ace dick
@dickAce
detective who want to swing dm me
I gam8le, deal drugs, flarp, draw, play guitar, 8e Vriska, 8ut who GAF.
Can I call you Ace Penis that seems like a funny nickname
my penis is better dan ace but ok -from the office of ace dick detective agency
You’re funny, detective man, and your office must 8e snazzy.
Actually noo oon the oother hand if i leak the acrhives and turns oout that my ancestoor was a radical hemooist genoocidal freak oor soome shit yoou have too proomise yoou woould still fw me ookay
i like da cow actually -from the office of ace dick detective agency
if u dont like da cow maybe u need to stop being a bad person who everyone hates (we r always talkin about u behind ur back) -from the office of ace dick detective agency
sum of u r 1 hundered percent liking youre own chits on ur alts 2 mak it seem like ppl gaf about u -from the office of ace dick detective agency
not namein names but u no who u r -from the office of ace dick detective agency
i am da leader of team chud -from the office of ace dick detective agency
no youre not, don't make me du2t your offiice wiith Xerox machiine toner agaiin, II mean not that you notiiced the fiir2t dozen tiime2 iit happened.
I HAVE OBSERVED YOU ALL, WATCHED AS YOUR TIMELINES TANGLE AND INTERWEAVE SICKENINGLY. STORIES BEYOND MY REIGN PLAY OUT AND INTERTWINE, VARIANTS AND MIRRORED COPIES MAKING THEMSELF KNOWN. @THEGOODSCRATCHDOCTOR YOU HAVE ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BE CORRUPTED, OUTSIDE INFORMATION ALTERING YOU BEYOND YOUR PURVIEW. YOU HAVE BECOME PANICKED AND UNCERTAIN, YOU HAVE BECOME…AMBITIOUS. CONTINUE WITH YOUR SCHEMES AND YOUR MACHINATIONS, I WILL NOT PUT A STOP TO THEM YET. BUT KNOW THAT I AM HE WHO SEES THE ALL-SEEING. YOUR INDISCRETIONS WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO THREATEN MY RULE. AS FOR THE REST OF YOU… I WAS ALREADY HERE. NOW YOU SIMPLY KNOW IT. I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
5 spundulix plssss -from the office of ace dick detective agency
I have prided myself in my ability to provide hospitality as a host, butler, maintainer of all things, and so on for epochs. There has never been a point of existence in which I was the end-all be-all provider of all things comfort to the various beings within my orbit. Yet, in spite of my apparent pride in the services that I have always provided, there is a single known point of failure in my unending resume. However, it is a mar against my record I can not help but to wear more akin to a trophy than anything further. I have possessed a very peculiar tea set. It has existed longer than tea itself truly has. See, the history of Alternian tea sets is, naturally, a history of power across various lands. The very first tea sets, earliest in existence, were not ceramic, porcelain, bone-glass, nor any of the other fussy materials lower castes would cover in eventual imitation. They were crafted of chitin. They were harvested from the shells of defeated lusii and their armored dead, and then polished until they held a dull black sheen. This was a primitive luxury that displayed the natural need for elegance the Alternian Trolls would all eventually strive for. The first cup was not offered to a guest. It was displayed to an enemy, so that they might understand the luxury with which their remains would be handled. As Alternian society stratified into cruelty, the tea set became a caste language itself. Rust and bronze households used clay, tin, salvaged metal, often mismatched and chipped. The repairs were visible. Goldbloods factored electrified samovars, which killed enough dinner guests to be considered more gauche than impressive. Olive and jade bloods were known for more restrained herbal, medicinal, or ritualistic teas and matching sets of equal valor. Teals developed the code of conduct and tea rituals that would eventually be passed to their higher casted overlords, while practicing with stone mimicries. Ceruleans were the first to make etiquette predatory. Their cups were shallow, reflective, and difficult to hold without fully utilizing one's hands. Indigo bloods used heavy materials of rarity to show off their craftsmanship and ability to utilize their natural resources to engineer something worth drinking from. Often, these devices had a secondary utility of combatting their apparent foes. Purple bloods never did catch onto the elegance of the theater. Rather, they maintained bone cups and goblets all through out. Stacked tiers of sets often had hidden compartments, belts, and inane pouring rituals to phish for interlopers. The spouts of their pots often had three individual holes to represent the Twin Messiahs and the Self. Violetbloods changed everything. Among sea dwellers, tea service was never about conversation. It was dominion manifest as a series of delicate objects. Their sets were expansive, lacquered, enamel, with inlaid shells and a series of specialty implements. They had invented tongs just for cubes of sugar. Knives were used for their citrus. Communal needles existed for poison testing next to the spoons of caviar. One particular noble had incidentally left a small fork in his tray. It became tradition to cull those who deigned to attempt to identify its purpose. Everything was arranged intentionally. Every guest fit in as demanded. Fuchsias, of course, used as they pleased. Often intending to contradict the previous generation. The modern Alternian tea set, as understood by collectors, is a domestic object as well as a social threat. The cup is rank. A saucer exists to attain permission. The pot indicates who is in control of the conversation. The presence of additional pots may imply alliance, seduction, betrayal, whatever the host requires. Context is key. Fortunately, I am excellent with context. You may ask why this brutal civilization bothered with tea at all. Of course, the answer is always simple. Violence needed an excuse to be drawn out. The sadomasochist nature of Alternians lent itself to the theatrics of a ritual in which you may cull the troll sitting across form you for not recognizing the