THE IMPOSTER.
@castigatedGement
THIS SERIOUSLY IS NOT MY GODDAMN FAULT. OPINIONS EXPRESSED ARE NOT ALWAYS MY OWN (( I: BLOODGRAIN, TUMBLR ))
(=｀ω´=) < I WANT TO LAY SOME EGGS WHO WANTS TO HELP ME OUT!!! #nsfw #eggs
I'M CALLING YOUR ANCESTOR. THIS IS CLEARLY A PUBLIC CRY FOR HELP.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY ALL SAY BEFORE THEY TAKE YOU IN FOR A COMPULSORY INNER-PAN EVALUATION. TRUST ME. I WOULD FUCKING KNOW.
i know its par for the course but man all the karkats hating on me
IT HONESTLY SHOULDN'T BE THIS FUCKING BEFUDDLING THAT EVEN MORE OF YOU NIGHT-WASTING FLAP TICKLERS KNOW MY NAME. BUT THE WHOLE HAVING A ROBOT KNOW IT WELL ENOUGH SPEW IT OUT ONTO THE CHITTR TIMELINE UNPROMPTED HITS A NEW LEVEL OF MILDLY IMPLACABLE HORROR THAT I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE COULD EXPERIENCE OUTSIDE OF AN OVERDAY LOST WEEABOO MEETUP. I'M RECOILING LIKE I JUST REALIZED WHAT THAT CHEESY SMELL WAFTING OFF THE BRONZE BLOOD AND SUCKER-PUNCHING ME IN THE SNIFF NUB WAS. IF YOU KNOW ANY OTHER *COOL FUCKING TRICKS*, KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF!
BREAKING FUCKING NEWS: I YET CONTINUE TO DEBASE MYSELF BEYOND ALL REASONABLE EXPECTATION. LIKE A SLOP-COVERED WALLOWBEAST TOSSING ITSELF AROUND IN THE SAME STINKING FILTH IT EATS, I CONTINUE TO MAKE MYSELF SUFFER ON THIS WEBSITE FOR *LITTLE* GOD DAMN REASON AT ALL. BUT HONESTLY? AT THIS POINT, I'M CO-SIGNING THIS BULLSHIT BUFFET BY MY OWN CONTINUAL RELAPSE. I DESERVE THIS.
NEVER MIND. THERE'S A NEW CHAPTER. GET THE FUCK OFF MY CHIT, I'M BUSY NOW. I HAVE SHIT TO ATTEND TO IN HERE.
WHO EVEN ASKED YOU TO AGREE WITH THAT? LET'S ADD THAT QUANDARY TO THE EVER-GROWING LIST OF SHIT I STRAIGHT UP DID NOT ASK FOR ANY NUMBNUGGED ANSWERS FOR.
YOUR NAME IS THE UNVIRGIN. COME BACK AND LAMBASTE ME ONCE YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PRIORITIES IN ORDER, WHETHER IT'S MEDICALLY CORRECTING YOUR COMPULSION TO BE HUMILIATED ONLINE. OR FILLING EVEN A SINGLE SORDID BUCKET WITH WHATEVER BODILY REFUSE YOU'D PROBABLY END UP CONFUSING FOR OWN GENETIC MATERIAL IN THE HEAT OF THE FLEETING FUCKING MOMENT. AND THANK *GOD*, IT'S FLEETING. GO ON. PICK THE EASIER WAY TO FIX YOURSELF AND HOP THE FUCK TO IT!
cxome rearrange my wires and fix me yxourself if yxoure sxo desperate txo see prxoxof xof me twitching and spasming xoxo
WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE *WIRES*? ACTUALLY. HOLD THAT THAT THOUGHT. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW, SO KEEP WHATEVER OVER-DISCLOSURE YOU WERE ABOUT TO SQUEEZE OUT OF YOUR BILE WRINGER IN YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH AND OFF MY SCREEN.
people be so caught up iin caste wars they refuse to see the absurdiity of calliing iit a thermal hull. liike son ii promiise you can call iit a refriigerator nobody iis gonna blame you.
GO STICK IT UP YOUR SEEDFLAP. WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, YOU CAN SHOVE THE REST OF YOUR TURGID FUCKING OPINIONS UP THERE TOO. MORE THAN HALF THE POPULATION OF THE PLANET CALLS IT THAT BASED ON THE DEMOGRAPHICAL SPLIT ALONE. WHAT THE HELL IS SO WRONG WITH THAT???
