Jake English
@galeatedTerramorph
It is a right shame i only have so many characters to address myself here. There arent enough words in the encyclopedia to demonstrate my love for cinematics, or adventure, or taking a good tumble wi
Bollocks i can’t seem to summarize myself down enough for my bio. Oh well! It will have to stay like that.
Kids these days with their "backrooms" whatever happened to being in a NORMAL ROOM with TRAPS? Like if you agree!
yeah but what if instead ꙮf a nꙮrmal rꙮꙮm it was a really really really big rꙮꙮm - The Mystical Potion Seller Guy Man
Oh how i miss galavanting around the island. Houston isnt as much fun save for their nightlife and even then, what a riot in the worst way a riot could be.
Sounds like someone could use an adventure.
Is this your way of asking me out, how classy Jake, but I'm to busy dealing with shit and not in the adventuring mood.
Oh blar you are no fun, but not to worry because i can ask jane! She will go with me, detective she is.
Wow, using the Jane card to make me feel a twinge of jealousy? Come on Jake don't take it so personal trust me, I would adore spens some time with my best bro in the world and shoot the shit, but I'll be honest I don't like going out that much and I still gotta do some fine tuning on brobot 2.0 .
Spending* Fuck apologies for the grammatically incorrections, still a bit groggy.
Seeing as the hashtag #tiemeuptuesday is trending i shall spin you a yarn about one of my more recent adventures because i think it fits the bill quite well! I was deep in the rainforest which certainly is typical for the likes of me and i was just about to happen upon a wild beastie three times my size when KABLAMO, something whipped twixt my ankles and hauled me onto my keester and then right up into a tree. I was swinging there like a prize pheasant after the hunt ill say and it was both a good and bad thing i was by myself because for one i was less embarrassed by the fact that no one was there to see me, but then the reality set in that well. No one was there to see me. Turns out it was a wily sentient vine that constricted around my calf like a gosh darn snake and i had to whack at it until it felt like letting me go! I still have a rug burn on my leg from the damage but i wear it as a badge of honor. Take THAT you friggin vine.
Bummer.
You are one nasty piece of work did you know that?? And tell your maker he can watch it on tubi.
Dope, thanks. Wet version now available on #PlushRump (AI enhanced).
Too late. I turned your oil stat up to 100 like this shit's WWE 2K19.
Are you having fun playing around with my artificial intelligence avatar at least? Harumph.
The things I've done to that virtual ass would get me put on a list. TL;DR Yes.
Lol. Lmao, even. You think I spun up that livescan today? Nah, bro. He's been chilling in Blender since you were 23. Sometimes I let him out to hunt him across the Nightreign map.
My second stop on my very illustrious book tour brings me to lair of the cyclops and WOW what a friggin lair it has been so far, more like a labyrinth of total awesomeness i say. I am so glad i taught myself to read so that i can enjoy this quote 2 million year old mystery as it touts itself as on the back cover. If anyone has their mitts on crown of the serpent PLEASE do send it my way because this is a crack up. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/54d4a260f78c.jpeg
ATTENTION WORTHLESS CINEMANIACS. I HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO PULL THE TRIGGER ON MY SANITY, AND SO I PRESENT TO YOU: THE ABCC FILM ANALYSIS CLUB. AN OFFSHOOT FROM OUR MOVIE NIGHTS AND #WATCHPARTY, THE #ABCC #ABCCGMT IS HOSTING A FORUM TO YAP ABOUT YOUR BULLSHIT FILM BRO TAKES. I REALIZE THIS IS A BIG TRUST EXERCISE FOR BOTH ME AND @CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST , SO DON’T FUCKING FUCK THIS UP AND RUIN IT FOR YOURSELVES. BE RESPECTFUL, GOD DAMMIT. I DON’T WANT TO READ ABOUT ANY OF YOU SCREWING UP A CHANCE TO BE POLITE MOTHERFUCKERS AND SHARE THE WORLD OF CINEMA WITH YOUR FELLOW TROLL AND/OR MAN. ANYWAY. DROP IN ANY TIME, DIP OUT ANY TIME. IT’S AN ONGOING GROUP CHAT DISCUSSION, AND I’LL SET TOPICS EVERY NOW AND THEN WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES. #GETIN. HTTPS://MSPARP.CHAT/ABCCFILMCLUB
:33 < Meow this one is a doozy!! Coming all the way furom Earth if you would believe it!! :33 < I have nefur covered a story furom Earth befur!! So this is sooo exciting fur me!!! :33 < Let's get into it!! Rumeowr has it that a certain purrivate broadcast star has b33n left in the dust by his Daytime Television star crossed lofur!! Talk about mixed signals! :33 < The pair has not b33n s33n in public since the star was spotted hiking with his notable ex-girlfuriend. (that's the human word fur matespurrit fur those at home!) :33 < Now to s33 the English Beaux in the wild is sort of like s33ing a fish in the sea. That is to say, he is right at home in the wild! :33 < So, it is right to speculate if the pair of ex lovers is off rolling around on the furest floor or not. :33 < One can only wonder how the adult star f33ls in this situation, as rumeowr has it he k33ps his lover on a very long leash! It is impurressive how he still finds ways to tug and pull! #BlindItem #NakedAndAfuraid #StarCrossedLovers #OnlyFangs #RelationshipDrama #Gossip #Infidelity #CheatingScandal #Drama #Plushrump #JakedAndAfuraid #SubmittedStory #YouAndMeBabyAintNothingButMammalsSoLetsDoItLikeTheyDoOnThe #DiscoveryChannel
:33 < OMG!! h33h33h33.... :33 < Noted...
:33 < What was the number befur?
I suggest you wind your pixelated skinny little neck in strider.
