YOUR GENEROUS CRITIC
@captiousGestures
HOBBYIST WRITER. SUPPORTER OF THE ARTS. HE/HIM.
DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES THAT WERE ENTIRELY WITHIN MY OWN CONTROL, AS DAMNING AS THAT ADMISSION IS, I AM SPENDING AN INDETERMINATE AMOUNT OF TIME ON BEFORUS. IN AN ACT OF #CULTURALINSENSITIVITY AND #ALTERNIANPRIVILEGE, I WILL BE GROSSLY FETISHIZING THE #CULLERXCULLEE DYNAMIC. IF YOU, READING THIS, ARE A SICK FUCK WHO WOULD LIKE TO BE FEATURED IN TASTELESS RPF, AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR ONE ROLE OVER THE OTHER, I AM ONCE AGAIN TAKING VOLUNTEERS. IN THE ABSENCE OF ANY WILLING PARTICIPANTS, IT WILL JUST BE ABOUT @twinArmaggetfucked AGAIN.
can i at least request that it n0t feature cr0nus again 0r am i the 0nly pers0n with0ut a say here.
sUrE I'D LiKe bE DoWn fOr rEaDiNg sOmE RpF Or wHaTeVeR, lOnG As yOu mAkE A MoThErFuCkEr tHe bOtToM.
I WAS ABOUT TO EXPLAIN EXACTLY HOW MUCH SAY YOU HAVE THIS TIME, BUT I DO SEEM TO HAVE AN ACTUAL VOLUNTEER NOW.
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THIS, BUT THE FIRST TIME I TOOK VOLUNTEERS FOR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THIS, IT WAS A GAMZEE WHO CHIMED IN THAT TIME, TOO. I'M SURE THAT THIS SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT YOU ALL AS A WHOLE, BUT FUCK IF I CARE ENOUGH TO DELVE INTO THAT TOPIC RIGHT NOW.
n0 wait n0w i want t0 kn0w. wh0 w0uld y0u have picked if n0b0dy v0lunteered?
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN X READER FIC, BUT I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU THE CHOICE BETWEEN THE TWO ROLES.
※ NOTICE: As a legal cullee under Beforan law, I'mm admmittedly pretty befuddled by your titillation. My mmoirail/emmployer is mmy culler. And our relationship is exceedingly normmal. I feel as though you'll be grasping at straws for your fetishization fodder. - Hope this Helps.
FIRST OF ALL, I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT. SECONDLY, PLEASE DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE AN ALTERNIAN'S ABILITY TO BE A PERVERT ABOUT LITERALLY FUCKING ANYTHING. BUT ESPECIALLY IF THAT ANYTHING INCLUDES POWER IMBALANCES, IMPERIAL REGULATIONS, AND #QUADRANTSMEARING. #SUGGESTIVE #NSFW
LONG TIME NO SEE. THIS IS A SPECIAL REQUEST FROM @handMaid FEATURING @twinArmaggetfucked SPECIFICALLY. I NEED YOU ALL TO BE ADULTS HERE, AND MIND THE TAGS. THEY'RE AT THE TOP FOR A REASON. AS THE OLD ADDAGE GOES, "DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ." EXCEPT YOU, SOLLUX. YOU DO ACTUALLY HAVE TO READ THIS ONE REGARDLESS. #NSFW #NSFWE #RPF #SOLLUXCRONUS #TOPSOLLUX #BOTTOMCRONUS #STALKING #CHOKING #DUBCON #BLOOD #VIOLENCE #NOTSAFEORSANE #UNMENTIONEDQUADS #CASTEGAP #CLOTHEDPAILING #GILLSOUTSEASON #GILLPLAYSEASON #GILLFUCKING THE SOUND OF WAVES CRASHING, THE UNSTEADY GAIT AS SAND SHIFTS UNDER HIS STRUTPODS. HE'S FOUND THE RIGHT PLACE. THE OCEAN MIST FEELS NICE AND COOL EVEN IF HE KNOWS IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S JUST A PIECE OF SOME TROLL'S MEMORY OF A PLACE LONG GONE, BUT