Kanaya Maryam
@grimAuxiliatrix
Head Matriach / 12 Sweeps / Single I Guess But Its Not Even A Big Deal
Another Quiche Kanaya Have We Truly Given Up On Ourselves
Kanaya, don't be mean to the other Kanayas.
Dont Mind Me Im Simply Airing Out My Own Self Admonishments For The World To See
Actually I Dont Think We Should Be Speaking This Is All Quite Too Soon For Me Goodbye Rose
[There is a link to a GrubTube video from the official New New Skaia Community College channel. Most of the videos on it are from some sort of media club, but there are more official looking ones as well. The video shows Tavros wearing a graduation cap, a gown, and a mixed expression. She keeps glancing towards the front of the audience, at a handful of empty seats. She walks to a podium, struggles a bit with the microphone, then delivers a valedictorian speech. Her voice is cracking and her tone wavering, but she has the audience eating out of the palm of her hand. They laugh at nonsense non-sequitors that sound like inside jokes, they cheer when she congratulates them all, they fall silent when she laments that Mr. Abernathy wasn't able to make it. She even gets an applause that's only half-begrudging when she compliments the vegan catering done by some reality show. Some way, somehow, tavros has the aura of someone popular. Liked. Respected. And yet, she keeps glancing towards those chairs. Eventually she bows out, throws up her cap, and makes her way off-stage just in time for the cameras to only barelt catch her mascara starting to run.] wELL, tHERE IT IS, fOUR HUMAN YEARS AND,,, iT'S OVER, i AM A BACHELORETTE OF, bIOLOGY,,, i'VE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO THE, sKAIAN uNIVERSITY OF lIFE FOR THE VETERINARY TRACK SO,,, jUST TIME TO WAIT FOR THAT, aHAHA,,, tHANKS @TIMAEUStESTIFIED FOR SHOWING UP, tHAT WAS A SURPRISE SINCE, wELL i GUESS i SHOULD HAVE SENT YOU AN INVITE, i JUST DIDN'T THINK YOU, aCCEPTED ME AS BASICALLY, tHE 8TH ALPHA KID BUT,,, iT MEANT A LOT THAT, sOMEONE SHOWED, aHA, hA,,, tHIS WAS, a REALLY BIG MOMENT FOR ME, AND,,, i REALLY WANTED TO SHARE IN THAT JOY, wITH MY FRIENDS AND, eXPERIENCE PEOPLE BEING PROUD, oF ME AND COMING OUT, fOR ME, yOU KNOW, mAKING TIME FOR, tAVROS BUT, pEOPLE ARE BUSY, i GET IT, sO IT'S WHATEVER, bUT UMM, i SHOULDN'T BE WHINING, cONGRATS TO ALL MY FELLOW GRADS AND, tHANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, mR. aBERNATHY, i WISH YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE, i'M GOING HIVE, HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/FC2BD92E027F.JPG
I Wish I Possessed The Particular String Of Words To Properly Convey Just How Proud Of You I Am But For Once Im Not Certain That The Correct Words Exist So I Do Hope That When I Say That Im So Very Very Proud Of You That It Will Suffice Congratulations Tavros
LET ME SET THE SCENE HERE. I'M SAT IN MY RESPITE BLOCK AT PRESENT, THE ONLY THING I HAVE OPEN ON MY COMPUTER IS CHITTR. IT'S A TEMPERATE MAY DAY IN THE TROLL KINGDOM AND THE RAIN IS COMING DOWN OUTSIDE PRETTY HEAVILY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I HAVE THE WINDOW OPEN A CRACK TO HEAR IT FALL. THE SYNCOPATED PITTER PATTER ON THE OUTSIDE WINDOW DANCING IN CONCERT WITH THE SOUND OF MY TOUCH STUBS GLIDING ACROSS MY MECHANICAL KEYBOARD. BACK ON ALTERNIA, YOU DID *NOT* WANT YOUR WINDOW OPEN DURING THE RAIN. THAT