English. Jake, English.
@golgothasTerror
Jake English: Adventurer Extraordinaire! My greatest strength? Believing in stuff like friendship, justice, sometimes myself. Also big guns *wink*.
This is actually my third or fourth rodeo so i sorta have the hang of it but sorta dont
Struck by the fatherly urge to abandon everything.
Have you no other use than being an internet troll? A waste of your talents if you ask me.
The fatherly urge to put my size 11 up your ass if you try.
Judge all you want now but youll be really feeling my absence when youre tapping the bar tab hard and no one else wants to do body shots with you. #substance
Of course im DTF! Down To Finish your pickle if you dont want it.
Sir reginald tipplewand. A companion to last you well into your twilight years and then some. #substance
Yes it is. I find that it very sufficiently encourages people to either shake a leg or move out the flipping way.
Ill pay good money to whoever will threaten me with darkening my doorstep so i can finally wrangle myself into cleaning my room.
This beau has recently come home with me. A most excellent addition to my collection i should think. #substance #snong
Is it that youre a lecherous scoundrel going around threatening to sheathe their pork sword up peoples backdoor and thereby should be shackled up by johnny law?
Easy cowboy. If im hot and bothered under the collar its because ive made an utter tit of myself on the internet.
Its truly been psychological warfare interacting with some of you on this hellsite.
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Chopping up a fat line of what could have been with the card that i have been dealt.
Aw shucks that some mighty fine flattery coming from such an accomplished funnyman.
Oh varang. The warrior that your are. #avatar
Forced to say "all water under the bridge!" instead of throwing a chair at their head. #violence
Date idea: i chug an entire bottle of vino and you deal with the consequences. #substance
If no one else got me i know larkso got me.
This here is a public service announcement that genuine officially licensed jake english plushies can be ordered at hsmerch.com. Reminder that this is NOT an invitation for you to send me photos and messages of what exactly youve been getting up to with my likeness. I beg of you. Some things cannot be unseen.
im gnna fill it with soda n slam it agaisnt the walls
Truthfully this is still preferable to some of the other... atrocities my plush counterpart seems to be subjected to.
Hey now! Pardon me if im not abreast that latest marketing development. They call me the FACE of the company for a reason. But for your troubles i shall see too sending you a plushie posthaste *wink*
Considering last years confusion i feel it pertinent to remind everybody that my particular iteration of halloween outfits do NOT actually come pre-titled "slutty" on the packaging. What even IS a slutty pumpkin???
Pumpkin that knows how to party what's not clicking
Got the pussy carved out of it. #nsfw
Whats that branch in petplay where at the end you take me to the vet and have me put down? #nsfw #violence
lowkey might be into this
It really burns my wick short when they describe what we have as a "situationship". Especially considering its usually sometimes so much more than that.
I wish someone would toss some more toys into my enclosure.
Hooray! Now if i can just find myself a partner a proper game can be played.
You can always tell when someone didnt break their fast. All low blood sugar but high opinions. Absolutely breakfastless behaviour.
Man, you don't gotta call some people out like that, besides breakfast sucks.
who eats breakfast lets be real thats just a waste of time
And any of the other meals of the day magically *arent* a waste of time? Something tells me there some horseshittery afoot.
You might find youll like yourself better if you inhale something other rat tar first thing in the morning. At the very least im sure i will.
If im being really modest i could probably weather 10-12 gunshots to the head before i die. #violence
CURRENTLY STANDING AT A RECORD OF 200. IF YOU MEAN LITERALLY EATEN, ONE TON. —EMBER💥