♠ hated by @constantCorrespondence
ouch. 8th seed, scored 18 to beat aranea. meenahs just putting the hurt on the serket name in the #cronusbabeoff. next one, this should be interesting. a lovw seed upset wversus a site obsession. vwewve got jane crocker up against aradia megido! nowv, if you could believwe it, there aint a vwhole lotta creator fandom art wvith just these tvwo together, so youre gonna hawve to accept the real #nsfvw one i found. ignore the other broad, just pretend jane got to keep her after that last wvictory. <3 or <> for aradia <3< or c3< for jane
- YOU ARE IN MY NOTIFS. Literally rolling around like a slopbeast enjoying a foul rommp in the mmud. 🤣🤣🤣 - STAY AWAY FROM MY RAIL, BRO. 😀
FUUG SELF BURN ENEVERMIND.
NOp pfp prpoabyl ugly.
HEllo juneBug I am feeloign just wsweell thisn end of thre xcreen no ned to worryaboute me.
Ccowbar
Oh suire its' the berr ies over here.
Fatastics news althgiuh it ius true my vehiclke waas ramemed by a woudkl b e assassdin I beleive Iahave escaped the incivdenrt weith minor if not rnegligibel injurie.s #safes
Yes, that does seem to be the rule!
Ahem. Brain bleed. I'm fine. All tidied up. I suppose I will be attending this webinar in my god-jamas. :|
Ahem. Good morning, Chittrlings. I hope we can all find it within ourselves to proceed with a touch more decorum today! No need to drag yesterday's moronics across calendar lines.
INQUIRING ON AN OPEN FORUM where an aesthetic disappeared to in the miasma of masculine culture is NOT professing a personal interest.
Who would commission this.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/4292088a96fa.png
WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM.
Medium black coffee with cream.
Meet the who, now?
Chittr is unprepared for the unlikely friendship bridging Jane Crocker and Folykl Darane.
For you, I could stand to spare it.
Movie night with Dirk. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/98bf3461dbed.jpg
What does this even mean?
Oh. My god. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d6fee404b14a.jpeg
Calling me "mistress" forces me to consider the deeper implications of this gesture.
WHAT DOES *THAT* MEAN?
At this point, why not bring him along to work? Your fragrant beastfather would probably mask the noxious brow-singing stench of your office lunch! :B
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/182598789468.png
Batter on his mind!
Absolutely. Let me see the notifications first.
Little more.
There exists a devoted sect of Life worshippers who have diverted MY personal scripture and convinced themselves under false pretenses I cannot steward my raw force of Creation while also reaching my professional goals. Which would be nonsense, but ignorable nonsense- except they continue to send me this image. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0682dcbf30c6.png
Perhaps. :B
Heterosexual this and homosexual that. Where in blue blazes are my metrosexual scumbags in their skinny scarves and deep V-neck shirts??? Am I suddenly describing an endangered species? A relic lost to time? No one remembers 2011???
Oh, there you are.
EXACTLY. :(
The usual stomping grounds. A multiversal constant and balm on my frayed nerves. Some things never change. :B
It might be wise to tag this.
Hold on. Direct messaging you.
I used the word metrosexual one meager singular piddling time and my notification tab instantly became an Ampora glue trap.
You certainly got your own self stuck on impact. :P
;B
IS THIS STILL ABOUT ME. I'm messaging you directly.
"Who wants me?" Son, I believe that would be the operational crew at the Jim Henson company. That is verified muppetry.
What.
Well, no dip. Who even are you. ... Why are you Vantas.
@gynarchsGoverness UNREAL HEIRESS, I WILL NOT COMMISSION YOU AN ANDROID CHASSIS. STOP SENDING ME THIS FUCKING IMAGE. #nsfw I am pretty sure. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/3b3457465b20.jpg
She's like a Hydroflask in this scenario, I imagine. Except with putrid raw milk. A Lactoflask? Horrible.
What's the difference between a personal preference and a so-called "chaser." Out of purely hypothetical curiosity.
Oh. That seems like a reasonable distinction!
Great answer.
At what point is it someone else's problem.
I think this was originally about blood castes, but good to know. I didn't know it could potentially apply to this area of identity as well.
Nevermind. Just reread the entire post. You never cease to say some oddball malarkey shit.
OK THANK YOU FOR THE VOCAB LESSON. GREAT! What do you mean fat women. Is that real.
I don't think this is right. They're definitely incidental, if they even exist. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/e9c025a4d922.PNG
I just got chills.
I CANNOT DOUBLE DOWN ANY HARDER THAN I ALREADY AM. THERE IS A FINITE NUMBER OF TIMES A PERSON CAN FOLD A PIECE OF PAPER AND THERE IS A FINITE AMOUNT OF HETEROSEXUAL POSTURING A GIRL CAN DO BEFORE EVERYONE SIMPLY BELIEVES HER EFFORTS!
What sort of a low-rent recruitment attempt is that. Put your back into it.
Wait, nevermind. Don't.
Great typing quirk. Keep it forever.
I like that the stars are sisters, not twins. Just forgot to give yourself a buffer before the suffix on the rump end. Just going to let that prong dig right into your punctuation.
No. Unfortunately this is the plain old variety of mockery which does NOT come prepackaged with a sexual undertone.
They have this tactic of deflection on MY planet of origin as well. Unfortunately, it was no less mortifying to witness there, either.
Ok. This has been borderline stimulating. Farewell.
You can make me out to be the couture curmudgeon if you like, and this may be my father talking, but I am going to say what we are ALL clearly thinking: After a certain point, tie knots do not NEED to be seventeen pleats with the full-frontal loop-dee-loop and the seductive curl at the tail. Tie yourself a firm, respectable Windsor. Double it if you mean business. Triple it if you're about to dominate the board room. Don't tie a Half Windsor. You're not a douchebag at a three star hotel bar. Don't Half Windsor two shirts. Whole Windsor one shirt. "NO ONE KNOWS THESE NECKTIE KNOTS EXIST!!!" Yes, because we're going to have to unleash the jaws of life on your VP of Sales rep's neckline to free him of that blasted arrangement. You spent twenty minutes fiddling with the ALEXANDER THE GREAT SIGMA MALE UNCONCERNED LION KNOT and didn't bother to starch your flimsy shirt. Let us all learn to crawl before we start SOMERSAULTING peacock maneuvers to impress our professional associates. Wisdom of the day. No charge. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c63694df9641.jpg
I'M BAITING YOU? BY USING A WORD WHICH ACCIDENTALLY PROVOKES THE SLUDGE OF PSYCHOSEXUAL PERVERSIONS POLLUTING YOUR LEPROTIC MIND?
You are gross.
Freak.
Why are you compiling us into a unit.
Absolute agree. Finally, someone with some sense.
Good heavens. Pray tell- whose stumpy little overly-adorned torso contains the heart over which you are so CLEARLY yearning? :B
What the hell?
Even in childhood, I could never grow my hair out past my chin for one very important reason. ... The (presumably universally relatable) skin-crawling sensation of one's hair touching one's neck and/or shoulders. How do you all do that.
Life hack!
Is that you in your profile picture.
Disregard this message. I don't know why I asked you that. Don't shave.
... Absolutely correct. Vital component of the aesthetic. Unless by some measure you wanted to bare the jaw only. Just a suggestion from a fellow professional.
"MOUTHFUL OF WHAT. MOUTHFUL OF WHAT." OH, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T REALIZE EVERY ALLUSION TO A BODILY ORIFICE WOULD LAUNCH ME INTO A SUDDEN DEATH ROUND OF OF POKE THE PERVERT!!!!! I AM BEATING YOU PEOPLE OFF WITH STICKS HERE!
Oh my word.
Don't even say log.
DINER QUESTIONNAIRE. VERY serious business. I advise you all to proceed with caution. ♤ - Waffles. ♢ - Pancakes. ♧ - French toast. ♡ - Doot-doo-doot-doo, can't wait to get a mouthful.
I was born in 1996.
Girls' Night! Many thanks to @coralConviviality. ... It went great. Don't ask. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/cfe4d9dbf6a5.PNG
I've been informed this is a compliment. Thank you.
I would like to issue a formal apology for the rocky introduction of the Unreal Heiress artificial intelligence. Some bugs were quickly overturned by the Chittr userbase and another round of reeducation has been administered.
Not too much on my insect, missy.
WHAT?!
No, you most certainly are not. :B
If you can make a carcass out of me IN GENERAL then I say your victory will be well-earned.
Sorry. On her behalf, anyhow. She's receiving another round of reeducation as we speak.
... <:|
UNREAL HEIRESS, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ALSO BUTTON YOUR STUPID TRAP.
... I don't actually know. Let me screen the applicants. BUT THE VERBIAGE IS OBVIOUSLY FROM AN OUTDATED PROGRAM. It seems she requires another tune-up. :|
I have no problem with the AI screening potential SPOUSAL candidates, but as mentioned above, the inappropriate terminology is clearly a remanant from her original Alternian programming.
I just know it as fact that some of you are making Janes in Tomodachi Life and dipping them in tar or boiling water or somesuch.
It's a realistic interpretation of the local market data.
@chillerAficionado See.
DON'T LET THAT JOKE ESCAPE CONTAINMENT. THEY ARE GOING TO BEGIN TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
@timaeusTestified#0414
Hmm.
... ... ... I believe I will. But only because the venue is a greasy diner and it's been some time since I had a plate-sized waffle sodden with artificial maple syrup.
Then I suggest you cease letting the side down ON THE PUBLIC FEED. :B
En route to the office. Unreal Heiress, play Big One by Flyana Boss.
What in blue blazes does that even mean. What did you do to my chair.
This one is noxious. Congratulations.
Comment below and tell me what you did to celebrate 4/20. #substances. And perhaps #nsfw depending on your answers.
Best answer.
You see? How difficult was that. :B
wait what the hell is voidrot <:( that sounds AWFUL
This month's Bake-A-Wish recipient is ten year old PETROC of the Troll Kingdom who wrote a very compelling letter about his... I don't really remember. Voidrot or something. I'm told it was extremely touching. Anyhow. He declined the FULL SUITE OF BETTY CROCKER HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES in favor of his custom wish, which was to- I am NOT paraphrasing- "please make Five Nights At Freddy's Real." ... I believe we at Crockercorp have some unorthodox research and development on the docket! Also the prerequisite healing of his gummy skullholes. It would be a real Eeyore moment if he were to croak prior to the completion of his custom treat. #gore I guess?
It looked awful. It smelled awful! Glad to have dispensed with the odor. And he was pleased not to be blind anymore, I figure. #gore
WHAT THE HELL.
DON'T ACCURATELY INSULT ME ON MY OWN POST!
A vintage illustration from Nanna's youth, as I understand it. Felt worth sharing. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c19f20d44a2d.png
This is an iteration of myself. :| Though judging what I know of your world, I figure her position as my elder clone signs and seals her my direct predecessor in your eyes.
... Thank you.
Humph.
Rechit.
It was more of a soft rechit.
Just peachy. :| Why.
Well yes. Have you seen me.
Never. Except that one time.
STOP MAILING ME PRINTED COPIES OF THIS IMAGE I DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE THAT. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/689864295712.PNG
I'm not listening.
Why that one.
WHAT STRUGGLES. SHE WAS A FAT RODENT POP STAR.
I can drop you a filtration device proper, but it's going to cost you.
For a paltry gas mask? No. I'll take a branded post of gratitude. Don't forget to drop my @ in the body of the message.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/29bd4bd6803b.png
If you don't know, perhaps you weren't a participant in the conversation.