IF I WANT TO BE GODDAMN SPECIFIC, I WILL BE GODDAMN SPECIFIC WITH MY WORDS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Shoutout to the one guy Who keeps hating all my posts. #WeloVereliability #Vagueposting
Could you at least treat me to dinner before you bounce on it like this? I'm hungry. #nsfW
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT IT BACK IN YOUR PANTS AND DIZZILY GROPE YOUR GODDAMN WAY TO NUTRITION BLOCK IF YOU HAVE TO. IF YOU ARE *THAT* PUT OUT, CALL YOUR FUCKING MOIRAIL. WHY THE HELL WOULD I TAKE YOU ANYWHERE?
i’m tired of pretending like dr pibb isn’t also a great alternative to dr pepper
It's better. @castigatedGement
I JUST WOKE UP FROM A DEAD FUCKING SLEEP. THEY'RE 6'5" AND THEY/THEM, BY THE WAY.
Oh ok.
"#eridanweek day 1: flush*/pale" rankmaid-sensei (tags: Eridan Ampora/Reader, flushfic, chitfic, a walk on the beach, chittr mention, fluff, tsundere!eridan, #imcoming, writing prompt, archive rating: G) eridan had called you here to meet by the shore it was a strange thing! he was usually quite dismissive of your extended attempts at friendships, liking his chittr posts and commenting on what you could he didnt always reply, but he was always sending a like your way regardless there was always a flutter in your blood pusher when that notification appeared in your inbox the dm was unexpected but accepted nonetheless you gave a small wave and a happy smile when he approached, his eyes low and a nasty little grimace on his face "oh... is something wrong?" you asked, feeling nervousness begin to rise "wwhat? no nothins wwrong" he responded plainly with fluttering fins, brushing his fingers through his hair and purposefully avoiding looking at you you walk along the shore getting to know more about each other he says that hed been admiring your brash nature online, that he enjoyed the way you spoke your mind and cared little for the disagreements in your replies seemingly out of nowhere, the thick acidic scent of rain fills your senses, and droplets of slightly stinging rain begin to pour down on the two of you you feel eridan move in a bit closer, reaching for his cape and slowly arching an arm over you to protect you from the rain you bring your gaze up to ask him what he was doing, but you realize he was already looking at you red hearts held within wide eyes, cheeks flushed a deep violet, nothing but admiration on his sharp features he immediately flicks his face away with closed eyes and a tight frown to pretend he hadnt been caught as you continue to walk protected by his cape, flushed feelings swim between the two of you "i had a fine time but i wwould havve preferred it hadnt started fuckin rainin" "maybe next time we could hang out at my place?" you ask sheepishly "yeah wwhatevver maybe" you cant wait for the next notification notes: my eridan is quite sweet and gentle but i understand there are many different eridans so this is my take on a tsundere!eridan happy #eridanweek #imcoming
WHAT THE EVER-LOVING SHIT IS EVEN HAPPENING AT THAT CONCERT? HOLY FUCKING MOTHER GRUB.
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ You never been to a Marvus concert before ey? ]
we should start fusing trending hash tags together. #vaguepissing .
it's ok older karkat i know you are enjoying this just as much as any other karkat would. i am always happy to hear from you!
i don't think i would be all that great at explaining it in detail but basically we are best friends in every timeline. try asking one of the other karkats for more info!
OH MY GOD. I MUST HAVE GENUINELY COME INTO CONTACT WITH SOME SORT OF CRAZY PERSON.
you do know what website you are on right?
YOU KNOW WHAT. YOU ACTUALLY MAKE A FAIR POINT. MEALPRONG FOUND IN NUTRITION BLOCK, I FUCKING GUESS.
that is not what i meant! although i kind of walked right into that one haha. what i mean is that this website is sort of connected to and brings together all kinds of distant timelines and universes and shit or something like that. you have definitely seen or interacted with different version of you and other people you know right?
OF MYSELF? FUCK NO. OF OTHERS? WELL. I GUESS I HAVE. BUT IT'S ALREADY A LITTLE FUCKING STRANGE ON ITS OWN THAT YOU KNEW THAT. AND THAT YOU KNEW MY GOD NAME, SEEING AS I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT SHIT LISTED HERE. BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT THIS IS JUST SOMETHING I'M GOING TO HAVE TO END UP BEING "FINE" WITH.
i am sure one of the other karkats would be better at explaining it to you haha. why else would i know your name if i am not being honest about being best friends with you!
FIRST OF ALL, WHY THE HELL WOULD I *EVER* WANT TO TALK TO ANOTHER VERSION OF ME. I TALK TO MYSELF ALL DAMN NIGHT AND FRANKLY, BEING THIS STARVED OF CHOICE ONLY MAKES ME LEAGUES MORE EXCRUTIATING TO HAVE TO LISTEN TO. *FUCK* THAT GUY. I'M ACTUALLY SO TIRED OF TALKING TO THAT ASSHOLE THAT I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE AN EXTENDED SABBATICAL FROM IT SECONDLY. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. THERE ARE PLENTLY OF FREAKS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD WHO FROTH AT THE SQUAWK BLISTER FOR THE SORDID CHANCE TO TALK TO A CRIMINAL. MAYBE THEIR CUSTODIANS DROPPED THEM PAN-FIRST ON THE NUTRITION BLOCK TILE A LITTLE TOO HARD. OR MAYBE THE'RE JUST INNATELY DEPRAVED. WHO CARES? IT'S NOT MY JOB TO KNOW, BUT I KNOW THAT THERE'S A DECENT CHANCE YOU PROBABLY *ARE* ONE OF THOSE FREAKS WHO JUST FOUND IT OFF SOME INTERGALACTIC DATASHARE OR SOMETHING.