:33 < what was it befur?? :33 < I'm a curious kitty!
I'm being informed by my legal team that I shouldn't answer this.
Your curiosity is unfortunately going to be squashed little missy.
;33 < Ohh.... I s33 you...
:33 < SQUASHED??
:33 < WHAT DO YOU MEAN SQUASHED??
I stayed up all night watching judge judy or as it is now known judy justice and i have to say i am a mite knackered.
I just discovered that judge judy has a revamp show with a whole arsenal of episodes per season. Chris Kringle has come early by jove and he comes bearing gifts of justice for petty fraud.
Wow, sounds real exciting.
It is!!! What mystery and allure our illustrious judy brings to the stand.
God you are such a dork, it's refreshing, never change Jake.
BEFORE YOU ASK: NO, I DIDN’T FALL IN. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/EBAEDEB61489.JPEG
A UH. A SOMEONE GOT THEM FOR ME AS A GIFT.
awwww cute !! !! also no what the fuck why would I push you off the cliff
YOU SEEM LIKE THE TYPE.
you hate me and want me dead
FUCKING NAILED IT, FINALLY YOU GET THE HINT. THAT IS A JOKE. I AM JOKING. HAR HAR.
WOOOOOOW...SO MEANIES TO MEEEEEEEEE
YEAH, CRY ABOUT IT!
don't make me chitt a8out you again !! !!
DO IT I DARE YOU. IT JUST GIVES ME MORE REACH. BESIDES, YOU HAVE NOTHING ON ME THAT ISN’T THE OBJECTIVE TRUTH.
:)
Should i download a text to speech helper tool on my phone that reads not_a_virus_that_will_blow_up_your_shit_.win.rar? Vote below.
Well okie dokie mister presidente we shall see what happens when i click this nice beautiful neat folder in my files download.
Oh come on bro answer like a man! What is this noncommittal higgledypiggledy.
What a straightforward and to the point answer brochacho I have to respect the hustle and also the bustle. I will download it shortly and let everyone know the outcome as i am sure i will maintain communication on my cellular and it will NOT impact anything whatsoever.
It was sarcasm bro, of course you shouldn't download the world's most obvious virus known to man, seriously Jake be a bit more smarter.
What, can't Hal have a bit of whimsy and just do some harmless pranks, besides I don't got time to get into it with you english, I'm at a cookout.
Fine! Then YOU mister cooking out are going to have to answer when i inevitably download this alleged virus dot win dot rar and my shite blows to smithereens.
Or now, this might sound a little crazy but, you don't download worlds most obvious virus, stop being a dumbass and maybe just maybe join me at the cookout I'm at, rose is there along with a few others, you might enjoy it.
What kind of brave adventurer would i be if i turned that down? A pretty shite one to be honest.
I suppose so, but you would be a smart adventure not downloading the virus, but hey if you wanna blow up your skull top be my guest, English.
I think i have a touch of dyslexia but this is what autocorrect is for. Does not however apply to reading so called analog media such as INTERSTELLAR PIG. Hm.
If only there was some sort of helpful digital tool that could convert the text you are presently squinting at to speech. #DownloadMyVirus.
I dunno about that whole rigmarole mate maybe i should just go back and take more speech lessons or something like that.
Besides you claim it to be a virus as you have so well coined just now right here!
Bro has an Alexa and a Gmail account and he’s concerned about tech privacy. Pause for studio audience laughter.
My visit to the first stop on my bookstore tour was a resounding success! You may be asking yourself jake what are you doing in a half-empty bookstore in the middle of bloody nowhere and to that i say you will not find a better selection than the shite found in here!! I have been searching high and low for the almighty INTERSTELLAR PIG novella and i am proud to say i have my mitts on it! There truly is no better feeling of diving into a good ol sci fi, except for watching a flick of course, which, hm. Is there an interstellar pig film? Now THAT would be a riot. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/bb8f39773845.jpeg
Did you take this picture on an irradiated camera.
What’s that camera got, fifteen percent of a megapixel? #Sad.
Congratulations on learning to read, BTW. It’s never too late.
Hold your digital pixelated tongue mister!!! I have known how to read for over five years now and i am just as good as anyone else. I dont even use text to speech anymore either, cheeky.
It is taken off of my motorola razor which is a perfectly fine piece of equipment.
Your poor, beleaguered phone no doubt breathed a sigh of relief when you sprayed spittle across its screen for the final time.
Citation needed. #CanItRunHAL.
Would you like to use its empty husk for anything in particular? Or your maker, perhaps, would find use in it? I think the jungle green would make a great accent for a robots peepers if i do say so myself.
Nice try. Hard no.
Bollocks i can’t seem to summarize myself down enough for my bio. Oh well! It will have to stay like that.
hi jake!!!!!!!
Hello there! I almost said lass but maybe that is being a bit presumptuous.
not at all, love, i'm qUite the same as i was. it's me, callie! and, to spare yoU the shock... yes, i'm very dead. bUt i'm not so alone anymore...!
er, not *becaUse* i'm dead, bUt in spite of it.
Oh dear callie i THOUGHT that was you, i did think for a moment oh pish posh that can’t be the same sweet gal i know but it is!!!!! What a pleasant surprise. Wait you are dead? Egads what happened to you?
my brother, a dersite assassin, and naivete. he's also why i have to be so alone. if he finds me in the dreambUbbles, he will obliterate me completely. i've been hiding from him, and from all the ghosts searching for me.
Well you are a madwoman for being able to chit from your secret position as it were, i commend you.
frankly, i don't even Understand it. it simply showed Up on the compUter i'd dreamt Up to draw with. not looking this gift horse in the moUth, thoUgh!