Kanaya Maryam
@grimAuxiliatrix
Head Matriach / 12 Sweeps / Single I Guess But Its Not Even A Big Deal
I Did Just See A Post With The Term "Cullmommy" In It So I Think That Would Be My Cue To Log Back Off Its Time I Got Back To My New Hobby Which Exclusively Consists Of Sitting Between These Attentive Human Lesbians That Are Usually About Twice As Married As I Am
D --> Does it get awkward
SORRY YOU WILL NEVER BE AS CULLMOMMY AS PORRIM. IF IT’S ANY CONSOLATION. YOU ARE A VERY CLOSE SECOND.
<-|--|~~ iS alliteration the Sole reaSon for thiS current trend in poSting. are we to expect a Sphere Saturday aS well. or Sunday.
Hm
kANAYA @GRIMaUXIL1ATRIX IS ACTUALLY, tHE FUNNIEST PERSON, i KNOW, i HOPE SHE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME, cRU1SING,
Its Truly Remarkable That I Still Somehow Have Reception Out Here For The Most Part Ive Just Been Pretending That I Dont
i THINK, tHAT IS WISE, gENERALLY SPEAKING THOUGH, fROM WHAT i'VE BEEN SEEING THE RECEPTION YOU HAVE BEEN GETTING, fROM YOUR FELLOW CRUISERS, iS QUITE A WARM ONE,
Probably Though I Think On That Note Maybe We Should Keep The Specifics Of Our Snapchat Correspondence As Vague As Possible
aM i ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT, wHAT i SENT IN RESPONSE TO YOU FOR, yOUR N1CE NEW FRIENDS WHEN, tHEY WERE ASKING ABOUT MY, pROGRESS AND, nEW MEASUREMENTS?
Yes But If Theres Any Sort Of Pre-Embarkation Progress Photo That Includes My Face Horns Or Any Other Dubiously Recognizable Part Of My Body In It Im Going To Have To Ask You To Crop It
i AM JUST SAYING, tHE RESPONSE TO, mANY OF THE PHOTOS i HAVE BEEN SHARING, wITH YOU HAS BEEN, qUITE POSITIVE AND, mY REACTION TO ANY, rEACTIONARY PHOTOS, sENT, hAS BEEN JUST AS IF NOT MORE, pOSITIVE, iT 1S NICE SEEING YOU WITH, a SMILE ON YOUR FACE, aMONG OTHER EXPRESSIONS,
Ha Ha Okay Well I Think You Should Probably Keep Your Ringer On Consider That My Forewarning For Any New Scrapbooking Materials You Might Receive Tonight
And To Be More Specific I Havent Seen A Single Swingset Since I Boarded This Boat So One Could Imagine My Confusion At All The Related Terminology Being Tossed Around
I Guess They Had A Swing In That One Room But Its Not Public Ship Infrastructure So That Hardly Counts
So Were Clear I Have In Fact Been "Cruising" Since The Remainder Of The Papers Were Finalized And Filed And I Understand That It Has Been A While Since Then But Between You And Me Im Still Not Sure Why These Overly Amiable Human Couples Are As Fond Of Pineapples As They Are
I think you missed #MaryamMoment earlier.
it is an untranslatable human concept.
perhaps they are simply a delicacy to be enjoyed upon the open seas or maybe they want to invoke a little bit of spongebobs whimsy either way i think it would be worthwhile to embrace the mood dont you?