THE BUBBLES HAVE A WAY OF CONVINCING PEOPLE TO FORGET ABOUT SMALL DETAILS LIKE THAT AFTER A WHILE. LULLING THEM INTO THE COMFORT OF THE FAMILIAR AND WHISPERING SWEETLY INTO THEIR PAN THAT IT'S OKAY NOT TO THINK TOO HARD. THAT THIS IS A PERFECT AFTERLIFE WHERE THEY CAN DO EVERYTHING THEY EVER WANTED TO AND NEVER GOT TO IN THEIR LIFE. BUT SOLLUX ISN'T A RESIDENT. HE'S NOT DEAD, NOT FULLY. SOLLUX IS A, WELL, NOT A SIGHTSEER. HE LOST THAT ABILITY SWEEPS AGO. HE'S A SOMEWHAT RELUCTANT TOURIST. MORE OF A WANDERER THAN ANYTHING. LIKE A REVERSE GHOST. A HALF-LIVING SOUL DRIFTING AIMLESSLY THROUGH A LAND OF THE DEAD. HE PITIES THEM A LITTLE, BUT HE ENVIES THEM MORE. THE BLISS OF IGNORANCE WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING THAT ESCAPED HIM. NOT THAT HE DIDN'T TRY TO CHASE IT SOMETIMES. HE'S GOTTEN BETTER OVER THE SWEEPS AT TURNING HIS PAN OFF. THE BUBBLES ARE A GOOD PLACE FOR THAT. THERE'S LAUGHTER FURTHER DOWN THE WAY HE'S HEADED. HEARTY, LOUD, BUT DRIPPING WITH INSINCERITY. YEAH. HE'S FOUND THE RIGHT PLACE. "DEDICATION" IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. "DEDICATED" DOESN'T BEGIN TO COVER THE AMOUNT OF EFFORT THAT IT TAKES TO TRACK DOWN ONE SPECIFIC SKEEZE THROUGH A PLACE AS MALLEABLE AND TRANSIENT AS THIS– ESPECIALLY WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF FUNCTIONAL GANDERBULBS OR ANY PRONG-HOLDING. IT'S FAR BEYOND THE LEVEL OF EFFORT THAT A SCUMBAG LIKE CRONUS AMPORA DESERVES. OVER THE SOUND OF THE OCEAN, SOLLUX CATCHES BITS AND PIECES OF THE INCREDIBLY ONE-SIDED CONVERSATION HAPPENING JUST AHEAD. IF HE DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER, HE MIGHT ASSUME THE GUY WAS ACTUALLY JUST TALKING TO HIMSELF, BUT HE DOES KNOW BETTER. THE STATEMENT "NO ONE WANTS TO BE ALONE WITH CRONUS AMPORA" DOES, IN FACT, INCLUDE CRONUS AMPORA. IT DOES NOT, HOWEVER, INCLUDE SOLLUX CAPTOR. NOT THIS TIME. NOT THIS SOLLUX. CRONUS DOESN'T HEAR HIS APPROACH. WHEN SOLLUX'S PRONGS MAKE CONTACT WITH HIS SCUTELLUM, HE SWEARS AND FLINCHES HARD ENOUGH TO LOSE HIS BALANCE. "vwoah, hey. hands off the goods, buddy." "oh, wow! look at my wrist. i gotta go." "vwait. i vwasn't–" APPARENTLY, WHICHEVER HUMAN THAT WAS (SOLLUX COULD NOT CARE LESS) MAKES A HASTY ENOUGH RETREAT THAT EVEN A GUY AS PERSISTENT AS CRONUS REALIZES THERE'S NO POINT TO FINISHING THAT SENTENCE. IMPRESSIVE. WELL, NOW THAT IT'S JUST THE TWO OF THEM… SOLLUX SWEEPS HIS LEGS OUT FROM UNDER HIM. CRONUS HITS THE SAND, AND ALL THE WORDS HE WAS ABOUT TO SAY WERE KNOCKED FROM HIS BELLOWSACS ALONG WITH HIS BREATH. SOLLUX DROPS HIS MEAGER WEIGHT DOWN, STRADDLING HIS THORAX. HIS PRONGS FIND CRONUS' CHUG COLUMN AND PUSH BETWEEN HIS GILLS. "hey heyheyhey nowv. thats sssensitivwe–" HE SUCKS IN A BREATH THROUGH HIS TEETH AND DIGS HIS PRONGS INTO SOLLUX'S SLENDER THIGHS. "vwhats the big idea, huh? pouncing on a guy like that. givwe me some vwarning, vwill ya?" "n0. i d0n't think i will. als0, shut the fuck up." HIS STUBS PRESS FIRMLY INTO CRONUS' COLUMN, CUTTING OFF THE BREATH THAT THE GHOST DOESN'T NECESSARILY