SHIT WAS PURE ACID, AND THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HIVE WAS BUILT TO WITHSTAND IT, BUT THE INSIDE SURE WASN'T AND NEITHER WAS YOUR SKIN. FOR SOME TIME, EVEN THOUGH ITS SAFE TO TOUCH THE RAINWATER ON EARTH-C, I REFUSED TO OPEN MY WINDOW. TODAY THAT CHANGED. DO YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS? BECAUSE TODAY IS A DAY OF FIRSTS. UPON REFLECTION, I SUPPOSE THIS IS MY FIRST 'SPONSORED POST'. A BENEFACTOR WHO WILL REMAIN ANONYMOUS GAVE ME A GIFT CARD TO A PIZZA PLACE CALLED GIORDANO'S. THERE WAS ENOUGH ON THIS CARD FOR A MEAL FOR TWO AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE, I *WILL* BE GOING BACK. I HATE EVERYTHING THAT THIS PIZZA TRIP HAS MADE ME BECOME. THE KARKAT THAT YOU KNEW YESTERDAY IS A DEAD MAN. HE'S BEEN LEFT IN THE PAST, MERELY AN ERRANT SPECTER HAUNTING YOUR MEMORY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY, TRULY FUCKING SORRY. I REALLY, REALLY LIKE EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. EXCEPT...I'M NOT SORRY, ACTUALLY. HAD YOU FOR A MOMENT, DIDN'T I? IF THERE IS ONE THING KARKAT VANTAS IS- IT'S UNREPENTANT IN HIS FOOD OPINIONS. DID YOU REALLY THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT I WOULD GROVEL AT YOUR FEET? BESEECH YOUR TEMPLE FOR APOLOGY? THROW MYSELF AT THE MERCY OF THE EXTREMELY FAKE CLOWN GODS ABOVE FOR DARING TO THINK THAT THIS PIZZA *FUCKS SEVERELY*? YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING WRONG. WELCOME TO KARKAT'S PIZZA REVIEWS. THERE IS NO GOD HERE BUT ME. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR TITHES IN THE TIP JAR AND KISS MY FINALLY BEJEWELED RING YOU ME DAMNED HEATHEN. NORMALLY WHEN I TRY OUT A NEW PIZZA PLACE, I GO FOR THE BASICS. NOT THIS TIME. AS THIS WAS A SPONSORED VISIT, I TOOK INSTRUCTION ON WHAT PIZZA TO GET- ANY VARIETY OF THEIR EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. I SEE NOW WHY SOME HUMANS CALL THIS SHIT A 'PIZZA PIE' BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THAT THING HAD A *CRUST*. IT WAS LIKE EXCAVATING IN A MINE OF SAUCE AND MOLTEN HOT CHEESE. I'LL ADMIT. I WAS VERY HESITANT GOING INTO THIS. SAUCE? ON TOP OF THE PIZZA? HOW NOVEL! HOW STRANGE! I'D HEARD OF SUCH A CONCOCTION, SUCH A WEIRD FUCKING MEAL BEFORE AND I'D SORT OF WRITTEN IT OFF ENTIRELY. HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY APPEAL TO THE PALATE OF ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING THINKPAN AND THE FULL POSSESSION OF ONE'S NATURAL FLAVOR BUMPS. I WAS A FUCKING FOOL. A FRAUD, EVEN. I'M A MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN NOW. A BETTER MAN. THAT. SHIT. FUCKED. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST 10/10 REVIEW. THIS BASIC ASS, BEAUTIFULLY SIMPLISTIC CHEESE AND SAUCE DEEP DISH FLAVOR DISC WILL BE MY SWAN SONG. YOU CAN PLAY ME OUT NOW. I CAN DIE HAPPY. LET'S REVIEW WHAT'S GOOD. EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I JUST SAID? THIS IS UNASSAILABLE! YOU CANNOT HOPE TO ATTAIN THE BENEVOLENT PEAKS THAT THIS FLAVOR DISC PROVIDES, YOU HAPLESS DEGENERATE. YOU SPEND HOURS EVERY DAY GOONING ON CHITTR.ING WHEN THERE'S A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF EXPERIENCES WAITING FOR YOU OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR IF YOU JUST SEEK TO ATTAIN THEM,. THE CRUST FOUGHT ME. IT WAS A BRIEF STRUGGLE TO BITE INTO BEFORE ITS CRISPY DENSENESS YIELDED TO THE SUPERIOR MIGHT OF MY FANGS, LIKE A LOVER JUST A TOUCH TOO SHY TO GIVE IN RIGHT AWAY. THE SAUCE SETTLED ON TOP, A TEASING OCEAN OF TOMATO AND PESTO. SHE STARED AT ME IN OUR TWIN COLOR, EYES ALLURING AND INSPIRING A GROWL FROM ME. IT WAS FERAL. I'M NOT PROUD OF THE WAY I TOOK HER. THE WAY I CLAMPED MY CLAWS AROUND HER AND TORE INTO HER SUPPLE FLESH. ...WHAT? