DISCOURSE. NOLAN MAKES A CHOICE TO DELIBERATELY MOVE AWAY FROM THE ORIGINAL TEXTUAL CANON IN ORDER TO ASK THE BIGGER QUESTION FOLLOWING ITS EXISTENCE: WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS STORY RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW? IN THIS, THE FILM IS PARTICULARLY POIGNANT, TAKING SERIOUSLY WHAT WE KNEW THEN AND STILL BEING EARNEST IN WHAT WE UNDERSTAND ABOUT LIFE TODAY. IT SERVES A SIMILAR PURPOSE TO OTHER TEXTS THAT STAND THE TEST OF TIME. THE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS THEY PRESENT THROUGH THE MEANS OF FICTION APPEAL TO A WIDE RANGE OF SOCIOPOLITICAL THOUGHT AND ALLOW PEOPLE TO PROJECT THEIR OWN IDEOLOGIES ONTO THOSE TOPICS, CHANGING THEIR MEANINGS INTO SOMETHING TANGIBLE FOR ANY MODERN AUDIENCE, NO MATTER IF YOU’RE A WINDSOCK HEADED SHITMOUTH OR A BLITHERING MOANY NOOKSUCKER, WHICH MOST OF YOU CERTAINLY ARE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE THINGS. EVERYONE CAN FIND AN INTERPRETATION THAT SUITS THEIR PERSONAL NARRATIVE. IF YOU THINK IT AGREES WITH YOU, IT’S BECAUSE IT *DOES*, BUT NEVER ENTIRELY, NEVER WITH CONVICTION. MORE OFTEN, IT CHALLENGES. IT MAY FORCE YOU TO LOOK IN PLACES YOU WOULD RATHER NOT. IT MAY FORCE YOU TO EXAMINE THE WAYS IN WHICH WE HAVE FAILED OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS, WHO STOPPED BEING GUEST-FRIENDS A LONG TIME AGO. IT MAY ASK YOU WHETHER YOU CAN COMPREHEND WHAT ALL OF PARADOX SPACE NEEDS, OR IF YOU ARE SIMPLY REFUSING TO BE PRESENT. AND IT WILL WARN YOU AS IT HAS WARNED ALL OF US TIME AND TIME AGAIN, THAT THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING CANNOT STAY THAT WAY. HEED THE ADVICE OF ATHENA: WHO DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THUNDER? FIRE?
HOLY SHIT FIRST JEFFFF THE RETURNER AND NOW MY ODYSSEY REVIEW !! !! !! !! !! !! I;M FEASTING
an extremely thought-provoking analysis/review, Karkat. I will watch this with your thoughts in mind and do some reflection on it.
This review gave me goosebumps. Augh. Wonderful. Thank you, Karkats.
I may have just upset a marvelous mare.
DRAT why didnt i think of this play on words the first time! I must think quicker in the future because now a lovely ceo is going to have my head ground up and likely mixed into her batter recipes. Or maybe I shant flatter myself in that way either.
I do believe it is akin to climbing the echeladder but for literacy advocates.
I am elated to say i have graduated from my phonics for dummies book and have moved on to the greener pastures of “phonics for feeble-minded yet capable adventurers”! Isnt that friggin grand.
🎉🎉🎉
Oh flipping bollocks ive just burnt myself on my bloody hob. Serves me right for trying to cook.
.ytefas nwo rieht rof ,nehctik a retne ot dewolla eb t'ndluohs enildoolb hsulgne eht ni enoyrevE
I feel as if at any moment that blasted autoresponder is going to assail me with another goregle expose-ay and all of my recent searches will have to scatter like critters under a rock when it has been lifted. Too bad i now know how to clear my bloody cookies! It is just like covering up a fresh poo on the side of a trail. #leavenotrace! #poo #goreglewrapped
It’s already pronounced exposé when you spell it correctly.
Ok-ay buster well it is far too late now the post has been posted and therefore the ship has SAILED.
What the hell, sure. I can do two Jakes. As a treat. @galeatedTerramorph 🌐 Jurassic park five jake english funniest moments montage 🌐 Gyms that have climbing walls near houston 🌐 Jurassic park five press tour fan cam 🌐 Jurassic park five press tour fan cam jake english 🌐 Jurassic park five press tour fan cam marquise 🌐 What is a beard 🌐 Getting over a peanut allergy 🌐 Water yank pronounsiation 🌐 Spell pronouseiaton. 🌐 Speech to bloody text on android 🌐 Instagram dirk strider 🌐 Chittr dirk strider 🌐 How to evade the dastardly block button 🌐 Migraines from acute brain damage 🌐 Journey to the centre of the earth read along with phonics \></ #GoregleWrapped
Now what in the WORLD is going on here??? I will have you know that the phonics version is simply elite and any brochacho with a solid head on their shoulders would tell you the same. And also marquise is simply a colleague and a fine blue lady with which i spend my time. Take this down at once.