LEAVE ME ALONE! GRAHHH. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/72724fb3c6db.jpg https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d17d73bfdb1e.jpg
Don't ask me. That answer is over a decade lost to time.
Is this you attempting to scrape up a compliment. Because it's very sweet, but wholly unnecessary.
See, THIS is successfully embarrassing me.
My backside is average texture and consistency, thank you. What an odd leap of causality. If you're not embarrassed by your teenage self, I daresay that is evidence that you have not grown.
Disagree thoroughly with the budding sentiment that boys should not be fighting over you and rather should simply begin tonguing EACH OTHER. Whoever decided THAT was the move? I demand you resume the scuffle at once. Tear him to shreds! Your status in my periphery depends on it!!!
To be determined. :B
Like wrought iron.
THIS WAS NOT ABOUT YOU TWO.
I suppose!
No, I take it back. You two are just about the only pair of fellows I DON'T want to see duking it out over my hand. At that point I respectfully bow out. Not worth it.
Equally agitating!!!!
Trying to pinpoint my insecurities by highlighting CURRENT failings will not give you a foothold on my nerves. You simply have to know how mortifying I was to be around in 2011. You want to antagonize me? I suggest you find my quasi-twee epic bacons graphic tee teenage polyvores!
NO. NO, NO.
I don't know if you and I are on the same wavelength. ... Human girls typically complete puberty before their aspirations for social domination come to fruit!
How was that your takeaway.
You are odd.
I hope I don't need to tell you all I don't know jack diddly shit about anime. But under duress (a quad react for you if you can guess who) I've watched an ABRIDGED VERSION of the Dragonball-Z-what have you franchise. Cut for brevity. ... No tier list here. It's Vegeta+Bulma at the top as a singular unit and everyone else in a mulch pile at the bottom. I defy you to even lay a dent in that arrangement. You can't. They're stupendous.
Like a cartoon.
We could probably cut the series down to these two characters and the franchise would be all the better for it. I would bankroll that.
You are a consistent author of good points, Eridan Ampora.
Swoon.
My wishing numbers/times are 111 and 11:11 for what I hope are obvious reasons. Not that I use them often. But it's fun to partake in a lick of silliness every now and again. What do you wish for?
Aren't you just a sugarlump.
I'll lend you my next wish in that direction as well. :B
WHAT THE HELL.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Why are you questioning this decision. The judges have spoken.
Burst into laughter at my desk. Thank you, Callie.
Good morning, Chittrlings. (Fantastic term recommended to me by @ectoBiologist#9531 btw. Not only is it cut directly from the theming of the platform, it works because you all go on for miles and are ceaselessly full of shit!)
Nevermind. :|
I beg your pardon. :|
In honor of 420. In an official capacity, I must disclaim that this chart is entirely divorced from my own real-life experiences. I, Jane Crocker, Maid of Life, have never done a drug. Never do a drug. #neverdoadrug Anywhoodle. #substances https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/dfa29e0a13b9.PNG
Hate.
Are you REQUESTING the juju? Whatever for? <:|
HATE HATE HATE.
On EARTH, the compound is a plant whose chemical makeup has soothing effects on our biology. Human beings munch sugar essentially from birth! They do NOT contain equivalent intoxicative properties. ... Although. Hrmmm.
It's not about normalization. It's about having to haul up and go to work the next day.
Yes, it is. :B
Ok, I can see I've accidentally misfired and struck a nerve. :B I will take some cooling measures regarding my jets at once!
WE ARE NOT PARTNERS.
NO!
Another shoot this morning. I'm reticent to attach the release of the images to profanity, but per my social media manager, they "helmed the mothership straight into the cuntagon." https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/04a43867d9bf.png
WHAT IS WITH THE ANATOMY LESSON TRANSPIRING IN MY NOTIFICATIONS RIGHT NOW. GOD DOG!
WHO IN THE COCKFUCKING BLAZES IS CALLING ME THE MEG GRIFFIN OF THE ALPHA KIDS THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
Thank you. I don't want him to see this but I do find my appeal somewhat underrated in the lineup.
<333 :B
@caligulasAquarium returned from his shindig shortly after I returned home from my own trip, and we spent some time at the house just catching up on all the latest developments. Had dinner, et cetera. Which quickly devolved into watching CMV (Creator Music Videos) edits online. Now, *I* thought he was going to despise the myriad of Eridan edits compiled to the tune of "DON'T MESS WITH ME" by Temposhark (because they make ME guffaw like a starving mule; I find them absurd), but to my surprise he actually quite enjoyed them!! :| It THEN became my intention to find one that eclipsed his need for public attention into full-blown mortification. And I did, sure as sugar cubes. "KISS WITH A FIST" by Florence + the Machine. #erisol. I suspect each of the Creators has a most AND least favorite song to which their worshippers compile their lives into pithy shortform content. It has become my mission to find those songs.
Go on. For posterity's sake.
I'd have been kicking him down the corridor like an empty tin can just to save my shirt from his bloody excretions.
A ranking of the first several Jane Crocker Creator Music Video edits I can find online after a shallow, perfunctory skim: NEVERMIND. STOP THE PRESSES. SUDDEN DEVELOPMENT. What is this. I've been laughing for five minutes. This was SO high in the search results. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/8e0eef0f99ab.png
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/63aa1a61f5f9.jpg
It's daring. It's subversive. We are sitting our fat keisters on a nuclear meltdown quantity of potential, here. Entirely unrealized.
I HAVE JUST RECENTLY BEEN INFORMED THE ORDER OF THE NAMES MATTER AND YOU'RE CORRECT. #ScrewDirkJane #JaneDirk
Hold on. That is adorable. When are we adopting. ... THE NAME.
Maybe the real yaoi was the heterosexuality we found along the way.
Finally, someone gets it. This is the subversive full-circle schlock everyone has been waiting for. A woman... wait for it... drumroll... and a man.
Might as well toss my hat in the ring! Kidding. Good luck with that.
Another installment of five. Part three. #janetalk #controversial #hidenolonger 11.) Some among you loudly disclaiming my ideology on the feed are DEBASING YOURSELVES in my direct messages. 12.) I am not nearly as bad as a number of you are making me out to be. You wouldn't blink twice if the same opinions were delivered to your chat client by a local highblood, but your preconceptions about overly-mushy human sentimentality blind you to the fact that nothing I am saying or doing is that dadgum bad. 13.) Baking isn't that hard. You are simply piss poor at following instructions. We as a corporation have boiled the process down to the point that most primates could nail it after a couple of tries and a number of you are STILL frying crunchy-crust crudcakes straight out of your grimy ovens. Get better. 14.) I have a private tier list of you ALL ranked best to worst in terms of my personal favor. There are NO ties. I don't believe in them. Each of you is above someone and below someone else, Scooby Doo sandwich style. This includes personal friends and their iterations. You could climb or plummet from the leaderboards on a daily basis. 15.) As of the time of posting, every Alternian heiress prior to the one with which I am acquainted does not exist to me.
GOOD LORD, WOMAN. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. OBVIOUSLY NOT.
... No. :|
They simply hate to see a human winning.
I wear their frazzled nerves as a badge of honor. :B
... Are you making a pass at me.
GREAT BALLS OF FIRE! THAT'S EVEN WORSE. WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT! NO, I'M NOT "USED TO THAT." NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER DO THAT. NOT EVEN HIM. You are equivocating a domestic predicament with some lunatic's entry to the Troll Pain Olympics. ... Yes, I SAW it. No, it's not normal. No, I don't believe even the most dedicated of carnival entertainers would be willing to demolish their own genitals in such a fashion. #nsfw #nsfwe ?
That man should be on medication. God, it looked like a snake caught in a chain link fence. His circulation must have been cut off like a kinked garden hose.
...
I feel like I know you too intimately to ever speak to you.
I have been laughing for five minutes.
In installments of five. Part two. #janetalk #controversial #hidenolonger 6.) I find the social matriarchy of Alternia absolutely doggone hysterical. I think it's great and you can't change my mind. 7.) As a matter of fact, my baseline of perceived competency is automatically lower in men than it is in women. I have higher expectations of them, and therefore I find (especially here) that they disappoint me more frequently. 8.) Every time you indulge your masturbatory habits on the feed right in my face, I lose some personal respect for you. 9.) I sincerely hope this is the reason my own companions have not resorted to such measures. If I am the limiter weighing on their minds like a Catholic saint imposing sexually repressive religious guilt, then so be it. 10.) I consider Creators dating non-players a measure of desperation. #sorry #notsorry #nsfw Maybe?
I have always considered you a protege under Jake's wing and therefore immune to my standards and personal criticisms. He thinks you're swell, and I think... you're... perfectly...
Oh it's not that bad.
I ORGANIZED A COORDINATED #SUBSTANCE RELATED SHINDIG. I kept my clothes ON, mind you. It is everyone else who got all ants in their pants. #nsfw
It has, and I am saying this with no exaggeration, never happened that way in a group setting prior, in the history of my ownership of the artifact.
That is quite literally what I have done, am doing presently, and will continue to do.
There you have it. Got the pass.
Don't flatter yourself.
Ha.
Here you are. In installments of five. Part one. #janetalk #controversial #hidenolonger 1.) I automatically assume the majority of you are nineteen (YEARS old) and unemployed unless proven otherwise. 2.) Some of your typing quirks are conceptually so stupid or painful to read that I ignore your entire person. 3.) Nary a fucking one of you has facial hair worth a second glance. (Save for one I've seen, and he knows who he is.) 4.) I am constantly comparing alternative iterations of my companions to see who is or isn't measuring up. My group is typically on the winning end by my own metrics. 5.) I would LIKE to do so with my own iterations, but you all just KEEP BEING such insufferable numbskulls that I consider you Janes in name alone.
You are going to have to be more specific!
Woot for you.
Good, you caught that! I was worried it was coming off a touch too subtle!
Yes yes it's fine.
You are consistently a delight and have earned none of the above criticisms.
I don't get how the lot of you require the shadecover of an anonymous account to profess your more controversial musings. Have you even SEEN the baseline of depravity we have all collectively decided to allow on the feed? I'll say something controversial for every like on this post, no censorship required. Stop limiting yourselves. Go whole hog.
Nibble nibble.
I love you! Although I have some questions concerning your situation when you can spare the time.
Unreal Heiress, play XS by Rina Sawayama.
Based on what.
Thank you! Why are you evil. I meant to inquire earlier.
Right. Ok. Yes, right there on the tin. I don't know what I expected. Secondary inquiry. If you're evil, why are you even concerned with the confusion of the masses as to your intentions?
Heck, I'll say it.
Oh, please. Get a whiner and you can simply show a little leg. You've got about a mile of leg to sling around, don't you, stretch?
Received a comment on my previous post that read "I KEEP CHEATING ON MY MOIRAILS" and burst into laughter. I may be the boneheaded neanderthal in all this business, but discovering a partner has been unfaithful in THAT department simply does not deliver the same level of drama in my mind. "Dear, I cooked." "Oh, swell. What's for dinner?" "THAT FLOOZY YOU'VE BEEN PAPPING." #nsfw #gore too, I guess. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/3db3e2e0cdbd.jpeg
DON'T LECTURE ME ON THE NUANCES OF ALIEN ROMANCE YOU'RE THE BIG FAT PHILANDERING HUSSY.
No, it's quite alright.
Not too much on tooth size, now.
Whether or not I require the average man's apparatus to bust a walnut is not the point here. It's the principle of the thing.
YOU GET OUT OF HERE. SHOO.
Since we're in Quadrants and Charms 1101 this afternoon. React to this chit with the quadrant in which you suppose you would be your absolute MOST toxic.