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS #SUGGESTIVE? I'M DESCRIBING BITING INTO A SLICE OF PIZZA YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. THE CHEESE WAS THICK. HAVING BEEN BAKED INTO THE BASED LAYER OF THE PIZZA MEANT THAT SHIT WAS LIKE A LAVA EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH. THERE WAS SO MUCH OF IT I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE. IT SCORNED ME AT FIRST, BURNED THE SHIT OUT OF MY CHIN, BUT ENTICED ME WITH HER FLAVOR. SO I PUT IT DOWN AND TOOK A HUGE GLUG OF COKE (WITH ICE) AND THANK YOU TO THE GIORDANO'S STAFF FOR THEIR SWIFT RESPONSE BECAUSE ANY LONGER AND I MIGHT HAVE SCREAMED A LOT AND MADE EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT LOOK AT ME FUNNY AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE ME NOT WANT TO POST THIS AT ALL. THE FLAVOR PROFILE WAS IMMACULATE. EVERY FLAVOR BLENDED INTO EACH OTHER SO PERFECTLY BUT STILL KEPT THEMSELVES CHASTELY DISTINCT, EACH SHOWING ME WHAT THEY HAD GOING FOR THEM INDIVIDUALLY AS WELL AS A COLLECTIVE. THEY WERE LIKE MY THREE GIRLFRIENDS. AND YES THEY SMOKED WEED. TO PUT INTO THE SIMPLEST WORDS POSSIBLE. I AM A CHANGED MAN. I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN WHO WALKED INTO THAT PIZZA PLACE. THAT SHIT WAS ALSO WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME TO EAT IN ONE SITTING SO I STILL HAVE A FEW SLICES LEFT THAT I TOOK HOME AND SHOVED IN THE FRIDGE. VRISKA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS KEEP YOUR HANDSY THIEF PAWS OFF OF MY FUCKING PIZZA I MARKED IT WITH MY BLOOD AND PUNCHED IN TRIPLICATE THAT IT'S FUCKING *MINE*, OKAY? I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY I GOT YOU A BBQ MEATLOVERS IT'S IN THE FRIDGE ON THE BOTTOM SHELF, OKAY? I EVEN GOT YOU A 2L OF SPRITE. YOU *LOVE* SPRITE. IS THIS ENOUGH APPEASEMENT FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR LOUSY, NO GOOD CLAWS OFF OF MY FOOD? YES? GOOD. GLAD WE COULD COME TO AN AGREEMENT. FINAL VERDICT: 10/10. I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE IN LIFE. A NEW *PURPOSE.* THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE, GUYS. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GO OUT AND SEIZE IT. CARPE DICKEM OR WHATEVER. THANK YOU AND GOONNIGHT. I MEAN GOODNIGHT.
I Really Enjoyed Reading This As You Know A Happiness Shared Is A Happiness Doubled However The Frequency In Which Youve Been Posting These Reviews Makes Me Wonder When Youve Last Had A Hivecooked Meal Just To Express A Cursory Amount Of Concern For Your Digestive Tract
Doubtful But Alright Im Not Sure I Even Want To Imagine The Sheer Amount Of Sodium Youve Committed Yourself To Ingesting As Of Late Instead I Think I Should Bring You Over A Spiralized Zucchini Bake Later
Fell in another hole.
Thats Not Ideal
No, not it is not. Unfortunately I do fear it may 8e my lot for the continuation of this perigee, unless the trend for #Megidomay changes soon.