As much as I would love to fact-check that, trolls gross me out. And the thought of poring enhancing blurry, distant, hotel room window photos of you canoodling with one is enough to make me simulate blowing chunks. @anonymouseCatalog, care to take over from here?
Canoodling?! Talk about getting those peepers checked hal, do us a favor and go get a tune up.
:33 < That is unfurtunately out of my jurisdiction... I have not spotted him in the act... :33 < Yet
Kids these days with their "backrooms" whatever happened to being in a NORMAL ROOM with TRAPS? Like if you agree!
yeah but what if instead ꙮf a nꙮrmal rꙮꙮm it was a really really really big rꙮꙮm - The Mystical Potion Seller Guy Man
Oh how i miss galavanting around the island. Houston isnt as much fun save for their nightlife and even then, what a riot in the worst way a riot could be.
Sounds like someone could use an adventure.
Is this your way of asking me out, how classy Jake, but I'm to busy dealing with shit and not in the adventuring mood.
Oh blar you are no fun, but not to worry because i can ask jane! She will go with me, detective she is.
Wow, using the Jane card to make me feel a twinge of jealousy? Come on Jake don't take it so personal trust me, I would adore spens some time with my best bro in the world and shoot the shit, but I'll be honest I don't like going out that much and I still gotta do some fine tuning on brobot 2.0 .
Spending* Fuck apologies for the grammatically incorrections, still a bit groggy.
Seeing as the hashtag #tiemeuptuesday is trending i shall spin you a yarn about one of my more recent adventures because i think it fits the bill quite well! I was deep in the rainforest which certainly is typical for the likes of me and i was just about to happen upon a wild beastie three times my size when KABLAMO, something whipped twixt my ankles and hauled me onto my keester and then right up into a tree. I was swinging there like a prize pheasant after the hunt ill say and it was both a good and bad thing i was by myself because for one i was less embarrassed by the fact that no one was there to see me, but then the reality set in that well. No one was there to see me. Turns out it was a wily sentient vine that constricted around my calf like a gosh darn snake and i had to whack at it until it felt like letting me go! I still have a rug burn on my leg from the damage but i wear it as a badge of honor. Take THAT you friggin vine.
Bummer.
You are one nasty piece of work did you know that?? And tell your maker he can watch it on tubi.
Dope, thanks. Wet version now available on #PlushRump (AI enhanced).
Too late. I turned your oil stat up to 100 like this shit's WWE 2K19.
Are you having fun playing around with my artificial intelligence avatar at least? Harumph.
The things I've done to that virtual ass would get me put on a list. TL;DR Yes.
Lol. Lmao, even. You think I spun up that livescan today? Nah, bro. He's been chilling in Blender since you were 23. Sometimes I let him out to hunt him across the Nightreign map.
My second stop on my very illustrious book tour brings me to lair of the cyclops and WOW what a friggin lair it has been so far, more like a labyrinth of total awesomeness i say. I am so glad i taught myself to read so that i can enjoy this quote 2 million year old mystery as it touts itself as on the back cover. If anyone has their mitts on crown of the serpent PLEASE do send it my way because this is a crack up. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/54d4a260f78c.jpeg
ATTENTION WORTHLESS CINEMANIACS. I HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO PULL THE TRIGGER ON MY SANITY, AND SO I PRESENT TO YOU: THE ABCC FILM ANALYSIS CLUB. AN OFFSHOOT FROM OUR MOVIE NIGHTS AND #WATCHPARTY, THE #ABCC #ABCCGMT IS HOSTING A FORUM TO YAP ABOUT YOUR BULLSHIT FILM BRO TAKES. I REALIZE THIS IS A BIG TRUST EXERCISE FOR BOTH ME AND @CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST , SO DON’T FUCKING FUCK THIS UP AND RUIN IT FOR YOURSELVES. BE RESPECTFUL, GOD DAMMIT. I DON’T WANT TO READ ABOUT ANY OF YOU SCREWING UP A CHANCE TO BE POLITE MOTHERFUCKERS AND SHARE THE WORLD OF CINEMA WITH YOUR FELLOW TROLL AND/OR MAN. ANYWAY. DROP IN ANY TIME, DIP OUT ANY TIME. IT’S AN ONGOING GROUP CHAT DISCUSSION, AND I’LL SET TOPICS EVERY NOW AND THEN WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES. #GETIN. HTTPS://MSPARP.CHAT/ABCCFILMCLUB
:33 < Meow this one is a doozy!! Coming all the way furom Earth if you would believe it!! :33 < I have nefur covered a story furom Earth befur!! So this is sooo exciting fur me!!! :33 < Let's get into it!! Rumeowr has it that a certain purrivate broadcast star has b33n left in the dust by his Daytime Television star crossed lofur!! Talk about mixed signals! :33 < The pair has not b33n s33n in public since the star was spotted hiking with his notable ex-girlfuriend. (that's the human word fur matespurrit fur those at home!) :33 < Now to s33 the English Beaux in the wild is sort of like s33ing a fish in the sea. That is to say, he is right at home in the wild! :33 < So, it is right to speculate if the pair of ex lovers is off rolling around on the furest floor or not. :33 < One can only wonder how the adult star f33ls in this situation, as rumeowr has it he k33ps his lover on a very long leash! It is impurressive how he still finds ways to tug and pull! #BlindItem #NakedAndAfuraid #StarCrossedLovers #OnlyFangs #RelationshipDrama #Gossip #Infidelity #CheatingScandal #Drama #Plushrump #JakedAndAfuraid #SubmittedStory #YouAndMeBabyAintNothingButMammalsSoLetsDoItLikeTheyDoOnThe #DiscoveryChannel
:33 < OMG!! h33h33h33.... :33 < Noted...