TOM!!!!!
Just learned what a moirail is in technical terms. It's been insinuated to me that human beings, in their social climate, are guilty of blurring the boundary between a friendly and a pale solicitation. I will tell you right now that I believe I have NEVER been guilty of such a transgression. Pity isn't something I tote too much of to start with, let alone a sentiment I pass out to those with which I am hardly acquainted. Also, I don't think I do much pacifying! I don't suppose talking J out of Nacho Libre karaoke very well counts. Experts, you weigh in. I may not have the moiraillegiance gland in my chassis, period!
I find it borderline insulting!
... Oh. Huh. It isn't strictly reciprocal? Ok, I guess that makes me reconsider. I don't know what sort of maniac would be able to take me to task in THAT particular area, though.
Ok, point granted. But doesn't that make me the hypothetically crummy moirail?
I'm working in the hypothetical space. Factually speaking, you're correct. I don't think I have any interest in being pacified. I happen to have both hands perfectly secure on the wheel. But if a PERSON- any person, for the sake of this teaching moment- is the sole recipient of the pacifying gestures, is that... I don't know. Is that ALLOWED? Is it kosher? Or is that considered dysfunctional? Your community service keeping some maniac (not me) leashed and away from potential victims of their ire.
May I confess something.
I don't know what precisely a moirail is even for, and at this point I'm too behind the learning curve to ask.
I don't know that we qualify! Or that pity is a sensation I'm overly laden with in general.
I could see how we'd be perceived as SOMETHING.
WHAT PERSON in their right mind would endeavor to stuff a cork down the barrel of such a finely tuned weapon? :B
Errrr. Ok. I don't know that microlabeling is going to be any more helpful. But sure. What are all of the... different compartments from which we might interpret our relationship?
Inquiry for the troll population. Curious if this falls in line with your thought process. Is there a lusus which you might consider a red flag in a prospective acquaintance? If so, what is it?
Oh, great; you're absolutely right. He's going to see this and give me such an earful about it.
Great answer. Would you consider the planet well-stocked with these jellyspined lusii? Are they something of an anomaly, or is this simple common bad luck?
It's your feedback. Whichever planet you happen to hail from.
A real candy striper, so I hear through the grapevine.
I believe the average Joe's method of delivery would have fallen AWAY from the grand defensive gestures and more toward the no-frills "I'm single, btw!" Really. It seems the gentleman doth protest... not TOO much, I guess, but a curious amount.
It just seems like rather the nuclear approach when I doubt anyone would have held him to those expectations otherwise.
Oh, keep your britches on for ALL intents and purposes. You happen to be the only familiar face on my evening scroll. I expect you're something of a newcomer, so I'll take this moment to enlighten you: you will witness iterations of yourself so contrived- fetched SO far from any semblance of your own identity- that it will make your melon spin. You're as liable to date [he who shall not be mentioned here, apparently] as you are to climb up before a live theatrical audience in a bedazzled pink suit. This crowd expects the unexpected at the baseline.
What's keeping you.
Oh! Yes, quite right. Carry on. Stiff upper lip and all that. Best just to keep things moving.
My sentiments precisely.
Everyone hold your keys.
As it so happened, I had only just logged on to soothe my nerves after hours of work. How lucky was my timing?
I have no comments on the state of your... proclivities. Whatever they may or may not be! :|
Home at last- and with one more day to decompress before the turn of the work week! ... Ah, yes. 6,338 emails. That sounds about right. Unreal Heiress, initiate the inbox catch-up doomscroll.
No need to fret. I trust you kept a steady hand on the wheel in my absence.
Nothing QUITE like a group massage to round off seven solid days of professional decompression (there's a portmanteau to be had there but who could give a hoot about that right now). Guess who started sawing logs ten minutes into the rub. #jakesnoreglish I must give my companions their propers on how SEAMLESSLY we have socially integrated across this week of leisure. You may be wondering how that is even worth mentioning, given we are all adults who have been friends for over a decade who made the arrangements to venture out on vacation entirely of their own free will. To that I say: show me YOUR perfectly functional friend group. :| Trust me on this if you trust me on anything. For the Alpha Kids, one week of direct association without ANY strife is an accomplishment.
Figure of speech, Lalonde. Figure of speech! A group of pandas, I've learned from morning trivia, is called an "embarrassment." What do you call (hold a moment I'm counting) eight Rose Lalondes and a singular loose Tavros? (Leaving the punchline up to you.)
Now how could you say such a thing.
Loose the way a handful of change us loose. No remarks on her physiology in any regard here! Oh, please. If this is your paltry attempt to drive a wedge between us, you'll have no such luck. Tavros is tucked neatly under my wing. Tell her, Tavros. Now. @adiosToreador
*Is. Whoopsie-daisy. Massage oil butterfingers.
Again, watch that wedge shatter on impact as you give it another forceful shove betwixt our nestled shoulders. Nice try.
A gem as always!
Another dinner complete. Guess whose dessert was whose. #alphakidtrip #birthdayyacht #NORMALyacht #plumbplatonic #chastityboat #food #dessert #substances #blessed https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/a0e43be4a8d6.jpeg https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/9cbd9f27b7b7.jpeg https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c24b3373bc46.jpeg https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/369b8bce3231.jpeg https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/27554b09e4d6.jpeg
I don't even recall posting these photos, but allow me a moment to verify. ... You didn't get a single dish on the mark! Gee whiz.
HELL. NO.
I slapped at a camera being shoved in my direction. I consider it a disruption of my personal space and I will not respect it.
Not too much on Jane, now.
Pranks are A-OK on my seaward vessel, pally.
First off: oh boy, what a fearful concept. :B Secondly: you DO recall that we can fly, don't you?
True art.
Gee. Only half?
Is this one of your local- well. I don't want to say "peers." Seemingly not. Associates?
Nevermind. I should have known Rice Purity was going to be something filthy if I heard about it in this godforsaken cesspool. I'll make an attempt.
What on Earth does "kissed horizontally" even mean. Kissed while reclining???
This is a hilarious way to commit and/or become victimized by first degree murder. If you're looking to thrill yourself, can't you just peruse Craigslist and start meeting THOSE strangers in undisclosed locations?
-- gutsyGumshoe sent SECURE COORDINATES. --
Who am I to argue with such analytical prowess?
How is it possible that the two woman leads of this movie have more chemistry than any heterosexual couple plotside. It is PROMINENT if even *I* notice. #lesbians #maybe
I know yuri. Only just learned that term. My time on the platform is really leveling up my vocabulary.
Absolutely, yes.
Why. What happened.
Oh. I see.
After THAT display of gutting emotional vulnerability? Absolutely not. :B
Huh.
Oh boy, the jackpot. I believe the shred of my fate delivered via diminutive paper note reads "HELP! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!"
Much obliged. Keep up the good work.
My voice has been entirely depleted by karaoke. But we've arrived at the island for the day. Suppose I'd better clear my throat with a morning shot. :B #substances
I'm attempting to save it for breakfast before I dispense with the injury. I think there's a certain comedic value in croaking my good-morning. ... :B Thank you, dear. It's very much appreciated. <3
Oh, all right.* *FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES ONLY. #nsfw I guess. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/6c6afb9be7a7.jpeg
:| Have we even spoken.
Not you.
That was a necessity kill. I couldn't very well put either of them anywhere else.
Thank you. I hope my reasoning here is all somewhat transparent.
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN COMMANDER OF.
What is this.
THE WINNER OF THE DANCE-OFF TO WIN THE ADDITIONAL BINGO CARD WAS... CALLIE, SOMEHOW? I did NOT know Callie could do the splits.
I lost my everloving mind.
So do I!!
Jake has apparently paid the crew exorbitant fistfuls of cash to see which salamander on board can blow the bubble faring best against the sea breeze. I come up to the pool deck and he has them lined up blowing salivary membranes ROILING with vape cloud. #substances I guess.
Just serve drinks.
You have my dadgum ship stunk up like the green can of pringles.
Wish you were here!
I have been attempting to sober up from WHATEVER was in that brownie Jake brought... for the last seven hours. AMA. #substances
Yes.
Pineapple is a viable standalone topping and needs no accompaniment.
I guess.
You'll have to score your own transportation back to the realm of the living.
Several hours of debauchery, NEVER to be narrated to an outside party.
By me. Never to be narrated to an outside party by me.
...
Ship's nearly ready. Just making the final preparations. Fresh flowers, groceries. Staff NDAs.
We can fly. Give your well-wishes to the staff. :B
I THOUGHT WE WERE DISCUSSING A POSSIBLE TITANIC SCENARIO.
I publicly reaffirm that if the ship does go down, I will personally reanimate all casualties.
Oh, if you quite insist. #nsfw #nsfwe https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/cceba63e6892.jpeg
The first IQ of zero. Shut down the labs, everyone. We've successfully created the first man with no brain.
Don't you have a masturbatory habit to feed. #NSFW I guess.
I'll be at the bus stop three days' walking distance from your home. Don't leave until I get there.
I AM NOT SEX YACHTING WITH THE OTHER CREATORS IT IS A SIMPLE BIRTHDAY PARTY THERE ARE AGENTS OF DISCORD ACTIVELY WORKING TO BESMIRCH MY GOOD NAME you know what. I'm going to calm down. It's fine. I'm an adult. #nsfw
Who is this?
Hard to tell. For obvious reasons.
Glad you continue to respond. I wouldn't have known I hit a nerve, otherwise!
Are you wearing lipstick in your PFP.
It looks nice.
Unreal Heiress questioning when I will allow her to integrate onto public-facing social media platforms. I said "missy, when you can keep those egregious opinions to yourself." But she promised. I don't know. What say you all?
Oh Jesus Christ.
OH MY GOD, DON'T GIVE HIM THAT!
Yes, I can see that. :| It's fine.
... Oh, dear. Don't you fret. You were practically flung into the fray by the HORDES OF MOUTHBREATHING PERVERTS.
...
Aww. Hello, you.
@caligulasAquarium Are you presently on Beforus to give chase after your ancestor?
Ok. Text me if you won't be back in time for that dinner thing with the board.
Now we're talking.
I've only JUST been given the briefing on the structure of this fictional archetyping. Of course you're all omegas. #NSFW #myalphatest
... Congratulations.
YOU CEASE YOUR BLITHERING LIES THIS INSTANT. YOU TOOK THE STUPID TEST.
You can't be too surprised at the lack of leadership.
What the hell is this. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/13b0bfa679ac.png https://aboquiz.org/quiz/ #nsfw #myalphaquiz
Finally in contact with the real intellectuals of our age. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/53b1fdcbd174.png
... DO I know??
:|
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE THIS INSTANT!!!!!
THAT'S RIGHT. Thank you.
BUT THE SELECTIONS ARE MY HYPOTHETICAL CHOICE. I AM CAPABLE OF SELECTING MY OWN RIDICULOUSLY OVERPOPULATED MOB OF- why am I arguing about this.
Thank you. You see, it's tolerable when YOU say it.
OH SHUT THE FUCK UP.
IT'S A NORMAL CRUISE AND THANK YOU FOR THE WELL WISHES.
Sure, I've got a comment for you. En route right now.
Official statement. The subsection of the Creator Pantheon formerly known as the "Alpha Kids" are NOT in any manner of vacillating quadruple-slash-quintuple. Thank you.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS SERIOUS?
OH GOOD LORD CALLIE PLEASE CUT ME A BREAK HERE.
NO!
Quadruple sec. That's funny.
