Callie Mallie
@cmallieEntertainment
I’m chittr’s one armed bandit, I DON’T do anything illegal like drug dealing or beat up violet bloods, nope, legal stegal here. ((Art by the wonderful @hahahale on instagram))
X Would y’all believe me if I told y’all I wasn’t being as bad as I usually am on social media x
Y3S
how bad we talking here? bc to me you seem like a strawberry shortcake
X Hey guys, where should I go? Kalicorpion - jungle planet, high likelihood of getting shot at by drugged up mercs, good food or Yellow Mesa - desert planet, I have a massive open warrant there, moobeastboy culture #substance #violence x
How the fuck are you still alive man? I’m genuinely confused as to how the fuck you’re still alive.
X Brb, having a healthy balanced breakfast (3 cigs, a joint, a line, and a megacull XL deathwish energy drink #substance x
X Oh yeah and toast x
Haha! this is so relatable as I have been called into work at 2 AM for the second day in a row
X Listen, if you wanna live a nice long life with no mental health issues you gotta be just like me x
X Real af. Idk how the fuck Kazumo works for weeks at a time. x
X Everyone’s a gangster until they meet a 7ft tall jadeblood samurai with one of the immortal variants of rainbowdrinkerism. Trust me I know this from experience. x
X I went from being a clockwork gangster with a flirty mouth to being an unconscious heap on the ground in like two seconds flat x
X I went from being a clown, to a space viking, to a drug lord in a gang of steampunk tech nerds. You don’t truly understand how real that statement is. #substance x
X There are crazier backgrounds than mine in the very building I work out of man x
X Shout out to the yellow blood who described me as being “half crispy”, I’m still thinking about that a week later lmao x
Crispy is good. What would fries be without crispy?
X Fuck this shit I’m going to tea with gamgam. Later losers. x
X @titanicWarden come oppress short people x
It Is Three In The Fucking Morning You Asshole, Why Are You Pinging Me When You Have A Clock Specifically Ap You Know When Not To Message Me Or TeMora
X OPPRESS ALL SHORT PEOPLE x
its okay if youre short, but dont bring the rest of us down with you lol
X The only one I look short next to is Jagwas and that’s because that motherfucker is a nearly 13’ tall brick wall of a troll x
idk who that is but its okay, this is a safe space. we can be short together
X Just to brag because I’m a big bih: I’m 8’10” tall and weigh 443 pounds x
i am really glad i did not meet you in person knowing this now
X Then why are you commenting? it’s okay to be jealous, I get it, I’d be jealous too if I weren’t this big. x
not in an insulting way, in a you would have scared the shit out of me way, that’s a good thing
♯damn youre a ♯bigbitch
X “Hey hotcock, you tryna come find out why they call me the splitter” is apparently what you say to someone if you want them to punch you in the face :( #nsfw x
yeah i would punch you in the face too
X You can’t even reach my face, pipedown you mouse height looking ass cabbage water drinker x
X Anyway I’m back on my bullshit, anyone miss me while I was gone? (It’s okay to say yes, I missed u too random reader) x
X Eheeheehee droogz #substance x
X Idea: next time I’m getting yelled at by someone I’m just going to take off my jacket and start flexing my arm in different poses to see if it’ll get me out of getting yelled at x
X If you had to give me a theme song what would it be? x
X hhhhhh i was hitting on this cobalt dude and he charmed the fuck out of me Imm not going to lie, like dude had me wanting him in a romantic and not viciously horny way #nsfw x
X How do I start today? x
Your day is already started but for future reference you should mix a powerful energy drink and a sweet vodka of the same flavour and let your body figure out what to do
X You know, usually I take like six shots of this shut but like…I think imma just chug what’s left in this half drank bottle #substance x
X Stumbling to the shine fridge like it’s a chest full of slurp juice from troll fortnite #substance x
real Zhit?? i waZ literally yearning for chug jugZ laZt night
god damn it i cant read i thought you found real Zlurp juice. im culling myZelf
X i just woke up on the floor x
