John Egbert
@failedBiologist
(Have not&Will Not read the epilogues) professional birthday clown, i went to clown college for this
why do i keep going on https://i.ibb.co/8gtxcmbf/party-clown-john.png (edit by @handmaid )
Why the long face?
because i heard about you getting freaky nasty with that sweaty mechanic weirdo, and now my brain is melting! you’re a car, what the fuck!? it ruined my day.
They hate me cause they ain’t me.
taking the day off from clowning for some more sophisticated pranking and japery. watch out hehehe.
i think if i hadn’t literally created the universe, i would probably get fired from this clown gig after today. who hires a birthday clown for an office birthday party??? all those serious businessmen with their suits and their pipes kinda reminded me of my dad… i may have shed a tear or two. turns out you are not supposed to cry while juggling bats, it really fucks up your flow. i might have broken a window.
dID THEY AT LEAST, lAUGH?
!! DEALING YOU IN !! Yeah, crying while juggling bats is a rookie mistake!
yeah they liked the part when i make a balloon crown for the birthday man. since it was an office i made it a balloon fedora!
woah wait are you legit a magician?? that’s so much cooler than this clown crap
@insufferableprick here’s your update dave, how’s that betting pool looking? are we enjoying my misery yet? is my suffering making you fat stacks of cash to lounge in yet?
so far i have made enough to buy a business suit or replace a broken window just to use a random nonspecific and common ass household analogy for hella dough had
needed to make a chittr to bitch about my first day on the job as a professional birthday clown. not even an hour into this gig and my brand new clown shoes got pissed on by the birthday boy himself!!!
he was like 3 i thought kids were supposed to be good by that age, terrific threes right?
this is horrifying to read. not the piss part, but the birthday clown part. it's like my own personal twilight zone episode. i'm genuinely freaked out right now. my heebies are jeebied. CLOWN COLLEGE? i'm gonna be sick. it's like someone worded a wish on the monkey's paw poorly and everything got all screwed up. how did this happen?
📺 Deeply unf𐌏rtunate, but th𐌏se are children, and they will ha𐌅e accidents and make mistakes. I h𐌏pe y𐌏u can find it in y𐌏urself t𐌏 f𐌏rgi𐌅e and l𐌏𐌏k f𐌏rward t𐌏 enj𐌏ying y𐌏ur j𐌏b.
sounds like the issue is the birthday part. have you considered just being a clown casually?
!! DEALING YOU IN !! In my experience, 3-sweep-old wrigglers do not usually piss on the birthday entertainers!!!
you got me, i found a lamp in the desert and rubbed that shit sideways to sunday wishing to have a purpose on this new earth, and bam! i’m graduating clown college magma cum loada.
Devastating news for guys everywhere hoping not to grow into their fathers.
@ me on your second day as a clown i want updates failbert chop chop ive started forming a betting pool on whether or not it gets any worse than this
ЯROOKIE MISTAKE. THIS IS WHAT HAPPE_S WHE_ YOU LET THE WIMPS TЯRY TO PLAY LIKE THE PIMPS.