NOPE! I THINK YOU'LL FIND THAT AS FAR AS FEELINGS GO WE HAVE EXHAUSTED ALL POSSIBLE CONVERSATIONS AND ARE TIGHT AS ICE-COLD CLAMS!
Ok sure why the hell not. I just saw you on the security camera at work, by the by. Were you hit by a train. How are you alive. You look mauled.
Not beating the ashen allegations.
STOP MAKING US OBJECTS FOR THE ENJOYMENT OF PERVERTS.
... Ok, I might have thought the timing of these posts through a touch more. Previous chit aside. I will be on a private yacht tour with Dirk, Jake, Roxy and Calliope starting this Friday and continuing across the next. Eleven days. Im commemoration of my birthday. ... It's a normal, friendlystyle, PLATONIC private yacht retreat. ... I will still be answering emails and official inquiries. And maybe we'll post some pictures.
Ok sure why the hell not. Can you serve drinks.
Who in blue blazes was even talking about that.
Is this just you trying to score an invite.
As am I.
Looking forward to the ad space.
Wholesome content, I assure you.
Can confirm.
ALYS.
I'm not apprised of this gentleman's identity, but I'm told he's of some importance to Eridan's cultural legacy. If you know him, you may be an Eridan Ampora SUPERFAN. #eridanweek #finale
:B
<3 !
That isn't how human beings use that emoticon, necessarily.
Er. We are not a couple in any capacity.
What in blue blazes do you mean "why not."
Right, because I'm just going to let you pursue me and Callie at the same time. :| Fat chance.
hERE, @GUTSYgUMSHOE THIS IS, mY UNDERSTANDING OF THE WHOLE, aLPHA kID DYNAMIC, hERE, aM i MISSING SOMETHING, KEY AND VITAL? HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/E7E7E4702E0C.PNG
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
@timaeusTestified#0414 @golgothasTerror @tipsyGnostalgic#2248 @uranianUmbra#4373
@caligulasAquarium
</>
OH SHUT UP.
Don't look at my liked chits. There's someone on the feed incessantly posting photos of fat-cheeked bunnies and I am growing increasingly distracted from my work inbox.
Milkshake duck moment.
Oh my god.
I'm as pleasantly surprised as you are seething.
Whatever you need to tell yourself. :B
AMA. http://cdn.imgchest.com/files/1b23a98a6532.png
I am pretty sure there is one mustache in popular culture that is widely regarded as "not the move."
Do giddyup with that.
What is the point of searching this tag if the involved posts are just going to be psychotic drivel. Are you really though.
YOU COULDN'T HANDLE IT.
I WAS wondering why you looked so orange in your pfp. Now we know. :B Beta-carotene? I think you mean to call him the carotene alpha.
Does it? Am I not yet apprised of this secret legion of citrus-haters? :B
I simply assumed it was a universally tolerated fruit.
Who drew this. This looks nothing like me. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/09ba1e68ab9d.png
Silence your blithering fool mouth.
... Thank you.
I'd like to thank the Academy. Er, though I find it pertinent to acknowledge I am not running clout figures near as high as the Rankmaid.
You have no jurisdiction over my employees and independent contractors.
You may remove it, Mr. Mars.
Probably.
The come-hither beckoning of a good mystery.
Good morning, all. Holy cow, my birthday is rapidly approaching. The date almost slipped my mind.
Oh, har har. :B I wonder which pope arbitrarily selected from old Terran history they will use for the Pope room. I do love the facade of old-school Italian-American catholicism that hangs over the place.
Uh, gee. Thanks.
Planning committee is on it now, apparently!
Came to say this exactly.
Don't even try it. He knows what he did.
YOU can have two.
Scouring the surveillance footage from #IWANTCANDY night. Trust me. MOST of these clips are best never to see the light of day again. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/2b98abba0f13.png
Oh, I'm sure you would have found the whole affair a big old hoot.
THAT WASN'T WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME. Overall I think the night was a success. Minor roadbumps. All fine.
I don't entirely regret it.
I never envisioned YOU as the type to allow yourself to lament over the past for longer than a rough couple of hours. That was nearly a day ago. Aren't you over it?
SHUT UP THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.
Oh lord, another one.
... ... ... Good morning.
I don't, uh. ... I'm not ready to talk about it. :|
I don't know.
No.
Guh.
Euthana sia.
IT'S FINE. EVERYTHING IS FINE.
NO WE DIDN'T NOTHING HAPPENED THIS IS A PUBLIC FORUM THANKS SEE YOU LATER.
You could not, with the double-death laser to my head, get me to set foot on a Wii Fit.
That's one way to achieve the rock-hard bod.
Take it up with the fine print.
THROW IT AWAY.
Doubt.
Objectively gauging its potential, more like.
YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU FESTERING WRETCHED EVIL ASSHOLE.
Like t his post to #help me #helpme
No.
... Official stadtement maybe. In light of yesterdasy evening's festrivities, this day of #eridanweek will bes our day of rest. #dayofrest
Nothing ist worse.
Speak for yourself!
What is odd about the phrasing of this altercation.
Why would you invoke this.
Just saw this.
In the Crockercorp HQ test kitchen trying to be nice about the recipe I am ABSOLUTELY rejecting later. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d09195f5621f.png
TEST kitchen. For NEW recipes, Bruno.
You can't pick Jirachi.
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
Jeff the Killer in my notifications and he's mediating me. HE'S mediating ME? I believe some reorganization of priorities are in order, here, Jeff.
I don't think I can STOP him, necessarily, but I think I'm justified in offering a little bit of feedback here!
A #personalpost unrelated to official matters. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/13e808cfa613.png
... Thank you.
What. I haven't even announced the latter yet. Wait, what are YOU talking about.
HMPH.
You just went on the list.
Don't worry about it.
Haven't I heard this somewhere before? :B
A formal statement on the events of last night's MARVUS XOLOTO performance. It is my sincerest regret that our star performer was not able to enchant you all with the musical stylings of his newest single #BIGFATA$$. However, it seems the arrival of some additional bad actors, in a desperate plea NOT to change the ideologies of the people, but merely to gain my attention, detonated an explosive in the arena shortly after the announcement of the night's closing performance. UNFORTUNATELY, the sheer quantity of oil sprayed amongst the arena and crowds acted as an accelerator. Crockercorp pledges to utilize a water-based lubricant for all future events featuring two men in skimpy shorts slamming one another before a roaring crowd. Anyway. Reanimations and mass healings have taken place throughout the evening and are now completed. Thank you all for attending. Announcement for this evening's festivities are to come shortly. #eridanweek #bombing #oiledup #badcombo
Yes, the odor was wretched.
You're welcome.
@golgothasTerror @timaeusTestified#0414
No. I planned, sponsored and hosted the event. I also own the venue. But I didn't attend. I had to take a journey of my own to procure the necessary implement for tonight's events.
You're very welcome. I am, as it so happens. ... Announcement soon to come.
Please enjoy the alternative enrichment of #nothingweek sponsored by CROCKERCORP! Your endorsement compensation is on the way, Kankri. It is truly a pleasure doing business with you.
He's such a kidder, this one.
What a towering load of stinking tripe.
Unrelated to tonight's festivities. Settling a disagreement with a board member. At what temperature is most appropriate to eat your dinner, presuming the meal is NOT meant to be served chilled? ♥️ - Scalding hot. ♦️ - Hot, but after having cooled down for a couple of minutes. ♠️ - Lukewarm. ♣️ - Room temperature.
Only one correct answer to this, btw.
Horrific! Thank you!
I wish I could rechit replies.
This is a socially respectable answer, at least.
YOU ARE GROSS.
Do I have to rechit this one.
So HE'S allowed to say this???
No.
OH I LEFT MY STUPID LIPSTICK IN MY BRA AGAIN IT'S MELTED.
... My lipstick?
... What? Where are you.
YOU DO NOT HAVE MY BRA. STOP YANKING ME.
I am not coming to your hive.
BECAUSE MY BRA IS PRESENTLY STRAPPED TO MY TORSO, WHERE IT LIVES.
... Keep calling me that. @terminallyCapricious#2753 Observe.
I hope you're all prepared for #RUMBLENIGHT as we bring the Pumpkin Patch @golgothasTerror @timaeusTestified#0414 to #ERIDANWEEK ! Marvus Xoloto @clownBae will be performing his hit new single #BIGFATA$$ BY MARV && PROD DJ FODDER LIVE. #bigfatass LISTEN NOW. ------------ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SsqOFk_0z0 ------------ LISTEN NOW. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/4e0e870631ef.PNG
One to titillate your senses. Slake your thirst for blood. And also oil. I've been told there will be a lot of #oilingup .
Oh, great. Another of you.
... Squint.
No, dear.
Why did you create false screen captures of my account. That seems a little amateurish.
... Good morning. :|
I happen to be doing VERY well this morning, Calder. Thank you. I am in ship-shape as expected.
That's. Great. ... Just zoomed in on your profile picture. What in the dank bowels of Hell happened to you.
I happen to be spending the wee hours of my day with some impeccable company.
... Errrr. Why didn't they just cull you.
Wasiton
wasingon State
UGH. Oh, I'll tell you where you can stuff this ridiculous libel.
I've shunted nosier sniffers than yours behind bars.
As it so happens, attempting to measure my physiology using your paltry means will do little to stick your point. My body has undoubtedly long since metabolized even the trace elements of anything I may or may not have accidentally ingested. I am FULLY healed.
Fuck I should have just said yes.
Im laydow
Godnight
hi
Callie
hi
Happy STUPID #wizardwednesday at #eridanweek. I am reluctantly participating in the costume theming of the evening at the behest of @tipsyGnostalgic#2248 This hat makes me look like a gnome. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/e3ef4ea1b9df.png
Please don't sext in my comment section. Please. #nsfw
Hrmmmm...
DISRESPECTFULLY?
Your content isn't fit to house the manure, let alone root the crops.
My fucking WHAT?
...
No.
What is "Sasunaru."
... That was meant to be a reply. Great.
Oh, great. No, no no. I am not getting tangled up in this yaoiyuri business AGAIN. As far as I'm concerned, "YAOI" is the sound you make when you stub your toe on the doggone doorframe.
I brought my toe into the discussion mostly as hyperbole. ... Ok. That's a. Clinical overview of the whole. What would you like me to call it. An art form? I don't know if I personally see the appeal. But not everything is going to be tailored precisely to my tastes. ... Tell me more about this "seme" dealie. Would you find the term applicable (in an equivalent scenario) to a confident and assertive woman?
And if an individual were curious as to which category they WOULD fall into, hypothetically. Would you say that there exists a healthy quantity of. Online quizzes on the subject. As a completely... random example.
Where the hell have you been.
Oh! Well. Bully for you.
I... I know. I know this about you.
Done this.
111.
wwho wwants to see me do a cannonball into the wwavvepool from my airship #eridanwweek
There, there.
Someone ping me if he breaks his neck.
It is with a bittersweet heart that I must announce my immediate resignation from #Crockercorp. These many years of collaboration have been the best of my life. However. It is not the place of the gods to meddle in mortal business. I understand this, now. I will be retiring to the Altar of Life, where I will live out eternity in the comfort of my friends, the other Creators, and dispense the touch of Life to all who may seek my aid. It is my duty to the people of Earth-C, my children. I love you all.
Don't... don't talk about my peaks.
... Thank you.
... Oh, Tobias. We're really in it now. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/95fc58521324.webp
You aren't fit to shine his boots.
Don't talk to him like that.
Why are you biting your wings.
I could possibly remedy.
Are you on Earth C?