That Was Intentional Im In A New Era Of Cultivating Fresh Mystique As A Recent Divorcee
I Mean You Probably Have A Point These Polyamorous Human Lesbians Have Been Nothing But Generous With Their Time Among Other Things
Okay
HI MAMA .N
I would like to address something regarding my fellow sapphics. There is a particular kind of individual who encounters lesbian culture only through a series of poorly photocopied warnings left under their windshield wiper. It is always a special little miracle when a gay man discovers lesbian culture the way a Victorian physician discovers a woman with opinions. Clipboard out. Brow furrowed. Suddenly very concerned about hysteria. Somehow, he has acquired a remarkably heteronormative view of a nuanced queer topic. Because, of course, when straight men say lesbians are dramatic, predatory, sexless, angry, unfeminine, cliquish, or fundamentally broken, we recognize the sound. It is boring. It is ancestral. It smells faintly of mildew and fatherhood. But when a gay man says it, he often expects the critique to arrive pre-washed. He, too, has been harmed by heteronormativity. He cannot possibly be speaking in its ancient and cruel tongues. He is merely trying to help. Unfortunately, Dirk, not only do you speak in its accent, you have mastered the dialect. How generous. Dirk’s little #lesbianlifehack series is interesting because it occasionally wanders within spitting distance of a real point, then immediately wraps that point in such a thick, glistening membrane of contempt that one is forced to ask whether the lesson is “lesbians should have healthier relationships” or “Dirk should not be allowed near women unless supervised by a committee of exhausted school counselors.” Let us begin with the emotionally unavailable woman. Yes. Congratulations. Some people are terrible to date. Some people are dangerous to date. Avoidant, self-destructive, addicted, cruel, radioactive. It is perfectly fair to say, “Do not romanticize someone who will harm you and call it love.” Bravo. It becomes less fair when the description turns into a fetishized wanted poster of a tall, handsome, substance-adjacent, vaguely masc woman who “would be a real stunner if she would man up and start T already.” Textbook gender resentment wearing a little paper hat that says “concern.” You are not helping lesbians by implying every troubled masculine woman is a proto-man who has failed to complete the customer survey. You are not protecting women by teaching them to read masculinity, addiction, and emotional unavailability as one big predatory silhouette. You are not critiquing harm. You are eroticizing the hazard sign, then blaming lesbians for looking at it. Yes. Do not build your nest in the ribcage of a woman who cannot hold you without making it feel like a hostage negotiation. Do not convince yourself that her distance is mystique. Do not confuse addiction, avoidance, cultivated indifference, or unresolved trauma with hidden tenderness that only you are clever and beautiful enough to excavate. That is useful advice. Unfortunately, Dirk cannot simply deliver useful advice. His advice is studded with little barbs slid between the ribs of each sentence. He cannot resist treating gender nonconformity as diagnostic material. Nor can he resist a cisgendered narrative. How quaint. How refreshing. The wounded seductress who eats girls alive because she is empty inside. That woman exists. She is also not a species. The problem is not that lesbians are drawn to masculine women. Or complicated women. Or traumatized women. Or women with nicotine habits, hard faces, and poor coping mechanisms. The problem is romanticizing unavailability. The problem is treating damage as proof of depth. The problem is deciding that if someone cannot love you well, the failure must mean the love is profound. Dirk found the correct door. However. He kicked it open with a boot full of misogyny confetti. So yes. Hit the bricks when someone shows you she cannot give back what you put in. But do not mistake every haunted woman for a trap. Do not mistake every masc woman for a threat. Do not mistake every hard-edged lesbian for a spider. And do not let a gay man with a clipboard convince you that his contempt counts as field research. Quite literally everything he has said about lesbians can be flipped on virtually any orientation. The outright targeting of women, sapphics, lesbians, femineity, feminine adjacent individuals, brought in under this microscopic lens is not unlike the wretched magnifying glass burning our little ant hill. A tool for research being used as a weapon again. I will continue these rants shortly.
This Really Is A Far More Nuanced Take
Another Quiche Kanaya Have We Truly Given Up On Ourselves
Kanaya, don't be mean to the other Kanayas.