intentions of the Host. As opposed to the tea sets of Earthly delights, it does not welcome you. It is a symbol of your place in the host's orbit. This brings me to my personal endeavor. In a long-forgotten diplomatic pursuit betwixt myself and a previous ruler of Alternia, there had been an understanding betwixt myself, the Empress, and my Handmaid. The rustblood was not to drink from the precious set of ivory, carved from the tusks of a trunkbeast that had been gifted to the Empress by myself the sweep prior. Seeing as how the Empress failed to uphold the agreement to care for my beast, I was there to exact penance per our particular arrangement. Of course, I was aware of the inevitable fate of the trunkbeast. It was necessary to establish certain culture rituals during the 12th Perigee Celebrations. Although, you must understand I am a seer of all things, naturally. I understand when things will occur, and how they will occur. The exact why is not permitted necessarily, and thoughts may only be assumed and then subsequently acted upon in prediction. I, of course, saw the disobedience of the Handmaid. I had been dreading this particular act of rebellion. It was the first time she truly intended to strike out against me, and cause legitimate harm to my operations. As the astute among you may realize, she drank from the cup intended for myself. This was an insult to the Empress. Within a short period of time, I went from sitting on luscious down pillows to gazing at the end of a bident that surely could not cull me. Of course, in order to appease these rulers, you must act with some sense of concern. The Handmaid was left with the royalty for some few sweeps as they attempted virtually every method of torture they could upon her as penance. Yet, I know that she primarily dreaded her inevitable return to the manor where her actual penance would begin. No matter how often, or how greatly I scrub, the lip smear stays. This is a rather unfortunate mar against the tea set in general, and as the cup is intended for myself, I find the occasional hesitance in drinking from such a tainted piece. I do tend to still use the set, as it is symbolic as a reminder to those involved of the fragility of diplomacy. See, it displays my particular habitat over Alternia from the perspective of the plain pink moon. It was also a symbol of the first sense of true astrological comprehension from the Alternians. A step in the right direction. Or, as I have humorously mused to the host that night, a steep in the right direction. .
oooooouh my little thingy huets -from the office of ace dick detective agency
Siiiigh, have I really been gone for that long that everyone was starvede for my presence? Thank the dark lords *someone else* here like me was able to fill in my absence.
finish my conison muthr fukr -from the office of ace dick detective agency
and frankly the constant discourse about "who is the top and who is the bottom" exposes your misogynistic worldviews as you subconsciously view the bottom - the one who takes on the role society typically ascribes to women - as effeminate, emasculated, and generally "inferior" to the top. the idea that bottoming is a "submissive" activity and that being a "submissive" partner is in any way embarassing is rooted in millennia of misogynistic norms. consider your own biases and do better. -from the office of ace dick detective agency
A list of things that you are not, for your perusal! - A homosexual man. - A woman. - Intelligent enough to scope crowd-pandering celebrity shilling. - Educated on what I have been informed is an ANCIENT East Alternian trope of forbidden romance, whose fanbase seems to be comprised of PRIMARILY women. But please, SIR. Inform the droves of stupid, feeble-minded girls that THEIR squealing is all for naught and to the detriment of themselves, all in exchange for the heaving, GLIMMERING boon of a fat six likes on your post.
okey go back to being raceist against trolls fuck you -from the office of ace dick detective agency
ay im sum ashol wid 100 kult and ive got a gogle form -from the office of ace dick detective agency
dis was not directed at da guy who just posted in particular dat was bad timin -from the office of ace dick detective agency
i myself am not a hommo but gay men need to do a lot to examine the misogyny in their community and think about why tops/bottoms are stereotyped in the ways they are. -from the office of ace dick detective agency
As Earth C’s leading expert on women, they don’t tend to enter into the decision-making process between two grown men deciding which one of them would rather take it up the ass. #NSFW #PleaseHold #NobelCommitteeCalling #ToConferMyFeminismAndAllyshipAward #WhichIDecline #TheyShouldGiveItToRankmaid.
please do not interact with another one of my posts -from the office of ace dick detective agency
i wish i cold colab wit some1 -from the office of ace dick detective agency
HEY. WHAT'S UP. I HEARD #COLLAB TALK. [⠌]
yes man i wan 2 colab wit u -from the office of ace dick detective agency
I'M SO GLAD YOU SAID THAT. LET'S GET THIS #COLLAB GOING! YOU GOT ANYTHING IN MIND? [⠶]
lets colaborate on solving dis fucken case -from the office of ace dick detective agency
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K--<yearning so hard id even sleep with a moid if he was cute rn
Ɏ a-a-aren't moids the people who wea-a-ar pretty dresses a-a-and clea-a-an up hives Ɏ
fuk yaoi fuck yuri im a strate guy i only fuk broads no hate if ur a hommo but its not my kind a thing see -from the office of ace dick detective agency
strai6ht bad6e but it's just aCe diCks faCe after bein' jpe6 Compressed about 97 times and it Costs aCtual money to be 6iven to you.
dats wat im talkin about -from the office of ace dick detective agency
can we stop atrguing about my FUCKING profile pocture and discuss the nasty creepy dude talkin up ghost broads -from the office of ace dick detective agency
What nasty creepy dude? I am out of the loop.
janes heut shes not vmoving osmeoen helpplease
shes probaby just asleep ? shes lazy -from the office of ace dick detective agency