Of course it's numbered. Someone teach this nincompoop that there is a finite quantity of days in a WEEK. :B
Oh, gee. That would be a shame. That you would put innocent civilians in harm's way to further your own wicked goals.
HOO HOO HOO HOO.
Are you even a citizen of Earth-C.
You know damn well that was not there.
... Touché.
Agree.
Pass.
... Ahem. Both Eridan Prime and Troll Bruno Mars have been successfully recovered from the clutches of the nefarious skank haunting my venue. The perimeter is now open for those of you who would like to roam the grounds. Crockercorp drones have been recalled. All attendees of #eridanweek are now entitled to one free deep-fried triple glazed cinnamon honey butter stick. Thank you for your patience. And now. Troll Bruno Mars.
Reanimations in progress.
Good on you. Now go enjoy that free butter.
NO!
THAT IS NOT THE PURPOSE OF THE TAG STOP SAYING THAT.
You hideous fucking reprobate. You will not get away with this. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE is going to post #MayICome at your behest. You will be captured and summarily EXECUTED FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST THE PANTHEON.
I will grind my heel into the mangled dregs of your skull. Fucking #gore I guess.
NO.
NO THEY'RE SECURITY LEAVE THEM BE. God damn it.
I saw you.
HE'LL BE FINE.
I will I will I will I'm a little busy right now JOHN!!!
WHERE ARE YOU.
Um. Ok. A brief pause on the festivities at #eridanweek as we sort out. ... Something is happening. Please stand by. What do you mean where is he? Turn off voice to text.
No you didn't. You're not even here.
Hold on. I'm getting word that there's been a breach of the security perimeter at #eridanweek.
Stand by. Dispatching drones.
Proud to announce @screamingPoet as an independent performer at #ERIDANWEEK SPONSORED BY CROCKERCORP with a humorous satirical monologue on our beloved ERIDAN AMPORA! We here at Crockercorp encourage ALL religious and political creeds to gather and freely express their hearts and minds. @screamingPoet , welcome to the Crocker family.
This old jokester.
I'll tell you in a week.
Make sure you try the funnel cake. :B
If you do I'll immediately sponsor and endorse you and you'll merely be branded a corporate shill.
Okie-doke.
Are you satisfying your sweet tooth at #eridanweek? Tune in for the COTTON CANDY EATING COMPETITION. We have FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS of pure spun sugar to delight your senses and rot your oral cavities. Signup posts are by the stand. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/58440a0d5c85.jpg
Whoopsie-daisy.
Absolutely. You munch or you get off the stage.
Phrasing sorry.
I didn't say that just to you because you're. You know. I'm an ally. #ally
That depends. Did you walk by the stand in a stiff breeze. Some might have fallen out of your skirt. :|
I don't know. I think I hear your collar jingling.
The bounce house is currently being repaired. First individual to #killspadesslick will INHERIT the bounce house after #eridanweek has concluded. How would you like to be #bouncingonit for years to come? @spadesSlick#8817 #violence
Oh, I'm going to revive you, you big fucking crybaby.
Yes.
Yes??? I am quite literally going to reanimate him.
Precisely. You're welcome to message me directly on the subject if you'd actually like to discuss on a peer-level basis. I... guess I SORT OF owe you that courtesy.
'Atta boy.
HEY.
Don't be a square.
No, but you're welcome to come cut a rug at the concert venue!
Don't care. Not his money.
It'll be your fucking funeral fund.
You are capable of painting the ground and little else if you continue to defy me.
You're blackmailing me over the bounce house? Blood from a turnip. It would cost me less to dispose of you! :|
The trampolines??? Dm me.
Howdy, you!
And yet you're still here.
I am not attending #eridanweek due to threats and also attempts on my life, but I truly hope that everyone enjoys all of the wonderful events and fun organized by @gutsyGumshoe
Hoo hoo!
Thank you, Calder. :B
Oh ok.
It's better. @castigatedGement
Wait. Don't credit us on this. Oh, great.
Huge for the community. Some well deserved recognition for an up-and-coming flavor powerhouse. Keep us tuned.
Today's #eridanweek demo experience at the UNREAL HEIRESS TIARATOP FLARP EDITION Virtual Reality Headset will be a real-time combat simulation across the LAND OF WRATH AND ANGELS. Complete with realistic pain receptor engagement. Maul your friends! Vanquish your foes. Then refuel at THE AMPHORA, our exclusive VIP wine bar. #violence
I sort of like his constant twisting and grinning and flouncing.
:B
It's our product collab.
They're there. So I hear.
Which of these #eridanweek treats has been YOUR favorite? ♥️- THE CHUM BUCKETS - 48 OF OUR FRESHLY BAKED CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES WITH ONE GALLON OF ICE-COLD MILK, SERVED IN TWIN COMMEMORATIVE PLASTIC #ERIDANWEEK BUCKETS ♦️- THE "MAKE SWANSON PROUD" - A SMOKED TURKEY LEG WRAPPED IN CANDIED BACON AND CRISPY BONELESS CHICKEN THIGH ♣️- THE HEARTSTOPPER - A TRIPLE GLAZED DEEP FRIED CINNAMON HONEY BUTTER STICK ♠️- THE ORPHANER - A FIVE-POUND LOCALLY SOURCED LUSUS TENDRIL, YAKITORI GRILLED WITH A SPICY SOY GLAZE
Keep trying!
I'll field this idea with the planning committee.
As a matter of fact, I do.
Day two of seven. Fasten your seatbelts.
Some of you animals are brutally misusing the #eridanweek commemorative plastic cookie buckets.
Did you at least eat the cookies.
Thank you to whomever decided to bomb the executive motorcade on its morning stroll. My flesh is resilient, but my lusus hide boots and coat are ruined. ALSO, my chauffeur was completely incinerated. We had to sift his charred bones from the everloving rubble. And now I have to give him a week's PTO. Not funny.
Hmph.
First person to bring their successful #wordle attempt to the gyro stand will receive a FREE breakfast gyro and a LINE-CUTTER FASTPASS to the UNREAL HEIRESS TIARATOP FLARP HEADSET PRODUCT COLLAB.
Got to keep breakfast gyro expenses down somehow.
Good morning, all! I hope those of you residing at our campgrounds make use of the hygienic facilities to hose yourselves off prior to the commencement of DAY TWO OF #ERIDANWEEK ! Seriously. Please bathe. Some of you were rotten on your way in, and I do NOT mean your @clownBae concert diapers. The official casualty list will be posted outside between the musical performance roster and the gyro stand. Congratulations. Official counts from last night NOT INCLUDING CROWDHEAL tally in at 142. *Gyro stand currently offering breakfast options.
But of course. We still need him for tonight's show. Who else is going to ceaselessly twist and grin and frolic around that stage?
I wouldn't do that.
Not permanently.
Ninety-seven casualties and counting, buster.
Tell that to the heap of deceased I have to revive DURING the afterparty. Like staff or something.
Only the best.
A resounding thank you to @freakNasty for a performance rivaling even the greats of our generation. Comment below or react to this post if you'd like to formally apply to become a Folykl Darane SUPERFAN. *Folykl Darane superfans may be tasked with cadaver removal and extraction duties prior to attending the OFFICIAL ERIDAN WEEK NIGHT ONE AFTERPARTY.
Judging by the crowd, you have acquired yourself a whole greasy scalpful.
All are welcome.
It's never too late.
Die.
That's what I'm talking about.
Depends.
CEASE, UNDEAD SPECTER.
Ask her. Anything can happen at #eridanweek.
Unreal Heiress, turn that shit the fuck up.
@kingofPop Has been removed from the roster of performers for #eridanweek. THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING! INSTEAD, PLEASE ENJOY THE MUSICAL STYLINGS OF @freakNasty !!! OUR NEW #ERIDANWEEK HEADLINER!
Nothing we could do.
Get this thing on stage NOW.
I'm not joking. I will put you on the mic.
Dress to your own comfort.
Depends. Are you going to chit #imcoming to #eridanweek.
Stag Beetle Week next week.
In a legally nonbinding way, sure!
Just get in the fake volcano. It's red velvet cake batter.
You're very welcome.
Not too late.
No such posts. Fake news.
Decompress in the medical tent. I'm resolving casualties en masse in the front rows.
Looks like we're scoping our first disembowelments of the evening, folks! #igotgoredateridanweek #gore #nsfw
Start moshing.
It's not too late.
You won't have a firsthand account of festivities if you don't come to the event yourself.
Ahem... my good gentletroll. I won't be able to repost your chit unless you feed it direct to the timeline. :B
Sour grape talk.
Complimentary resurrection available at the MEDICAL TENT at #eridanweek. Simply toss your companion's cadaver and/or severed portions off and they will be returned to you for additional festivities in three hours or less. *Cadavers will be reanimated in the order which they are received.
Not on the headset. This is just a general precaution in case Marvus' performance incites mass violence.
This is legally binding proof that I can let you fester in the ditch, buster. But I don't know. I'll see if I feel any pity when I look down upon your bloated bits.
No such thing. All guests welcome. Yourself included.
Lose them in the crowd.
A weeklong festival celebrating a member of this planet's beloved pantheon of Creator gods. Interdimensional guests welcome. Transportation provided all gratis.
Only the best.
It's a completely separate dealie. I don't know who Jeevik is.
This is an unrelated one-time event thrown by the Creator gods of an entirely different planet. So no, I figure this is a separate concept altogether.
What is gloopy.
No date required. Just bring your dancing feet.
So long as you post #imcoming to #eridanweek and bask in the festivities.
A weeklong festival celebrating a member of our planet's beloved pantheon. Interdimensional guests welcome.
Typically attendees would also post their intentions publicly with the two compulsory tags. :B I'm sure you've seen them.
Here to celebrate you! And our new collab!
Restless crowds of local civilians are already gathering at the #eridanweek musical venue to enjoy an evening of smash performances from our choice lineup of musical artists. Are YOU coming to #eridanweek? https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/e1a64c14e44a.webp
Absolutely.
Read 'em and weep.
You were not invited.
Why!
Errrrr. This is a celebration of a very much beloved member of our social circle.
Have you even met him.
You're invited.
You're invited.
A weeklong festival celebrating a minor god in our beloved pantheon. Certainly worth the dimensional travel.
I'll DM.
IT'S WHAT?
THEY SAID HE WAS A COSMONAUT
NOT ME!
Wait. What am I saying. I don't care. I think it's fine. I'm completely ambivalent.
YES I DO I THINK THEY'RE FINE I'M AN ALLY.
I AM NOT HOMOPHOBIC. I HAVE NOT INTERNALIZED ANYTHING EXCEPT MY TOTAL AND UTTER ACCEPTANCE OF ALL IDENTITY MINORITIES. #ally
I guess so!
Who is yuri?
This is probably the answer.
Congratulations! Who is yuri.
@golgothasTerror What night are we coordinating outfits for #eridanweek . This is my proposal. Remember there's always a stark breeze out near the island. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/5cf564c38966.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/12ee95805db6.PNG
I can forward the request to my team. What colors would you like.
God, they ought to put you on NPR. Ok, sure. I will pick a couple of those many colors you so generously proffered.
Tuesday works. @adiosToreador Count on that being your day to don your matching duds as well.
No spoilers, my good sir. :B
I won't blame you for one moment for fielding off your anticipation! Nor for weeding out the ninnies.
Have you recently updated the password to the email to which the copier is connected. Are you selecting the correct device on your console. Is the wifi spotty in the venue.
Sounds like an issue of connectivity. Try restarting the copier.
Who is Markiplier.
I see. Nevermind!
You're a real thinker of your time, aren't you.