NEED, BUT THAT UNTOLD SWEEPS OF "LIVING" NORMALLY HAVE TRICKED HIM INTO TRYING TO DRAW IN ANYWAY. THE SOUND OF HIM GASPING UNDERNEATH IS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN THE USUAL BILGEWATER HE LIKES TO SPEW. SOLLUX FEELS HIS GILLS FLUTTER AGAINST HIS PRONGS. "g00d." HE REACHES FOR HIS ZIPPER AND FEELS CRONUS' GRIP ON HIS THIGHS TIGHTEN. HE DOESN'T SPEAK UP OR SQUIRM AWAY. SOLLUX FIGURED HE WOULDN'T. HE RUNS A STUB OVER HIS SLIT, COAXING OUT HIS BULGES. "twvo? i mean. yeah i knowv tuna made some jokes about it, but i thought he vwas just–" SOLLUX SHOVES HIS GOLD-SLICKED STUB PAST CRONUS' TEETH. "what happened t0 shutting the fuck up?" CRONUS' TEETH PRESS INDENTS INTO SOLLUX'S CHITIN, BUT HE DOESN'T CLAMP DOWN. INSTEAD, HIS TASTE SPONGE SLIDES OVER SOLLUX'S STUB, LAPPING UP THE MATERIAL HE WAS OFFERED WITH A QUIET HUFF THAT BORDERS ON A GROAN. SOLLUX HOOKS HIS STUB BEHIND THOSE SHARP TEETH AND PULLS, FORCING CRONUS' NUG TO ANGLE UP. HE GETS AN INDIGNANT NOISE FOR IT, BUT STILL NO BITING. IT'S A WONDER HE DOESN'T GET PUSHED AROUND LIKE THIS MORE OFTEN. FOR AS INSUFFERABLE AS HE IS, HE'S BEHAVING HIMSELF AWFULLY WELL. SOLLUX SCOOTS FORWARD A FEW MORE INCHES. HIS BULGES, ABOUT HALF UNSHEATHED NOW, SLIDE OVER CRONUS' COLUMN UNTIL THEY FIND THEIR WAY BETWEEN HIS GILLS. HE LETS OUT A MUFFLED EXCLAMATION AROUND SOLLUX'S STUB. "n0. y0u're n0t getting any m0re w0rds in, idi0t. just stay still. this 'dead fish' thing sh0uld c0me easy t0 y0u. c0nsidering that's literally what y0u are." CRONUS SEEMS TO TAKE EXCEPTION TO THAT, BUT ANY WORDS HE TRIES TO GET OUT TO REFUTE IT COME OUT AS A DISPARATE COLLECTION OF MUFFLED SYLLABLES. SOLLUX IGNORES HIM. THE FEELING OF GILLS FLUTTERING AGAINST HIS BULGES ISN'T EXCEPTIONAL ON IT'S OWN. IT'S MORE ABOUT THE POWER TRIP THAN ANYTHING. STILL, HE CONTINUES TO ROCK DOWN, TWIN BULGES TANGLING WITH EACH OTHER AND COATING CRONUS' COLUMN IN SLICK. AS HE STARTS TO GET LOST IN THE FEELING, HIS BULGES GET MORE ADVENTUROUS, FEELING CRONUS' GILLS OUT MORE, TIPS PUSHING IN JUST A BIT. THE GILLS FLARE UP IN PANIC, AND CRONUS JERKS UNDER HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THIS STARTED. SOLLUX PAYS HIM NO MIND. THE HALF-DEAD GOLD WEIGHS ABOUT AS MUCH AS A SACK OF GRUBMEAL AND ISN'T EVEN USING ANY PSIONICS. IF CRONUS REALLY WANTED TO THROW HIM OFF, HE'D HAVE NO TROUBLE DOING SO. BUT FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE REASON, HE'S LETTING IT ALL HAPPEN. HELL, WITH THE WAY HE STARTS SQUIRMING EVEN MORE, HE'S PROBABLY EVEN GETTING OFF TO IT. WHATEVER. IF HE'S GOING TO GO AHEAD AND SOIL HIS JEANS WITH VIOLET MATERIAL, IT'S NO CONCERN OF SOLLUX'S. SOLLUX HUFFS QUIETLY, NOT GIVING CRONUS ANYTHING SO SATISFYING AS A MOAN, AND CONTINUES RUTTING DOWN AGAINST HIS COLUMN. HIS PACE PICKS UP, HIS BULGES LEAK MORE PREMAT, AND WHEN HE'S TOO GONE TO HOLD HIMSELF BACK ANY MORE, HIS BULGES PUSH INTO THOSE THIN SLITS DECORATING CRONUS' COLUMN. CRONUS BITES DOWN HARD ON SOLLUX'S STUB, AND GOLD FLOODS HIS IGNORANCE FLAP AND HIS GILLS BOTH.