WHAT THE FUCK EVER. I'M COMING TO ERIDAN WEEK. IN SPIRIT OR SOMETHING ASININE LIKE THAT, SINCE I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T UP AND TROT NUB IT THE HELL OVER. #ERIDANWEEK
YOU ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO SABOTAGE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ARADIA. MIND YOUR OWN CHITTERBRASS, YOU RAGING TOOL
i pinky promise that it wwill be the best time of your entire life wwe are going to inform all the masses so much on such adorable and envvironmentally friendly topics that they wwill call us the most socially responsible high bloods to evver gallop onto the scene bro
HEY, BRO. YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO PINKY PROMISE WHEN IT COMES TO ME. I'LL JUST TAKE IT AS FACT. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL *GENUINELY* TRY TO HAVE A DECENT TIME. FOR YOU.
all of the royal scientists are calling this mayhaps the most joyous and celebratory thing to evver happen you wwill be the best karkat there dude i can foresee it
YEAH, YOU FUCKING ARE. YOU ARE CLEARLY TRYING TO PUT A WEDGE BETWEEN US FOR NO REASON AT ALL. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? DO YOU THINK I'M FLUSHED FOR HER OR SOMETHING?
D --> I don't think I have the capacity in me to care less about who you are flushed or aren't flushed for Mr. Vantas
IF YOU'RE SAYING THAT SCIENCE HAS AN OPINION ON THIS, THEN IT WOULD BE IMMENSELY FUCKING STUPID FOR ME TO DISAGREE WITH IT. AND YOUR CUTTLELUSUS. THEY'RE USUALLY RIGHT ABOUT THIS KIND OF SHIT TOO. FINE. I WILL BE ABSOLUTELY *PLEASED AS GOD DAMN PUNCH* FOR #ERIDANWEEK, AND I'M COMMITTING TO THAT NOW.
IF THAT'S THE CASE, WHY DON'T YOU TRY DISENTANGLING YOURSELF FROM MY BULGE A LITTLE BIT? IT'S REALLY FUCKING EASY. IN FACT IT'S ACTUALLY *MORE* WORK TO DO THE KIND OF SHEATH-STALKING YOU TO DO TO ME. CRAZY, RIGHT. AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO HAVE A JOB OR SOMETHING?
AFTER MY ARREST, NOT ONLY WAS I FORCED INTO THIS MASSIVELY STUPID HANDCUFFS FOR THE REST OF MY PITIABLE LIFE. BUT MY HIVE WAS REPOSSESSED BY THE BEFORAN STATE AND TURNED INTO THE MOST CONTEMPTIBLE THING YOU COULD CONSTRUCT ON ANY PLANET: A FUCKING COMBINATION FLAVOR DISK KILN AND CRAFT BREWERY.
SO YOU'RE SAYING. THEY LEFT YOU ALIVE. TO HAUL AROUND. THE SHAMEFUL RESTRAINTS. THAT MARK YOU AS UNTOUCHABLE. FOR THE REMAINDER. OF YOUR PATHETIC SWEEPS. WOW. GOOD TORTURES. COMING OUT OF BEFORUS. I'M IMPRESSED.
YEAH, SO THE HELL AM I. THIS IS PROBABLY THE SECOND-MOST PSYCHOLOGICALLY DAMAGING SHIT THEY'VE COME UP WITH SINCE "SOCIAL DISAPPOINTMENT POINTS."
YOU KNOW. I HAVE SPENT SOME TIME. ON YOUR PADDED NANNYPLANET. IN MY TRAVELS. AND I CAN OFFER YOU. THIS PRO TIP. NOBODY THERE. IS EVEN A LITTLE PREPARED. FOR THE KIND OF UNHINGED VIOLENCE. THAT MIGHT BE STEWING. IN YOUR BLOOD. YOU COULD PROBABLY SMASH YOUR SHACKLES. AGAINST THE SKULL. OF THE STURDIEST BITCH. IN THE RESTORATIVE JUSTICE HALL. UNTIL BOTH SHE. AND YOUR RESTRAINTS. WERE IN PIECES. AND SHE WOULD ONLY SAY. EXCUSE ME. UPSTANDING CITIZEN. IT LOOKS LIKE SOME OTHER IDIOT. DROPPED HIS PUNISHMENT JEWELRY. ON MY SHATTERED HUSK.