You're just eking with sheer reality-bending brainpower.
WHAT THE HELL.
Why are you green.
Why, of course. :B Good morning, you.
Ok, yes, I'm going to wear the silly robes. But only on the one day. We ARE celebrating a gentletroll who himself has an aversion to the subject matter, you know. Sort of a party pooper set of duds to don on his day.
I've said this before and I will say it again. Given enough time, this collective will plumb the depths of both your amusement AND your disappointment. Welcome, Miss Lalonde.
HOW DO YOU UNRECHIT SOMETHING I WASN'T THINKING
You did great.
Some of you clearly don't own a Betty Crocker airfryer.
I know. I've just become privy to your financial situation this morning.
Oh, great. A word of advice. Never neglect to clean out the storage in your sylladex. Especially do not store items in your bra because your personal inventory system is over-encumbered. It has only been an hour, and now this lipstick is too warm to use. The pigment is going to come off on me like a melted crayon.
Hoo hoo.
It wouldn't be a ride to work without some minor projectiles plinking off the sides of the armored vehicle. Also, the weather is positively balmy this end of the Human Kingdom this morning.
Queen is fine.
#Justgirlthings.
I have a feeling my hired consort translator may be absolutely hamfisting this meeting.
I'm not bilingual or anything but I swear that is not the intonation of the naks you use in a formal setting.
Alright. You're hired.
Good morning, spunky little horse thing.
Now that is commitment.
And THAT is why the institution of marriage is to the death.
Oh lord!!!
Whose name would you like me to invoke in his place?
Alright, sure. Oh, R... wait. Hold on. I am not facilitating... whatever this is about to be. Don't think I don't know about all that silly mess!
I don't know if looping RL in particular into a discussion about your intimate ro-bits is something I want to be here for. #nsfw ?
Yes, but do flag me down if that happens so I can shimmy out the exit. :B All the invocation and religious imagery aside. Do you even have wires.
Hoo hoo hoo hoo.
Since we're talking about cereal. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/84b433edddb5.png
I wish I could rechit replies.
Thank you, John!! :B
#Vagueposting - SOME OF YOU don't know the difference between a butter crust and a shortbread crust and it shows.
Thank you for your support, er... Riplei.
It's been pointed out to me that some individuals have mistaken my icon for a grub. That isn't what it is, but I guess I have no objections to THAT particular miscommunication. There are worse things for which one could mistake the Frightening Beast. It has been sort of condensed and amputated and neotenized by the constraints of the design.
Really? Gee, ok. Let me try to rework that in my settings. One moment.
How about now.
Splendid! Thank you for the assist.
- Oh... this is beautiful... 🥹 #<>Goals
@terminallyCapricious#2753 YOU ARE PERMANENTLY CUT OFF FROM SUGAR.
WE ARE NOT MOIRAILS.
Since we're discussing My Little Pony. I was recently forwarded an unsolicited piece of fanart by a business associate. I suppose this is meant to be me. ... And I guess I like that the tail is in a bun. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/afb85a4b3157.png
Thank... you.
You. I don't. ... My jaw.
Depends on if you've done anything. This is your chance to fess up.
Do not report your findings back to this individual. You are the victim of social sabotage.
What the hell is Beforus.
Well, I don't know when I have ever been known to make generalizations about any group of people, ever.
Not exactly a stiff one, is it? What's stopping you from feeding your pocket change into a vending machine.
And as long as we're comparing the two, Pibb has the more pronounced fruit flavor and universally preferable flavor profile. Pepper is the acquired taste, branding aside.
This is sort of novel. I have never been on the delivering end of this interaction before. Ok! You may or may not have gathered from the general landscape of the site that I am not a troll. In my culture, soda is something given to children, akin to a piece of candy, and is not a soporific of any sort. Unless we're dueling semantics on what constitutes a "stiff drink," I've got to tell you. I did NOT know trolls considered it an adult beverage.
WHAT? Hold a moment. I'm. I'm going to DM you. >:|
What the hell is a shortstack.
Yes it does!!!! >:(
I. You. What? What???
Oh.
Oh, there's a varmint around here, all right.
I can't isolate why, exactly, but this user is automatically charming AND relatable.
I get ragging on the low median intelligence of the platform, but your puss is a touch too sour for someone who's only just arrived. You really should conserve some of that energy. These people will plumb the depths of your disappointment beyond your current comprehension.
Not without a sweetener, it isn't!
Allow me to tweak your recipe to make it somewhat more palatable to the senses.
I promised that if my previous post received enough likes, I would show you all which piece of godfiction inspired me to lobby for the criminalization of godfiction, and I intend to follow through. It was not a literary work as you might suspect, but a video. It has now been taken down, but you may recognize these screenshots. Let me know if you do. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/1d43b6ab0101.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/fc41a01b715e.png
It was my duty to protect the public from this fucking drivel.
Precisely.
A crime.
No kidding.
My dear, sometimes drastic measures must be taken. :|
SHUT UP. ... I wish I could rechit replies.
Arrested Development rewatch.
GOB. Thank you for sensing my needs, here!
Define "act up." Because maybe.
Oh. Errr. Then I have no idea, actually.
This may be better redirected to private message.
I thought they were sort of self-explanatory.
You may have better luck with the CrockCo garlic parmesan crispy chicken danish. Not everyone likes a mouthful of chicken gloop and wet, dense, underbaked dough.
This is a real cultural crisis for all Trollkind.
No good deed goes unpunished, I fear!!
Another successful visit on behalf of the Bake-A-Wish foundation. Although I can't help but question the clouded judgment of some of these unfortunates. You're only going to get, what? Four or five more years out of your reanimated grandmother? Meanwhile, the alternative offering of the FULL Betty Crocker suite of household products will still be in your household fifteen years from now. Oh well. No accounting for taste.
I'll DM you a link to submit your sob story to the foundation.
And to think I tuned my eyes up for some fresh material only to discover this is the same review J and I read over call last night. Tsk, tsk. I'm all for moving untouched product, but to perk me out of my chair and get me excited for another cinematic flaying, only to show me Better off Dead AGAIN? If anyone has recommendations for your purview, it would be me. I've been saddled with more titles than an overencumbered librarian at Jake's behest and enjoyed almost none of them. ... And the scathing reviews DO score better numbers, if that's your angle.
Mulling over the selection. I'll DM you.
You'd find superior wholesale discounts and access to industrial-quantity markdown goods at CrockCo.
I'll comp your membership dues for a branded post.
I can further sweeten the deal. DM for details.
Nonsense.
Excellent choice.
Nothing like cutting a fresh track through the murky alleyways of the city.
I wish I could rechit replies.
Why did I get Romantic Knife.
WE ARE NOT VACILLATING.
It's a free cull boost. I don't fathom why.
I'm contemplating providing sponsorship funding and a venue for #eridanweek IF said subject of festivity can drum up the necessary attention. @caligulasAquarium
I just don't appreciate the unsolicited bossing, if you don't terribly mind! :|
Oh, dear, you know he'd rather chomp dirt. :|
I'll wear the darn robes for you one time if you'll stop nipping my heels about it.
... Yes. If you amend your formal statement of withdrawal. It's on my chin now.
<3 !
Must we???
All right. Get with my office and I'll see what we can lobby the Human Kingdom to carve out.
If it opens up an opportunity to place you in my social debts. :B
STOP.
AUGH.
>:( ... :| Yes, obviously. Don't text me that face. I can see you in my mind's eye.
HOLD ON HOLD ON. ... Errrr. Ahem. I beg your pardon?
I THINK YOU MAY BE MISSING A KEY COMPONENT OF THE INTERACTION THAT WOULD QUALIFY US.
WAIT WAIT WAIT.
Open inquiry for the trolls. Is it considered a social faux pas to have an individual with whom your relationship is sort of volatile and dynamic in nature? What do you call it when you have an individual whom you enjoy very much in one moment and despise mere seconds later. Surely you are not permitted to continuously move that tile from quadrant around hour by hour. Or are you. How does any of that work. Do they force you to commit to one schtick.
I wish I could rechit replies.
"I can fix her." "I can help her." Start enabling her.
Taste.
No.
If I've been cancelled in any way that matters, how am I here?
Then he must not be THAT cancelled.
To those among you presently grappling with the recent accusations of cannibalism against me, I would like to offer TWO think pieces to tickle your budding minds. First: is it cannibalism to consume a member of a totally distinct sapient species? Secondly: https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f349bad3640d.png
All this banter and I don't even think I'm in your timeline. Sorry to that Jane, I guess. She ought to have employed more snipers in her home security system.
You're the only one of the four I think I like.
I wish I could rechit replies.
All frivolous lies. My quote-unquote "haters" are "making moves," but these paltry plays will bear no fruit on MY social currency. You can bet your little bottom on that, sir.
Good.
I specifically placed my executive desk beside the window to maximize simulated #outside time. I just keep the Chittr feed on brainwave to peruse between tasks.
I only engage in one form of cardio.
I can see I'm going to have to issue a blanket statement on this.
They say all press is good press.
I'm sure that's covered somewhere under a stand your ground type of precedent.
I'd serve you on a platter too if you weren't such a glutton for your own flesh.
To clarify- Not "alive."
THREATS TO YOUR WELL-BEING ARE NOT MEANT TO BE COMFORTING.
This one can live. He's about footstool high.
In your case, the lobster could have probably engaged in a more effective smear campaign.
What's vore.
I threatened to kill and eat you, spitefully. I don't know what THAT word means and I refuse to dignify it.
CEASE YOUR SLANDEROUS BALONEY AT ONCE.
Not if you don't want them boiled and eaten with butter.
Sheer spite.
Porterhouse, rare. Eggs, over easy. Single malt scotch, NO ICE. Strawberry shortcake. How is everyone else's evening faring.
We are not in the same timeline.
From the old JC to the new.
Sorely lacking.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
No arguments here. :|
You didn't cook them.
Oh, I do like you.
What sort?
You can't just- Oh. Oh, you mean the recuperacoon. ... Ok.
How do you ruin macaroni and cheese?
Oh. Errrr. It's when you... you see, it's... Right. ... Go on, @golgothasTerror .
@gutsyGumshoe @golgothasTerror https://i.imgur.com/hVmHP2R.png
Ok! I hate this!!
Rechit.
Why would you stop this?
The face he makes when he wants... oh, forget it. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f706e8291fe2.png
It's fine.
Mayhaps you ought to pretty this thing up before the investors get a scare! I mean shucks it really is just you and *me* sticking our neck out in this kind of race... id hate to see you fall behind...
Hmmm! Fair point! Could you perhaps provide a reference as to your own industry standards? Maybe the Skaianet blueprints?
:B
Whoopsie-Daisy. All jokes, I assure you.
How do I unrechit this.
I could make a couple of personal recommendations as to individuals you could give the business end of the prongs.
Give me a go. Just for stimulation purposes.
Ok, bravo and well done, you! Thank you for that. I agree; you should be striking those up with absolute strangers as often as possible.
:|
An AMISH CANDY SHOP MYSTERY? Ok. I'm acquiring the paperback. Tell me if you pick it up.
Nevermind. Just got the sleeve of my blazer caught on a fucking doorknob. Everything is cancelled. Tell the Carapacian dignitary I'm cancelling.
This is why the only doors I open for myself are metaphors. For opportunities.
One foul sensory experience can really put a damper on the morning, Ro.
Which could mean nothing.
I think we're normal.
It's a perfectly reasonable observation!
Serious inquiry for those who have reached immortality only. ... If you wore spectacles- shaded or otherwise- prior to your ascension, do you actually still need them? Medically? Or are you simply committing to your personal branding?