Dont Mind Me Im Simply Airing Out My Own Self Admonishments For The World To See
Actually I Dont Think We Should Be Speaking This Is All Quite Too Soon For Me Goodbye Rose
[There is a link to a GrubTube video from the official New New Skaia Community College channel. Most of the videos on it are from some sort of media club, but there are more official looking ones as well. The video shows Tavros wearing a graduation cap, a gown, and a mixed expression. She keeps glancing towards the front of the audience, at a handful of empty seats. She walks to a podium, struggles a bit with the microphone, then delivers a valedictorian speech. Her voice is cracking and her tone wavering, but she has the audience eating out of the palm of her hand. They laugh at nonsense non-sequitors that sound like inside jokes, they cheer when she congratulates them all, they fall silent when she laments that Mr. Abernathy wasn't able to make it. She even gets an applause that's only half-begrudging when she compliments the vegan catering done by some reality show. Some way, somehow, tavros has the aura of someone popular. Liked. Respected. And yet, she keeps glancing towards those chairs. Eventually she bows out, throws up her cap, and makes her way off-stage just in time for the cameras to only barelt catch her mascara starting to run.] wELL, tHERE IT IS, fOUR HUMAN YEARS AND,,, iT'S OVER, i AM A BACHELORETTE OF, bIOLOGY,,, i'VE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO THE, sKAIAN uNIVERSITY OF lIFE FOR THE VETERINARY TRACK SO,,, jUST TIME TO WAIT FOR THAT, aHAHA,,, tHANKS @TIMAEUStESTIFIED FOR SHOWING UP, tHAT WAS A SURPRISE SINCE, wELL i GUESS i SHOULD HAVE SENT YOU AN INVITE, i JUST DIDN'T THINK YOU, aCCEPTED ME AS BASICALLY, tHE 8TH ALPHA KID BUT,,, iT MEANT A LOT THAT, sOMEONE SHOWED, aHA, hA,,, tHIS WAS, a REALLY BIG MOMENT FOR ME, AND,,, i REALLY WANTED TO SHARE IN THAT JOY, wITH MY FRIENDS AND, eXPERIENCE PEOPLE BEING PROUD, oF ME AND COMING OUT, fOR ME, yOU KNOW, mAKING TIME FOR, tAVROS BUT, pEOPLE ARE BUSY, i GET IT, sO IT'S WHATEVER, bUT UMM, i SHOULDN'T BE WHINING, cONGRATS TO ALL MY FELLOW GRADS AND, tHANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, mR. aBERNATHY, i WISH YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE, i'M GOING HIVE, HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/FC2BD92E027F.JPG
I Wish I Possessed The Particular String Of Words To Properly Convey Just How Proud Of You I Am But For Once Im Not Certain That The Correct Words Exist So I Do Hope That When I Say That Im So Very Very Proud Of You That It Will Suffice Congratulations Tavros
LET ME SET THE SCENE HERE. I'M SAT IN MY RESPITE BLOCK AT PRESENT, THE ONLY THING I HAVE OPEN ON MY COMPUTER IS CHITTR. IT'S A TEMPERATE MAY DAY IN THE TROLL KINGDOM AND THE RAIN IS COMING DOWN OUTSIDE PRETTY HEAVILY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I HAVE THE WINDOW OPEN A CRACK TO HEAR IT FALL. THE SYNCOPATED PITTER PATTER ON THE OUTSIDE WINDOW DANCING IN CONCERT WITH THE SOUND OF MY TOUCH STUBS GLIDING ACROSS MY MECHANICAL KEYBOARD. BACK ON ALTERNIA, YOU DID *NOT* WANT YOUR WINDOW OPEN DURING THE RAIN. THAT SHIT WAS PURE ACID, AND THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HIVE WAS BUILT TO WITHSTAND IT, BUT THE INSIDE SURE WASN'T AND NEITHER WAS YOUR SKIN. FOR