♦ pitied by @grudgingTributary
Yeah, like me popping a boner for you.
Thank fuck.
If you can't see it, it's for my eyes only.
Well obviously I ain't talking about you two. Wait, did you witness my daydreaming last night?
Dude pitying me for my imaginary scenarios.
Kinda wish I could be sandwiched between them all the time.
You having a ghoulish apparition of our dead friend is public knowledge at this point, dear.
I'm starting to get real sick of that not-so-opaque Dirk that's haunting my husband. He's just so strange! And he keeps talking to this "Chat" individual that I can't see so maybe he also has an imaginary friend? I don't know! This is a load of hooey!!!
He's seriously considering it, he's watching it right now. Why are you so hell bent on seperating us?
I don't want you to be warm in any capacity because that implies you have any merit as a real, living, breathing person. Get lost, buster! Quit trying to ghost rape my man! #noncon #nsfwe
...What the fuck am I even saying anymore?
Quiet, you! I'm talking to your imaginary friend right now!
Darn it thats exactly what shark tank said to me when i pitched this to them.
I JUST had this exact same conundrum a week ago! Ive been trying with the idea of launching a tindr-esque app for guys who just want to play with balls. Im calling it ballr.
Watch this, buckaroo. Feast your eyes on how fucking cool this trick is. You'll dig it. I'll dig it. We're in for a treat.
thinking how awkward it mustve been for the guy who discovered milk to explain what he was doing to the cow.
i need t0 be put 0n a leash f0r a bit #nsfw
The dude's mind I'm in got this shit on repeat. And check it, this ain't sleek. I'm burning coal, feeling droll, expletives roll. And still he won't let me go. My mind's stuck in a vice, His mind's no paradise. Got his balls locked in an explosive device. Something something, make it stop. Or let me drop. https://youtu.be/ngW7fblHXmY?is=rMEaZ27rP-pIVLM_
Why's he gotta do me like this? It's like the bro code doesn't matter. Could be singing my tune, uplifting my mood but you know what he's doing? Calling me a douchenugget.
I'm working out a thing. Let me finish the thing, bro.
Dude won't even respond. What's up with that?
Ladies, ladies, ONE at a TIME. I CAN'T possibly get to ALL of you. https://i.postimg.cc/NM2Mp5bY/image.png
i have no self respect i just agree with whoever is attractive
What could possibly be that bad about my reply? It wasn't meant to be inappropriate.
Is your sub-zero chillibrator running?
Trying to toughen you up. Get you on track to really put a... how do you say it? Fuck, it's so stupid. "Put an ol' one two punch to those rascals." Or something.
Don't take the meds. They're meant to supress me.
THE FUCK.
Well that’s exactly what he is!
I really do wish he would go away. I thought you managed to shake him years ago but I suppose not...
im scared that if i eat something fishy andyhen drink water itll start swimming aroukd
Jake, can you please stop arguing with the slightly transparent Dirk and go do the work I told you to do hours ago!?
"Mhm, and what are your thoughts implicitly? Do you have solutions, or would you like me to offer advice?"
WHAT.
the fuck do i have to do with that. FOR ME TO BE LEASHED RANDOMLY. FUCK. ARF.
Right, let me just zip it up and play the part as your mental therapist. "Uh huh, and how does that make you feel, bro?"
feel like every Jane I meet is tryna be a poor imitation of me and not efin doin it well 3B-/
it is every day mfer u are just failin if )(e be actin incompetent w)(os fault is t)(at ?
ok. so. not putting a leash on anyone who doesnt have nothing to do with that is a start.
Move along, Jake. I'm having girl talk.
What is a gal supposed to do when her husband won't stop acting like a pathetic fool? Asking for a friend of a friend of a friend.
how are 120 people online and absolutely nothing is happening
neptune havve mercy
You really should but I digress. Just get to work!
One more slip up and you know what happens, Jake.
some loser anon asks "so is it true you got that scar from "he vwho shall not be named" gosh, you are so bravwe for surwviwving that." i really gotta turn off anon as an option. it encourages shit like this. fuck off, wvho is this? aranea? porrim? that shit backstory is dead, you hear me? dead. i got this scar from a knife fight or something. go to hell. #askcronus
im showing full hole in this mf comments and he talking bout pyramids.
oh sorry, no saw 2 needle pit for me, thanks.
they better not let my hungry ass in those broodin cavverns
then how the fuck and why the fuck do they talk like that
Deleting your Ex's contact works wonders actually.
Well I am certainly not that old but I do appreciate the sentiment. Never let that evil man in your life keep you down. Keep HIM down. Six feet under, preferably.
I do not like that man.
Don't forget to wash your vegetables before eating them! Sometimes they're covered in filthy, disgusting muck and Dirk! I mean Dirk. Sorry, I meant Dirk. Oh silly me! I meant Dirk. Lord, that's a funny way to spell Dirk. I mean Dirk. Hoo hoo hoo! Darn phone!
Oh it is not at all an impossible task, Jake! You just don't like to put in any effort. Seems like that's a theme with you, hmm?
may&e u should stop ho&&lygo&&ling at ur missus then ull &e &lessed with that nice warm &ed she’s in
I Was Under The Impression That 15 Sweeps Would Be Ancient For A Human, Given You All Don't Live For Very Long.
gotta say i dont get every word that u wrote here man but i feel for u i think wishin u well <3
Is that what the ministry told you to say?
I don't care. You know how the internet is full of scary people just like I told you, right? You wouldn't wanna get me in trouble, would you?
What did I tell you earlier? Why are you the dumbest man to ever walk this planet??