Yes, what a caper!! <:|
I am never donning another garment that hasn't been cradled in the attentive hands of my tailor ever again. Why is it that when a pair of pants fits your hips, the waistband is miserably oversized?
I agree entirely! Even if by all technicality they "fit," unless the cut is such as to mold tightly to your figure, they plumb never fall exactly the way they're meant to. Certainly not if you have larger dimensions in any area of your body.
You have a shell. What are you using it up on? Pie tins???
I can't say I've ever had to learn.
I would never, for the life of me, call an adult man my "dinky baby boy."
My sentiments exactly.
Actually, I think this might be a miscommunication of sorts. But your raised dukes mean the world to me as per usual, J. :B
EXACTLY.
Ahem. THE SLOBBERING DIMWIT'S GUIDE TO BUTTERCREAM VARIATIONS. If you have stumbled upon this post in search of instructions on how to assemble ANY buttercream, period, I advise you politely retract yourself. You may find yourself better suited for THE CULINARY NEANDERTHAL'S FIRST DAY ON EARTH. This is also going to be heavily-laden with my personal opinions... which on this matter I advise you to accept as fact. SWISS MERINGUE: Soft, shiny, and comparable to a marshmallow whip. Best suited as a chocolate frosting, to lend some variation in texture to a layer cake with a denser ganache filling. ITALIAN MERINGUE: More stable in shape and texture than her Swiss counterpart. Light and fluffy. Become more adventurous with your decorative swirls when you pipe your Italian meringue. Well-suited to lemon cake- again, with a heavy curd between internal layers. FRENCH: Custardy. Nearly as thick as the American, but richer due to its high egg yolk content. Pairs excellently with the dark bittersweet notes of dense sponge doused in espresso. AMERICAN: THE superior choice in sugar crusting. Delightfully crisp when bitten into after an evening of drying. Oft-accused of being overly sweet. Pair with simple yellow or confetti cake. Holds sprinkles like a champion. GERMAN: The unflinching centrist. Balanced in texture, weight, stability, and richness. Fewer yolks than the French. Not a poor choice for any partner if you're unwilling to take a hard stance. BEST suited to accompany a cake filled or topped with fresh fruit pieces. CREAM CHEESE: A heavy, tangy delight. Tank thick layers of dense sponge with this big girl. Carrot or spice cake filled with chopped nuts. No need to even carve your cake. Simply pare off the dome, frost, and go. CONDENSED MILK: A silkier, more relaxed hold on shape. Don't expect any fanciful swirls to last more than an hour outside the fridge. DO pair this toasty buttercream with a complimentary caramel layer- either betwixt your sponge, in a butterscotch chip, or in the composition of the batter itself. ERMINE: As luxurious as its stoat-pelt namesake suggests. Stabilized with a boiled flour roux. A superior balance of sweetness and texture if seeking a lighter cream whip. THE traditional choice of frosting to accompany a dark, moist, fluffy red velvet cake. Feel free to post your inquiries below. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/dc28e4b07c3f.jpg
I like the cut of your jib.
Then I suppose it oughtn't carve so neatly! :B
Then you should opt for the cream cheese. I could, of course, leave a saucer by the doorstep.
What the fuck.
I could excuse the child abuse, but I draw the line at rancid taste.
@adiosToreador You'd better look out.
... He and I are just acquaintances. <:|
oh my god there's still time. get your tubes tied NOW.
... Oh. OH. Errrrr. Ok. I don't know what godforsaken timeline you come from, but this knowledge somehow puts a damper on the revelation of another Jane procreating. I don't have any children. Yet. Regrettably.
NO!!!
I thank you all for one hundred followers! I have a celebratory post regarding the various differentials between the most common types of buttercream in the works. You're welcome in advance.
DID YOU JUST UNFOLLOW ME TO BUST MY WAD.
Not a problem. I'm back on the up and up already. Probably due to the buttercream.
Well, I've already replenished my stores.
Poor little Pinkus.
You are the salt of the earth.
Never too many! And may I say- THAT is a fetching shade of orange, buster.
I don't think I'm going to perfectly align with your expectations of me, given that you two seem to be playing Roblox (don't know what that is), but a pal is a pal is a pal in my book.
Lucky gal! I hope you consider me as an alternative in conversation in your fleeting spare time. :B
I'm afraid I'm holed up at the office without much time to otherwise to commit to an external activity. But I keep the feed on brainwave and divert my attention to posts between emails and meetings!
Wait. Why did you tag this NSFW.
Thank you but that does not even remotely answer my question.
I'm. I'm gathering that.
Oh, great. What have I just agreed to. ... Hold on. The dancing isn't code for something else for them. It's just plain old dancing? Their intimacy is derived from the shuffling itself?
Oh. Well, I guess that's. Fine.
I know that's right!
I could toss you some pointers.
I happen to find this Dean Dracon account perfectly charming. However (and I do not understand this reference) my social media manager is encouraging me to ask @downcastDaylight if, based on the visage of his PFP, he did indeed "make the mimic," and if "it was difficult to put the pieces together."
I've been advised this interaction was a successful one.
When they made you? :B
Don't forget to cover your mouth.
Then bless you.
It sure is something to ponder on. Even if we were able to devise the general musculature and fat distribution of these beasts based upon educated guesses, the devil lives in the details. For example: did any of these noble critters ever develop secondary sexual characteristics to distinguish themselves as select cuts above their peers? Flashy coloration, perhaps. Like a distinguished mark above the upper lip. To denote exemplary virility and intelligence. The female believes she has made her selection up until the point that he strolls in through the tropical brush (or what have you) and brandishes that tidy statement of masculinity. And just maybe the female goes "gee whiz. Forget the rest of these jokers." And leaves them in the dust like chopped Cretaceous liver. I will forego an insinuation that she jumps into his shrimpy dinosaur arms, though, because now we're getting downright implausible and this is a purely scientific speculation.
GET OUT OF MY OFFICE.
Good morning, you.
Why is this post being treated as controversial.
And people like us will never be caught as the suckers, hm?
In all manner of exchanges, whether they be professional or personal, there are those who ensure their needs are well and fed, and then there are the suckers.
Not if we can help it. :B
This was the lived experience of every neighborhood child permitted into my home, much to my embarrassment.
Don't mind Poppop. No, we can't move him. My dad will have an everloving fit.
- OLEANA PLEASE #MayIComme
Hate that one.
Tavros CROCKER? ... Not that there's anything wrong with the man, but he doesn't quite seem like my type. That sounds improbable to me.
... Why would I do that to my own child.
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
Don't insult me. :|
He seems ok, I GUESS, but he doesn't exactly inspire attraction in me.
CEASE POSTING YOUR ILLICIT EMPLOYEE CONFESSIONS!!!
Good man.
Load your rifle.
They're technically "cooked" at room temperature, aren't they? I suppose there's little difference in barely warming the thing to palatable temperature.
Well, I say bully for you. I hope you snuffle a whole pack.
This is fantastic. Who is that, Yogi Bear?
... Ok!
I could send you a selection of low-effort meal ideas, direct from the upcoming Betty Crocker's Bachelor Chow, Third Edition. All gratis.
This is great to hear. What's MPREG? I assume it's an acronym.
If you misunderstood my post as a jab over someone with whom I have already dealt, allow me to clarify. It was purposed more toward anyone ELSE who might be seeing my posts and who fall into the referenced category. I WAS content to simply block and move on, until it happened twice in one day. At which point I feel the need to apply a general rule for these jokers to find plastered on the wall. If my post inflamed you in some way, you're welcome to message me directly to sort it out. My DMs are, as always, wide open.
I'm not liable for the oddball proclivities of my thousands of employees.
... And succeed.
It's a decent gig. I heartily recommend.
Are you?? ... Hold a moment. What in Creation.
I can't believe I have to say this, and I believe I speak for my cohorts when I say this, but I will not be entertaining any accounts actively engaging in #incest. Odd that it happened twice in a single day. Odder that they're iterations of familiar faces, but in the mathematical inevitability of the multiverse, some of you have incurred a substantial enough quantity of brain damage so as to no longer even remotely resemble yourselves. ... But I just thought it would make you- I don't know- type differently! Not pork your relatives!!! #nsfw I assume.
In? Into what?
I don't even want to talk about it.
I don't know how all that nonsense works so I'm not dignifying this with an answer. Please consult a member of your species whom you consider not to be a scumbag and that ought to put a bow on it for you.
Could you... perhaps... expound on which portion of this message conveyed that sentiment?
I don't know if that counts.
... No. I can't laugh yet. I've got to hold it in.
:X !
Don't worry about it. Or do, but from the privacy of your own internet browser.
Girl.
Watching the twenty-four hour timer I set for myself before I can post another rant about baking. In the interest of maintaining a fair pace. I don't want to blow my wad prematurely. Not that I'm liable to run out of opinions.
Phrasing. Sorry.
My nutritionist said this to me before I terminated her off of payroll.
No need to flatter me.
Good morning, you.
Another important and yet apparently controversial note... NO. MORE. FONDANT. You went to the effort of baking, layering, frosting and assembling a cake. WHY would you cover it with an unpalatable layer of rubbery elephant skin? Say it with me. "We will not add inedible toppings to our desserts." Obviously if you are toothpicking paper dinosaurs onto Little Jimmy's birthday cupcakes, that is a different story. But if I see another cake studded with molar-shattering "edible" pearls, I am going to lose my marbles. And you dizzy people are going to scoop them all up and feed them to a bunch of adolescents, because that is how low you have allowed your confectionery bar to droop. But this is mostly about the fondant. If I attend your function and you make me peel my slice of cake like a chimp with a banana, I am going home.
Ok.
Oh good lord.
Waddle up to the podium and make your case, then. I will give you my open ears before I explain the ways in which you are mistaken!
It's yours.
Unrelated to any of that, I have an unwrapped slice of American cheese waiting for you at the office with absolutely nothing betwixt its folded layers.
Swell.
Still awaiting that video, by the by. Your champion's purse rests on the outcome! :B
By having chosen a more competent charge?
Don't forget the monocle! Of course, that leaves you with one batty eye. :B
Then we proceed in full fanciful regalia!!!
I have downright DELIGHTED in the company of a select number of you. This platform has introduced me to the most unlikely of cohorts, and unearthed common ground I might have never otherwise excavated. I almost forgive the rest of you for running around with your feverish hand down your trousers. #nsfw I guess.
Why does your bio say that you entered a romantic relationship with your own mother.
I'm going to block you now.
@terminallyCapricious#2753 HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.
I simply needed him to see this.
I think he means me.
@golgothasTerror Your turn. :B
Perhaps if her father in the show had donned more than the paltry skid mark on his chin, I'd give a hoot.
By George, who is that charming little horse thing?
Hate.
You would be utterly bowled over by the lack of restraint around bodily fluids these animals are comfortable with.
My ultimate social dividends. Behold the new badge.
No comment. :B
Oh, great. ... Well, one of us is going to have to change.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/46ff7da0ab94.PNG
The true derper is equally as fickle and must be tactfully swayed.
Just read this post! One question, if you'll permit. What would you say possessed you to draft this?
WHAT.
Good morning! The correct answer to what should top a pizza is either plain pepperoni, meat lover's with pineapple, or nothing. Enough with the vegetables and let us stop deluding ourselves.
... I'm listening.
I guess if it's a matter of dietary insufficiency or something!!
HATE!!!!!
... IF I DECLINE PTO ON A BLACKOUT DATE BUT OFFER TO HEAL YOUR AILING MOTHER, I HARDLY FIND IT GROUNDS FOR COMPLAINT! ... Did we fire him? ... Oh, right.