n0, seri0usly, what the fuck. i th0ught y0u were g0nna give me a s0ftball, n0t try t0 actually fry my brain.
kudos but it wwould havve been nice to keep the prose rollin along a feww lines further so wwe could covver the part wwhere sol slices his disgustin bulges on cros operculum or gill rakers
I LITERALLY TOLD YOU AHEAD OF TIME THAT I WOULD NOT BE DOING THAT.
THE LAST LINE IS OPEN TO INTERPRETATION. IF YOU WANT TO READ BOTH GUSHES OF GOLD AS BEING BLOOD AND NOT GENMAT, THAT'S YOUR PREROGATIVE.
Just learned what a moirail is in technical terms. It's been insinuated to me that human beings, in their social climate, are guilty of blurring the boundary between a friendly and a pale solicitation. I will tell you right now that I believe I have NEVER been guilty of such a transgression. Pity isn't something I tote too much of to start with, let alone a sentiment I pass out to those with which I am hardly acquainted. Also, I don't think I do much pacifying! I don't suppose talking J out of Nacho Libre karaoke very well counts. Experts, you weigh in. I may not have the moiraillegiance gland in my chassis, period!
IN MY EXPERT OPINION, YOU ARE THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT OTHER INDIVIDUALS WITH OVERACTIVE PITY GLANDS WILL FIND THEMSELVES FEELING COMPELLED TO PACIFY. NOT THE PARTY DOING THE PACIFICATION. AND NO THIS IS NOT ME SAYING YOU ARE PITIFUL. THIS IS NOT ME SAYING THAT YOU MAKE SOLICITATIONS BEGGING PEOPLE TO COMFORT YOU EXPLICITLY OR IMPLICITLY. IN VERY SIMPLE TERMS, SOMETIMES A MOIRALLEGIANCE IS AN INDIVIDUAL WITH A HOT TEMPER AND ANOTHER WHO IS MORE CAPABLE THAN OTHERS OF CALMING THAT TEMPER DOWN.
... Oh. Huh. It isn't strictly reciprocal? Ok, I guess that makes me reconsider. I don't know what sort of maniac would be able to take me to task in THAT particular area, though.
Ok, point granted. But doesn't that make me the hypothetically crummy moirail?
ONLY IF YOU ACTUALLY ALLOW A MOIRALLEGIANCE TO BE ESTABLISHED? YOU DON'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY INTEREST IN ONE, THOUGH. AND IF SOMEONE WASTES THEIR PITY ON TRYING TO PACIFY SOMEONE WHO HAS NO INTEREST IN A PALE RELATIONSHIP, THAT'S ON THEM, TO BE HONEST.
A COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO, I TOOK SOME POLLS TO SEE WHICH PAIRINGS WERE MOST BELOVED BY CHITTR, AND THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO VOTED. IN AN EFFORT TO #SUPPORTARTISTS AND FEED THE HUNGRY FUJOSHI AND FUDANSHI ON CHITTR, I HAVE COMMISSIONED ART OF THE WINNING PAIRINGS. HERE IS THE FIRST OF THESE COMMISSIONS. THANK YOU TO @oleanderSupernova FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL #YAOI. https://images.squidge.org/images/2026/04/13/Troll-sasunaru2.png
I ASSUMED THIS WAS GXING TX BE PXSTED ANXNYMXUSLY. - MC Oleana
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? YOU DIDN'T *SAY* ANYTHING. WHY WOULD I POST A COMMISSION WITHOUT CREDIT? WHAT??