SOME TIME, EVEN THOUGH ITS SAFE TO TOUCH THE RAINWATER ON EARTH-C, I REFUSED TO OPEN MY WINDOW. TODAY THAT CHANGED. DO YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS? BECAUSE TODAY IS A DAY OF FIRSTS. UPON REFLECTION, I SUPPOSE THIS IS MY FIRST 'SPONSORED POST'. A BENEFACTOR WHO WILL REMAIN ANONYMOUS GAVE ME A GIFT CARD TO A PIZZA PLACE CALLED GIORDANO'S. THERE WAS ENOUGH ON THIS CARD FOR A MEAL FOR TWO AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE, I *WILL* BE GOING BACK. I HATE EVERYTHING THAT THIS PIZZA TRIP HAS MADE ME BECOME. THE KARKAT THAT YOU KNEW YESTERDAY IS A DEAD MAN. HE'S BEEN LEFT IN THE PAST, MERELY AN ERRANT SPECTER HAUNTING YOUR MEMORY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY, TRULY FUCKING SORRY. I REALLY, REALLY LIKE EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. EXCEPT...I'M NOT SORRY, ACTUALLY. HAD YOU FOR A MOMENT, DIDN'T I? IF THERE IS ONE THING KARKAT VANTAS IS- IT'S UNREPENTANT IN HIS FOOD OPINIONS. DID YOU REALLY THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT I WOULD GROVEL AT YOUR FEET? BESEECH YOUR TEMPLE FOR APOLOGY? THROW MYSELF AT THE MERCY OF THE EXTREMELY FAKE CLOWN GODS ABOVE FOR DARING TO THINK THAT THIS PIZZA *FUCKS SEVERELY*? YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING WRONG. WELCOME TO KARKAT'S PIZZA REVIEWS. THERE IS NO GOD HERE BUT ME. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR TITHES IN THE TIP JAR AND KISS MY FINALLY BEJEWELED RING YOU ME DAMNED HEATHEN. NORMALLY WHEN I TRY OUT A NEW PIZZA PLACE, I GO FOR THE BASICS. NOT THIS TIME. AS THIS WAS A SPONSORED VISIT, I TOOK INSTRUCTION ON WHAT PIZZA TO GET- ANY VARIETY OF THEIR EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. I SEE NOW WHY SOME HUMANS CALL THIS SHIT A 'PIZZA PIE' BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THAT THING HAD A *CRUST*. IT WAS LIKE EXCAVATING IN A MINE OF SAUCE AND MOLTEN HOT CHEESE. I'LL ADMIT. I WAS VERY HESITANT GOING INTO THIS. SAUCE? ON TOP OF THE PIZZA? HOW NOVEL! HOW STRANGE! I'D HEARD OF SUCH A CONCOCTION, SUCH A WEIRD FUCKING MEAL BEFORE AND I'D SORT OF WRITTEN IT OFF ENTIRELY. HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY APPEAL TO THE PALATE OF ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING THINKPAN AND THE FULL POSSESSION OF ONE'S NATURAL FLAVOR BUMPS. I WAS A FUCKING FOOL. A FRAUD, EVEN. I'M A MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN NOW. A BETTER MAN. THAT. SHIT. FUCKED. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST 10/10 REVIEW. THIS BASIC ASS, BEAUTIFULLY SIMPLISTIC CHEESE AND SAUCE DEEP DISH FLAVOR DISC WILL BE MY SWAN SONG. YOU CAN PLAY ME OUT NOW. I CAN DIE HAPPY. LET'S REVIEW WHAT'S GOOD. EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I JUST SAID? THIS IS UNASSAILABLE! YOU CANNOT HOPE TO ATTAIN THE BENEVOLENT PEAKS THAT THIS FLAVOR DISC PROVIDES, YOU HAPLESS DEGENERATE. YOU SPEND HOURS EVERY DAY GOONING ON CHITTR.ING WHEN THERE'S A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF EXPERIENCES WAITING FOR YOU OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR IF YOU JUST SEEK TO ATTAIN THEM,. THE CRUST FOUGHT ME. IT WAS A BRIEF STRUGGLE TO BITE INTO BEFORE ITS CRISPY DENSENESS YIELDED TO THE SUPERIOR MIGHT OF MY FANGS, LIKE A LOVER JUST A TOUCH TOO SHY TO GIVE IN RIGHT AWAY. THE SAUCE SETTLED ON TOP, A TEASING OCEAN OF TOMATO AND PESTO. SHE STARED AT ME IN OUR TWIN COLOR, EYES ALLURING AND INSPIRING A GROWL FROM ME. IT WAS FERAL. I'M NOT PROUD OF THE WAY I TOOK HER. THE WAY I CLAMPED MY CLAWS AROUND HER AND TORE INTO HER SUPPLE FLESH. ...WHAT? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS #SUGGESTIVE? I'M DESCRIBING BITING INTO A SLICE OF PIZZA YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. THE CHEESE WAS THICK. HAVING BEEN BAKED INTO THE BASED LAYER OF THE PIZZA MEANT THAT SHIT WAS LIKE A LAVA EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH. THERE WAS SO MUCH OF IT I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE. IT SCORNED ME AT FIRST, BURNED THE SHIT OUT OF MY CHIN, BUT ENTICED ME WITH HER FLAVOR. SO I PUT IT DOWN AND TOOK A HUGE GLUG OF COKE (WITH ICE) AND THANK YOU TO THE GIORDANO'S STAFF FOR THEIR SWIFT RESPONSE BECAUSE ANY LONGER AND I MIGHT HAVE SCREAMED A LOT AND MADE EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT LOOK AT ME FUNNY AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE ME NOT WANT TO POST THIS AT ALL. THE FLAVOR PROFILE WAS IMMACULATE. EVERY FLAVOR BLENDED INTO EACH OTHER SO PERFECTLY BUT STILL KEPT THEMSELVES CHASTELY DISTINCT, EACH SHOWING ME WHAT THEY HAD GOING FOR THEM INDIVIDUALLY AS WELL AS A COLLECTIVE. THEY WERE LIKE MY THREE GIRLFRIENDS. AND YES THEY SMOKED WEED. TO PUT INTO THE SIMPLEST WORDS POSSIBLE. I AM A CHANGED MAN. I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN WHO WALKED INTO THAT PIZZA PLACE. THAT SHIT WAS ALSO WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME TO EAT IN ONE SITTING SO I STILL HAVE A FEW SLICES LEFT THAT I TOOK HOME AND SHOVED IN THE FRIDGE. VRISKA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS KEEP YOUR HANDSY THIEF PAWS OFF OF MY FUCKING PIZZA I MARKED IT WITH MY BLOOD AND PUNCHED IN TRIPLICATE THAT IT'S FUCKING *MINE*, OKAY? I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY I GOT YOU A BBQ MEATLOVERS IT'S IN THE FRIDGE ON THE BOTTOM SHELF, OKAY? I EVEN GOT YOU A 2L OF SPRITE. YOU *LOVE* SPRITE. IS THIS ENOUGH APPEASEMENT FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR LOUSY, NO GOOD CLAWS OFF OF MY FOOD? YES? GOOD. GLAD WE COULD COME TO AN AGREEMENT. FINAL VERDICT: 10/10. I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE IN LIFE. A NEW *PURPOSE.* THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE, GUYS. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GO OUT AND SEIZE IT. CARPE DICKEM OR WHATEVER. THANK YOU AND GOONNIGHT. I MEAN GOODNIGHT.
I Really Enjoyed Reading This As You Know A Happiness Shared Is A Happiness Doubled However The Frequency In Which Youve Been Posting These Reviews Makes Me Wonder When Youve Last Had A Hivecooked Meal Just To Express A Cursory Amount Of Concern For Your Digestive Tract
Doubtful But Alright Im Not Sure I Even Want To Imagine The Sheer Amount Of Sodium Youve Committed Yourself To Ingesting As Of Late Instead I Think I Should Bring You Over A Spiralized Zucchini Bake Later
Fell in another hole.
Thats Not Ideal
No, not it is not. Unfortunately I do fear it may 8e my lot for the continuation of this perigee, unless the trend for #Megidomay changes soon.
I Wish You Well Or At Very Least A Smaller Number Of Holes Around Your General Vicinity To Fall In