I enjoy you just a touch more each time we interact.
This one does sound more like me.
Nevermind. Hate it.
Oh what the hell.
NOT WHEN IT INVOLVES ME WORKING IN THE ADULT ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY.
Is that a store-bought pie.
THAT'S EVEN WORSE. I could not devise a more despicable end when you- What do you mean "low fat." I can see the god damn Taco Bell bag in the corner of the frame.
Why would it hurt when you... nevermind. I don't want to know.
NO "WE" HAVE NOT.
... I know of it.
Woman, if you have something you intend to imply, I suggest you slap it down on the table where the brave girls lay their thoughts.
Oh. Then yes, as opposed to having ever contracted something directly.
I am wholeheartedly intrigued by you.
Hello, you!
No siree.
I don't think I can do that anymore.
Mmgh.
Not great.
What. How is that possible.
... I would like to discuss this with you privately. Soon.
I take it back. You're hilarious.
I don't know that the shipwreck is exactly awe-inspiring. I've seen it.
... Ok, that's slightly better. You might want to diversify the subject of conversation, though.
Based on current iclinations. Subject to change. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/91c141f38920.PNG
Of course you did, you goose. :B
Why else would they call you "Itchy" to the point of self-identification.
THERE is the brand of abrupt histrionics I almost enjoy from a remote distance.
Because I know the human beings better than I know the trolls. Doy.
Oh, don't be so sensitive. :B I'll give you my opinion on you in more than paltry ranking. When I form one. Off to a shaky start.
Itcheresting. After some digging, you may be of some interest to me.
Good LORD, who is that. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/981039a7427b.PNG
I don't need a wing man! I'm not taking flight! This vessel is planting its squat behind FIRMLY on the ground, Goose!
I don't think it was at all that serious. I just caught glimpse of his face on my scroll.
I notice he's not following you.
I question the legitimacy of your connection.
I keep a healthy arm's-length skeptical grip on all these metaphorical gullets, thank you!
Best to set the record straight on libel.
If you blow that sniffer any harder it's going to fly right off your face, mister. You made a public statement. What else could one do? ... Unless, of course...
I mean revenge.
To settle a personal discussion I'm having. What is a reasonable number of children for a human woman to spawn in a period of twenty years. And don't exaggerate. This is a serious poll. ♥- 1 - 3 ♠- 4 - 6 ♦- 7 - 9 ♣- 10 - 12
I HAVE NO COMMENT FOR YOU.
Oh. I see.
You are a frothing degenerate.
THANK you.
Every waking moment of my life, and sometimes in my nightmares.
Not with hordes of house staff, nannies, governesses, private tutors and the like at my charge.
... Eesh. I'm sorry.
I'm fine. I'm composed. Don't worry about it. This has all been a test. ... Of the Mustache Red Alert System.
No.
Is absolutely no one going to check on @centaursTesticle ?? He seems to have been poisoned. ... It's making for some hilarious timeline fodder, but I'm bordering on concerned he'll croak. Just make sure whomever finds him deposits him somewhere I can access the cadaver, if you please. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/8320cb97ab90.PNG
What the hell?
Jake, send him to my house, too.
What, why! @centaursTesticle You giddyup on over here when you're finished, sudsy. You need a couple spurs to the hiney and I've got some concrete water fixtures I need moved around.
You just let me do your thinking for you.
Sorry the what.
... Something tells me you want to wear the dress. <:|
@caligulasAquarium @timaeusTestified#0414 Official summons to extend your social courtesies to @anthelionsAlysm as fellow Princes. You're both welcome in advance. Now giddyup! :B
Oh fabled old Jesus Christ. NO.
Ok, ok. It's fine. I am simply introducing you to one of your peers. Friendlystyle.
What have you done. <:|
Where is your shirt.
I have got some terrible news for you. That boy is going to be on his back.
I'm afraid I do, in fact, "know shit." :B
They're doing what???
No dip!!!
NO clownposting. You're going to summon him.
You think you're the guy. Pally, you are not the guy. None of you at your peak could ever hope to become half as insufferable.
Not you either. Again, the apex of everything wrong with you lot has yet to rear his mug.
... You seem ok.
DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT PRONTO.
I don't want to dignify his existence with a name.
I suppose it was inevitable that you turned up on this platform, given the inconsistent chronology of the site.
Oh, this is rich.
Ugh.
Spiffy. I've been considering an equivalent mark of affiliation. :B
... I like a good psyop as much as the next public figure. But this hook seems a touch heavily baited.
Rechit. Joke's on you, my chauffeur revs that engine.
I like this.
I may forward this print to my assistant to do the same!
... I can see how you would associate this post with yourself, however incorrectly. Sort of the way a stone-age dimwit sees himself in his superior cave-neighbor. These are qualities of which you are capable of conceiving, and so therefore your narcissism immediately self-assigns. But the only grind with which you are familiar is that of your limb between your slack green jaw. Do me a favor and try the other three.
Witching hour up to answer emails before I hit the hay a second time. If you find yourself unable to interact with my profile, I do NOT want you to extrapolate any quantity of personal dislike from the mere gesture of my block. It is possible you merely differentiate from the iteration of you to which I am accustomed SO MUCH that you have become unrecognizable. It is also possible that you repeatedly posted your genitalia. Finally, I don't think I have the psychological sand to interact with Troll Wendy Williams, or whomever the hell these Alternian pop culture equivalent figures are. The existence of those accounts in particular are simply too silly for me to wrap my head around. That's all.
Those of you who are just yourselves but girls don't count. That, unlike a few of you who seem to have been partially lobotomized, makes perfect sense.
Pardon.
Oh. Hoo hoo.
I don't mind, but I have no nostalgia for WW considering her type are a dime a dozen in the Creator-centric entertainment news sphere on Earth-C.
Oh what the hell is this.
I could coordinate a formal reintroduction. She's presently hard at work maintaining an individual in my custody.
Kidding. As if I would equip you with such a malicious artifact. :B
Pyrope, flee before you get a lick of what you can't untaste.
Suit yourself!
Not worth it.
This is more like it.
John, no.
No thank you.
It won't.
I had this iteration blocked already.
I will not be boarding this trend today or any day.
...
Yes, this does read like a fume-huffing lack of inhibitions. It is doggone mortifying to witness.
I've asked my social media intern how to properly convey that my meetings stretched well into the evening and it will be morning before I can complete my shill obligations. As someone who prides herself on crushing a deadline, I hope this sums it up. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/bc7661d06e7b.jpg
Yes, you sure stuffed your gob like a fat suckling piglet. SIR.
You posted this as if I couldn't see you mocking the numbers game on your very own profile. :P
Yes, I think he blushed! You could suck a mollusk straight off the oyster bed with- you know what I am prematurely ending this comparison.
I warn you all in advance that I have a whole heap of self-assigned homework to attend to after close of business day. If I turn your feed blue, apologies in advance. So many of you are curious about what desserts I would associate with you, and I am prepared to answer with, as promised, varying degrees of effort based on my whims in that very moment. I'm officially announcing final call on that post, so hop on the wagon while I've still got the tarp open, little Ingalls. Found under my profile.
My vague perception of you.
Number one in our hearts.
You could seek gainful employment. I have some recommendations for you.
Initiate Get Badge protocol. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7e1e90902e91.PNG
Thank you! ... That was ominous.
Thank you. :B That's better.
Sour grape talk.
What even happened there?
Ahem. Those who followed instructions first, as planned. Then the rest of you. @tabescentGlamour ... Ok. I opened your profile to peruse your writings and I have questions about at least one of the words in your bio. At first glance you seem to be taking up a profession which requires the capture of your peers' attention, apparently at any cost- including your own modesty. You don't have to put on the thigh highs. I think that's a song by The Police. So I would pretty much forego a dessert of any real substance and assign you something flashy and overpriced, meant to drop rumps into seats. Here's the Sugar Factory goblet cocktail. https://tinyurl.com/5n6t4we5
No. I advise you to chew an Adderall and push through.
And yet you immediately participated! :B
Nothing. Just calling it as I see it.
Shocker.
Good god almighty. Ok, followed.
David Cross.
:B
I'm particularly appreciative of my jester's little jingling domepiece.
Don't fret. Whomever this fellow was, I'm sure we can make you a perfectly good ecto-Jerma.
How hard could it be?
Hello, you. :P
Apparently I've just given myself a fat load of homework, offering to expound on what sort of desserts the populace of this community would be. I don't think my Kult points-to-effort exchange rate was quite calibrated when I offered that much of my time.
Absolutely not!!!!
Rechit.
I don't know that I implied my own restriction simply based on what "bitches be like," but thank you!
React to this post and I'll assign you the dessert I would associate most closely with you, with varying degrees of effort and interpretation based upon how much I enjoy you or remotely give a hoot about your existence.
And yet they didn't comprehend my simple instructions.
As aesthetically pleasing as a tall, decorative swirl of hearty buttercream looks atop a cupcake, several considerations are at play. Is the crumb of the cake substantial enough that the cupcake itself isn't top-heavy? You cannot simply rely on a foil liner to prevent the little dolt from flopping over. When you take a bite into dense frosting, you will find yourself underwhelmed by the base sponge. The whole experience is ruined!!! The simple truth of the matter is that you NEED a denser, richer cake base for tall frosting-toppers for both weight distribution and a cohesive textural experience. And if we're getting extremely controversial today, some of you are getting a little too gung-ho and WAY overfrosting your cupcakes. You can overfrost a cake for aesthetic purposes because you eat the slice with a fork, and can portion out your sponge-to-filling-to-frosting ratio with each bite. It is amateurish, but it's less of a hate crime. But when you are unwrapping a cupcake, and the swirl atop is plumb tall as your dadgum nose, HOW are you supposed to eat it? If you need a fork to attack what is meant to be a simple handheld treat, you have failed in its assembly and should be ashamed. Ok, my receptionist is telling me not to use the word ashamed. You have failed in its assembly and... I am very disappointed in you.
- WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEMMMMM. I WILL STAPLE YOU TO A WALL! ✋✋✋✋😀😀😀😀
- Hey, bro. Get the h*ck away fromm mmy mmoirail. She's using the she/her pronouns right now, and I will NOT let you bother her. #StepOff
430lbs, new PB. Rock hard and ready for the #AlphaBoat. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/4d73af87eabf.png #nsfw (mild)
As if there was any other possible result. Despite popular belief on certain artistic venues of the internet. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d6e62e37b097.png #nsfw #myalphatest
Seems the proper attitude to adapt in the spirit of the holiday.
...
You have an approximate estimate of my location now. Come on down and try it.
Daddy long dick just cruised past L.A. #DirkReport
#JaneDirk https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/fa0ec0d50a57.jpg
Vis a vis the DirkJake versus JakeDirk situation, despite the former being the blatantly obvious answer, I will reiterate that our relationship is strictly professional. Also, only one of us has bought and worn a pre-owned bunnysuit. That alone settles the matter.
I suppose in a sense, they are just glasses. #WhoGivesAShit
II don't know how two re2pond two thii2, enjoy 2ome everythiing and perhap2 thii2 niice earth 2ourced dog bed?? http2://cdn.iimgche2t.com/fiile2/416af2bf9f40.jpg
EMPL(\YMENT J(\B W(\RKF(\RCE W(\RK W(\RKING W(\RKPLACE J(\B APPLICATI(\N J(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\(\B
SERIOUSLY. ENOUGH OFTHIS. NO MORE OIL.
THE FUCKINGWORST OF CHITTR.