MANY FAMXUS MANGAKA VALUE THEIR ANXNYMITY. I THXUGHT IT... WENT WITHXUT SAYING!!! WHY WXULD I WANT TX BLAST THIS TX MY BUSINESS-FACING ACCXUNT!!! - MC Oleana
OK. I MEAN. I GET THE APPEAL OF ANONYMITY. OBVIOUSLY, I DO. EVEN IF I EDITED YOUR HANDLE OUT OF THE POST NOW THOUGH, COMMENTS ARE FOREVER ON CHITTR.
IN HINDSIGHT, I TOOK THE COWARD'S WAY OUT OF THE TIERMAKER TREND, BUT I WOULD STILL FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO USE THE PROVIDED FORMAT TO RANK THE CREATOR PANTHEON, SO I AM USING THIS FORMAT INSTEAD. https://images.squidge.org/images/2026/04/13/image_2026-04-13_115114010.png
IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF FUCKING MISERABLE RIGHT NOW, BUT THANK YOU.
Huh.
OH. WOW. THE 30TH COMMENT. WHAT A MILESTONE. I WOULD OFFER YOU A PRIZE, BUT THE TERM "RICHER THAN GOD" BECAME OBSOLETE BECAUSE OF YOU, SPECIFICALLY. YOU CAN HAVE A FORTUNE COOKIE OR SOMETHING, BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT IT SAYS.
Why am i there??
BECAUSE YOUR SPECIFIC BRAND OF "FUCKED IN THE HEAD" MAKES ME WANT TO STRANGLE YOU, NOT CONSOLE YOU.
Boy howdy dude from the looks of this here post it seems like you wanna do a whole helluva lot more than strangle. Unless its my chicken youre itching to choke!
And i do mean that #nsfw ways. Heh.
SHUUUUT THE FUCK UP. I'M NOT COMING ONTO ANYBODY. THE TIERLIST HAD *TWENTY* INDIVIDUALS TO SORT BETWEEN *FOUR* CATEGORIES, SO I PICKED THE CLOSEST OR MOST PLAUSIBLE OF THE FOUR AS TO NOT EXCLUDE ANYBODY. I'M NOT TRYING TO DO A DAMN FUCKING THING TO YOUR "CHICKEN". #NSFW
I'M GOING TO TRY TO SAY THIS AS GENUINELY AND WITH AS MUCH HELPFUL INTENT AS I CAN SQUEEZE OUT OF MY PUSHER, YOU DON'T WANT TO STICK YOURSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BULLSHIT SITUATION WITH YOUR DEPRESSING ASS ALTERNATE.
THANK FUCK THE SHELF LIFE OF A CHITT NEVER EXCEEDS AN HOUR. IF THIS WAS GOING TO BE MY WHOLE NIGHT, I WOULD HAVE TO BEAT MY NUGBONE INTO A FINE FUCKING PASTE AGAINST THE NEAREST AVAILABLE BRICK WALL. #GORE
Why. What happened.
Oh. I see.
CAN YOU, LIKE, LOBBY FOR A DELETE BUTTON ON CHITTS? CAN YOU USE YOUR CRAZY INFLUENCE AND SHARED "CEO" STATUS TO PRESSURE CHITTR'S OWNER INTO ADDING A DELETE BUTTON?
if i'm being entirely h0nest i w0uldn't want t0 enter a quadrent with either 0f y0u as it stands. i d0n't see any mutual benefit. 0_0
OK, I TOLD EQUIUS ALREADY, BUT I'M TELLING YOU WITH SIGNIFICANTLY MORE RESPECT, THIS TIERLIST IS *NOT* AN ATTEMPT AT MAKING ANY SORT OF PASS AT ANY PARTY INVOLVED. I'M NOT ACTUALLY *SO* EMOTIONALLY MESSY THAT I HAVE DEEP AND ACTIONABLE ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR EVERY SINGLE HUMAN AND TROLL PROVIDING BY THE FORMAT FOR THE PURPOSE OF SORTING.
Karaoke time. What are YOU singing? Comment below.
WHITNEY HOUSTON, "I WANT TO DANCE WITH SOMEBODY (WHO LOVES ME)". I DON'T CARE THAT IT IS ENTIRELY OUT OF MY VOCAL RANGE.