I Wish You Well Or At Very Least A Smaller Number Of Holes Around Your General Vicinity To Fall In
And No For The Record This Is Not Me Telegraphing Some Open Invitation To A Nebulous Empty Space In My Quarters Or At My Kitchen Table This Is Simply To Forgo All The Unnecessary Questions #YesImDivorced #WhoEvenCares
But If It Did That Would Be Certainly Sad Enough To Be Veritable "You" Problem
>([i got problems in a way scientists are compelled to study in a lab]
Okay What The Hell Sure Fine Ill Bite Tell Me More Of Your Entirely Believable Problems
>([i #ave a condition w#ere if i dont consume a certain amount of vintage media every wice t#en i enter a manic depressive state an start riggin deat# traps in my own #alls just to feel somet#in]
>([i literally looked like t#is t#ree nig#ts ago tryin 2 get to my basement] #ttps://pbs.twimg.com/media/FLYGrp0WQAMJ07x.jpg]
>([told u gurl i got a gauntlet a cruel an unusual deat# traps set up round t#e #ive for enric#ment]
Okay So Not To Pry But This Definitely Feels Like An Issue That Warrants Further Discussion So I Feel It Appropriate To Ask Why Death Traps And Are You Okay
Dinner Alone Isnt That A Novel Concept #JustDivorced
iF YoU'Re iN ThE MoOd fOr a lIl' BiT Of mOtHeR FuCkInG DiStRaCtInG To mAkE YoU FoRgEt tHe sEnTiMeNtAl nAsTiEs oF DiSsOlUtIoN AnD ShIt, ThErE'S AlWaYs a sUrE-TrIcK ThAt wOrKs fOr a bRoThEr. HaVe a bItE AnD PuT On a mOtHeR FuCkInG YoUtUbE ShOrT. :o)
Ah Yes I Understand Now The Soothing Balm Of One Single YouTube Short Will Fix Everything For Me Thank You
mY MoThEr fUcKiNg pLeAsUrE, k-bAbY. sHiT GoN' gEt yOu rIgHt. GlAd tO KnOw tHiS'Ll sEt yOu oN ThE PaTh tO AcCePtAnCe aNd sHiT. :o)
In Order To Preserve The Last Reserves Of My Dignity And Sanity For The Evening Ive Decided To Ignore The Fact That You For Some Reason Decided To Call Me "K-Baby"
lIl' TeRm oF EnDeArMeNt aIn't nEvEr dId nO ThAaAnG To nObOdY, mIsS Ma'aM. sHiIiIt. I MeAn. UnTiL It dId. BuT ThE PoInT'S AlL ThAt iT DoN'T GoTtA GeT *tO* tHe pOiNt wHeRe iT'S GoTtA Do hArM, iNnIt? I CaN TeLl yOu rEaLlY KeEpInG ThE ReSoLvE RuNnInG DeEp iN Yo pUsHeR, aNd tO ThAt, I SaY YoU Be tHrIvIn', mY MoSt mAtRoNlY Of mAmAcItAs. So i gEt iT. yOu uNdEr a lOtTa sTrEsSoRs. A BrOtHeR HeRe fOr yOu. ShIt lIkE DiGnItY AnD SaNiTy aIn't mUcH BuT ExCuSeS ThE ThInKmEaT ShUnTs uPoN YoU JuSt tO KeEp yOu aLl dOcIlE AnD ShIt. TaLk yO ShIt, GuRl. YoU DeSeRvE It. :o)
You Know As Much As I Do Appreciate It In A Sense Its Hard For Me To Truly See A World Where Youre Actually Willing To Be There For Me Given Everything Thats Happened Of Course
Please Stop Asking Me Questions Can You All Just Refer To The New Contents Of My Pinned Post Instead Thank You
cLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF, rAIN? cOULD USE A HIGH PRESSURE FRONT, tO PUSH IT ALL AWAY,
nO IT'S NOT, dON'T YOU HAVE YOUR PROJECTS AND PLANTS AND, oTHER THINGS? tHOUGH, iF IT'S QUIET, mAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A PETm
I Guess I Do Have My Work Still Though Im A Bit Uncertain About Adopting A Pet Im Not Even Sure About Which Kind Of Animal Id Even Want To Take A Custodial Bearing To
vISIT ME AT mR. aBERNATHY'S SHELTER SOMETIME, eVEN JUST TO TOUR OR VOLUNTEER, mAYBE YOUR PERFECT MATCH WILL FALL, rIGHT INTO YOUR LAP, sURROUNDED BY ALL THOSE RESCUES, eHE,
Ive Heard The Rumors Of Barkfiends That Allow You To Dress Them I Must Admit Im Quite Charmed By Those Tales