:33 < What was the number befur?
I suggest you wind your pixelated skinny little neck in strider.
:33 < what was it befur?? :33 < I'm a curious kitty!
I'm being informed by my legal team that I shouldn't answer this.
Your curiosity is unfortunately going to be squashed little missy.
;33 < Ohh.... I s33 you...
:33 < SQUASHED??
:33 < WHAT DO YOU MEAN SQUASHED??
I stayed up all night watching judge judy or as it is now known judy justice and i have to say i am a mite knackered.
I just discovered that judge judy has a revamp show with a whole arsenal of episodes per season. Chris Kringle has come early by jove and he comes bearing gifts of justice for petty fraud.
Wow, sounds real exciting.
It is!!! What mystery and allure our illustrious judy brings to the stand.
God you are such a dork, it's refreshing, never change Jake.
BEFORE YOU ASK: NO, I DIDN’T FALL IN. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/EBAEDEB61489.JPEG
A UH. A SOMEONE GOT THEM FOR ME AS A GIFT.
awwww cute !! !! also no what the fuck why would I push you off the cliff
YOU SEEM LIKE THE TYPE.
you hate me and want me dead
FUCKING NAILED IT, FINALLY YOU GET THE HINT. THAT IS A JOKE. I AM JOKING. HAR HAR.
WOOOOOOW...SO MEANIES TO MEEEEEEEEE
YEAH, CRY ABOUT IT!
don't make me chitt a8out you again !! !!
DO IT I DARE YOU. IT JUST GIVES ME MORE REACH. BESIDES, YOU HAVE NOTHING ON ME THAT ISN’T THE OBJECTIVE TRUTH.
:)
Should i download a text to speech helper tool on my phone that reads not_a_virus_that_will_blow_up_your_shit_.win.rar? Vote below.
Well okie dokie mister presidente we shall see what happens when i click this nice beautiful neat folder in my files download.
Oh come on bro answer like a man! What is this noncommittal higgledypiggledy.
What a straightforward and to the point answer brochacho I have to respect the hustle and also the bustle. I will download it shortly and let everyone know the outcome as i am sure i will maintain communication on my cellular and it will NOT impact anything whatsoever.
It was sarcasm bro, of course you shouldn't download the world's most obvious virus known to man, seriously Jake be a bit more smarter.
What, can't Hal have a bit of whimsy and just do some harmless pranks, besides I don't got time to get into it with you english, I'm at a cookout.
Fine! Then YOU mister cooking out are going to have to answer when i inevitably download this alleged virus dot win dot rar and my shite blows to smithereens.
Or now, this might sound a little crazy but, you don't download worlds most obvious virus, stop being a dumbass and maybe just maybe join me at the cookout I'm at, rose is there along with a few others, you might enjoy it.
What kind of brave adventurer would i be if i turned that down? A pretty shite one to be honest.
I suppose so, but you would be a smart adventure not downloading the virus, but hey if you wanna blow up your skull top be my guest, English.
I think i have a touch of dyslexia but this is what autocorrect is for. Does not however apply to reading so called analog media such as INTERSTELLAR PIG. Hm.
If only there was some sort of helpful digital tool that could convert the text you are presently squinting at to speech. #DownloadMyVirus.
I dunno about that whole rigmarole mate maybe i should just go back and take more speech lessons or something like that.
Besides you claim it to be a virus as you have so well coined just now right here!
Bro has an Alexa and a Gmail account and he’s concerned about tech privacy. Pause for studio audience laughter.